The Assassins' Guild - Week 3 News
The Assassins' Guild - Week 3 NewsI hereby place a bounty upon the head of Joshua Guy Blanchard Lewis,
commonly known as The Duke.
The bounty shall be 100 biscuits for anyone who kills him, upped to
150 for anyone who informs me of their plans to kill him before doing
so and finally raised to 300 biscuits or a Storm 750 water pistol for
anyone who kills him when he is not a licit target or by betrayal.
Twillo
Today I happened upon Rich Miller as he was cycling along the road. Knowing him to be incompetent, I took a shortcut and ambushed him by his destination. By the time he noticed I was there, it was already too late.
As I lay in the bike shed, the lead still cooling inside my wounds, I contemplated the frivolities in life. Only moments before a horrible hangover had been the extent of my worries. It took the shots of Sir Lai Xi to show me there were more important things, but alas, it is now too late.
As I die, I draw comfort from the knowledge, that on the third day, I shall rise again.
Today I went out looking for both a target and an incompetent. My skill lies in ambush not infiltration, so I waited behind some cars on their streets for a while in hope that someone would emerge from either of the houses. However, no one emerged and once it started to rain I cycled home.
Today me and the Duke had a run in with Black Eyed Pete. We ran, he chased. Eventually we circled back, to see if he was still there. He was. Mexican standoff ensued as a passing police officer gave us funny looks, followed by a brief exchange of fire. He ran, then followed at a distance for a while.
Black Eyed Pete, having been away for the weekend, decided he really didn't deserve the competency that he has been blessed with as since the game began he has only actually shot one person and that was as a part of a firing squad on an inco-bash! He took a look at his target list and discovered that one may be found not too far away so he equipped himself and set off. Upon arriving at [UNSPECIFIED_ADDRESS], he checked around the property and ascertained that there was only one entrance. It wasn't certain that the target would be at this address so Black Eyed Pete lurked for about 15 minutes, walking up and down the road so as not to look too suspicious.
Eventually he sat down at a bus stop and waited - he didn't have to wait for long! About 5 minutes later he saw his target in the company of another assassin - this he had expected so he sat tight and waited as they approached. Unfortunatly one of the pair, Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis, recognised him and carefully walked around the back of the bus stop as his hand went inside his jacket. Black Eyed Pete knew that neither assassin was aware which of them he was after, however he was very concerned about what might be concealed within the jacket so swiftly moved in the opposite direction. He paused a little too long, giving them a chance to bolt. They legged it towards [UNSPECIFIED_COLLEGE] whilst Black Eyed Pete took a short cut and managed to catch up with them although on the wrong side of the road. He kept running but was unable to cross - they made it to the college gate before he could get to them.
Not to be dissuaded, Black Eyed Pete decided to wait and see if they would be coming out any time soon. He took a seat under a convenient tree on [UNSPECIFIED_GREEN] and made himself comfortable, keeping an eye on the road and pavements. 20 minutes he was sat under that tree, he was thinking about heading home and getting some dinner when a brief glance over his right shoulder made him aware of a couple of people walking across the green. Instinct kicked in - he knew it was them! As he stood up, it became obvious that they knew it was him also. Not knowing which he was after, the pair split up forcing Black Eyed Pete to watch both but advance on neither for 2 reasons - firstly, he didn't want to give away which was his target. Secondly jumping one would have given the other the chance to get him and so began a classic Mexican Stand off (a la The Good, The Bad and The Ugly) with arva to his left and Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis to his right. At this point, a good constable of the constabulary passed by and seemed a little concerned as to what was going on. Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis had a quick word with him and he went on his way.
The stand off resumed. arva moved to the left, Joshua 'The Duke' Blanchard Lewis started advancing on Black Eyed Pete, pulling a water gun from inside his coat. Realising he was outgunned, Black Eyed Pete put his feet to good use and made a swift get away, thanking his lucky stars he had worn his running shoes on this particular evening. Upon reaching the road, he looked back to see that the pair were heading back to [UNSPECIFIED_ADDRESS] and knowing that he not sufficiently armed and that it was unlikely he would get to them before they were safe inside, he decided to send them a friendly text and head home.
Today I encountered Black Eyed Pete. He seemed to be waiting for me, gave pursuit after we passed and nodded at him, and then shortly afterwards when I realised he was lurking behind us and went back to attempt to deal with him (on realising the only reason he could realistically be there was to lurk me) we exchanged fire. Outgunned and outnumbered, he rightly fled.
Yarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! He'd be hiding in his room with his scurvy mates! Yarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! He'd be trying to ambush me the moment my ship entered his dock! Yarghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Well i waited for him instead! Yarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! NINJA Elfboy's blood will be proof Pirates be stronger folk than dem ninjaes!!!!!!!!
I bumped into William P Brooks, the dashing miss Danks and the Space Pirate today. They were not wearing hats, although they did have some rather suspicious bags, and one of them was sporting a most ridiculous hooded top.
When I arrived home, I received a BPL from Bosun Pudding. It was full of unpoisoned money. I think more people should give me BPLs like this :-D
I say the inco Bethany English aftr half way hall and chased her for a short time, but she soon disappeared... GRR!
Sir Lai Xi knew his orders; to eradicate anyone opposed to the Emperor's rule. But first he had to find them. Setting off with the sword of the Emperor at his side, he arrived at the abode of one of a person known to be on his hit list, and searched around for them. However, it transpired that they were not present, so he proceeded to search for other enemies of the Emperor. Having waited outside another's room for a time, he went to [unspecified] to look for one last target, but Master Ahn's men were swarming all over the place, and it was all he could do to leave without being noticed. He would have to return another day...
*NEWSFLASH!* Following the RossBrandGate scandal, the UK government today voted to remove all licensing and funding from the BBC, and cancel all its operations for the indefinite future. As a result of this, The BBC News is no more. (dooooooo be doooo be doooo!) ITV News Chairman Jetties Morgan has world's biggest orgasm. Shockwaves can be felt as far away as Java. (dum dum dum, dum de dum, dum de dum) In other news, illegal immigrants are blamed for the Credit Crunch. In a related story, Nestle disclaim any connection to the Crunch, selling its product and rights to Cadbury's. (doo be doo be doo) And finally, Gordon Brown says some boring stuff. We'll fast forward that one.
It is with great regret that The BBC News must announce its dissolution with immediate effect. Owing to a number of causes, the current financial crisis perhaps one, it has become impossible to compete with other news programs, most notably The ITV News. The ITV News shall hereby have reporting rights over all assassins-related activity in Cambridge, and the BBC's correspondents shall no longer be conducting 'interviews' with targets, incos, or anyone else who looks vaguely shifty. The BBC's Director-General has expressed his pleasure at the possibility that he might recieve some chocolate in compensation :)
Well, maybe not PIE! but a little bit of kosher lamb never goes amiss...
Robert Bell totally got banged today. It was a horrible drunken accident involving a marrow, a "woman", a "boy",a suspicious green bag and a scary, scaly thing making RAAAAAWR noises.. And it left him dead as a dodo.
Today I shot Ashley Chadwick in his dining room, after he had come out of the serving bit and was at a sauces table within the hall itself, serving himself condiments. As he fell head-first into a bowl of tomato ketchup, the blood trickled into and mingled with the red sauce.
Called on arva and The Duke again tonight. Hung around for 40 minutes but they didn't want to come out and play.
Just as the mighty Jupiter was forced to shackle his great father, Saturn, encarcerating him in gloomy Tartarus and so ending the tyranny of the former establishment, so too my bolts from above struck down the mighty warrior Saturn, whose scythe has erstwhile cleaved its way through our kindred as though they were mere heads of corn, bobbing gaily through their short lives until Zephyr carries the stormclouds across the plains of Attica.
Early this morning, myself and The 'Other' Duke went after Mr Duke. I lurked around outside his house for a rather long time, getting colder and colder, until at last, in the distance, Mr Duke appeared! Unfortunately he also noticed me, saluted and started walking in the other direction. Guessing his intent to make full use of the side streets in that area, I circled round the back in one direction, hoping he would go that way. He did, but must have seen me again because I waited for him to go past my hiding place but he didn't turn up. I then doubled back on myself and watched the main street for a while, and observed him and another person at the traffic lights. Wanting to wait until they went down a side street before making an attempt, I held back, but when I could no longer see the pair of them I headed towards his place of work via varying streets. Unfortunately, he was not to be found. I later learned that his 'friend' was The 'Other' Duke, who had just dispatched him.
Tumbleweeds rolled down the road, and a familiar twang rang out throughout the street. The curry houses and chinese supermarkets slammed their doors shut and cowered behind slatted window shutters. Duke and Duke dismounted and tied up their horses, a wary eye on one another. As they walked into the dusty centre of the street (water troughs, wooden porches, a cactus) The 'Other' Duke spat on the floor. 'This town ain't big enough for two Dukes, so ah suggest yew clear on outta here,' he drawled. 'Never, ya two-faced sonovabitch bastard!,' came the reply. A twitch, a lunge, a bang. One Duke lay dead, the other lives on to fight again...
It is with great regret that I must report the brutal murder of Black Eyed Pete. The (almost) innocent gentleman responsible for little more than corpse mutilation. He was gunned down in cold blood whilst walking to work on the morning of 19th Feburary 2009. Upon exiting his house via the back door as he usually did, he glanced accross the road and noticed a suspisious figure lurking in an alley opposite. Upon closer inspection, he could clearly see a hint of red underneath the black overcoat. Along with the hair and glasses he knew it was arva. He was about to head back indoors and grab a more suitable weapon (cursing that he didn't go to work more heavily armed!) when she spotted him. Going back inside was no longer an option - he could well become trapped. He decided to use his pre-planned escape route, making his way quickly around the back streets. Emerging back on to the main road however, he failed to notice The 'Other' Duke wearing the cunning disguise of A HAT!! He was shot at point blank range and given a chocolate bar. Still, it took 2 of them to take him down.
The Way of the Party dictates, "KILL THEM ALL!!!
Having skulked around his building for some time, I tried his door. Unlucky for him he was just returning from formal when I did. An attempt to run and hide in a nearby bathroom failed as I blew him away with my pistol.
It is a well known fact that all Heros have weaknesses (Historical Reference: Disney's Hercules),and it is this weakeness that ultimatly leads to their downfall. And so, arriving back to my room with a friend's birthday party on outside, my eyes were immediatly draw to the table PILED HIGH WITH CAKE AND CHEESE!! Unfortunatly, as my eyes widened, my mouth salivated and I made for the food, my assassins eyes widened, his mouth smirked and he made for his gun. Oh... *omnomnom* well... *MARMF* !
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