The Assassins' Guild

[09:00 AM] NO PIE?! There's NO PIE?! but WHY is there NO PIE?! Touch of Pink fails to provide PIE!

[10:00 AM] MrF missed an important bulletin on The BBC News

[11:50 AM] Evelyn Brockmann(Charlotte Corday) is cleaned up by Mr Scrub, as You got Sarge'd watches from behind his door

[13:00 PM] Jimbob Jones was not home, so his assailant could not T#%T it.

[13:30 PM] Black Eyed Pete searched for assassins, but none were made to walk the plank

[14:00 PM] Go wanted by shooting Edward Ignatius Morland (Jaqen H'ghar) and Roseanna Pendlebury (The Poultrygeist)? wywwy?

[15:00 PM] Nicholas Fullerton(Gilgamesh) was read his last rites

[15:30 PM] Someone forgot that there are no bombs in this game.

[17:05 PM] Michelle shows a killer instinct in his Rorschach(Steven John) test

[17:45 PM] Feeling blue(Francis Bleibel)? Must be because there's NO PIE?!

[19:00 PM] Carnage occurs! Aaron Barker(a small child), Jonathan David Benwell(The Cameraman) and Jonathan Marten(The Dread Pirate LeChuck) all fall. Cupcake manages to escape.

[19:15 PM] Cupcake committed a heinous crime.

[21:48 PM] Never stand too close to the Plodge! William Warman (Nightjar) is brutally murdered.

Sunday, 25 January

[10:00 AM] Sunday mornings are a killer for Oliver Dominik Caspari (Gabriel Otto Dwarfsmith)

[11:00 AM] Adam Guterres, Coryan Wilson-Shah and Paul Tinton went on a poisoning spree. Jeremy Kneebone (Artichoke) fell afoul.

[12:00 PM] Paul Tinton is a Duncan Stibbard Hawkes (Pain in the Assassin)

[12:10 PM] Lord Erebus narrowly escapes Adam Guterres

[12:40 PM] Sheepish kills his would-be assailant Charlie Schoonman (some loathsome individual whose name is not worth mentioning) and accidently kills his ally/target Mark Pendar-Bare (Heydar). Look Sheepish!

[13:00 PM] William P Brooks shot lots of innocents

[14:00 PM] diavolo abile cuts down Netta Chachamu (the muffin man)

[15:00 PM] The Muffin Man ran out of muffins, so he snacked on a Elaine Oliver(mojito)

[16:00 PM] Adam Guterres beams Michael McCulloch (Scotty) to the grave.

[19:00 PM] David Reid (Sicarius Clandestinus) resigned from the game

[20:30 PM] Philip Hubbard takes on five assassins, but nobody is killed

[22:50 PM] William P Brooks attacks the police force, pigging Roseanna Pendlebury (Justice! Or at least doughnuts...)

Monday, 26 January

[09:00 AM] Coryan Wilson-Shah takes down Chris Hands (Touch of Pink) and Aaron Barker(Richard "Somewhat Inimitable" Gibson). Who will stop him?

[12:00 PM] Elfboy shows his hand. Ben Gadsby (Josie Mitchell) is struck down

[17:15 PM] Some serious interactions occurred! Harry Huang (Peter Duffett-Smith) was the only casualty.

[19:30 PM] Holmes seeks out The Avuncular Troglodyte. Perhaps he is lost without his trusty assistant?

[19:45 PM] The Joker knew Harry Steggles (The Muffin Man), so Elfboy killed him.

[20:00 PM] Some assassins fancied some Cupcake. They left hungry.

[20:30 PM] Another wanted! Gordon Levine kills his target Jamie Goodland (Flash Kong), but accidently takes down Jane Aston (Turnus) in the process.

Tuesday, 27 January

[02:00 AM] An anonymous bounty was placed!

[08:55 AM] The streets of Cambridge are slightly safer as Adam Guterres (Seafarer Attic Butler King) is taken down. Read about it on The BBC News!

[10:40 AM] Lord Erebus guns down the corpse of Jane Aston

[12:00 PM] Kluke receives a poisoned envelope.

[13:00 PM] Do away with Andrew Hobson (The Antagonised Ape)? That's What she said!

[13:15 PM] Duh duh duh....another wanted bites the dust! Alicia Danks (wywwy) is brought to justice by Baroque Obama, though not before dispatching Matt Hickford (dr -NIM)

[13:30 PM] William P Brooks kills again! Who will be The Artist (Thomas Martin Prince) of his demise?

[15:25 PM] Prometheus scorches Robert Rivera (Shadowgerbil).

[16:00 PM] I heard there was a secret NO PIE?!. Adam Morgan (Peregrine) didn't.

[19:00 PM] Another anonymous bounty. Who will claim the ptreasure?

[19:30 PM] The Author writes the postscript for Yi Luo (Screaming Dove)

[21:00 PM] Rhymnocerous refuses to suckmyrocket

Wednesday, 28 January

[10:00 AM] Joseph Reed ends Luke James Montgomery Robins (The Author)'s novel.

[12:00 PM] Careless talk costs lives! Or at least your own, in the case of Thomas Alexander (This IS a gun in my pocket!)

[13:00 PM] Another kill for Coryan Wilson-Shah in Harry Robinson (That was unexpected...). Can't say That was unexpected...

[14:00 PM] Clearly The Unsubtle Menace was being quite subtle, as they elude Marvin

[16:15 PM] Gordon Levine has a good plan, and gets the licit kill need for redemption, disposing of Alex Guttenplan (Philby)

[16:30 PM] The Avuncular Troglodyte deflates Theo Sanderson (Inflatable Mongoose)'s attempt

[18:00 PM] Perhaps the lack of pie finally got to Coryan Wilson-Shah (NO PIE?!), as he killed by If it moves T#%T it, though not before kicking the ass of Foysol Miah (With karate I'll kick your ass, from here to right over there).

[18:30 PM] The Joker's misunderstanding of licit targets fails to amuse Matthew Evans (last rites).

[19:20 PM] Michelle takes out the trash, disposing of Adam S.Backer (Dan The Garbage Man)

Thursday, 29 January

[04:00 AM] It's another arrrrnonymous bounty!

[09:55 AM] Is this the end for twatism? Joseph Reed (If it moves T#%T it) can't move fast enough.

[12:00 PM] The reckless criminal William P Brooks (I have no need of a pseudonym because I am going wanted (low redemption conditions please!)) is finally taken down! What havoc will he now cause within the police force?

[12:15 PM] Joseph Reed's not having a good day, this time shot by Neither am I

[13:00 PM] A lack of Cupcake leaves ScienceFictionDoubleFeature hungry for more (more, more, more...)

[16:00 PM] Dora the explorer has a spring in their step, eliminating John Shirley (grasshopper)

[16:30 PM] There may me no more muffin men, but baking muffins leads to Julie Chan (knawit)'s demise.

[17:30 PM] Some police try to clean up the streets of Cambridge, but again Benjamin Huw Gibson proves elusive.

[17:50 PM] Black Eyed Pete remains treasureless.

[21:15 PM] NINJA Elfboy showed off his moves on James Wilkinson Barwise (Albi The Racist), who dispatched of Anthony Price (What she said)

Friday, 30 January

[10:00 AM] Michelle's special letter is successfully nullified by Benjamin Huw Gibson

[13:20 PM] The Soviet Samurai is left disappointed by a lack of Sulphane, but I'm sure his nose isn't.

[14:00 PM] Isha lacks sufficient latin to find Cogito Ergo Femina Sum

[15:00 PM] Joseph Reed is mutilated again! This time Ernesto is the culprit

[16:00 PM] Banana Flavour does not mix with Ginger, whilst Malachy Gerard Higgins remains elusive.

[19:00 PM] Kluke can't lure out Prometheus. Perhaps he should go to the store to get more fire?

[20:00 PM] Richard "Solvent Insurer" Gibson fails to account for Sidhe and Holmes, despite assistance from arva

Saturday, 31 January

[10:00 AM] Magnet fails to attract Robot in Disguise

[13:00 PM] Sam Atkinson (Professor Challenger found the lost world, and then he) found Michelle's poison letter

[14:00 PM] Incobash group 1 (bikes): A disticnt lack of incos.

[14:20 PM] You got Sarge'd and Lord Erebus hunt out the inco Meg, but he doesn't want to play.

[18:15 PM] yohoho and a bottle of Matthew Yates (Ali Dia)

[18:20 PM] Banana Flavour didn't like the incompetent flavour of Todd Davidson (Capital T).

Sunday, 1 February

[15:00 PM] arva's coin trick accounts for Tanuj Bhojwani (Sulphane)

[17:55 PM] The Knight who say Ni avenges their friends by killing Luke Sharpin (Kluke)

[19:00 PM] Darkness falls on Kaifei Yu (never ending night). yohoho continues his fine police work, with the help of What me? No, I'm not corrupt..

[22:30 PM] Cogito Ergo Femina Sum, Baroque Obama and G mutilate Jonah Hill

Monday, 2 February

[10:50 AM] Amelia Booth makes a bid for the furthest ever kill, taking down Charlie Schoonman (the unwavering hand of fate) in Salzburg

[12:00 PM] arva discovered that Allie Rinck (ink) bleeds more than ink.

[14:30 PM] Michelle drinks up Jacob Wills (Beef Tea)

[15:00 PM] Neither am I shows the force of the law. Bibek Mukherjee (Hercule Poirot) and Parin Shah (Donkey Oaty) are the latest inco casualties.

[18:30 PM] yohoho is becoming quite the inco basher. Kai Van Duuren (Half-dutch) is full-dead.

[20:30 PM] There are no mafias in Cambridge, as l33t-girl888, I pwn n00bs and Holmes can confirm. The Avuncular Troglodyte escapes their clutches, but Mukund Kanoria (Kundi) does not.

[21:30 PM] Michelle shows off her muscles by killing Jimmy Bost (Biceps Femoris)

Tuesday, 3 February

[00:15 AM] DanceDance Revolution: Submission Number One

[10:00 AM] suckmyrocket can't be sucked in by poison letters.

[14:00 PM] Orfeo unsuccesfully vists Cogito Ergo Femina Sum. Perhaps the radio is insufficently operatic?

[15:00 PM] More mutilation. Lord Erebus shoots the zombified Mukund Kanoria

[19:00 PM] KT Bosse-Foy (Robot in Disguise) dies lots of times. Looks like Justice!...this time.

[19:10 PM] Ben Gadsby (Brownbeard) gets caught up trying to kill the Newnham inco, as he also falls to Justice!...this time

Wednesday, 4 February

[11:00 AM] Sheepish is not yet Sidhe's lamb to the slaughter

[12:00 PM] Stephen Tordoff (MrF), you got headcrabbed. You got Sarge'd imaginative weaponry strikes.

[13:00 PM] Richard Paul Astley cannot be letter-rolled by ScienceFictionDoubleFeature

[14:30 PM] Matt Taylor (Grubberlang) discovers that the police aren't as incompetent as he is. a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises. continues to serve up justice.

[18:00 PM] Need to remove the inco Merlin Evans (USING ALL CAPS MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL)? This calls for Captain Charisma!

[19:10 PM] Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis ruins Caroline Tecks (Panthunter)'s dinner.

[20:00 PM] arva shoots the corpse of Lauren Withall (Lethal Llama) - she had fallen to the poison letter of The Penguin.

[20:10 PM] Black Eyed Pete is treasureless once again, shooting the corpse of Caroline Tecks

[22:00 PM] Mutilation is contagious, everyone's at it! Bosun Pudding joins in the festivities with Matt Taylor

Thursday, 5 February

[11:00 AM] The BBC News cannot report the death of any incos.

[11:30 AM] Merlin Evans is popular today! Ernesto can't find him either

[13:20 PM] iswydt attempted to molest the Umpire. wywwy?

[14:00 PM] Does Banana Flavour still like the flavour of incos? Giles Fleming doesn't want to find out.

[15:00 PM] Do you prefer Bosun Pudding or PIE!? Anthony Yong Kheng Cordero Ng (Bruce Lee) would say neither

[20:00 PM] NINJA Elfboy flushes away Giles Fleming (Mr Scrub), with a little help from his comrade The Soviet Samurai

Friday, 6 February

[00:00 AM] Guess what? It's another anonymous bounty!

[11:00 AM] Jessica Donnithorne (Dora the explorer) may have explored the antartic, but she certainly didn't see The Penguin coming.

[13:20 PM] I've heard PIE! is a Magnet for the ladies. Perhaps it was a fatal attraction for Karoliina Lehtinen (Magnet)

[14:00 PM] The ITV News update! Jack William Matthew Jackson (Rhymnocerous) falls to a poison letter!

[15:00 PM] ScienceFictionDoubleFeature doesn't get a feature of Benjamin Huw Gibson

[15:30 PM] The notorious wanted criminal Benjamin Huw Gibson (Cupcake) is finally taken down as he has a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises.

[18:15 PM] l33t-girl888, I pwn n00bs and Holmes try their luck with Dominic Hinkins (The Avuncular Troglodyte) again. This time Holmes gets him.

[19:30 PM] SWAT raid time! No-one was killed, shocker!

Saturday, 7 February

[00:30 AM] yohoho and a bottle of rum at 'Pav'. Yuan Cao Zhang (latent electricity) is the latest Churchill inco to fall.

[15:00 PM] Black Eyed Pete's lack of booty is beginning to frustrate him, all he sees are corpses!

Sunday, 8 February

[10:40 AM] The Knight who say Ni wants to flsuh away some incos. He was too late for Giles Fleming.

[22:00 PM] NO RUM?! drove Harry Robinson (Dick Deadeye) to his death

[23:00 PM] William P Brooks (G) attacks someone he can't kill. Baroque Obama punishes him accordingly.

Monday, 9 February

[09:40 AM] Is Sheepish really a turtle? X can't find him either.

[11:00 AM] It's the last roll of the dice for Daniel O'Brien (Richard Paul Astley) as Bosun Pudding strikes down another inco.

[12:00 PM] Not content with being dead again, William P Brooks tries to interfere with Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis and Cogito Ergo Femina Sum

[12:10 PM] A familiar face returns?

[20:45 PM] The BBC News wants to kill incos, but Alice Draper, Nadia Shahanara Islam and Oliver Timmis won't come out to play

[21:00 PM] Shantanu Kafle is apparently subtle enough to evade arva and The Penguin

[22:00 PM] a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises. has a warning for Shantanu Kafle

Tuesday, 10 February

[09:55 AM] The ITV News has a special early morning bulletin for Carol Sparke (Cogito Ergo Femina Sum)

[12:27 PM] It appears Black Eyed Pete has an ally in his quest for treasure.

[13:10 PM] Simon Taylor (Lord Erebus) should have known better than to mess with l33t asssassins like l33t-girl888 and I pwn n00bs

[13:25 PM] President assassinated! Oh wait it's only James Brister (Baroque Obama) (this time).

[13:30 PM] Mary Fortune (Sidhe) discovers that attacking Sheepish is a bad plan. First she shoots an innocent, and then is killed by her target, with a little help from Jimbob Jones

[17:15 PM] Would Oliver Timmis (Lionheart) give him kingdom for some PIE!?

Wednesday, 11 February

[11:55 AM] Sheepish dishes out his own bran of Justice on Jack Oyston (Hooded Justice)

[13:00 PM] Shantanu Kafle (The Unsubtle Menace) avoids being thunderbolted by beight caught up by The Soviet Samurai

[18:20 PM] Black Eyed Pete searches for James Brister without success. Surprise, surprise, he was dead anyway!

[20:55 PM] Michelle pulls her belle moves on Christopher Milligan (suckmyrocket)

Thursday, 12 February

[13:00 PM] The mysterious X responds to the challenge by taking down Alasdair Wilkins (Jimbob Jones AKA l33t-girl888) and Brook Roberts (Sheepish AKA I pwn n00bs AKA The Last Biscuit)

[17:20 PM] Bosun Pudding om nom noms another inco, Christopher Powell (You got Sarge'd)

[19:00 PM] NINJA Elfboy has fun in the snow, but Jimbob Jones doesn't increase his pleasure

Friday, 13 February

[09:00 AM] Roseanna Pendlebury(Justice!...this time) dies again, this time to Captain Orgasmatron

[10:00 AM] What me? No, I'm not corrupt. appears to be less than corrupt, dispatching the inco Alice Draper (Marvin)

[11:00 AM] Holmes detective skills fail to locate Ernesto

Saturday, 14 February

[08:00 AM] An anonymous bounty! Oh wait...

[14:20 PM] Sir Lai Xi likes the taste of Rich Miller (Banana Flavour)

Sunday, 15 February

[16:00 PM] The BBC News and Rich Miller say ni to The Knight who say Ni

[18:00 PM] Black Eyed Pete has a run-in with arva and Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis.

[23:00 PM] Has NINJA Elfboy become completely invisible? He succeeds in eluding The Soviet Samurai completely.

[23:40 PM] Amelia Booth saw some assassins

Monday, 16 February

[21:30 PM] Bethany English and NINJA Elfboy had a direct interaction, ooh err!

Tuesday, 17 February

[00:01 AM] Nadia Shahanara Islam (Richard "Solvent Insurer" Gibson) was removed from the game.

[12:30 PM] Sir Lai Xi fails to impress the emperor with any kills

[14:45 PM] The ITV News takes control of the Cambridge media, taking down Philip Hubbard (The BBC News AKA Sir Lai Xi)

[16:00 PM] Mmmmm PIE!. PIE! goooood! Unless you're Adina Judy Bernstein (Isha) that is.

[18:45 PM] Robert Bell (Ernesto) is the latest to have a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises.

Wednesday, 18 February

[13:15 PM] Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis continues his rampage through the game, felling Ashley Chadwick (The Knight who say Ni). Who can stop him?

[19:15 PM] After their earlier run in, Black Eyed Pete tries to hunt down arva and Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis again

[19:45 PM] Gordon Levine (Saturn AKA Orfeo) is in fact killed before thunderbolting by Bjorn Again

Thursday, 19 February

[09:00 AM] Henry R. B. Duke (Black Eyed Pete) is sent to the graveyaaaaarrd by The 'Other' Duke and arva

[13:30 PM] Holmes remains good at evasion as well as detection, as The Soviet Samurai discovers.

[21:30 PM] Holmes out-ninjas Dominic Carr (Elfboy AKA NINJA Elfboy)

Saturday, 21 February

[18:35 PM] Mutiny in Russia as Dyeduska Vodyanoy takes down Serguei Mouratov (The Soviet Samurai)

Sunday, 22 February

[19:30 PM] The elusive inco Bethany English (ScienceFictionDoubleFeature) is finally taken down!

Monday, 23 February

[13:00 PM] Michelle and arva shoot Dominic Carr's corpse.

Tuesday, 24 February

[09:00 AM] Rupert Rutledge (Holmes) is the last to fall to the team of arva and X

Wednesday, 25 February

[00:00 AM] So, You say you want a Revolution?.

[23:37 PM] Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis (Michelle AKA The ITV News AKA The Penguin AKA PIE! AKA X AKA I'M Richard Gibson AKA Dyeduska Vodyanoy AKA The Grue AKA The 'Other' Duke AKA Bjorn Again AKA The Nuke) emerges as victor, disposing of Emily Scragg (arva)!

The Assassins' Guild - Headlines

Saturday, 24 January