The Assassins' Guild

[23:00 PM] The universe has expired! Colin McSwiggen (Cosmc) is killed by Pyrimidine

Tuesday, 26 January

[10:00 AM] The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal does not find Earth's hunting to its satisfaction

[17:15 PM] Barry Scott does not have much luck with mythical creatures.

[18:45 PM] James Shaw (Pierre Dubois) didn't think nocturnal duck would be so wide awake

[20:20 PM] The gentleman with the thistle-down hair reminisced about a Aaron Miles (Ted E. Baer) he once pwnd

Wednesday, 27 January

[14:00 PM] Mr Moore (Peter William Hatfield) is no more, Tristan Maxwell exterminates him

[14:10 PM] Jules Winnfield (Dan Baker) is not made of win. Dan Gleeballs is gleeful.

[17:37 PM] Stilgar decided not to Fear the Reaper (James Hardman) and shot him instead

[20:50 PM] The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (William Keen) got PimpSlaped

Thursday, 28 January

[10:00 AM] "That One Guy" didnt get one guy. Or two.

[11:05 AM] Who could shoot a poor cuddly Tardigrade (Nathan James)? Why, Binary Assassin of course!

[13:50 PM] Level up! Mario defeats Dan Gleeballs (Thomas Alexander).

[15:22 PM] 'Thunderchild' lurks to no avail.

[15:30 PM] Another attempt, but this time Colonel Mustard was not the would-be murderer

Friday, 29 January

[09:45 AM] Miss Alicia Danks spots a suspcious looking character

[10:00 AM] Dominic Carr runs away for a bit

[14:00 PM] Japanese mafia moves in as Osaka Seafood Concern kills Donatello (William Turner)

[14:11 PM] 'Thunderchild' lurks again!

[15:00 PM] How's that for Danger Close? Closer than you think, as Joe Reed goes wanted for killing an innocent.

[16:00 PM] H.E.L.P. I need somebody, H.E.L.P. not just anybody.. Mario and Baron of bunny in fact..

[17:00 PM] A Dread-ful attempt by Mr. About-four-o'clock-in-the-afternoon

[18:00 PM] Pope Gregory IX didnt kill The Radio Star

[18:40 PM] Not suprisingly, nocturnal ducks are hard to find in the dark.

Saturday, 30 January

[00:10 AM] Dread-fully sorry Raphael

[11:30 AM] Pappus and Dr Dinosaur found no life on earth

[12:00 PM] Door2Door Salesman didnt find the Grey Squirrel. Perhaps he doesnt have a door?

[12:22 PM] 'Thunderchild' makes another attempt on Cecil Roberts

[12:30 PM] Pope Gregory IX cant find The ASNaC

[13:00 PM] Stilgar kills Shluf

[13:30 PM] The Door2Door Salesman was not in, unsurprisingly

[14:25 PM] A disembodied soul. disembodied Shluf's corpse

[14:30 PM] This innocent killing is becoming rather a common theme.. Michael Darling goes wanted!

[15:05 PM] Knives knives Barry Scott (Neal Carr)

[15:15 PM] Grey Squirrels are not very popular, with several people out to get them

[15:20 PM] The ASNaC is clearly better at decyphering runes than hunting down targets, as The Manic Moleman, Dergeilehase and FYI I am a Spy elude him

[15:30 PM] Charlie - "I have no need of a pseudonym cos, while I am not going wanted, I will likely die to some very lame crossfire on the first Incobash" - the Unicorn goes to the candy mountain, but no kills lie therein

[17:00 PM] The Betrayed finds "That One Guy" may not be in..

[17:45 PM] The Expunger avoided expung-tion by Raspberry Skelter

[18:00 PM] The Friendly Ninja Om nom nom nomed their way through several colleges, but were left hungry.

[19:00 PM] The Scorpion Princess (Helen Thorpe) resigns.

Sunday, 31 January

[14:00 PM] The Incobash happened. Lots of people died.

[20:55 PM] Binary Assassin may be too digital for Grey Squirrels

Monday, 1 February

[11:00 AM] The Friendly Ninja gets lucky, killing nocturnal duck (Tom Duncan) and How's that for Danger Close? (Joe Reed) in one morning

[11:20 AM] Stilgar and 'Thunderchild' mission fail

[11:35 AM] The Zombies couldnt find any brains to eat

[12:22 PM] 'Thunderchild' hunts again

[16:00 PM] 'Thunderchild' (Richard Tunnard) dies to Cecil Roberts

[17:00 PM] FYI I am a Spy also hunts unsuccessfully

[17:30 PM] Septima tries seven times (well, maybe not so many) to find Scubbo

[18:25 PM] Captain Cephalopod brings down Raphael (Simon Holroyd)

[21:30 PM] HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! is "That One Guy"?

[22:10 PM] Stilgar expunged The Expunger (Sally Higson)

Tuesday, 2 February

[03:30 AM] PimpSlaped (James Tiffin) by Tithe My Wok

[09:45 AM] "That One Guy" tries to lure out Pappus from his lair...

[13:00 PM] Osaka Seafood Concern ends the life of The [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE] Mafia Mascot (Dominic Carr)

[13:35 PM] Scubbo (Jack William Mathew Jackson) is finally brought down by Mr. About-four-o'clock-in-the-afternoon!!!

[14:00 PM] Magumbo and Anne Bonney went hunting.

[17:00 PM] Dr Dinosaur PimpSlaps James Tiffins corpse

[18:00 PM] BARON HUMBUCK also goes hunting.

[19:30 PM] Mario hunts..

Wednesday, 3 February

[11:05 AM] 5 hours before, Mr. About-four-o'clock-in-the-afternoon kills The Haiku Murderer (Robert Sullivan)

[11:30 AM] The corpse of PimpSlap is mutilated again, and the corrupt Zem, the One True Mattress Overlord brought to justice by Stilgar

[13:30 PM] Commissioner Jim Gordon and Batman search Gotham City for villainy, with little success, as Drunken Phantom, Baron of bunny and The Haiku Murderer evade them

[13:40 PM] Door2Door Salesman gets a mystery lurk...

[13:45 PM] The Manic Moleman tunnels his way past the lairs of Binary Assassin and Door2Door Salesman, but without success

[15:30 PM] The Betrayed is active and tries to betray Raspberry Skelter, Baron of bunny, Dr Dinosaur and Peter Sutcliffe, sadly for him with no success

[15:39 PM] Pappus staggers around after Drunken Phantom and Colonel Mustard, but has no luck

[17:21 PM] Commissioner Jim Gordon wants to lay down the law on these Gotham pimps, starting with Baron of bunny

[18:00 PM] Professor of love once again learns some lessons in the art of loving from Tristan Maxwell, as they conspire to take down BARON HUMBUCK (Duncan Goudie)

[18:30 PM] Charlie - "I have no need of a pseudonym cos, while I am not going wanted, I will likely die to some very lame crossfire on the first Incobash" - the Unicorn finds some time alongside the creation of SILLY LONG PSEUDONYMS and tries, like everyone else in Cambridge, to find Drunken Phantom. Without success. Would someone just kill him?

[18:31 PM] Pope Gregory IX showed Colonel Mustard (Harry Robinson) why man does not live on bread alone...

[21:00 PM] HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!, Judge Dread?

[21:30 PM] Raspberry Skelter and it's all downhill and a bit sticky for Peter Sutcliffe (Richard Cole)

Thursday, 4 February

[10:00 AM] Door2Door Salesman catches up with Mr. About-four-o'clock-in-the-afternoon (Michael Sargent)

[13:00 PM] Binary Assassin disapproves of life. The Manic Moleman (David Marc Jones) dies, and Inspector Gadget is corrupt by stabbing an illegitimate target

[13:20 PM] Baron of bunny cannot find the Michelangelo or Leonardo. Suggest he tries the fitz?

[15:17 PM] The ASNaC enjoys mutilating The Manic Molemans corpse (David Marc Jones)

[18:00 PM] Batman takes out S.a.l.o (Lise McNally)

[20:00 PM] Somebody needs H.E.L.P. to find Binary Assassin

Friday, 5 February

[11:00 AM] Sam Tyler takes down the corrupt Inspector Gadget

[13:00 PM] Osaka Seafood Concern tries to offer saki to Drunken Phantom, but fails to convince him

[14:15 PM] Commissioner Jim Gordon falls in the course of duty, but purges Drunken Phantom (Alex Lodge)'s drinking habit. Baron of bunny remains aloof

Saturday, 6 February

[11:20 AM] The Borg is clearly not an art historian, as he cannot find Leonardo or Michelangelo

[12:00 PM] Captain Cephalopod kills some artists - Michelangelo (Eugene Geidelberg) and Leonardo (James Hay). FYI I am a Spy arrives too late to join in the fun..

[14:00 PM] Cecil Roberts cant find Pappus

[15:30 PM] Septima om nomed cake instead of Om nom nom nom

[16:00 PM] Tristan Maxwell and Professor of love join in the popular arts tour du jour

[20:00 PM] The Zombies (Premchand Brian) got et by Street savoir-faire

Sunday, 7 February

[09:00 AM] "That One Guy" goes a-hunting

[14:20 PM] The Borg buzzes and whirrs around the homes of Dergeilehase and Moby Dickhead but cannot destroy their weak, fleshy bodies

[16:00 PM] Commissioner Jim Gordon on sick leave takes two mysterious individuals to the abode of Grey Squirrel

[17:00 PM] Mario takes out Magumbo (Esther Nicoll)

[20:00 PM] Osaka Seafood Concern narrowly escapes extinction at the hands of Pappus

Monday, 8 February

[08:50 AM] Grey Squirrels are well camoflaged. Pierre Dubois cant find this one!

[13:05 PM] "That One Guy" is not found by The Betrayed

[13:45 PM] Charlie - "I have no need of a pseudonym cos, while I am not going wanted, I will likely die to some very lame crossfire on the first Incobash" - the Unicorn has a lucky escape from The ASNaC

[15:00 PM] Tithe My Wok, HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?

[17:00 PM] Commissioner Jim Gordon on sick leave makes a fossil of Dr Dinosaur

[17:30 PM] Commissioner Jim Gordon on sick leave attempts to cull Gotham City's villains, but is prevented by one of his own men, William Keen. Anne Bonney cowers.

[17:40 PM] HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!? God? No, but Pope Gregory IX cant find him either

[20:00 PM] Commissioner Jim Gordon on sick leave rids Gotham City of its most famous furry, Grey Squirrel (Michael Williamson)

[21:55 PM] Grey Squirrel's corpse gets mutilated by Death By Numbers

Tuesday, 9 February

[08:45 AM] H.E.L.P. him find Binary Assassin

[08:50 AM] Door2Door Salesman tries Septima's door

[12:05 PM] Baron of bunny is unsuccessful in finding Tristan Maxwell

[13:00 PM] HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! is STILL alive, The Borg couldnt get him this evening

[15:05 PM] Commissioner Jim Gordon on sick leave takes down Moby Dickhead (Peter Jones)

[16:15 PM] HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! is not in again, Sam Tyler finds out.

[20:00 PM] Anne Bonney cant find HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?

Wednesday, 10 February

[10:50 AM] Labrys is concerned with finding Cecil Roberts

[22:40 PM] Septima eats Brook Roberts (Om nom nom nom)

Thursday, 11 February

[13:00 PM] Cecil Roberts (Adam Greig) resigns.

[16:30 PM] Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb! killed HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Foysol Miah), but only after Robin (Alex Wheatley) died to his fiendish weaponry

[16:54 PM] The Borg takes out Judge Dread (Pip Ash), but not before he kills ThunderChild (Richard Tunnard)

[19:10 PM] The ASNaC lurked Charlie - "I have no need of a pseudonym cos, while I am not going wanted, I will likely die to some very lame crossfire on the first Incobash" - the Unicorn

[19:55 PM] Osaka Seafood Concern is luckily OoB when GLaDOS Mk. II comes to call...

[22:00 PM] Charlie - "I have no need of a pseudonym cos, while I am not going wanted, I will likely die to some very lame crossfire on the first Incobash" - the Unicorn is lurked

Friday, 12 February

[00:05 AM] Charlie - "I have no need of a pseudonym cos, while I am not going wanted, I will likely die to some very lame crossfire on the first Incobash" - the Unicorn (Daniel O'Brien) does not die to lame incobash fire, but instead to lame betrayal.

[07:45 AM] The Borg eliminates FYI I am a Spy (Richard Hall)

[14:00 PM] Mario escapes Death By Numbers

[20:00 PM] Batman knows where the Knives live...

[21:00 PM] The Betrayed by "That One Guy"

Saturday, 13 February

[13:00 PM] Septima (Elizabeth (Liz) Ing-Simmons) killed by Pope Gregory IX after an epic chase through the streets of Cambridge. Who knew the pope was so fit?

[14:00 PM] Batman Knives (Justin Esau)

[17:05 PM] Raspberry Skelter sees zeros - Binary Assassin escapes

Sunday, 14 February

[11:00 AM] Someone comes knock-knock-knocking on Professor of love's door..

[11:20 AM] Commissioner Jim Gordon on sick leave is kind to animals! Poor little Bambi cant find any incos...

[13:45 PM] Door2Door Salesman stops people being worried about Alex Guttenplan (Osaka Seafood Concern AKA Labrys)

Monday, 15 February

[08:50 AM] Street savoir-faire avoids detection by Mario

[13:00 PM] The Zombiez et all H.E.L.P. (Hannah Philpott)

[13:30 PM] Tristan Maxwell and Professor of love could do with some H.E.L.P.

[17:50 PM] The ASNaC joins the group of people seeking H.E.L.P.

Tuesday, 16 February

[11:00 AM] Commissioner Jim Gordon on sick leave kills yet another inco, this time Pappus (Simon Taylor)

[12:05 PM] Baron of bunny (Christopher Judge) discovers why not to go incompetent, as Commissioner Jim Gordon on sick leave hunts him down.

[12:30 PM] I have never seen The Friendly Ninja

[13:00 PM] Mario defeats "That One Guy" (Isaac Joseph)

[14:00 PM] Mario avoids Death By Numbers

[20:00 PM] The ASNaC discovers another corpse (Pappus)

Wednesday, 17 February

[13:05 PM] Door2Door Salesman takes out Sam Tyler

[13:10 PM] Pope Gregory IX is stopped by the locks of Anne Bonney

[18:15 PM] Bambi finds that there are some people who are too incompetent to come out and play :(

[18:20 PM] The Betrayed killed J

[18:30 PM] The Tittering Machine lurks Tristan Maxwell

[20:00 PM] The Friendly Ninja (Mark Pendar-Bare) was thunderbolted!

[20:10 PM] The burrower tried to go after the pile of ashes that was Dergeilehase

Thursday, 18 February

[08:00 AM] Street savoir-faire (Christopher Milligan) was thunderbolted!

[12:00 PM] Pierre Dubois (James Shaw) dies to Professor of love

[13:20 PM] The Thing That Should Not Be didnt kill anyone

Friday, 19 February

[08:40 AM] GLaDOS Mk. II lurks The Betrayed

[08:45 AM] Batman finds a pile of ash...

[10:50 AM] Raspberry Skelter escapes Stilgar... for now

[13:45 PM] Death By Numbers tries to account for Mario

[20:00 PM] Professor of love and Tristan Maxwell lurk again

[22:40 PM] Binary Assassin and Door2Door Salesman multiply stab one another in various states of OoB - a duel decides Binary Assassin AKA Death By Numbers (Julian Willis)'s death

Saturday, 20 February

[13:00 PM] Tristan Maxwell escapes The Zombiez!

[13:30 PM] Bambi went to search for other animals to frolic with but couldn't find any. Professor of love escapes this time!

[15:35 PM] The ASNaC is the second person to be thwarted by the locks of Anne Bonney

[18:35 PM] Pope Gregory IX (Sean Tull) kills The Betrayed (Ashley Chadwick), then dies to Raspberry Skelter (who had just been lurking Tristan Maxwell)

Sunday, 21 February

[03:00 AM] Second-hand Biro Salesman dis-arms The disembodied head of film noir legend: Robert Mitchum

[12:30 PM] Batman kills Super Saiyan Dan Level 1 (Dan Baker)

[17:30 PM] The Death of Teaspoons is left hungry, as Tithe My Wok cant be found!

Monday, 22 February

[14:50 PM] Bambi searches folornly for Professor of love

[16:00 PM] Anne Bonney (Hester Thorneycroft) tries to sneak up on Professor of love, but gets killed for her efforts

[18:50 PM] The Tittering Machine tries to find Mario, but ends up seeing the incompetent Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!

[19:00 PM] Mario evades the fantastic duo of Professor of love and Tristan Maxwell

Tuesday, 23 February

[09:30 AM] Tristan Maxwell (John Jacob Pardo) falls to the knife of Raspberry Skelter

[09:45 AM] The ASNaC tries to catch Professor of love at breakfast, but did not act fast enough...

[10:00 AM] Bambi and Door2Door Salesman battle! Bambi looses his leg but not his life!

[10:10 AM] The Batman hunts some incos

[21:00 PM] Corruption is abound as a police war is declared by Second-hand Biro Salesman and others..

Wednesday, 24 February

[13:55 PM] The disembodied head of film noir legend: Robert Mitchum makes the first strike in a police war, killing nocturnal duck (Tom Duncan)

Thursday, 25 February

[08:30 AM] Tithe My Wok does some serious hunting! shluf (Jefferson Hayden Carpenter) dies!

[11:05 AM] Bambi just wants some love..

[12:00 PM] Tithe My Wok (Timothy Kew) gets fried by Batman

[17:15 PM] Bambi frollicks some more

Friday, 26 February

[08:40 AM] Rockin'! Rave Blue World slaps down Door2Door Salesman AKA The Thing That Should Not Be (Matthew Hinks)

[09:35 AM] The ASNaC is still seeking his Juliet, but Professor of love cruelly leaves him looking...

[12:00 PM] Birobeard kills The Amulet, Charlie! Sparkle sparkle! (Dan Baker)

[15:00 PM] Professor of love seeks out Raspberry Skelter

[18:00 PM] Adam Guterres, Luke James Montgomery Robins, and William Keen are away this weekend

[21:00 PM] Because of assassins, I can now spell Psuedonym (Matthew Hinks) found that The disembodied head of film noir legend: Robert Mitchum (Michael Sargent) had been sold a foul tale of corruption by a Second-hand Biro Salesman

Saturday, 27 February

[16:00 PM] The Death of Teaspoons was not precipitated by a visit from The Zombiez

Sunday, 28 February

[14:00 PM] Professor of love doesn't come to tea, much to The ASNaC's disappointment.

[17:00 PM] Bambi lurked for Mario

[21:30 PM] The Dude With The AK-47 App wins a duel with Tithe your own damn wok (Dan Baker) (but not with his AK47 app.)

Monday, 1 March

[11:00 AM] When Batman met Second-hand Biro Salesman

[12:00 PM] Batman (Luke James Montgomery Robins) and Second-hand Biro Salesman (William Keen) meet again. Both die.

[13:10 PM] Raspberry Skelter goes after Mario unsuccessfully.

[13:50 PM] Raspberry Skelter stabs Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb! (Philip Hubbard) in a cycle-by

[14:30 PM] Two Face shoots (but does not kill) a live player (Professor of love) whilst attempting to lurk Mario

[16:15 PM] The Dude With The AK-47 App (Daniel O'Brien) falls to Birobeard

[17:00 PM] Robin discovers some information..

[18:20 PM] An interaction occurs! Two hunting parties meet in the depths of _unspecified_

[19:00 PM] The ASNaC (Alicia Danks) learns that food and death go well together.. unfortunately the killer is not her but Rave Blue World

[19:10 PM] There's not enough love around any more.. Professor of love (David Turner) dies to Rave Blue World

Tuesday, 2 March

[12:00 PM] A bounty has been placed on Christopher Powell!

[19:00 PM] Raspberry Skelter tries to find Mario and Stilgar

Wednesday, 3 March

[09:40 AM] Mario goes hunting

[09:45 AM] Bambi tries to out-trick the hunters...

[12:00 PM] The Zombiez findz something

Thursday, 4 March

[14:15 PM] The burrower lurks Raspberry Skelter

[14:30 PM] Grape Juice kills Why I Tamed Tolkien (Timothy Kew)

[15:30 PM] I have never (Luke Bennett) heard of a better reason not to remind a player that he can legitimately kill you. Zombie Commissioner Jim Gordon obliges

Friday, 5 March

[09:15 AM] Raspberry Skelter lurks.

[11:15 AM] Bambi hunts Mario

[12:45 PM] Bambi hunts Mario again..

[14:30 PM] Batman on death's door kills Second-hand Second-hand Biro Salesman (William Keen) (again)

[15:15 PM] Mario lurks for Raspberry Skelter

[16:10 PM] Bambi lurks for Raspberry Skelter

Saturday, 6 March

[10:05 AM] Apollo's Hum shows why not to be a sociable assassin, and stabs Stilgar AKA The Borg AKA Bambi (Sophie Reed)

[16:00 PM] POLICE WAR GRAND FINALE!

[19:00 PM] Some dudes try to attack Mario and some get killed for their trouble

Sunday, 7 March

[17:40 PM] Raspberry Skelter fails to 1UP as Mario evades capture... unlike that damn Princess!

Monday, 8 March

[18:30 PM] Raspberry Skelter AKA The Tittering Machine AKA Rave Blue World AKA Apollo's Hum (Adam Guterres) beats Mario AKA GLaDOS Mk. II (Christopher Powell) to the finish.

The Assassins' Guild - Headlines

Monday, 25 January