The Assassins' Guild

[08:33 AM] Warren Hochfeld (Pablo Escobar) retired from the game

[08:45 AM] The Jazz Monkey stabbed Richard Digby (... really can't think of anything!)

[08:54 AM] Caroline Tanner (In cambridge, no-one can hear you scream), especially when shot by Murdoc

[13:00 PM] The ninja pirate monkey (also a zombie) ran away and I just lost the game

[14:20 PM] Philemon brutally splattered Paul Stanyon (The Malevolent Tortoise). Someone call the RSPCA.

[18:00 PM] Nessa Cavilihr broke a Samuel James Walker (Heartbreaker)

[19:00 PM] Dr Zeus found a Sophie Catt (John Doe) but could not revive her.

[21:35 PM] David Piggott (Mr. Brightside) failed to kill M.Fail, failed so much in fact that he died.

[22:29 PM] Irene Adler attempted to lure SurpriseBobcat from his lair

[23:30 PM] Marco set off a Jamie Gibson (Rocket Baby)

Friday, 23 October

[00:30 AM] Riff-Raff killed Esther Nicoll (Paff)

[10:20 AM] Charlie Schoonman (the anatidaephobic one) falls victim to Roboto De Disastre

[10:30 AM] Alexander Potts (Eric Fletcher) fails to lock his door and dies to Robert Cecil

[11:00 AM] Robert Cecil has a busy morning. Edward West (I'm going in for the pill, Im doing it cos I'm ill...) is the next to die.

[11:00 AM] Luchas runs away...

[12:00 PM] the Nesquik Assassin banged Emma Clegg (Satsuma La Roux)

[13:00 PM] Chris Hands (I just lost the game) continued being a tard and was shot by The ninja pirate monkey (also a zombie)

[13:01 PM] Joe Reed (The Emperor's fist) is no match for The Darkness

[14:00 PM] Nothing Up My Sleeve did, in fact, have an RBG up his sleeve and shot Thomas Craig Hodgson (Vladimir Killov)

[15:50 PM] The corpse mutilation begins! Rambo pays Thomas Craig Hodgson's grave a visit.

[16:00 PM] Elizabeth Robinshaw (Red Squirrel) not cautious enough and gets her head blown off by Arundel

[16:00 PM] Julian Willis (Rohypnol perpetuality) is ended by Silent

[17:06 PM] Timothy Waters (Niccolo Machiavelli) is not sufficiently Machiavellian and is stabbed by a Baby Gorilla

[18:20 PM] Septimus Hodge destroys Mason Robert Edwards (Divinity)

[19:00 PM] Andrew Edgar (The Fat Man) ate too much of Bobo (The Otter)

[20:20 PM] Emma Kudzin (Ray Sersharpe) and Sophie Drummond (Lady Nightstalker) team up but both die. YEAH BUDDAY!

[22:00 PM] Marco killed Daniel Jay Davies (Kindness)

[23:00 PM] James Hollingshead (Tanglefoot) got entangled with cross-dressing The Jam Sandwich (of death)

Saturday, 24 October

[10:15 AM] Count Peduran crushed Mubdiu Reza Chowdhury (imarock)

[13:00 PM] The president has been saved! Katherine Gammie (Inhabitant of one grassy knoll) taken down by the Nesquik Assassin

[13:15 PM] A game of cat and mouse ends up with Daniel Turner (Black Badger) dying. Neil B Formy the victor.

[14:50 PM] Omar does what the vietnamese, russians and hillbilly sheriffs could not. James Philip Robert Tiffin (Rambo) dies.

[15:45 PM] Allowing Dragonflys to cut your arm earns you an M.Fail

[18:10 PM] Another player guilty of opening their door, another corpse. Paul Butcher (asdf123) shot by Sali Dali

Sunday, 25 October

[00:00 AM] Chris Wade kills Shluf illegally.

[10:30 AM] David Clarke attempts to surprise a conman but fails.

[12:31 PM] Pradeepa Sivasanthiran (RuinedPuzzle) resigns from the game

[14:55 PM] Roboto De Disastre enters David Marc Jones (The Manic Moleman)'s den and stabs him.

[15:30 PM] 22135 - bombs dropped and they missed Cous-cous.

[15:40 PM] An Innocent Bystander is out in cambridge

[16:30 PM] Luchas is hungry and goes looking for mrpasta

[17:00 PM] Lilly the Pig has trouble opening locked doors. Boris Johnson, Mayor of Death and the lobster remain safe.

[19:00 PM] Climate change is real. Chloe Ursula Wallis (Pseudy Pseu) killed by Rain

[19:10 PM] Big Dave enjoys killing Yarden Brody (Sali Dali) rather too much.

[20:25 PM] Alex Bower (Orlando Boom) and Palika Bhasin (Awkward Palmtree) make the rookie mistake of believing a door is the only exit. bah stabs them both in the back.

[20:30 PM] A skirmish occurs. Hester Thorneycroft, The Amazing Chocolate Orange and Count Peduran kill Neal Carr (Dragonfly), Peter William Hatfield (Mr Moore) and an innocent

[20:30 PM] Have you ever noticed, it's the little things that are most dangerous. Caroline Jane Clark (Mr Pink) killed by bunnies

[20:40 PM] Lazar Clarent does a bit of god-slaying. Evis Charalambous (Zeus) falls.

Monday, 26 October

[10:55 AM] Matthew Peck (Helmet Guy) falls foul of a Cataclysm

[12:40 PM] Scrubs triumphs over historical drama. chocolate bear stabs Joseph Guy Briggs (Sir Robin).

[13:10 PM] Konrad Wagstyl (conman) isn't tricky enough, Roboto De Disastre kills him in hall.

[16:00 PM] Nothing Up My Sleeve used some more magic and conjured Luke Sharpin (Father McGruder)'s corpse.

[17:30 PM] Ooh Tigger, ooh Tigger, ooh Tigger shoots his weapon at Emily Cottrell (Shirley Knott)

[17:50 PM] The wanted criminal Hester Thorneycroft (Nessa Cavilihr) is dispatched by our ruthless Head of The Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Dr. Talos Jabbersocky, A Mesa Trudger.

[20:20 PM] A Crate of Sharks is unleashed in sainsburys, Emily Scragg (Rain) and Joshua Guy Blanchard Lewis (Ooh Tigger, ooh Tigger, ooh Tigger) are killed. Wildcard watches in amusement.

[23:30 PM] Riff-Raff and Call me what you will tour cambridge and find nobody.

Tuesday, 27 October

[08:50 AM] Murdoc goes grey squirrel hunting and discovers they're harder to find than foxes

[10:15 AM] The Darkness wishes to join MENSA but can't find him anywhere.

[13:00 PM] Xezbeth eats a Richard Cole (Biscuit). Om nom nom.

[14:00 PM] Theo Sanderson (Vaguely like a nym) gets double teamed by The Amazing Chocolate Orange and Count Peduran

[14:30 PM] Devon Buchanan (Nephron) learns even laundry is a dangerous activity for an assassin. Elser was the killer.

[15:45 PM] Jack Daniel Vulcan Oxley (Mulciber) is slain by Riff-Raff

[17:40 PM] Irene Adler surprises Thomas Bytheway (SurpriseBobcat) with a big gun

[18:20 PM] Murdoc shot down the gun-toting Sebastian John (The Flying Space Monkeys)

[18:50 PM] Luchas encounters a well armed Irene Adler and goes off to nom on Paddy Orchard (mrpasta)

Wednesday, 28 October

[08:47 AM] Another wanted criminal dealt with by our ultra-efficient police force. Ninja Pig kills Chris Wade (Absum).

[10:00 AM] Just to make sure, The Darkness mutilates Absum's corpse

[10:00 AM] Let all prospective criminals hear. Our police force is not to be messed with. Poison For Legs kills Robert Andrew Sullivan (Crate of Sharks)

[10:30 AM] Cambridge's llamas are safe once more. Nick Fitzpatrick (The Llama Pirate) is killed by hans

[11:00 AM] ... paper beats rock and The Subtle Trout beats Jake Harris (The Jakehammer)

[12:00 PM] Paul Jarvis (Jack's Uncle) discovers it is right to fear the Unknown

[12:00 PM] Chris Wade had a really bad day. Cataclysm is the third person to stab him in as many hours.

[12:15 PM] Rabbit Master refuses to display his powers, electing to knife Thomas James Kirkwood (Withnail)

[12:45 PM] The Jazz Monkey upsets children everywhere by slaughtering beloved author Sean Tull (Hans Christian Andersen)

[12:48 PM] We've managed to scare some more off. Alex Karmazyn (Brunel) and Ricky Jones (Macros the Black) resign.

[13:56 PM] Robert Cecil culls the Michael Sargent (Riff-Raff)

[14:00 PM] Unknown, Heydar the Great and Pink Fluffy Bunny go for an assassins trip out. They only meet a corpse.

[16:30 PM] An Assassin visits Luchas while he is out.

[16:35 PM] An Innocent Bystander hangs out at The Ninja Panda's abode.

[17:00 PM] Arundel goes in search of The Amazing Chocolate Orange but the search is fruitless.

[18:20 PM] An encounter for the connoisseurs. Dream cheese vs Michael Williamson (the lobster).

[20:00 PM] Shubnit Bhumbra visits all his targets hans, Toast, and '-_-', meets none of them but does kill an innocent.

Thursday, 29 October

[11:30 AM] Loremaster failed to read the rules properly, so fate intervened preventing him from killing Cautionary Tales of Swords

[13:20 PM] Justin Esau (Silent) is killed by someone TwiceAsNiceAsMice

[13:30 PM] Stuart Alexander Burns (C. Montgomery) is unable to keep up with The Shanatu Shuffle

[14:40 PM] Another assassin dies as a direct result of laundry. Luchas stabs Daniel Baker (the Nesquik Assassin)

[15:20 PM] A suspicious amnesty cold caller, Toast, visits David Turner

[17:20 PM] Manilla Wallett takes the novel approach of leaving the door unlocked and still kills Christoph Straeter (paradoxon)

[17:20 PM] esion the great decides he'll have a bit of Anna Goldenberg (Apfelstrudel)

[18:45 PM] Alex Rossides (Stabby McStabbin) learns that guns > knives, shot by Count Peduran

[21:30 PM] bah is visited by Nothing Up My Sleeve. Nothing much happens.

[22:12 PM] A warning message from Rowena Paren.

[23:59 PM] Another day, another set of people realising they're too busy / too paranoid / too lame to play any more. Beth Peters (betty3), Dominic de'Ath (Domdeath), James Forbes-King (pokemon trainer), Max Menzies (Ken Adams) all resign.

Friday, 30 October

[08:45 AM] An Innocent Bystander goes wandering around cambridge again, visiting The Ninja Panda who is TwiceAsNiceAsMice

[11:00 AM] The CoP takes down another wanted criminal, Shubnit Bhumbra (Dr Zeus)

[12:00 PM] Assassins are queuing up to be killed by Nwala. Craig Newbold (Terry Moss), Julian Parmar (The Man with the Striped Banana) and Rowena Paren (Grey) all die.

[12:05 PM] Appearing on University Challenge may seriously damage your health. A point proved by Alexander Guttenplan (The Man With Absolute Motion) killed by MooHead

[12:30 PM] Another person wishing to remain competent. Gordius visits Ryback and Wildcard.

[12:55 PM] The undead are walking again, but The ninja pirate monkey (also a zombie) can't find a Black Badger to flail at

[13:00 PM] Bobo (The Otter) goes to look for Jennifer's Body but is unable to find the right spot

[14:00 PM] Felix Wood (Philip Woodley) doesn't enjoy Jennifer's Body

[14:20 PM] Nick Eames (The BFG) was killed in Selwyn but no-one has actually claimed the kill

[15:45 PM] Pigs will fly before David Clarke (Roboto De Disastre AKA bladey) gets killed. Carlsberg don't do Assassins, but if they did, they probably would have already been killed by me was the killer.

[15:50 PM] Everybody should avoid spiders, especially when being thrown at you. Like Jack the Ripper Jr did to William Morland (Philemon).

[16:30 PM] Silverdevilboy and The Purge visit a few people but are defeated by the locked doors of Robert Cecil and MENSA.

[17:00 PM] It's guy love... between two guys. Only this time chocolate bear murders Vinaya Sriangam (mediclove)

[17:00 PM] Cautionary Tales of Swords fully recovered from his brush with death yesterday, tracked down his would be murderer, Robin McConnell (Loremaster) and got revenge

[17:30 PM] The hero formerly known as Kaukomieli is unable to find Galois and MENSA

[18:00 PM] Eagle Eye does not experience a Cataclysm

[18:15 PM] Michael Darling (Marco) sticks up for his friend Ventura but ends up double killing with Emma Garnett (Grey eyes)

[19:10 PM] Irene Adler calmly dispatches Amanda Hadkiss (Teresa Green)

[19:30 PM] Wildcard goes hunting for X^Y and Scubbo but doesn't find them

[20:30 PM] Bob the Builder hits Rachel Purdon (TwiceAsNiceAsMice) with a skyscraper

[23:30 PM] Christopher Wells (Elser) believed that assassins don't come out at night. Where do these people get their ideas? Galois sets him straight.

[23:50 PM] Assassins are everywhere, even in cinemas. Scubbo stabs James Latter (Beanster)

[23:55 PM] The Carpenter encourages Alice Coburn (22135)'s door to open.

Saturday, 31 October

[01:00 AM] Halloween parties make for good assassins reports. Jatinder Singh Sahota (MooHead) dressed as a mummy is shot by Jay the Oompa Loompa

[06:10 AM] Matthew Evans is out of town until the 2nd.

[07:55 AM] Christopher Milligan is out of cambridge for the weekend

[08:04 AM] Some more people resigning. Charles Reith (Mr Darcy), Erroll William Wood (someone who wishes to remain anonymous), Karin Bergvall ("Steve")

[09:00 AM] He is the one. He defeated Christopher O'Sullivan-Duffy (AgentSmyth). He is Jazzman.

[10:10 AM] Rayman shoots Nick Fitzpatrick's corpse due to not reading his emails, then kills his current target Jack Jackson (Scubbo)

[12:00 PM] The Incobash happened, lol occured.

[12:30 PM] Has no-one ever tried shooting ringwraiths with water pistols. Apparently it's quite effective yosh kills Eleanor Dickinson (Neon Ringwraith)

[13:30 PM] Matvey Soloviev (1 in 3 students are a victim of crime. Don't let it be you!) is a victim of murder, killed by SPEX

[14:45 PM] Horatio T Loins sneaks up on the incobash and shoots Daniel Gregory Wallace O'Brien (Captain "Fabulous" Falcon)

[17:15 PM] Jeff Carpenter (Shluf) so nearly avoids the incobash but is shot by Severus Snipe

[18:00 PM] Ben Strak (I See You) does not manage to spot Severus Snipe

[19:30 PM] While incobashing, Robert Cecil stops off to kill one of his targets: Pip Ash (Ventura)

[22:15 PM] Oh, look! An inco! spots an incompetent Peter Hereward David McGibbon (grey squirrel)

[22:20 PM] Faced with the prospect of the Unknown on Halloween, William Kenyon (abacathoo) dies.

Sunday, 1 November

[05:01 AM] James Barwise (Hangonaminute...) resigns from the game

[06:15 AM] Severus Snipe had a busy day, killing Joseph Myer Sanderson (Advocatus Diaboli), Tom Bettany (The Shadow), Malcolm Perry (Tarquin)

[11:00 AM] Max 'Murdered' (Jhim) learns not to trust anybody. Rayman kills him.

[11:40 AM] mnkymn helps with incobashing. Cameron Stocks (Lorenzini 'The Stilletto' Macnief), Eleanor Catherine Richards (Enid), Pavel Kantchev (Bigmelons Law), Sophie Norman (Care Bear) and Thomas O'Pray (Drunken T) all die by his hand.

[12:15 PM] mnkymn finishes off the Girton incos, Benjamin James Webb (The Mysterious Mason), Nicholas Farandos (Altaiir).

[12:15 PM] Rabbit Master attempts to clear up the girton incos, Benjamin James Webb , Eleanor Catherine Richards, mnkymn and Pavel Kantchev without knowing most of them are dead

[12:30 PM] Rayman shoots Clare Bernstein (X^Y) with a banana gun.

[12:40 PM] Arundel attempts to backstab Clare Bernstein but stabs only a corpse.

[13:20 PM] Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin is pehaps not as safe as first believed. James Kellett (Jack Colt) is killed by Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin

[14:45 PM] Lise McNally (S.A.L.O) is killed by a Badger for being incompetent

[16:00 PM] The Darkness settled over Jack Arthur Roberts (Badger)

[18:00 PM] applied philosophy shoots David John Frederick Brooks (Big Dave)

[18:50 PM] The Blonde Peril has no Sally Higson (Sympathy for Old Girl)

Monday, 2 November

[10:00 AM] Foysol Miah (YEAH BUDDAY!) is viciously murdered by a Pink Fluffy Bunny

[11:00 AM] Os kills Alice-andrea Ewing (The Flump)

[11:00 AM] Murdoc catches Harry Robinson in (An Inconvenient Lie)

[11:00 AM] Neil B Formy pays a visit to The Jazz Monkey, An Innocent Bystander and The Blonde Peril but they weren't in.

[13:15 PM] Didius Julianus discovers Stephen Tordoff is (Grateful Dead)

[17:00 PM] Cataclysm goes hunting but only finds the corpse of Alice-andrea Ewing and no Michael Owen

[17:30 PM] The police go on a raid. Incos beware.

[19:30 PM] Carlsberg don't do Assassins, but if they did, they probably would have already been killed by me's killer pigs feast upon the corpse of Harry Robinson

[22:00 PM] Kiriakos Shiarli (Kikos) is mown down by Severus Snipe

Tuesday, 3 November

[12:00 PM] Ashley Chadwick (Carlsberg don't do Assassins, but if they did, they probably would have already been killed by me) is eliminated outside lectures by Lilly the Pig

[13:50 PM] Didius Julianus earns an Merlin Evans (M.Fail)

[21:00 PM] Xezbeth attacked the day-old corpse of Rosalyn Buckland

[21:10 PM] Bobo (The Otter) ambushes Jennifer Lynn VanAusdall (Jennifer's Body) and gets her wet.

Wednesday, 4 November

[01:53 AM] Another person resigns: Chris Ramsden (Gordius) this time

[11:55 AM] James Brister (Legrange does it with the least action) is reduced to no action after being shot by Septimus Hodge

[12:00 PM] Severus Snipe is completely unfazed by Roseanna Pendlebury (The Phantom Tollbooth) and shoots her

[13:00 PM] Luchas butchers a Malithi Hennayake (Baby Gorilla)

[16:45 PM] The Amazing Chocolate Orange and Count Peduran hunt down and kill David Wyndham Keith Cox (The Ninja Panda) and Miharu Obata (Michael Owen). Have we not all wanted to kill Michael Owen at some point.

[17:20 PM] Jack the Ripper Jr takes a break from his usual activities and takes a piece of Tom Partington (Mango)

[17:25 PM] Yet another Police raid, led by Severus Snipe. Only one inco was killed by cambridge's finest. Chris Hutchinson (Alberto Balsam) shot by Ninja Pig

[18:45 PM] Xezbeth is overcome with grief at the death of his comrades and takes revenge on Brian Premchand (bah), going wanted in the process.

[19:30 PM] Jack the Ripper Jr persists in his attempts to clean up the streets of cambridge, Krishan Changela (Ryback) falls.

Thursday, 5 November

[13:00 PM] Altair shoots the Templar Prateush Singh (chocolate bear)

[13:40 PM] Knives continues the war on incompetence, visiting Baby Gorilla and Big Dave. He has obviously not seen the new laws on Fiona Berreby (Fox) hunting.

[15:30 PM] The Blue and Yellow Monster Group shot Dr. Talos Jabbersocky, A Mesa Trudger, Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah and The Umpire. But everything was fine as we were all OOB.

[17:00 PM] Jack Euesden (Jay) is eliminated by The Subtle Trout

[18:00 PM] Pinball Wizard slaughtered Chris Hands (The Ghost of the Essence of Youth and Childhood). Quite how you murder The Ghost of the Essence of Youth and Childhood, I'm not sure.

[18:00 PM] Poison For Legs tries to assassinate an incompetent corpse, Miharu Obata

[18:00 PM] A Wildcard gets past college security only to find The Purge is not in.

[18:05 PM] Yuan Zhang ('-_-')'s dinner plans were rudely interrupted by Cataclysm

[20:00 PM] Aaron Barker (The Jam Sandwich (of death)) is dealt with by The Shanatu Shuffle

Friday, 6 November

[00:30 AM] Julian Willis (Poison For Legs) attempts to remove the corrupt Dr. Talos Jabbersocky, A Mesa Trudger from the police ranks but only ends up dying.

[12:00 PM] Silverdevilboy attempts to locate Robert Cecil and Albino but they remain elusive.

[12:15 PM] mnkymn goes to see bunnies and Os but is not admitted

[13:00 PM] Wildcard can't find The Purge at lectures either. Where does he spend his time?

[13:20 PM] The Purge needs to urgently repair his RBG but can't find The Carpenter

[16:00 PM] Severus Snipe cleans up the force, killing Peter William Hatfield (Nickhead)

Saturday, 7 November

[08:45 AM] Zoe Holder (Big Dave) falls to Silent Murder

[17:50 PM] A double kill occurred. Alexander Lodge (Galois) and Nye Redman-White (Luchas AKA The hero formerly known as Kaukomieli AKA Dick Turpentine) both die

[18:30 PM] Call me what you will helps out Neil B Formy and stabs Christopher Powell (The ninja pirate monkey (also a zombie)) for bearing

[18:40 PM] Another police raid, another dead inco. Joe Waldron (Eagle Eye) is stabbed by Severus Snipe

[20:45 PM] applied philosophy attempts to find An Innocent Bystander in cambridge, he's going to have some trouble there.

Sunday, 8 November

[00:00 AM] The wanted assassin Tomas Kesek (Xezbeth) is taken down by Omar

[05:49 AM] Amy Buchanan-Hughes (Dream cheese resigns due to having caught flu.

[13:00 PM] applied philosophy visits Elton John who is out and Manilla Wallett who is saved by the matrix

[13:50 PM] David Turner (Arundel) pops his head out to see if there are any assassins about and it is promptly shot to pieces by Silent Murder

[15:30 PM] An Innocent Bystander innocently wanders around the abodes of Manilla Wallett, Elton John, Toast and Horatio T Loins but no-one wanted to even talk to him.

[15:45 PM] Unknown, TidalWave and a Pink Fluffy Bunny visit Lindermann, The Naughty Bea, Elton John and Manilla Wallett. Dominic Hinkins (Manilla Wallett) was finally in and got shot by TidalWave

[18:10 PM] Unspfxable is yet another person who visited Manilla Wallett and Elton John. Manilla Wallett was dead by this point and Rebecca Palmer (Elton John) was killed by Unspfxable

[18:30 PM] The Blue and Yellow Monster Group loves to be chased, this particular time it is Call me what you will doing the chasing.

[21:40 PM] Timothy Kew (Call me what you will) kills Hester Thorneycroft (Bellatrix Lestrange(r)) but is simultaneously stabbed in the back by Count Peduran

Monday, 9 November

[09:00 AM] Neil B Formy attempts to find The Jazz Monkey, An Innocent Bystander and The Blonde Peril but is thwarted by locked doors

[13:20 PM] Margie takes Laurie Griffiths (Irene Adler) out at lunch

[14:00 PM] Salman Rushdie fails to meet Vermirillion and Nothing Up My Sleeve

[15:30 PM] mnkymn continues trying to keep Girton inco-free. yosh was out but he killed Sean Hewitt (esion the great)

[19:05 PM] Christian Harrington (Tetsuo) gets a blade between the ribs from Franz Ferdinand

[19:50 PM] Gareth Tear (Bob the Builder) is killed by a Ninja Pig. On a completely unrelated note, today has been declared a national holiday.

[20:20 PM] Zoah Hedges-Stocks (The Blonde Peril) is slaughtered by Emma Nash

Tuesday, 10 November

[12:45 PM] Tom Duncan (Copper Pipe of Death) dies to ensure A kill a day keeps the chief of police away

[15:15 PM] Silverdevilboy and The Purge look for the incos I don't understand what a 'pseudonym' is, The Carpenter and Heydar the Great

[16:30 PM] Tom Duncan had a horrible day, with yet another assassin turning up to kill him. This time Severus Snipe.

[16:50 PM] Murdoc goes looking for Albino, Tsandys and Toast Boy but cannnot find any of them

[18:00 PM] hans catches Aaron Miles (Neil B Formy) with his door unlocked

[18:30 PM] Captain Charlie is desperately trying to clean up the streets of cambridge but it appears The Carpenter doesn't use the streets much.

Wednesday, 11 November

[14:40 PM] The Shanatu Shuffle lurks for Edmund Croft

[16:40 PM] Dr. Talos Jabbersocky, A Mesa Trudger continues his crusade against incompetence, Paul Jefferson (Lilly the Pig) the victim, but the strain may be taking it's toll on Dr. Talos Jabbersocky, A Mesa Trudger

[19:30 PM] Jack the Ripper Jr tires of ladies of the night and goes to find I don't understand what a 'pseudonym' is, Rabbit Master, Nikolay and Lilly the Pig

[20:00 PM] Bobo (The Otter) gets slaughtered at halo but kills two first: Daniel Lucas (Silverdevilboy) and Henry Staples (SPEX). Also shoots at The Purge but misses.

[20:00 PM] Dr. Chafe rather enjoys being stopped by The Subtle Trout's door

[21:15 PM] Toast is attacked by Cataclysm but only loses an arm

Thursday, 12 November

[13:05 PM] Severus Snipe saves Alan Murray (The Landlord) from being thunderbolted by shooting him.

[19:20 PM] The Amazing Chocolate Orange and Count Peduran go looking for the inco The Carpenter but, like everyone before them, cannot find him

[20:00 PM] Lindermann takes some time out of his grand plans and tries to find Nikolay but to no avail.

Friday, 13 November

[05:01 AM] Claire Gillan (bearded panther) requested to be thunderbolted early, I'm an obliging kind of guy.

[12:00 PM] The Carpenter escapes from lectures unscathed, The Amazing Chocolate Orange and Count Peduran were waiting for him

[19:15 PM] Wildcard catches Siobhan Forshaw (The Subtle Trout) out of the water

[23:45 PM] Cataclysm finally gets Richard Hall (Toast) after days of stalking him

Saturday, 14 November

[04:34 AM] Jack McKenna and Mark Pender-Bare are both out of cambridge for the weekend

[12:50 PM] Edward Morland (Septimus Hodge) lurks for Wildcard but on his way out dies from an acute case of Hydrophobia

[15:35 PM] Captain Charlie wants to play with The Naughty Bea but he doesn't want to come out

[15:50 PM] Severus Snipe kills the inco Andy Georgiou (Tsandys)

Sunday, 15 November

[00:15 AM] Cautionary Tales of Swords imparts his wisdom to Christopher Milligan (Dr. Chafe)

[12:55 PM] Severus Snipe, the ever-efficient policeman, takes down Sophie Reed (Os)

[13:45 PM] Last of the wilds just can't find The Amazing Chocolate Orange

[14:30 PM] A large assassins waterfight occured on the backs. Dr. Talos Jabbersocky, A Mesa Trudger, Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah, The Umpire, Last of the wilds, Will "Tigger" Brooks and some other guys shot each other a lot. Much fun was had.

[15:00 PM] An obliging Pink Fluffy Bunny saves Pierre Novellie (The Naughty Bea) from being thunderbolted.

[20:30 PM] The Darkness swirls around Vermirillion and Lazar Clarent but is unable to see them

Monday, 16 November

[05:00 AM] Massive thunderbolts are hurled from the sky by the all-powerful Umpire. Alexander Randall (Albino), Hayley Sharp (Vermirillion), Luke Cooper (Toast Boy), Milos Brckalo (Nikolay), P****** O******** (Mindfucker) and Ralph Thompson (killerrabbit) all fall

[08:30 AM] mnkymn surprises the sleepy Aayushi Sen (yosh)

[16:30 PM] Salman Rushdie lurks for The Carpenter then misses Nothing Up My Sleeve with an RBG

[19:20 PM] Alasdair Pearce (Nothing Up My Sleeve AKA OMG you killed dumbledore, you muggle! AKA applied philosophy). Severus Snipe takes after his namesake.

[20:00 PM] The Purge has a minor fight with Bobo (The Otter)

[21:45 PM] Jack the Ripper Jr is back and Jack McKenna (The Carpenter) feels the bite of his killer spiders.

Tuesday, 17 November

[09:00 AM] The Shanatu Shuffle stabs the smoking hot Hayley Sharp. Smoking hot since she had been thunderbolted on Sunday.

[12:05 PM] Lectures are dangerous places indeed, Matt Hathrell (mnkymn) is stabbed by Unknown

[17:00 PM] Lazar Clarent is prescribed Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin but Lazar Clarent is not in.

[19:20 PM] Count Peduran, The Amazing Chocolate Orange, Bobo (The Otter) and Unspfxable go searching for Robert Cecil, I don't understand what a 'pseudonym' is and Heydar the Great but don't encounter any of them

Wednesday, 18 November

[15:30 PM] Simon T Abernethy (Horatio T Loins) is killed by Philip Hubbard for the crime of leaving his door unlocked

[18:30 PM] A Trojan horse is seen in town. Murdoc is not taken in but Roman Sztyler (Rayman AKA Silent Murder) is too gullible

Thursday, 19 November

[10:00 AM] Nwala tastes the wonderful sweetness of Nathan James (The Amazing Chocolate Orange)'s death

[13:00 PM] Bobo (The Otter) hunts Lazar Clarent but he is once more nowhere to be seen

[13:30 PM] The Darkness visits a few targets: Omar, Cataclysm and Count Peduran but can't actually find any of them.

[13:45 PM] Julian Willis (Well, indeed) is killed by a nervous Wildcard.

[16:00 PM] Tithe My Wok is a busy policeman. He visits The Umpire, you are now breathing manually, The Umpire again, I don't understand what a 'pseudonym' is and Heydar the Great. Unfortunately no-one was around to say hello.

[16:45 PM] Johannes Knebel (hans) mistakenly attempts to cull Battalions of Bearded Badgers but they fought back

[17:20 PM] Unspfxable drops a safe on Tithe My Wok but due to the relativistic effects of computer rooms, he managed to survive it.

[19:20 PM] Franz Ferdinand does a bit of assassinating of his own, Jeremy Kneebone (Omar) dies.

Friday, 20 November

[14:35 PM] Mark Pender-Bare (Heydar the Great) gets shot by Robert Cecil

[18:00 PM] Oh dear, another innocent lies dead on the floor. Brook Roberts is the one responsible, while Will "Tigger" Brooks looks on.

[19:00 PM] William Keen (Count Peduran AKA Doktor Badger-Gherkin) is left floating down the river by The Shanatu Shuffle

[20:00 PM] Bobo (The Otter) finally spots the elusive Serguei Mouratov (The Purge)

Saturday, 21 November

[16:00 PM] Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah goes wanted for shooting an innocent. Will "More money than sense, but the student loan is due" Brooks is once again in the vicinity, suspicious eh?

[16:10 PM] Severus Snipe goes to visit I don't understand what a 'pseudonym' is, Lindermann and Cataclysm but doesn't manage to harm any of them.

[16:15 PM] Dr. Talos Jabbersocky, A Mesa Trudger meets Franz Ferdinand and together they kill Bibek Mukherjee (Lindermann)

[17:20 PM] Several people come to visit Unknown but he is quite the busy man

[17:45 PM] Dr. Talos Jabbersocky, A Mesa Trudger goes corrupt by shooting Cataclysm's girlfriend but then shoots straight and kills Matthew Evans (Cataclysm)

[17:50 PM] Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah gets the kill required to redeem just 3 more days left. Matthew Hinks (Wildcard) is the unlucky victim.

[21:25 PM] Peter Jones (Cautionary Tales of Swords) is not sufficiently afraid of knives, being cut down with one by Ninja Pig

[23:10 PM] Jamie Gibson (Jazzman) is shot by Ninja Pig when he opened his door.

Sunday, 22 November

[17:00 PM] Brook Roberts is being hounded by assassins

[19:30 PM] An Innocent Bystander goes looking for I don't understand what a 'pseudonym' is and Unknown but settles for shooting an innocent

[20:00 PM] Super-Coryan Wilson-Shah is being incredibly lame and staying in his room all day.

Monday, 23 November

[00:00 AM] Bobo (The Otter) shoots Esther Nicoll (Invader) and her doughnuts

[08:00 AM] Trojan horse lurks for Rabbit Master and An Innocent Bystander. Unfortunately for Trojan horse the bystander he stabbed was really innocent.

[12:00 PM] Daniel Baker (Warsaw or the First Breath You Take After You Give Up) practically gives up and gets murdered by Tithe My Wok

[12:30 PM] Last of the wilds cleans up the police force, killing Michael Darling (you are now breathing manually)

Tuesday, 24 November

[10:00 AM] The vicious wanted criminal Philip Hubbard (An Innocent Bystander AKA Battalions of Bearded Badgers) is stabbed by the police foce's newest recruit I don't particularly care for a pseudonym at this point accompanied by Severus Snipe

[10:30 AM] Altair visits a lot of people but can't find any of them, including Rabbit Master

[11:00 AM] Captain Charlie hunts for Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah at his lectures

[11:40 AM] The Darkness stabs Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah but he is saved by the amp he is carrying

[11:50 AM] TidalWave goes looking for Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah

[12:00 PM] Trojan horse also attacks Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah while he was OOB. Much counter attacking ensues.

[12:15 PM] Bobo (For a Bite of Cake!) and Severus Snipe raid [UNSPECIFIED COLLEGE] killing Brook Roberts (Unknown AKA A kill a day keeps the chief of police away AKA Trojan horse) and Rupert Rutledge (Pink Fluffy Bunny)

[15:45 PM] Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah sends Franz Ferdinand out to kill Alefiyah Jafferji (I don't understand what a 'pseudonym' is)

[17:55 PM] Francis Walsingham attempts to catch Rabbit Master and An Innocent Bystander going for dinner but doesn't see either of them

[20:45 PM] I don't particularly care for a pseudonym at this point and Severus Snipe make quite the team taking James Hardman (Jack the Ripper Jr) down

Wednesday, 25 November

[09:00 AM] Chris Wade (Pinball Wizard) may be good at pinball but he's got nothing on Ninja Pig

[13:00 PM] The long-surviving inco Krit Sitathani (Lazar Clarent) finally gets killed by Joshua Guy Blanchard Lewis

[19:30 PM] Rabbit Master is betrayed by a friend yet nothing comes of it

[19:50 PM] Daniel Baker (NOW I AM BECOME DAN, DESTROYER OF STUFF) has become dead due to Knives

[20:30 PM] Bobo (the Otter) doesn't find The Jazz Monkey

[21:00 PM] Robert Cecil goes hunting for Bobo (The Otter) and Rabbit Master but ends up killing Emma Nash (bunnies)

Thursday, 26 November

[10:00 AM] The Shanatu Shuffle lurks for The Jazz Monkey and The Darkness

[18:00 PM] Bobo (The otter) gets the jump on Christopher Judge (Rabbit Master)

[18:00 PM] The Darkness attempts to enshroud Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah but misses him

[20:30 PM] The Shanatu Shuffle goes looking for The Jazz Monkey again and still can't find him as he's attacking Robert Cecil

[22:10 PM] Emma Garnett (I wish I hadn't forced the Umpire to make up my pseudonym) is slain by The Mighty Scroggage

Friday, 27 November

[03:46 AM] The Real Bobo has a message for you

[12:00 PM] Hydrophobia spreads the feeling to Adam Greig (Robert Cecil AKA Didius Julianus AKA Salman Rushdie AKA Francis Walsingham)

[12:00 PM] Daniel Baker (Santa) came bearing guns to Tithe My Wok who promptly stabbed him for it

[12:15 PM] Altair, the mighty assassin, is defeated by the locked door of The Jazz Monkey

[14:00 PM] Upon hearing Will the real Bobo please stand up? Dom Carr (Bobo (The Otter) AKA Bobo (For a Bite of Cake!) AKA The Real Bobo) obliged and was gunned down

Saturday, 28 November

[04:56 AM] An anonymous message is received

[12:00 PM] Daniel Baker (The left coset g of a subgroup G in X) again tried to kill Tithe My Wok for no reason and once again ended up dead

[18:30 PM] Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah encountered an ex-hat-wearing ex-assassin

[18:30 PM] Severus Snipe emails the wrong person detailing his corruptness

Sunday, 29 November

[16:00 PM] Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah goes hunting but both The Jazz Monkey and The Darkness are hiding

[20:00 PM] The right coset g of a subgroup G in X catches Chloe Ursula Wallis (Mr. Krabs)

Monday, 30 November

[00:57 AM] A police war has been declared, it is rumoured Severus Snipe has turned to the dark arts

[08:00 AM] Return of The Jazz Monkey has a nice kill of Coryan Wilson-Shah (Murdoc AKA The Shanatu Shuffle AKA Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah AKA Hydrophobia AKA Big Brother AKA Bobo (the Otter) AKA Will the real Bobo please stand up?) before breakfast. Is there a better way to start the day?

[08:10 AM] The Darkness descends on Super-Coryan, Wilson-Shah's house but is unable to locate him

[11:25 AM] Altair is still having trouble with those locked doors which abound in Cambridge

[12:00 PM] The Darkness counter lurks his own lecture for The Shanatu Shuffle, encounters the corrupt Severus Snipe and kills Alasdair Wilkins (The Jazz Monkey AKA Nwala AKA TidalWave AKA Bobo (The otter))

[12:00 PM] What day of assassins would be complete without Daniel Baker (The right coset g of a subgroup G in X) dying to Tithe My Wok

The Assassins' Guild - Headlines

Thursday, 22 October