Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News

Saturday, 31 January

[10:00 AM] Magnet fails to attract Robot in Disguise
Magnet reports:

This morning, I walked the endless corridors of [UNSPECIFIED_COLLEGE] only to find that Robot in Disguise was not there. Left a note on her door to say hi (always try to be in good term with one's victims). Later on, I left a appealing orange post-it (post-its are the way to go, clearly) in here pigeonhole, and waited in the Porter's Lodge for quite a while, hoping my target would show herself and be lured by the shiny orange in her pidge. No luck.

[13:00 PM] Sam Atkinson (Professor Challenger found the lost world, and then he) found Michelle's poison letter

[14:00 PM] Incobash group 1 (bikes): A disticnt lack of incos.
arva reports:

Myself, The BBC News and Neither am I headed off first to Newnham. 'KT' was not in, according to her locked door and her neighbour. We then carried on to Caius and then to Churchill, but once again without success. We then went to wolfson court, where we knew there were 2 incos, Neither am I decided to leave us (so as to not have conflict of interest), however, as we got inside the building, we started to walk one way, and he ran in the other, in a fashion which suggested very much that he was going to warn the incos. We decided the best thing to do would be to run in the opposite direction!

The BBC News reports:

arva, Adam Guterres and myself went to kill incos. None were found to be around in Churchill or Newnham. We couldn't get into Harvey Court. We then thought of going to Wolfie, but Adam didn't want to kill his fellow Girtonians and was blatantly going to betray us, so we left them for another day. We finally went our separate ways, and I visited a few more targets/incos before going home.

For attempting to betray the group by forewarning incompetents, Adam Guterres has been made corrupt and is a licit target for all.

[14:00 PM] Incobash group 2 (town centre): Tushar Dabral (Alcohilic), Leo Scott (Ginge) and Jonah Hill (Meg) are eliminated
Black Eyed Pete reports:

[12:56] Met The Red Coated Assassin at The Anchor, ordered coffee and cake. It was yummy.

[13:00 - 13:40] Other assassins, police and the Great and All Powerful Umpire also arrive at The Anchor.

[13:45ish] Left The Anchor and organised groups. Those with bikes decided to do a far out tour, the remainder (G, Black Eyed Pete, Sheepish, iswydt, Holmes, the long tentacle of the law) headed to Trinity to arm themselves from Seaman G's extensive collection.

[13:50] Walking past St Catz, one of the group said he knew the inco Tushar Dabral that lived there. It was decided that a visit should be paid. We made our way to the appropriate staircase and all the way to the top. Once outside the relevant door, Black Eyed Pete and 2 others waited for the rest of the group to catch up. However whilst waiting, the door opened and the unsuspecting inco walked straight into a hail of rubber bands, being hit by at least 2 assassins. He seemed somewhat suprised but was gracious enough to let everyone have the rubber bands back.

[14:00] The group arrived at Seaman G's residence where those that needed arming were provided with weapons. The Great and All Powerful Umpire also made contact, telling us were were to be joined by 2 more trained killers.

[14:20ish] Met up with 2 more assassins (Jimbob Jones and Richard "Ships + Icebergs" Gibson) outside of Seaman G's place of dwelling.

[14:30] Arrived at John's where 2 incos were thought to be hiding (well they live there sooo...!) After cunningly negotiating past the Porters, the group headed to Cripps and there to Staircase F to find Leo Scott. Arriving outside his door, a knock was made and he foolishly opened it...with about 5 assassins stood outside, he never stood much of a chance!

[14:50ish] Outside John's, we split up. G, the long tentacle of the law and iswydt headed to [UNSPECIFIED_COLLEGE] and the other 5 of us headed to Clare to see if either of the incos may appear. They didn't. We left.

[15:10] Since we were in the vicinity and there happened to be an inco residing there, most of the group went into Trinity Hall. Black Eyed Pete remained outside to contact the Great and All Powerful Umpire. The rest of the group sucessfully un-inco'd Jonah Hill by means of a knife.

[15:35] Having spoken to the Great and All Powerful Umpire it was discovered that the rest of the bash hadn't had much luck bashing, so it was decided that one more call should be made and then people would get back to their [UNSPECIFIED_COLLEGES] to get on with their [UNSPECIFIED_WORK]. Holmes wanted to get going immediately, the rest of us went to Pembroke. Easier said than done considering no one appeared to know where it was! Eventually however we found it and found our way to the door of Magnet. Upon arriving, we took up positions outside the door and someone tried it - locked! So he knocked...the door opened just wide enough for a stream of water to squirt harmlessly through the air as assassins dived for cover. At this point, those assassins with suitable water weaponary set up a defensive blockade of the door, attempting to fire water in everytime the door was opened. Meanwhile, Black Eyed Pete extracted an old reciept from his pocket and wrote a short note on the back. He then carefully applied a thin layer of poison to the other side and, whilst being covered by others, pushed in under the door. It seems our target was too smart however and spotted it for what it was. At this point, a quick thinking assassin nipped down the stairs and outside, coming back in shortly after to point out that her window was open. Black Eyed Pete went out to investigate and narrowly avoided a glass of water thrown out of said window. At this point he decided negotiation should be tried. He first asked the target if she had a tap in her room. She did. This made it painfully obvious who was going to be able to last the longest in this stand off. He then offered her the chance to come bashing, given that it would allow her to regain competence. She said that she had made an attempt earlier in the day so it was generally agreed that she was competent and we could get going. No one had lost anything and we could all get on with what we wanted to do.

the long tentacle of the law reports:

A large group of assassins left the Anchor to stock up on weapons for today's incobash. As we passed by (UNSPECIFIED_COLLEGE) we realised that one person on our target list was there- after spending a long time finding his room in a maze of corridors, we knocked. Tushar Dabral died in a somewhat shorter time to a hail of rubber bands from at least 3 guns, including my own. Next stop was a rather strange modern building hidden in the depths of (UNSPECIFIED_COLLEGE), where we knocked on the door of Leo Scott. He came out, puzzled at the lack of someone standing outside. I answered his puzzlement with more rubber bands. The large group then split up- my half of it had no further successes. We lurked 3 incompetents at 2 different colleges, but none of them were in. We tried to go after a 4th, but couldn't even find his room. Fail...

Holmes reports:

Went incobashing today, many incompetents fell in our war against procrastination. Trin Hall, Clare and John's were all hit. Good times.

Magnet reports:

A knock on my door. I open, some shooting, some more shooting. I'm protected by my door, and don't get to admire the results of my work. A few minutes, a note under my door, which I am careful not to touch. "Did you touch the poison?" -No. (mental note: when you try to make someone touch poison, best not to tell them it's poison). I shoot them by the window, but they're out of range (but gave them a good scare, I think). We conclude it's a stalemate.

Sheepish reports:

Incobash! A fairly successful run, where we took down four incos. Firstly Tushar Dabral was taken down, as he rather coincidentally left for a boat race when we were about to knock, to be slain by a hail of rubber bands. A target at Johns was next, followed by an excursion to Clare.

The next victim who actually was in was Jonah Hill, who most unwisely left his door open. And didn't respond to us bursting in. Or after Richard "Ships + Icebergs" Gibson threw and missed with a shuriken. So I executed him with confidence - a single rubber band to the body.

Magnet decided to fight back and fire water guns at us for a brief standoff, before informing us she'd made an attempt that day so we didn't need to be going after her anyway.

[14:20 PM] You got Sarge'd and Lord Erebus hunt out the inco Meg, but he doesn't want to play.
You got Sarge'd reports:

Me and Lord Erebus decided to make an attempt on Meg today, but after scouting around, it appeared as though he wasn't in.

[18:15 PM] yohoho and a bottle of Matthew Yates (Ali Dia)
yohoho reports:

I happened across a despicable little incompetent by the name of Matthew Yates. A quick stab with my knife, and justice was served.

[18:20 PM] Banana Flavour didn't like the incompetent flavour of Todd Davidson (Capital T).
Banana Flavour reports:

While doing my weekly shop for things of other flavours, I happened upon Todd Davidson. A short amount of knife work soon dispatched him.

Sunday, 1 February

[15:00 PM] arva's coin trick accounts for Tanuj Bhojwani (Sulphane)
Sulphane reports:

I saw a coin on the floor in my room, and I picked it up without any gloves or protection and felt some goo on it. It was to the best of my knowledge flicked under my room door and was intended to be a poisoned trap.

[17:55 PM] The Knight who say Ni avenges their friends by killing Luke Sharpin (Kluke)
The Knight who say Ni reports:

I was about to have a beautiful meal, yet my Killer Pigs would be going hungry. Then I saw the scum that is Luke Sharpin approaching me. After his attempt to kill me the other day I decided he needed to be punished and that my Pigs needed feeding. It was at that point that my killer Pig lept up at him and went into a feeding frenzy and consumed the corpse of Luke Sharpin in a minute.

[19:00 PM] Darkness falls on Kaifei Yu (never ending night). yohoho continues his fine police work, with the help of What me? No, I'm not corrupt..
yohoho reports:

What me? No, I'm not corrupt. and I decided the time was right to continue the clean-up of Churchill College. Having studied the movements of this particularly terrible incompetent, we laid an ambush. On his way to a weekly society meeting, Kaifei Yu was shot down when climbing the stairs, his body riddled with elastic bands.

What me? No, I'm not corrupt. reports:

Me and yohoho laid a trap for Kaifei Yu. It worked extremely well and Kai was shot about 15 times. Unsure which of us actually shot him first.

[22:30 PM] Cogito Ergo Femina Sum, Baroque Obama and G mutilate Jonah Hill
Baroque Obama reports:

Police officer G, my fellow assassin Cogito Ergo Femina Sum and I went incompetent hunting; that last phrase can be interpreted in either way as we arrived at the room of Jonah Hill only to shoot what turned out to be his decaying corpse.

G reports:

Death to the dead, kill the deceased!

Monday, 2 February

[10:50 AM] Amelia Booth makes a bid for the furthest ever kill, taking down Charlie Schoonman (the unwavering hand of fate) in Salzburg
Amelia Booth reports:

I've just stabbed my dearest friend Charlie Schoonman with a "knife". Whilst in Salzburg. This hitch hiking business can be dangerous, apparently.

[12:00 PM] arva discovered that Allie Rinck (ink) bleeds more than ink.
arva reports:

I killed Allie Rinck at noon today outside her lecture, a knife to the guts did the trick.

[14:30 PM] Michelle drinks up Jacob Wills (Beef Tea)
Michelle reports:

Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties.
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

[15:00 PM] Neither am I shows the force of the law. Bibek Mukherjee (Hercule Poirot) and Parin Shah (Donkey Oaty) are the latest inco casualties.
Neither am I reports:

Neither am I encountered and shot two incos today. However, he urges the umpire not to take him off the corrupt list or he will be forced to bash some innocents.

At Mr Guterres' request, he remains corrupt.

[18:30 PM] yohoho is becoming quite the inco basher. Kai Van Duuren (Half-dutch) is full-dead.
yohoho reports:

Kai Van Duuren came down to dinner monday evening. yohoho easily spotted his aura of complete incompetence, and decided to continue his cleaning up of Churchill college. Stealthily sneaking between the tables, yohoho slide his knife into Kai, ending his pathetic run.

[20:30 PM] There are no mafias in Cambridge, as l33t-girl888, I pwn n00bs and Holmes can confirm. The Avuncular Troglodyte escapes their clutches, but Mukund Kanoria (Kundi) does not.
l33t-girl888 reports:

Me n dis other dude, yeah, we went to get some of dees inco peeps, ya know. So it is like we go to like 5 different unspekified colleges and Dey is like all noobs, so we was like gonna kill em all, cose it is like I pwn noobs. But dey was like not in, or dey were too scared to answer de door. At one point we got stuck in dis housing area where dey had dis electronic magic shit on de doors, but we like eventually ambushed des peeps leaving and went thru wid dem and dey didn't suspect a fing man. But it is like me had dis contact person in de final unspekified college, and she like took us to dis doooods door, and when he was letting her in, it was like BANG!! and I stabbed him. Dis dude was like Mukund Kanoria who was like an inco noob and he was mi target also, but was clearly a total legend, and he like gave us some muffins to restock our nrgy :D. Den it was like later me and de original dude met up with dis other dood, and we went to attack The Avuncular Troglodyte in another unspekified college. But he was like too chicken to come out to play, so it is like he hid in is room and got all dees innocent dudes to protect him and try to find us, but we was like ninjas, so dey couldn't find us. But we leaved widout killin The Avuncular Troglodyte dood :(.

Holmes reports:

Went with fellow assassins to take out The Avuncular Troglodyte but he was too ascared to leavesies his room. I tried to engage him in dialogue, but I don't think he understood me. :(

I pwn n00bs reports:

W3 wen7 to pwn peepz, but no1 woz in. But the inc0 Mukund Kanoria was m4jor n00b so got 0wnage by l33t-girl888. Went to The Avuncular Troglodyte's r00m, but teh f00 was 2 chicken to come and play. Ph33r us 4 we sha11 b bak...

The Avuncular Troglodyte reports:

A man with black hair and black clothes and two necklaces once again knocked at my door and, failing to answer my calls, gave himself away as an assassin. As I waited with baited snowballs for him to exit the building again, a non-player accomplice arrived and, mystified as to what I was doing stood on a roof, scantily clad but for a pair of binoculars and a handful of frozen water, offered to have a look for the assassin. As it turned out, he was hiding in the kitchen, and, when informed that I was waiting for him to leave, hurriedly and confusingly rushed UP the stairs, away from the only exit. I assume he found safe hiding somewhere up there, for I soon tired of waiting for him to leave, and left my snowballs in favour of my rapidly escalating essay crisis...You get away once again, my arch nemesis, but without my life.

[21:30 PM] Michelle shows off her muscles by killing Jimmy Bost (Biceps Femoris)
Michelle reports:

Now my advice for those who die, (Taxman!)
Declare the pennies on your eyes, (Taxman!)
'Cos I'm the Taxman,
Yeah, I'm the Taxman,
And you're working for no-one but me, (Taxman!).

Tuesday, 3 February

[00:15 AM] DanceDance Revolution: Submission Number One

Dear Mr Umpire,

I was concerned to hear reports that our very own Steve "Boom Boom Shake the Room" McCann had joined a Double-Dance Revolution in the fledgling democracy of Cambridge. I am therefore sure that you will take comfort from the attached videos exhibiting his bodily locomotion on
BUT 3, YES 3
occasions. I am sure you will agree that this is conclusive proof that he could never have partake in a Single, let alone Double-Dance Revolution.

Kind regards.
Yours sincerely,

P.S. NOT 1 NOT 2 BUT 3, YES 3 pieces of evidence
P.P.S. This is one revolution that will most definitely not be televised.

The Umpire invites all assassins to submit reports on assassins' (past and present) dancing skills.

[10:00 AM] suckmyrocket can't be sucked in by poison letters.
suckmyrocket reports:

A note to those attempting to reign me in; conspicuous envelopes in my pigeon hole never get opened, especially when one can see the powder through the paper when you hold it up with a gloved hand to the light...

[14:00 PM] Alexander Scott (Prometheus) may be the bringer of fire, but arva is the bringer of poison
Prometheus reports:

It is with moderate rage (moderage?) that I must report my demise at the hands of the coward 'arva', who did not even deign to show his or her face that I may swiftly separate it from the body currently attached. The mode of my downfall was to be one significantly less dramatic than I might have hoped. Upon checking my pidge this afternoon, I was met by two letters - one I was expecting, and one I was not. In my current illness-weakened, sleep-deprived and muscle-pulled state of general weariness I was thrown off guard by the University of Cambridge logo printed on the envelope of the unexpected letter, and promptly found myself beset by poison, which my body could not combat because my liver has been eaten by an eagle.

I will humbly accept my life back into my own hands, and perhaps exercise more caution with it from hereon out. I can only wish that I had fallen to a worthier foe.

My name is Prometheus, but my enemies shall know me as the fallen Titan.

arva reports:

The letter has venomous poison,
Poison running through your veins
It's poison...

[14:00 PM] Orfeo unsuccesfully vists Cogito Ergo Femina Sum. Perhaps the radio is insufficently operatic?
Orfeo reports:

This afternoon, I went to Cogito Ergo Femina Sum's room and gave her door handle a shake. The radio is a nice touch, but determined assassins don't scare so easily!

[15:00 PM] More mutilation. Lord Erebus shoots the zombified Mukund Kanoria
Lord Erebus reports:

I found Mukund Kanoria asleep with an innocent. Not wanting to get on Wanted (my weapon's accuracy could not be guaranteed), I withdrew, but conveniently he woke up and was duly shot. Unfortunately for me, he had been killed the previous evening as well.

[19:00 PM] KT Bosse-Foy (Robot in Disguise) dies lots of times. Looks like Justice!...this time.
Robot in Disguise reports:

I've been killed 3 times in the last 24 hours - a personal stabbing in the buttery by Justice!...this time, a poisoned coin under the door and Michelle shooting me with a rubber band gun. I also got a poisoned letter, but I could tell so I threw it away.

[19:10 PM] Ben Gadsby (Brownbeard) gets caught up trying to kill the Newnham inco, as he also falls to Justice!...this time
Justice!...this time reports:

Luckily for me, the incompetent Police Officer Ben Gadsby soon followed, having in mind the same as myself to kill her, and thrown off guard by my apparent innocence, proceeded to be stabbed (twice, once being after he questioned the obvious labelling of my knife) and shot once with his own gun. He is very dead now.

Brownbeard reports:

Yet another death... armed and ready to kill both Newnham incos, I found a certain Justice!...this time had beaten me to the first - and promptly dispatched of me. Will teach me to go inco...

Wednesday, 4 February

[11:00 AM] Sheepish is not yet Sidhe's lamb to the slaughter
Sidhe reports:

I went to [UNSPECIFIED_COLLEGE], in pursuit of Sheepish, however gained neither success, nor even sight of my target. I was disappointed by this outcome.

[12:00 PM] Stephen Tordoff (MrF), you got headcrabbed. You got Sarge'd imaginative weaponry strikes.
You got Sarge'd reports:

I managed to assassinate the incompetent Stephen Tordoff outside lectures. Placing the evil Zombie Headcrab (/poison hat/head eating hat of doom) on his head, he didn't realise what was going on until it was too late. This being done, I ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed.

[13:00 PM] Richard Paul Astley cannot be letter-rolled by ScienceFictionDoubleFeature
Richard Paul Astley reports:

Rolling over to my pigeon-hole after a spot of luncheon with my peers, I did spy certain enveloped correspondence addressed to me. First thoughts were of a potential love letter from my legion of fans, but second thoughts turned to more sinister forms. Taking no chances, I gingerly donned my conveniently nearby ski gloves, removed the letter and retreated to safe distance near a bin. Opening it with my trusty knife-labelled-as-a-pen, I did notice a certain white powder descend out with my 'fanmail'. The fatal substance, presumably the distilled agonising souls of rickrollees, floated harmlessly into the pit of despair.

A warning to a certain "ScienceFictionDoubleFeature" - it will take more than that to make me cry and say goodbye.

[14:30 PM] Matt Taylor (Grubberlang) discovers that the police aren't as incompetent as he is. a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises. continues to serve up justice.
a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises. reports:

Initial evidence suggests that leaving your door open whilst cooking lunch can lead to a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises.. Test subject: Matt Taylor.

[18:00 PM] Need to remove the inco Merlin Evans (USING ALL CAPS MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL)? This calls for Captain Charisma!
Captain Charisma reports:

Paid a visit to Merlin Evans yesterday - waited, cosh and gun poised, outside his door for him to come out for hall. Unfortunately, he spotted me and locked the door, but that wasn't going to stop me.

I took up position under the stairs in Merlin's staircase. When he thought I had returned to my room, he came down the stairs. As he went through the door, I leapt out and shot him with my rubber band gun.

All things come to those who wait... Albeit cramped under a staircase...

[19:10 PM] Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis ruins Caroline Tecks (Panthunter)'s dinner.
Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis reports:

Same person, same place, same weapon, same day, a term later. How neat.

[20:00 PM] arva shoots the corpse of Lauren Withall (Lethal Llama) - she had fallen to the poison letter of The Penguin.

[20:10 PM] Black Eyed Pete is treasureless once again, shooting the corpse of Caroline Tecks
Black Eyed Pete reports:

It is my regrettable duty to report the passing of Caroline Tecks, unfortunately not by my hand. If I'm any judge, when I found her, she had been dead for some time. I shot her anyway and left.

[22:00 PM] Mutilation is contagious, everyone's at it! Bosun Pudding joins in the festivities with Matt Taylor
Bosun Pudding reports:

Animatronic Butler FTW! Too bad he was already too dead to d0dg3 my 1337 kn1f1ng 5k1ll2...

Thursday, 5 February

[11:00 AM] The BBC News cannot report the death of any incos.
The BBC News reports:

Made attempts on 2 incos today (Giles Fleming, Merlin Evans), but neither were in :(

[11:30 AM] Merlin Evans is popular today! Ernesto can't find him either
Ernesto reports:

went over to selwyn in attempt to find the inco Merlin Evans this morning. found his room but he wasnt in.

[13:20 PM] iswydt attempted to molest the Umpire. wywwy?
iswydt reports:

I decided to get a clarifiaction of the weapons rules in person, by molesting the Umpire with a snowball. Competence please?

Well I could make her corrupt, but it was much more funny to molest her back ;)

[14:00 PM] Does Banana Flavour still like the flavour of incos? Giles Fleming doesn't want to find out.
Banana Flavour reports:

I paid a visit to Giles Fleming today, to see if he would come to play, but the answer was nay, perhaps he was away.

[15:00 PM] Do you prefer Bosun Pudding or PIE!? Anthony Yong Kheng Cordero Ng (Bruce Lee) would say neither
Bosun Pudding reports:

Gee whizz. Don't you just hate people ripping off your pseudonyms? I know it's meant to be the sincerest form of flattery, but really... that kind of thing makes me want to kill people. Thankfully, Anthony Yong Kheng Cordero Ng happened to be nearby for me to vent a bit of rage on. Thanks, Tony! :D

PIE! reports:

Went to see Anthony Yong Kheng Cordero Ng today. He gave me PIE! (well chocolate). This makes PIE! happy.

[20:00 PM] NINJA Elfboy flushes away Giles Fleming (Mr Scrub), with a little help from his comrade The Soviet Samurai
NINJA Elfboy reports:

Today I went for a wander in the snow. Even Ninjas should be able to enjoy snow. It was slushy and slidy and made me want to go and kill things. (Read: Lazy incos who stay in doors and dont play in the snow). Meeting with a certain The Soviet Samurai (cos Im friendly and have lots of friends see!), we baked some cookies to make the soon to be dead feel better about being dead, and went to visit a certain Giles Fleming. I likes giles. He was very tusting and smiley. Mr The Soviet Samurai knocked on the door, Giles answered slowly and apologized for being cautions for he was an ASSASSIN and didn't want to get killed. So I stabbed him. With my NINJA stick. And ran away. To play snow to play with! Also I ate all the cookies before we got there and felt guilty. Nomnomnom...

The Soviet Samurai reports:

It was a cold winter evening. Outside the enemy's red bastion two shadowy figures were musing over the night's events.

SS: The Way of the Party dictates, Comrade who notices Samurai will get killed by Ninja.

NE: AHUH! So its completely legitimate that i lethally NINJAed Giles Fleming's spleen!

SS: You must teach me that trick sometime Comrade. But Jesus got away alive...


SS: It maybe so... But were dealing with a new kind of Jesus - the Banana Flavour version. And his Bethlehem stables are much more fortified... But don't worry Comrade, after i'm done with him he won't ressurect anymore.

NE: I've ressurected about 12 people already! wait... that does mean 'kill' right?

SS: The Way of the Party dictates, "Two assassin Comrades standing near ex-Comrade's residence for too long may become ex-Comrades themselves, in the assassinated sense of the word."

Thus they parted. The Soviet Samurai into the cold, NINJA Elfboy back to his bastion, both looking back and thinking one day, they may no longer be Comrades...

Mr Scrub reports:

Mr Scrub wishes to report that he is a n00b. In his defence, he had been on his feet for 36 out of the last 42 hours, so was kinda tired, but opening the door to an unknown figure, after merely peering through the peephole for a second and saying "sorry I took a while, I'm a bit paranoid cos i'm playing assassins" was quite stupid.

As punishment for his stupidity, he was stabbed by what can only be described as a big knife. Farewell, cruel world.

Friday, 6 February

[00:00 AM] Guess what? It's another anonymous bounty!

Generaliiiiiisimo Grandepolla Encefalitis Nosabenada ees Displeased wiz zeeeese eeeevil wanted criiiiminal Benjamin Giiiibson who eees now eeencompetent as weeeeell. My llama warriors wiiiill Kiiiill ziiiis nefaaaarious baaaastard and hhheeeee hhhoooo does wiiiill be giiiiven biiiig boooooty of moooonkey nuts.

[11:00 AM] Jessica Donnithorne (Dora the explorer) may have explored the antartic, but she certainly didn't see The Penguin coming.
The Penguin reports:

'It's always the pretty ones,' thought The Penguin. 'Goddamn city, anything good which rises to the surface of its scummy bowels, gasping and spluttering, gets picked off by the vultures circling overhead.' He spat, and then remembered the cash on offer for this kill. Maybe it would help heal his weeping heart.

He picked his way between the slovenly denizens of the backstreet hellhole he found himself in, looking out for the young lady. Then he saw her: a diamond in the rough, young enough to be his daughter, but with a brazenly determined expression on her face. As he crept up behind her and felt his knife squeeze between her ribs, the inner organs pumping out their last fluids onto the cold floor, he suppressed a brief, fleeting thought of sorrow. He'd buy a new suit with the profits, and perhaps a monocle. The world would care no more. At least he'd go out looking good.

[13:20 PM] I've heard PIE! is a Magnet for the ladies. Perhaps it was a fatal attraction for Karoliina Lehtinen (Magnet)
PIE! reports:

Today I met Karoliina. She was lovely. I have promised her PIE! so I shall have to give myself to her. Or maybe some chocolate.

[14:00 PM] The ITV News update! Jack William Matthew Jackson (Rhymnocerous) falls to a poison letter!

[15:00 PM] ScienceFictionDoubleFeature doesn't get a feature of Benjamin Huw Gibson

[15:30 PM] The notorious wanted criminal Benjamin Huw Gibson (Cupcake) is finally taken down as he has a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises.
a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises. reports:

Benjamin Huw Gibson discovered that insufficient care and attention when approaching [UNSPECIFIED_LOCATION] can lead to a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises.

[18:15 PM] l33t-girl888, I pwn n00bs and Holmes try their luck with Dominic Hinkins (The Avuncular Troglodyte) again. This time Holmes gets him.
Holmes reports:

Holmes scratched his first target today, in the form of Mr. Hinkins.

After having spent 3 days waiting in that gyp room for Mr. Hinkins, disguised as a two necklaced black haired gent, I began to get hungry and decided to go to hall. Unlucky for Mr. Hinkins he happened to be there too. I waited until he'd finished his meal, then dispatched him with a shiv to the kidney.

I pwn n00bs reports:

Teh Dominic has been b00ted from the game bi Holmes. L33ving ur r00m 4 unneccessary items lyk f00d =/= recommended.

l33t-girl888 reports:

Went off to [UNSPEKIFIED_COLLEDGE] for a lovely spot of hall food. Mine and Holmes' target Dominic Hinkins got served his just desserts at the hands of Holmes.

The Avuncular Troglodyte reports:

umpire stop regret have been brutally stabbed stop thinking would not be recognised in college eatery was rushed by chap called Holmes stop fear i have not long to live stop look after my family stop good bye old chap stop your avuncular troglodyte

[19:30 PM] SWAT raid time! No-one was killed, shocker!
a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises. reports:

19:30- 'ello sailor, the long tentacle of the law has come to visit you! Jessica Donnithorne was, however, prudent and managed to avoid getting into a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises..

20:00- 'ello sailor. What's this then? A visit from the long tentacle of the law? Perhaps it was wondering what the deal was regarding a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises.. Either way, Shantanu Kafle wasn't probed too extensively this time.

Saturday, 7 February

[00:30 AM] yohoho and a bottle of rum at 'Pav'. Yuan Cao Zhang (latent electricity) is the latest Churchill inco to fall.
yohoho reports:

At 12.30 on friday night, Yuan Cao Zhang, the last Churchill incompetent, thought it would be safe to attend the event 'pav'. Little did he realise that yohoho was already there, and when yohoho noticed foolish Yuan, he did slide a knife into Yuan's chest

latent electricity reports:

The room was dark and full of people, the vapid odour of alcohol oozing from their breath. I move in motion with the sound, the perfect cover of darkness. But alas! I see a blade protruding from my ribs, I turn around, and I see my college daughter in wide-eyed shock.

He did not know it, but the man holding the knife had just killed his father (in law).

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