I have had a rather unsuccessful morning... being busy for the rest of the
day I decided to start myself off with some satisfying death and toast.
However, Daniello of Camden, the breakfast-y target sounded quite
unconscious behind an unhelpfully locked door. Neither knocking, nor
tripping over my own feet having given up prompted any change from within.
Dropped by Hall of Unspecified College today to see if Distant Villain was around so I could get to him before Umpirical Thunderbolt did. He wasn't there- clearly at home building lightning conductor...
1815 06-11-10: Made an attempt to clear the trash from a particular building, 5 and Curly Brace were not in, and Two proved wise to my wiley ways.
I saw someone being a little shifty just now and shot them, but it turns out they were just visiting a friend in my accommodation. Oops?
Hearing a knocking at my door, I said hello but got no response, I initially assumed that they had knocked on my neighbours door, as the sound travels quite well. After a minute or so of reflection, I decided it might be an assassin so climbed out of my window and walked circuitously around to the front of the house, but any potential assailant had vanished. Perhaps next time I should just open the door!!!!!
The Jackals Jackalope Jacket posed as a normal non-homicidal item of clothing whilst hunting nivwusquorum, but was left frustrated.
At approximately 1430 this afternoon I undertook a covert operation to claim the life of one Foucault. However, despite scouting the nearby gyp room after failing to gain access to his room, the target was still unable to be found. Mission aborted.
An all time low: it appears that, when lost, Random Strategy makes you become more so. For indeed, today at approximately 5 pm, Random Strategy attempted to find the home of R.101010. It is pretty obvious, given the first sentence of this report, that he did not find it. Luckily, Random Strategy will always get you somewhere in the end, even if it is not the place that you intended: while lost, he happened to stumble across the college where a certain incompetent named 1st Earl of Salisbury lived. Deciding that an incompetent was better than nothing, he entered and found the staircase. The door was locked. 3 times he tried a random sequence of loud knocks, but neither time did anyone come to the door to open it. Twas bitter cold and various bits of him were slowly turning into icycles (or felt like it anyway) , so therefore Random Strategy decided to give up (rather than get lost again).
"50 3Z" ~ T3H 1337 K1LL3R on the simplicity of killing.
It was an early start, but the chill rain sharpened my senses as I
waited out on the street for the 1st Earl of Salisbury, a wanted fugitive.
From here I had a clear view of his door and window. Wait, was he looking
at me? Is that a TELESCOPE? I couldn't be sure, but even so I quickly
pretended to talk on the phone and moved away. I circled round and returned
to a much more hidden spot.
Soon he left the building, accompanied by an unknown accomplice. He
looked nervous and I could no longer risk a frontal assault in case he had
seen me.
They headed off down the street. I had received some excellent
intelligence so i knew the route they would be taking and where they were
going. I ran down a parrallel street in order to cut them off, but just
missed them. Again I took another route, this one much more exposed, and
hid to wait for them.
I was near to their destination now, too near for another attempt.
I waited but he did not appear. Perhaps he had seen me and taken another
route.
I returned to base and put on a disguise. I wanted this kill. I
waited outside his cafe hoping to catch him on the way to lunch, but he
never appeared. I did have fun chasing down someone I thought was him
though...
At around 12:10 I headed to the college of inco The Anvil, hoping to catch him coming back from lectures or on his way to lunch. However, after looking around the College and lurking outside his block for 20 minutes I did not see him. Perhaps a more direct approach is required...
The Umpire notes:
To the Police Force. Hunting incos and wanteds is your job! Why are you letting Matthew Patel do your work for you?! If I catch you all gorging yourselves on doughnuts back at the station then I'll... I'll...
...I'll have one myself actually. I am quite partial to the strawberry jam ones...
I am becoming increasingly frustrated with my target Death! Undercover.... This evening
at 5pm I once again went looking for him at [UNSPECIFIED-LOCATION] and after managing
to penetrate its walls was annoyed to find him out yet again. I lurked in
the shadows outside for half an hour before admitting defeat, for now...
Perhaps it shall be fourth time lucky.
Captain Camdan.
From the outset the omens spoke poorly of my survival, already I could feel
the capricious spirits of the netherworld pawing at my essence as I passed
through the chill, howling wind that clawed the darkened world about me.
Yet I would not be stayed, the only outcome this night could be death, be
that my target's or my own, I cared not. In time I reached his abode, no
longer were its surroundings drenched in the tomb-like silence I had so
relished when last I was there, nay, for all about me seemed to be beings
coming and going, inquiring ocular organs glancing with curiosity at the
spectre before them.
Tragically, one of these beings marked my downfall, with his friendly words
constituting the poison of my doom by notifying my target of my presence.
The laughter of spirits of the nether-world filled my mind, calling for my
demise, and yet I did not retreat in the face of these portents, but
instead prepared for death or glory. As has ever been my custom I rapidly
set about concealing myself in the shadows and awaited my prey, wagering
that I could well best him if by some quirk of lethal fortune he was
unaware of my presence. I waited, feeling my form begin to fade and tear as
my time of reckoning approached, I remained watching the portal from which
my prey might emerge. Unfortunately however, I was in fact not privy to the
true nature of my prey's labyrinthine abode. Thus it was that he
unexpectedly emerged from a dormant portal I had failed to account for, and
I was cut down in a hail of righteous firepower. As the barbed, many-clawed
appendages of nightmarish beasts of the nether-realm rabidly tore chunks
from my body I couldn't help but smile; my foray into the realm of man
having proven one of glorious darkness in which I had dwelt in shadow and
stalked in The Darkness. Ultimately I care not for the horrifying darkness that
awaits me as I descend once more into the realm of shadows and primeval
horror as, after all, death is but an inconvenience to one such as myself.
CONFIDENTIAL REPORT
0850 09/11/2010
Possible target spotted this morning in UNSPECIFIED_LOCATION, must
investigate further, possible sniper ambush required, request backup
spotter. Cannot reveal any more information, this is an insecure channel, it
is my fear that others are surveilling our conversations.
Lt. Simon "Ghost" Riley
Bang-kills are generally to be used as a *surprise* attack at 1 metre or less. They can be used in open combat, but only at utterly point-blank range. So if you could kill the person by stabbing them with a knife, you could bang-kill them with a gun. If they're out of arm's reach, don't bother trying.
The Anvil would have been interested in that fashionable of items, an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini, but he seemed to be out.
When you're a wanted criminal, I guess it's to be expected than an alliance
cruiser might happen to notice you going by while out and about. Fireflys
aren't really built for combat.
CAPTAIN Reynolds
Today Bone Marrow have attempted to slain the evil 1st Earl of Salisbury. After successful infiltration of outer defences the hero was stopped by impenetrable magical force field inside the dark castle. Bone Marrow tried to lure the enemy out of his lair, but failed in the attempt and had to strategically retreat in order to gather forces and lay a full-scale siege in the future.
Orange Potato's housemates were amused by the sight of an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini floating around the house, but decided to get rid of it, since Orange Potato would apparently be somewhat unimpressed at their taste if they allowed it to remain. The Jesus incos didn't get as far as seeing this crime against fashion, but their neighbours did. Making an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini not only a crime against fashion, but also against the game rules. Fail.
I was killed tonight
At the hands of J. M. Colt
With an RBG.
One packet of chocolate digestives (or biscuits of your choice, available at Sainsbury's) for whoever kills Adam Greig whilst he is in his room.
I happened to find myself on approximately the route the wanted criminal Amelia (Amy) Booth uses to travel. So I decided to see if she'd turn up. After merely a few moments waiting, a familiar looking figure on a bicycle appeared. I then checked my weapons, and realised I was insufficiently concealed to launch a surprise killing strike, and not heavily armed enough to win an outright fight, so we briefly negotiated and continued on our ways.
The sun dawned upon the magnificent city of Salisbury and the armies
preparing for battle. Bone Marrow has decided to launch a full-scale
assault on all gates in case his support plan would not work. The battle
was not to be easy. Salisbury was an ancient fortress with high towers,
thick walls and mysterious defence mechanisms.
"No defenders on the walls. They must have succeeded." he thought. To
confirm it the nearest gate opened and a rider sprang out towards the
command tents. As the rider got closer it could be seen that he held one
hand up in the air forming his fingers into "V". V for Victory.
The night before, a unit of assassins was dispatched to terminate the 1st Earl of Salisbury in his chamber. First, that would prevent bloodshed of frontal
assault. Second, that was a condition to receive a mysterious bounty posted
on Earl's head.
After the failure of the first assassination they must have been even more
cautious. Unfortunately, a strong force field disabled all water magic,
only melee weapons could be used. They managed to infiltrate the defences
and set a trap in front of Earl's chamber. The plan was simple: stab him as
soon as he opens the door. And that is what happened. Even though Adam
Greig was well armed he didn't manage to change his fate.
As Bone Marrow stepped over the still-warm body he noticed a note: "I guess
I am dead. I posted a bounty on myself. If you did it in my room take your
bounty (biscuits)."
Amazed by Earl's courage and thrilled by the magnificence of the bounty,
Bone Marrow and his armies left to look for another prey.
Life is tough in the delta quadrant, slacking will not be tolerated. Kathryn Janeway, Two of Nine and Malcolm Reed went to visit Kiwi Sin, The World's Expert On Getting Killed, Christopher Pike and Ensign Harry Kim. This resulted in the death of Christopher Pike at 12.18 yesterday.
There were others going after the same target today. Who were they? I heard there was an inquisitor on this world, but I thought he was dead already?! This is too much for one techpriest to handle. I'm going to lay low for a while.
An initial reconnaissance mission reveals the location of my target and suitable routes of entry. Soon his time will come!
Having received a tip-off I mounted my bike and rushed for the engineering department, my buttery lunch still reeling inside of me. Half way there I got another call telling me time was running out. As I arrived my informant was walking out, but his face was like a sheet of paper - my target was only a few steps behind him! Thankfully I had already stowed a large sabre in my trousers, and as soon as I was behind him I drew it and slashed him to kingdom come.
Word of advice kids: a cycle helmet may save you from concussion if you run
into a lamppost, but does nothing to block a decapitating swing from a foam
sword.
I'll get you next life Pilgrim.
After the last time I have decided that it should be easier to hunt down my victims during the day time, when they are not feeling too suspicious... so today around 14:30 I went to unspecified college, where 2 of my targets were supposed to live! what an efficient hunting it could be!... I went to one of their apartments, knocked on the doors... nobody opened, then I went to another ones and got the same there... I heard some sounds in the kitchen, but I did not know how my victim looks like, and so there was no point to go in there... I waited till they finish their social habits, but nobody entered my victims room... on my way back I went through the first targets room, but today it wasnt my day, though I feel that I am getting closer and closer....
CONFIDENTIAL REPORT
0000 11/11/2010
After 3 days in sniper observation trying to identify 1st Earl of Salisbury, many hours
of close observation in [UNSPECIFIED_LOCATION] and some incredibly crafty
internet stalking which resulted in a Flickr stream of the targets trip to
[UNSPECIFIED_COUNTRY] over the summer I was finally able to confirm target. To my horror the
moment I cease observation to do some research the target was taken out at
another ambush location.
Another day, another failed attempt to find Magos Biologis. This is becoming a habit.
11-11-2010 11:11:11 was the time, Selwyn college was the place. Magical time for magical kill, or so i thought. My victim was nowhere to be seen.
I stabbed the Inco Neal Carr as he was leaving lectures at about 12:00 today. I was then informed to my dismay that he had already been killed, several times.
"TR13D 2 5T4RT 4 F1R3. TH3R3 W3R3 N0 FL4M35." ~ T3H 1337 K1LL3R on fighting fire with no fire.
Card-locked doors and confusing accommodation are so much less problematic when it's your college.
Oh noes I am teh deadzor! Chocolate yesterday dispatched me swiftly as I staggered bleary-eyed from my rest on hearing my name in the communal kitchen. After being incompetent for so long, it's no one's fault but my own...
Tonight [Unspecified college] resembled a ghost town, at least as far as
the presence of assassins was concerned. Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons and I dashed through the
buildings under cover of night, seeking out our victims' rooms... but
attempting to open locked doors is beyond our prowess, for the time being,
and without that skill we were at a loss...
Hope was kindled outside Kiwi Sin's room, as a group of people
chattered outside his door, unwittingly in earshot of us. But whilst
engrossed in a riveting conversation (about the apparent fact that 'my
mate' and 'mommy' sound ever so similar), they refrained from identifying
each other by name. Such a shame.
The World's Expert On Getting Killed also provided us with unfulfilled optimism, for the lights
were on, and possibly somebody was home. But if he was present, he didn't
deign to let us know. The hunt will continue another day.
It was stabtastic.
To the Great Leader Umpire,
With most deep regret I must report that at 1200 today, your loyal spy, the
Яussian, was removed from the struggle by the cruel dagger of enemy agent
an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow psychopath bikini, after a translation class at the Sidgewick site. Stabbed in the
back with knife most cunningly disguised as pen (probably poisoned with
polonium, too), with my last breath I bequeath the fate of the Motherland to
the hands of more capable assassins.
С любовью,
The Яussian.
Met at 7, disbanded about 8:30. Went to look for Cormac Doyle, Deathwhisper, Kiwi Sin and The World's Expert On Getting Killed.
Cormac Doyle was killed by a nutter running after him with a Scythe.
Large group of police followed someone into unspecified accommodation,
but no incos were in. On way to next college- we were not being
particularly subtle, one of us was carrying large nerf gun and another
had scythe- someone saw us and ran away. He tried to wait around
corner- but scythes reach around corners!
After being sent to second college on wild goose chase, we arrived at
third college. Neither inco was in.
As part of the police force, I felt it my duty to join in a little hunt
organised for tonight. At 7pm there was a group of people gathered in front
of Corpus with a thirst for blood... oh sorry, no, with a genuine wish to
make Cambridge a safer place. First we conquered the corridors of Corpus
Christi though without much luck. However, when making our way to our next
destination, [UNSPECIFIED_LOCATION], we suddenly saw one of the police, who'd fallen
behind, running after someone. It was all very exciting, so we decided to
follow (oh and yes, to do our duty as maintainers of the peace). And
indeed, the chase resulted in the night's first (and only) kill! Cormac Doyle
from Corpus met his death by the means of a scythe - what a pleasant way to
go. After a detour to [UNSPECIFIED_DIFFERENT_LOCATION] to follow Cormac Doyle's allegation that someone
was hiding an inco in their room, we finally tracked down the scent of two
[UNSPECIFIED_ORIGINAL_LOCATION] incos, but sadly neither of them was in. :( And that was where the
night ended. One down, plenty of more to go!
Kind regards,
Professor Moriarty
I was lured out of hiding by the promise that Queenie was amongst my ten assailants. I was lied to.
I was honoured to have Alex Guttenplan knocking at my door last night.
Unfortunately I was in London, so I guess he'll just have to use that mind
of his to catch me!
-Kiwi Sin
Random Strategy strikes again! This time, he organised the assassination in advance, so that the element of chance could be determined easily from the safety of his room (using a dice), rather than outside in the cold. He planned to 'meet' Christopher Wells at approximately 20:15 on the 12/11/10. Everything went according to plan except for one thing: upon arriving at the scene, Random Strategy found only a rotting corpse. Christopher Wells, it seems, had been killed several days previously. Random Strategy's pet killer octopus had been expecting fresh meat and only took a smell bite out of the corpse before spitting the lot out in disgust. One thing to learn from this is that apparently, when the random decisions are made in advance, the random cause of failure is also determined in advance.
Trying to get the lead over a fellow conspirator, Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons continued the hunt for woefully imbecilic players by spending an annoyingly long time trying to gain entrance to The Russian's fortress. Eventually, a ramp over the outer wall was built allowing some of the hoarde to climb over the other's bodies in a form of deranged-monster pyramid. All was to no avail as they lacked the skills required to break down the doors to the inner sanctum, thus no foul deeds of murder were achieved.
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