The Assassins' Guild

[24 Nov, 08:45 AM] Hooray! We have a winner! Coryan Wilson-Shah (Cakeface AKA Leyla AKA A Jolly Chilly Cakeface) gives Bonnie Kar Bo Chow (Tinkerbell) an early morning wake-up call, and in doing so wins the game!

[24 Nov, 01:46 AM] Gingerlink receives a message from beyond the grave.

[22 Nov, 23:15 PM] Oh no! Our crazy corrupt police officer Police Corruptible Brooks rampages on, murdering Ludmila Demtchenko (Detritus) in cold blood!

New on Sunday, 23 November

[27 Oct, 18:20 PM] Stephen Cairns (P.C. Joke) dies again, this time to ^.^;;<||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||>.

[26 Oct, 14:00 PM] Incobash!!! Lots and lots of lovely death (and corruption).

[23 Nov, 10:00 AM] ...turns out Tinkerbell doesn't enjoy the snow, leading to A Jolly Chilly Cakeface

[23 Nov, 09:30 AM] Cakeface enjoys the snow, but does Tinkerbell?

[22 Nov, 12:32 PM] PC T-Aire tries to clean up the force, without success, as the evil Police Corruptible Brooks is nowhere to be found.

New on Saturday, 22 November

[21 Nov, 19:20 PM] The final final (for real) phase of the game has now begun... only 2 assassins left now that Tinkerbell has killed John Barrett (Big Kahuna Burger AKA Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt)

[21 Nov, 21:00 PM] Alcibiades is somewhat sceptical of his latest visitor

[21 Nov, 13:00 PM] Tinkerbell tries to find Cakeface, but only kills time.

[20 Nov, 23:00 PM] Cakeface finds that you can never escape assassins...

New on Friday, 21 November

[20 Nov, 20:01 PM] The crazed corrupt policeman Police Corruptible Brooks mows down Roseanna Pendlebury (P.C. Bob)

[21 Nov, 00:30 AM] John Barrett is followed home by an assassin... or perhaps a real-life stalker?

[20 Nov, 08:50 AM] Take some SCIENCE!, add a Big Kahuna Burger, mix in a dash of sneaky-sneaky and what does Cakeface get - another kill, this time of Amy Booth (SCIENCE! AKA ""The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil furries. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the breasts. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finger of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and infurryate my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. AKA Carlsberg don't make pseudonyms. But if they did, they'd be the best pseudonyms.)

[20 Nov, 20:00 PM] Captain Black uses the force, but fails to find Alcibiades

[20 Nov, 15:30 PM] The police force meet up for an incobash - they forgot to bring the incos, but they did bring plenty of fun.

New on Thursday, 20 November

[20 Nov, 19:05 PM] Police Corruptible Brooks is corrupt! Oh no, I never saw that one coming

[19 Nov, 20:19 PM] You all know the drill by now... Police Corruptible Brooks is bad, does some good stuff, Simon Williams (Steven Seagal) and Charlotte Schoonman (Diogenes) die, The Umpire has deja-vu.

New on Wednesday, 19 November

[19 Nov, 09:00 AM] Cakeface can't be lured out by a Big Kahuna Burger

[18 Nov, 20:00 PM] Alicia Danks (Pepper AKA Zeppelins AKA ...and game-loss ensued) dies to Leyla in a most civilised way - see, we're not all crazed lunatics (honest).

[17 Nov, 17:55 PM] Tinkerbell goes to the ghost town that is Churchill, apparently Big Kahuna Burger does not.

New on Tuesday, 18 November

[18 Nov, 20:08 PM] Ooh another anonymous bounty... remember it only counts if the person is a legal target for you.

[16 Nov, 22:20 PM] P.C. Bob is witness to the dead's displeasure for Police Corruptible Brooks - but luckily nothing really happened (or something)

New on Monday, 17 November

[17 Nov, 13:04 PM] We only hire the most elite members for our police squad, as proved by the thrilling hunt for Matt Parkman by PC T-Aire

[17 Nov, 17:45 PM] Police Corruptible Brooks has the urge to redeem, searching for Steven Seagal and finding Alexander James MacDonald Russell (The Kreaper)

[17 Nov, 10:00 AM] Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt lingers around Gingerlink

[17 Nov, 13:25 PM] Christopher Powell (Gingerlink AKA Barbatulus) experiences the full force of SCIENCE!

[14 Nov, 16:30 PM] The Kremlin and a mystery assassin go looking for The Cossack

New on Sunday, 16 November

[16 Nov, 12:45 PM] Barbatulus ran away from a hand on the railing ...and game-loss ensued

[15 Nov, 17:30 PM] Another one bites the dust... whilst trying to redeem from his earlier mistake, Adam Guterres (The Swan of Mantua AKA Skídbladnir AKA Von Hildebrandt AKA Dog-gone, bullnecked, beetlebrowed, hogjowled, peanutbrained, weaseleyed fourflusher AKA Litthhhhper AKA The ill twin of evil energy) is killed by Gingerlink

[15 Nov, 18:01 PM] In Communist Russia, The Game Loses You! and D.I. Nner's detective skills let them down as they fail to find Tinkerbell

[15 Nov, 18:30 PM] Tinkerbell goes looking for Black Shadow

[15 Nov, 10:20 AM] Leyla is rudely awakened by their neighbour dying all over them... Adam Guterres's policy of 'shoot first, ask questions later' lets him down this time.

New on Saturday, 15 November

[14 Nov, 20:50 PM] The ill twin of evil energy finds Palahniuk's Laughter's corpse and a possible lack of Barbatulus

[14 Nov, 17:45 PM] Barbatulus nearly got all wet ...and game-loss ensued

[14 Nov, 18:23 PM] Paul Tinton (Black Shadow AKA Prof P. T. Johnstone AKA Another imaginative pseudo) learns that playing with your food is just as bad as when your Big Kahuna Burger plays with you.

New on Friday, 14 November

[14 Nov, 16:30 PM] P.C. Nobbs heads off in search of a kill, only to find... well nothing really.

[14 Nov, 14:00 PM] Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the least corrupt of them all... seems like the answer might actually be Police Corruptible Brooks, strangely enough.

[14 Nov, 13:00 PM] Police Corruptible Brooks is getting a bit good at this "shoot an innocent, redeem immediately" thing - this time redeeming with a kill of Alice Draper (the very hungry caterpillar AKA a bowl of petunias) in about 1 second.

[14 Nov, 13:00 PM] Prof P. T. Johnstone bijects their way into the hearts of both Colin Love (Othar Trygvassen, Gentleman Adventurer AKA a Filthy Larper) and Emma Nash (Someone Somwhere).

[14 Nov, 12:10 PM] SCIENCE! fails to produce Gingerlink (perhaps there is in fact no such thing as the Gingerlink effect?)

[14 Nov, 00:15 AM] Cakeface makes a slash at Serguei A Mouratov (The Cossack) while he takes a slash (it's like poetry, only even worse)

[13 Nov, 21:50 PM] The Cossack disappoints Leyla

[14 Nov, 01:40 AM] The Cossack has displeased SCIENCE!

[13 Nov, 22:30 PM] Ashley Chadwick (Palahniuk's Laughter) makes a bad call when deciding to play poker with Barbatulus, but manages to avenge his death with a little help from A8.

[13 Nov, 22:30 PM] Police Corruptible Brooks redeems 3 times over, wiping out Beth English (Strawberry), Giles Fleming (Javert) and James Ryan Syrett (Kupfernickel)

New on Thursday, 13 November

[13 Nov, 18:05 PM] Well it had to happen at some point.... Police Corruptible Brooks goes corrupt after shooting PC. Apple.

[13 Nov, 18:00 PM] Tinkerbell tries to magic away Kupfernickel, but without success.

[13 Nov, 12:04 PM] Gingerlink is attacked by a Filthy Larper... kids these days, its all binge-drinking, casual sex and LARPing, what is the world coming to?

[12 Nov, 17:50 PM] Charlotte Maher (Aristotle) is the latest victim in a spate of inco deaths... D.I. Nner is suspected to have something to do with it.

[12 Nov, 17:18 PM] Palahniuk's Laughter echoed around the streets of Cambridge; Pepper, Gingerlink and Colin Love shivered.... Colin Love less so.

New on Wednesday, 12 November

[12 Nov, 13:00 PM] Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay (Dream Boy) is killed by Police Corruptible Brooks... unusually, no corruption is involved.

[12 Nov, 13:00 PM] Simeon Bird was spotted in town and must have wondered for a moment, 'Carlsberg don't make pseudonyms. But if they did, they'd be the best pseudonyms.'

[10 Nov, 21:00 PM] D.I. Nner continues his efficient sweeping up of the streets, this time killing Ross Worrall (Jethrow Hugh Stoat-Gobbler Walrus-Titty III (Silly Party) 32,108 votes).

[10 Nov, 14:20 PM] Litthhhhper stabbed James Brister (amazingly, he AKA Five rounds, rapid) sufficiently to end his life. Surprisingly, a lesser spotted non-corrupt Will Brooks was also believed to be in the vicinity.

[9 Nov, 16:50 PM] Bhavya Dore (Orient Express) does not enjoy their D.I. Nner.

[4 Nov, 15:45 PM] Will Brooks rampages around Cambridge, doing that thing he does of killing innocents then redeeming - end result of the day's activity: Oli Taylor (T-unit) and Stephen Yang (gauzo) lie dead, Brigadier James III's corpse is mutilated, and Kupfernickel and Bob make the wise decision to not be in. SCIENCE!

[11 Nov, 10:00 AM] Skídbladnir could not be stopped from striking down Philip Hubbard (Rex Cogidubnus AKA Long Lankin AKA Aethlred the Unready)

[11 Nov, 09:10 AM] Palahniuk's Laughter could be found echoing around the abode of Othar Trygvassen, Gentleman Adventurer, but he was nowhere to be found.

New on Tuesday, 11 November

[11 Nov, 16:37 PM] D.I. Nner continues to hunt down incos with extreme vengeance. Simon T Abernethy (Vice Admiral Horatio T Loins) is the latest casualty.

[11 Nov, 15:00 PM] Pepper does not quite condone this holy Elaine Oliver (Trinity) business.

[11 Nov, 12:05 PM] Lovkush Agarwal (Bob) wishes he too could have Another imaginative pseudo.

[10 Nov, 16:30 PM] Carlsberg don't make pseudonyms. But if they did, they'd be the best pseudonyms. wandered in on Foysal Miah (Jiminez AKA Roger) and shot him for good measure!

[10 Nov, 16:20 PM] Roger takes down the mass-murderer Dominic Carr (Chili)

[9 Nov, 14:00 PM] Vice Admiral Horatio T Loins discovers that Carlsberg don't make pseudonyms. But if they did, they'd be the best pseudonyms. Carlsberg also don't make very good attempts.

[9 Nov, 22:33 PM] Pepper uses decides peace and harmony are overrated, unfortunately for Roseanna Pendlebury (The Flying Squirrel Squad AKA Cogito Ergo Nom)

[10 Nov, 19:00 PM] Diogenes and Cakeface try to clean up this dirty town, taking down Calvin Qiu (Jupiter Justice) and Kai Zeng (brevity). Unfortunately, Cakeface's visit to Jiminez was less successful.

[10 Nov, 10:00 AM] Big Kahuna Burger fails to find any new exciting flavours to spice up the meat, as Gingerlink avoids capture (there are some who say burgers should be no sauce, no salad anyway)

[10 Nov, 11:03 AM] Othar Trygvassen, Gentleman Adventurer tries to discover if The Swan of Mantua actually exists, or is merely a mythical legend.

New on Monday, 10 November

[10 Nov, 23:56 PM] Steve Barnwell (Bernard) has been thunderbolted.

[8 Nov, 16:30 PM] Someone tries to enter The Flying Squirrel Squad's abode ...and game-loss ensued

New on Sunday, 9 November

[7 Nov, 15:50 PM] Chili's persistance finally pays off when Tom Barbour (Chatterton) makes the mistake of no longer being asleep.

[9 Nov, 23:30 PM] Martin Dickson (Braveheart), Mateja Djurovic (golden boy) and Tomas Rodriguez Perez (El Matador) have been thunderbolted for not showing any signs of life all game.

[9 Nov, 19:45 PM] Juggles Geese is visited by yet another prowler - Aethlred the Unready has no chance to prove the state of their readiness.

[9 Nov, 18:30 PM] Gingerlink makes a sweep around the neighbourhood, but finds no sign of Palahniuk's Laughter or Juggles Geese (but does find an opportunity to do their good deed for the day, so all was not lost).

[9 Nov, 18:18 PM] Cogito Ergo Nom - Someone Somwhere decides not to hang around to ponder this profound statement.

[9 Nov, 16:50 PM] PC. Apple kills Harry Robinson (Juggles Geese) whilst wearing a Mac (possibly).

[9 Nov, 15:04 PM] Daniel Adams (Lt. Dan) resigns from the game.

[9 Nov, 10:40 AM] Bob does the sneaky sneaky to Jiminez, Juggles Geese and hank

[7 Nov, 17:05 PM] Andrey Pronin (234) is popular, and has the pleasure of being killed not only by Von Hildebrandt, but also Tinkerbell

[8 Nov, 13:25 PM] It seems D.I. Nner doesn't spend all his time eating doughnuts - Jonathan Marten (Kettchy) falls dead (reports of him dying after a doughnut binge are greatly exaggerated).

[7 Nov, 20:45 PM] After taking down Jonathan David Humphries (Irvine Kineas) earlier on, Emily Scragg (Haukr AKA George) tries to rampage on by killing Cakeface, only to find her lurking was not as subtle as it seemed.

[7 Nov, 07:15 AM] Bob almosts catches Palahniuk's Laughter napping...

New on Saturday, 8 November

[7 Nov, 11:50 AM] Pepper evades Trinity by the clever expedient of having optional classes.

[7 Nov, 09:30 AM] The Flying Squirrel Squad waits expectantly for Bob, only to be disappointed.

[5 Nov, 13:00 PM] Black Shadow takes down Will Brooks ("The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. AKA Cameron Winstanley AKA ^.^;;<||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||>)

New on Thursday, 6 November

[6 Nov, 21:55 PM] The Flying Squirrel Squad finds that Yi Luo (Clay Pigeon AKA Grass Snake) shooting is quite fun, though perhaps not as humane as it sounds.

[6 Nov, 09:35 AM] Rather amazingly, he lurked for T-unit this morning... I guess he was dead tired.

[2 Nov, 23:58 PM] Der Kolben bewegt sich nach oben und verdichtet die eingesaugte Luft... and there's a note for ""The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil furries. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the breasts. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finger of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and infurryate my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

[5 Nov, 16:10 PM] William Wylde Warman (The buzzard) is killed by a bowl of petunias - perhaps he was allergic?

[5 Nov, 21:15 PM] Alas! It seems not all incompetents are as incompetent as they seem, as Henry R.B. Duke (Dave The Slave AKA Uncle Jack) finds out at the hands of Kupfernickel

[5 Nov, 13:27 PM] Othar Trygvassen, Gentleman Adventurer makes an adventure into the lair of gauzo

[5 Nov, 14:40 PM] It seems that Gingerlink isn't hungry - they didn't want to come out for a Big Kahuna Burger

[5 Nov, 16:55 PM] Roger needs a doctor - unfortunately Chili was not obliging.

[5 Nov, 15:10 PM] The Cossack decides that the police force isn't good enough for his communist wonderland, and so removes Oliver Dominik Caspari (Ospaetzle) from it rather forcibly.

[5 Nov, 02:19 AM] Colin Love sprays Rich Miller (just some guy, ya know?) in the face with his mighty weapon, and narrowly avoids killing some innocents with it too.

[4 Nov, 17:45 PM] Peter Jones (Paul "The Hammer" Dickinson) found this case was to be his last, and he may never know his assassin... all he knew is that he was just some guy, ya know?

[4 Nov, 12:00 PM] Cakeface lurks for just too long, giving Dog-gone, bullnecked, beetlebrowed, hogjowled, peanutbrained, weaseleyed fourflusher time to run away and fight back.

[5 Nov, 11:00 AM] Gingerlink decides that alliances are for wusses, and chooses to forge his path to victory by killing Christian Ross Hands (Logan) instead.

[4 Nov, 21:35 PM] It seems we have some popular corpses in town... Uncle Jack pays his respects to T-unit and gauzo

[3 Nov, 18:00 PM] The inco policeman Theodore Sanderson (Mr. Bigglesworth) is assassinated in Clare buttery.... seems his killer (you know who you are) doesn't want to admit to it though

[4 Nov, 17:30 PM] Will Brooks tries to pay Kupfernickel a visit, with the aid of SCIENCE!

New on Tuesday, 4 November

[4 Nov, 17:21 PM] Rex Cogidubnus and D.I. Nner go out looking for more incos.... these guys are quite keen!

[4 Nov, 11:10 AM] Todd Stephen Callan Davidson (Brigadier James III) was not prepared for an assault by Haukr!

[4 Nov, 14:24 PM] P.C. Nobbs could not track down gauzo and T-unit

[3 Nov, 21:10 PM] Cakeface and Diogenes go on a mini bashing mission!

[3 Nov, 14:02 PM] Gerard Tully (Little Miss Awful) was shot down by a Dog-gone, bullnecked, beetlebrowed, hogjowled, peanutbrained, weaseleyed fourflusher

[2 Nov, 23:00 PM] Jack William Oyston (Nocturne) was overpowered by some Zeppelins, it seems.

[26 Oct, 14:30 PM] Gingerlink receives a visitor, but decides not to give The Expunger a friendly welcome.

[4 Nov, 00:25 AM] The Umpire receives an anonymous tip-off... what could this mean!?

[2 Nov, 18:45 PM] Prof P. T. Johnstone taught Aaron Robert Barker (Christine Peters AKA The Clumsiest Ninja) a cruel lesson

[2 Nov, 14:11 PM] Irvine Kineas went Clay Pigeon shooting but couldn't find any with which to do so

[2 Nov, 13:08 PM] the very hungry caterpillar om nom nom'd Edward Tusting (Jamy Dodger)

[2 Nov, 12:20 PM] Will Brooks continues seeking out inco players, including Little Miss Awful, he also has a helpful message.

[2 Nov, 10:22 AM] Othar Trygvassen, Gentleman Adventurer fails to run into Little Miss Awful and gauzo or does he? >.>

[1 Nov, 20:59 PM] the very hungry caterpillar went looking for Orient Express, Chatterton and The buzzard but had to satisfy itself with some delicious leaves instead.

New on Monday, 3 November

[1 Nov, 20:54 PM] Nocturne visits Someone Somwhere but they counter attack and nearly kill him, you have to be careful these days

[1 Nov, 09:47 AM] Bob somehow continues to avoid The Flying Squirrel Squad.

[1 Nov, 12:42 PM] Uncle Jack went to visit his favourite nephews and nieces.... but, alas, Nocturne, Jamy Dodger and the very hungry caterpillar were all out.

[31 Oct, 16:15 PM] Aristotle took a moment to collect his thoughts and decided that the Trinity was what he needed to find, as usually... people are never in when you want them to be.

[1 Nov, 12:47 PM] The buzzard was strangely attracted to Caecilius, maybe it is because he is already dead?

[1 Nov, 15:15 PM] Tinkerbell was out to visit a mysterious individual but amazingly, he was nowhere to be found!

New on Saturday, 1 November

[31 Oct, 21:00 PM] The Cossack feels no sympathy for those with acronyms for names, and so he slayed Ludwig Hogrebe (LH)

[31 Oct, 21:29 PM] Someone Somwhere was looking for gauzo and Jamy Dodger

[1 Nov, 11:45 AM] Cakeface received a visitor, but alas George did not meet his would-be guest :(

[1 Nov, 15:49 PM] Aaron Schroeder-Willis (The Shadowy Hedgehog) resigns from the game.

[1 Nov, 01:00 AM] Prof P. T. Johnstone started an argument with himself and decided to kill Yuan Zhang (himself)

[1 Nov, 01:30 AM] Trinity had a fiendish treat for Alan McCreanor (The Beige Bandit)

[31 Oct, 19:55 PM] Simon Williams (Caecilius) attempted to defy the legend of The Swan of Mantua but he struck back with his mighty swan powers!

[31 Oct, 12:00 PM] Andrew Hobson (Skree) gets taken down by a subtle attack from Gingerlink

[31 Oct, 17:55 PM] Dave The Slave is yet again on the prowl, disposing of David Read (Stealth monkey) and searching for LH

[30 Oct, 14:00 PM] Cameron Winstanley could not allow vigilantes like this 'Arjun Ravi Narayan (Nightwolf)' run around being all incompetent and such, it is rather improper!

[30 Oct, 11:25 AM] Thomas Gizbert (Mathias Malzieu) fell at the hands of the notorious Long Lankin

[31 Oct, 15:59 PM] The Swan of Mantua's legend reaches far, more recently it reached out and touched Rowena Christine Paren (TwilightAngel)

[31 Oct, 11:29 AM] A Clay Pigeon managed to bring about the demise of Dominic Hinkins (Professor Shameful McCrackhabit), how strange?

[30 Oct, 22:15 PM] Vice Admiral Horatio T Loins went hunting and managed to catch and kill Scott Wildgoose (The Tamegoose)

New on Friday, 31 October

[29 Oct, 21:45 PM] Dave The Slave does something silly,... well his accomplice did, but it all worked out in the end, sort of...

[30 Oct, 10:40 AM] Catherine Potterton (Fallen) is yet another individual who should not be left in the presence of SCIENCE!

[29 Oct, 17:00 PM] Joseph Reed (The Emperor's Fist) and Roger made an attempt on some targets but came unstuck against, well, just some guy, ya know?

New on Thursday, 30 October

[29 Oct, 18:08 PM] D.I. Nner and In Communist Russia, The Game Loses You! sniff out injustice, and find Joe Simm (Victim Of Geography) who they take down with ease

[29 Oct, 20:55 PM] Big Kahuna Burger reduces the rate of Robert Bell (homelessnessness) by cleaning up the streets.

New on Wednesday, 29 October

[29 Oct, 13:15 PM] Von Hildebrandt could not find Mathias Malzieu at his book signing, maybe the upcoming scientology convention is the place to look. >.>

[29 Oct, 11:58 AM] Vicky Nwosu Hope (Stickeh Vickeh) is finally tracked down by D.I. Nner

[28 Oct, 22:53 PM] Dave The Slave learns that women are not made for their conversational skills.

[27 Oct, 22:30 PM] Diogenes, Cakeface and Kettchy indulge in a little light corspe mutilation - hopefully Harsimran Singh and ZeNan Chang will be left to rest in peace from now on.

[28 Oct, 15:05 PM] Trinity lurks around for Stickeh Vickeh but alas she is not that Stickeh

[28 Oct, 19:15 PM] D.I. Nner continues to clean up the streets, taking down Caroline Tecks (Panthunter)

New on Tuesday, 28 October

[28 Oct, 00:30 AM] Irvine Kineas is a well regarded photographer. I feel this latest work says a lot about the fragile nature of life as an assassin, and emphasises how tragically things can go wrong, even when it seems you're unbeatable. It's moved me deeply.

[27 Oct, 17:50 PM] "Happy Birthday" seems to be the phrase most likely to led to death so far this game, as Jack William Mathew Jackson (Scubbo AKA Bébé Rhino) finds out from Logan

[28 Oct, 12:30 PM] Skree is disappointed that Mathias Malzieu went for lunch on their own.

[28 Oct, 12:40 PM] Skree lets their rabid ninja monkey feast on the flesh of Oliver Hart (silent p).

[28 Oct, 16:05 PM] A mysterious lady caller visits himself.

[26 Oct, 23:00 PM] Some monkey business occurs! Stealth monkey doesn't monkey around with Paul Beard (monkey)

[28 Oct, 09:58 AM] D.I. Nner turns away from his doughnuts and women for long enough to kill Prashin Jethwa (The Cow Slayer).

[27 Oct, 18:15 PM] Cameron Winstanley decides the police aren't doing a good enough job, so takes down Jonathan Tims (Das Moomin)

[27 Oct, 17:30 PM] Strawberry takes down ZeNan Chang (SpinCurrent)

[27 Oct, 13:00 PM] D.I. Nner interrupts Harsimran Singh (Dino)'s dinner.

[27 Oct, 10:30 AM] Roger and The Emperor's Fist look for Skree and Mathias Malzieu, but have little success.

New on Monday, 27 October

[26 Oct, 11:29 AM] Karoliina Lehtinen (Queen of spade) fell victim to Othar Trygvassen, Gentleman Adventurer

[27 Oct, 22:44 PM] The Umpire has received another bounty note, this time from A Quantum of Wallace

[27 Oct, 22:00 PM] Vice Admiral Horatio T Loins, with the assistance of some biscuits and homelessnessness, hunts down Peter Dyson (Dysprosium)

[26 Oct, 14:50 PM] Will Brooks runs away from the Incobash, murders an innocent, is mislead by a door, and then redeems by killing Jessica Brandler (Cowgirl), Nicola Bailey (Ellis F. Hanshawe) and Robert Aston Cole (black fox) - so all in all, a fairly busy day

[27 Oct, 17:51 PM] Eugene Lim (*Cuddly Parrots*) finds his pizza comes with extra T-unit

[27 Oct, 14:05 PM] Haukr makes very sure that Allie Rinck (Trust) dies.

[26 Oct, 11:40 AM] Juan Zober de Francisco ([Don J]) is om nom nommed by the very hungry caterpillar

[27 Oct, 14:00 PM] Skídbladnir does not like rodents it seems, as Elliot Carter (Mr Mouse) finds out to his cost.

[26 Oct, 18:30 PM] Skídbladnir somehow manages to fit killing Jacob Knight (Orr Whatever) into his busy schedule.

New on Sunday, 26 October

[26 Oct, 21:29 PM] The Umpire has received another anonymous note!

[25 Oct, 14:12 PM] Simon T Abernethy and Robert Bell take down the wanted Felix Bauer (Billy the Kid) through the cunning ruse of a duel.

[26 Oct, 11:52 AM] Nocturne narrowly avoids incompetence, but does so in style, killing James Frecknall (Parsifal)

[25 Oct, 21:15 PM] Aristotle was also looking for some *Cuddly Parrots* but the shop was all sold out. :(

[26 Oct, 00:10 AM] High tide for Captain James Bost (Pugwash), he is swept away by Professor Shameful McCrackhabit!

[25 Oct, 19:08 PM] The Queen of spades, she made those tarts... um, maybe not, instead she visited *Cuddly Parrots* who weren't in.

[25 Oct, 18:19 PM] It turns out that Edward Morland (Cotillion) is quite allergic to Pepper

[24 Oct, 19:55 PM] Kettchy finally owns up to killing Danielle Holt (Mr. Exciteable)

[24 Oct, 17:00 PM] Gingerlink experiences some of Palahniuk's Laughter but miraculously no death occurs.

New on Saturday, 25 October

[22 Oct, 13:43 PM] The Umpire has received an anonymous note!

[25 Oct, 16:00 PM] Andrew Marr's Rabid Eels slinked their way after a black fox but did not manage to ensnare it this time.

[24 Oct, 17:40 PM] Cotillion and "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. make a subtle attempt on Trust

[23 Oct, 12:02 PM] Michael Donaghy (Sam Spade) suddenly found himself in the middle of a P.C. Joke

[25 Oct, 15:32 PM] Alexander James MacDonald Russell (The Kroll) regrets taking on the maniacal Rex Cogidubnus who disposed of him with little trouble.

[25 Oct, 11:25 AM] The dream team of Big Kahuna Burger and SCIENCE! went a-visiting The buzzard and Panthunter with surprisingly little success.

[25 Oct, 18:00 PM] Roger, Juggles Geese, The Emperor's Fist go hunting for TwilightAngel and amazingly, he, spoilers: Not much happens!

[25 Oct, 16:25 PM] [Don J] found that his greatest enemy is himself, unfortunately himself isn't very good at finding himself?

[25 Oct, 13:30 PM] Dave The Slave cannot be stopped by a Tiina Pajuste (Killer Kitten)

[25 Oct, 13:35 PM] The buzzard took down his prey, Lee Crosby (Flo fle), with a dramatic tussle near a toilet.

[23 Oct, 21:41 PM] Trinity went hunting for Dave The Slave and Stickeh Vickeh but found noone home, fsvo 'found'.

[24 Oct, 18:00 PM] The Cossack searches for but does not find Professor Shameful McCrackhabit

[25 Oct, 10:01 AM] The Emperor's Fist takes down another scientist, this time Scott Whittaker (Martin Gale, the man with stationary expectation!)

[25 Oct, 10:16 AM] Steve Barnwell forgot that poisoned letters aren't allowed in this game. Wanted time for you!

[24 Oct, 19:17 PM] Alex Evans (Blackthorn) becomes another victim of SCIENCE!

[22 Oct, 14:16 PM] Oh dear, we have another one... Felix Bauer attempts to kill Mathias Malzieu with an illegal weapon, making himself wanted.

[24 Oct, 11:55 AM] Palahniuk's Laughter recognises Laura Leegood (rejey), not so good for the target.

[24 Oct, 11:45 AM] Rex Cogidubnus brings Tom Wootten (Tumbarumba)'s wanted rampage to an end.

[24 Oct, 23:09 PM] "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. totally killed Tony Chen (Gnarlie Brown)!

[24 Oct, 10:03 AM] The Emperor's Fist makes sufficient contact with Rikesh Rajani (Sarcastro).

[23 Oct, 17:20 PM] A Black Shadow crept up on both George Lockett (John Palmer) and Corin Jeffcock (The Elastic Band Man). The days are getting shorter, you know?

[24 Oct, 09:05 AM] A pen labelled knife has claimed the lives of so many, now including Stuart Burns (Mr. E) at the hands of TwilightAngel

[24 Oct, 08:55 AM] D.I. Nner's patrol yields dividends as Yazan Peter Haddadin (Borat) is brought to justice.

New on Friday, 24 October

[23 Oct, 19:15 PM] The Flying Squirrel Squad killed Thomas Gillespie (Santa), how could they? :-(

[23 Oct, 17:26 PM] I guess Irvine Kineas finally got Luke Michael Innes (morph) then!

[23 Oct, 13:37 PM] Michael McMahon (Em Mitchell) was another unfortunate victim of SCIENCE!

[21 Oct, 22:30 PM] Strawberry cleans up the streets of Cambridge! The heinous wanted criminal Luke Bennett (I have no need for a pseudonym cos I am going wanted (low redemption conditions please!)) is finally taken down!

[21 Oct, 13:25 PM] Charles William Kalderon (wrand) came a cropper thanks to Christine Peters and her killer bear

[22 Oct, 17:25 PM] Brigadier James III reporting for duty, sir! First mission: Kill Michael Scoins (Jonathan Percival Hargreaves), Excellent work!

[21 Oct, 17:00 PM] There are no mafias in Cambridge! There result of this would be that Logan killed Bibek Mukherjee (Fonterius) and then Cakeface went on to kill Sophie Louise Wells (Layla)

New on Wednesday, 22 October

[21 Oct, 23:00 PM] Pepper and "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. are attacked by seemingly nobody

[22 Oct, 19:45 PM] The buzzard picks the meat from the corpse of Danielle Rolet (Ofelia)

[22 Oct, 20:50 PM] Kupfernickel pays a visit to "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you., only for Zoe Holder to be shot again.

[22 Oct, 20:15 PM] Pepper strikes out into the shadows and hits Robert Rivera (Shadow shrew)

[22 Oct, 17:30 PM] 234 extermin8's Callum Holmes Williams (kipper)

[22 Oct, 16:45 PM] P.C. Joke finally tracks down the sinister Matt Hickford, only to find out that he was too late.

[22 Oct, 15:23 PM] Jacob Wills (The Hollowailer) is the one left wailing when Cotillion comes to visit

[22 Oct, 14:40 PM] Logan does their bit for society by taking down Matt Hickford (Eric Blair)

[22 Oct, 14:15 PM] Bob chases after himself

[22 Oct, 09:50 AM] Eric Blair kills an assassin for a change! Susan Elizabeth Yates (Dr Carrot) his unlucky victim.

[22 Oct, 02:00 AM] Sam Spade turns to the dark side of the force, shooting fellow officer Strawberry

[21 Oct, 16:00 PM] Natalie Sokolova (Starlet) is killed by Someone Somwhere - how vague

[21 Oct, 14:40 PM] A Black Shadow passes across and sucks the life out of Stuart Ritson (Louis XIV)

[21 Oct, 20:00 PM] Palahniuk's Laughter is getting old and confused... Little Miss Awful escapes alive!

New on Tuesday, 21 October

[21 Oct, 08:40 AM] Haukr and the very hungry caterpillar bring Harald Carlens (Steven Spielberg) and Harry Huang (The blapper) breakfast in bed - unfortunately, this morning, breakfast is rubber bands.

[21 Oct, 13:40 PM] Friendly housecall on Matt Hickford gone wrong! Cotillion's intervention leaves officer in a P.C. World of pain. (D.I. Nner witnesses his former deputy Stephen Cairns (P.C. World)'s death).

[19 Oct, 20:45 PM] Colin Love is not blind

[21 Oct, 08:45 AM] Our glorious CoP D.I. Nner tries to locate the evil criminal Tom Wootten, without success (perhaps he should cut down on the doughnuts).

[21 Oct, 12:10 PM] Jethrow Hugh Stoat-Gobbler Walrus-Titty III (Silly Party) 32,108 votes's first act in power is to pass a law eliminating Benjamin Gadsby (Emma Harrison)

[20 Oct, 22:54 PM] Charlotte Schoonman (Plato) and Cakeface venture into unknown territory and eventually find Christine Peters and Scubbo too much to handle.

[21 Oct, 12:52 PM] Dave The Slave goes looking for a Stealth monkey

[20 Oct, 23:01 PM] Colin Love receives a mysterious note

[17 Oct, 19:00 PM] Luke Bennett kills 2 innocents, including Innocent III

[17 Oct, 19:13 PM] The Tamegoose finds their doorhandle has been poisoned.

[21 Oct, 13:25 PM] The Swan of Mantua has infinite power over all forms of drinking utensil, including Emma Winston (Teacup)

[21 Oct, 13:40 PM] James Hall (The Pen) is not having a lot of luck with food, particularly Chili

[21 Oct, 16:10 PM] "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. shot a non-playing ex-assassin who was being very shifty... fortunately he was bearing as well as being a bit shifty.

[21 Oct, 12:00 PM] Duncan Noel Edward Stibbard Hawkes ('Wild Stabby' aka 'The Mysterious D') stops to make pleasant conversation, and receives Five rounds, rapid to the chest for his trouble.

[20 Oct, 22:30 PM] Chris Milligan (Diana Conspiracy) managed to defend himself against Gareth Tear (Orinoco) before dying to Paul "The Hammer" Dickinson

[20 Oct, 19:30 PM] That dangerous wanted criminal, Luke Bennett, murdered Sam Atkinson (Phil the Brontosaurus), can nobody stop his rampage?

[20 Oct, 17:50 PM] Dave The Slave reporting in

[20 Oct, 10:00 AM] "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. is missing something... maybe it is Luke Bennett, ooh shiny!

[17 Oct, 13:30 PM] Borat killed Ludmila Demtchenko (Enkidu) with his trusty banana

[20 Oct, 13:01 PM] Christine Peters has something against alcoholics apparently, and killed Parin Shah (RAMIEREZ)

New on Monday, 20 October

[20 Oct, 09:54 AM] Not even a Brook Roberts (Flying pig) is safe from Little Miss Awful!

[19 Oct, 18:48 PM] Matt Hickford murders an innocent man, well not that innocent I guess... he did have a beard.

[19 Oct, 22:20 PM] Jonathan Tims (The Stroke) couldn't handle the Pepper, it can be a bitter pill to swallow.

[19 Oct, 22:20 PM] A Zsolt Kristof Vertessy (n00bage) error allowed Tinkerbell to prove the formula Nerf >> Fairy Dust.

[18 Oct, 19:06 PM] Optimus Prime, T-unit and Starlet fought a war against the decepticons!!! James Hutchinson (Parallax) was slain in the war, oh noes!

New on Sunday, 19 October

[19 Oct, 16:40 PM] Irvine Kineas attempted to sneaky sneaky morph but morph managed to momentarily turn the tables before nothing very exciting happened. Ho hum.

[18 Oct, 18:39 PM] Tom Wootten has absconded to Scotland!

[19 Oct, 14:13 PM] D.I. Nner is on the beat. Won't somebody think of the children... Luke Bennett and Tom Wootten are still at large!

[18 Oct, 16:31 PM] Andrew Marr's Rabid Eels swam after the golden boy but, alas, he was a bit too good at evading them.

[19 Oct, 13:30 PM] Kettchy was just too much to handle for Ong Bi Hui (funkaymonkay)

[18 Oct, 13:45 PM] Counter-Attack!!! Lydia Katsouli-Pantzidou (Kittykats) and her accomplice boyfriend where struck down by Chili

[19 Oct, 11:50 AM] A wise man once said "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you., his peers then shunned him and for countless generations his clan were labelled at outcasts. This wise man then lashed out and killed Sarah Martin (Mallory) for some reason I have not thought of yet.

[18 Oct, 16:15 PM] Caecilius found that The Swan of Mantua was not in and then that Lydia Katsouli-Pantzidou (Kittykats) was in but already dead. How unfortunate!

[18 Oct, 18:30 PM] The Swan of Mantua experiences enlightenment - Hector Miller-Bakewell (Request that umpire makes one up?) experiences death.

[17 Oct, 23:35 PM] Silberpfeil (Frederic Kau) realises just too late that morph is his assassin

[18 Oct, 11:20 AM] Calvin Qiu (E. Vil) gets on the wrong end of some Clay Pigeon shooting

[18 Oct, 19:20 PM] Starlet pays Rob Mindell (Snoop-Dog-Top-Cat-Danger-Mouse) a deadly visit

[18 Oct, 17:30 PM] morph is reluctant to accept Irvine Kineas's 'birthday present'

[18 Oct, 18:00 PM] Eric Blair is a bit late for his meeting with Zoe Holder

[18 Oct, 13:30 PM] D.I. Nner pounds the streets of Cambridge in search of the wanted criminal Tom Wootten

[18 Oct, 12:05 PM] Sam Eaton-Rosen (Cisrah) is beaten in the race of life by Eric Blair

[17 Oct, 15:30 PM] The Shadowy Hedgehog goes after Shadow shrew... whoever said assassins are creatures who don't like sunlight?

New on Saturday, 18 October

[17 Oct, 19:03 PM] Some more news for the Daily Mail: Sarah Knight (Ladybird) is killed by the Diana Conspiracy

[17 Oct, 22:20 PM] Chili is a bit too hot for James Wilkinson Barwise (thefishmonger)

[17 Oct, 20:30 PM] Oliver Dominik Caspari (The Duke of France) is coolly mown down by Ghost Dog

[17 Oct, 17:45 PM] Anyone for sliced bread? Logan is - bad luck Zoe Holder (Hovis)

[17 Oct, 18:50 PM] Stephen Cairns (Caleb)'s pleasant conversation with Luke Bennett rudely interrupted by being stabbed to death!

[17 Oct, 23:15 PM] Luke Bennett shoots lots of innocents

New on Friday, 17 October

[17 Oct, 09:55 AM] Jiminez discreetly rampages on - Faraz Dianat (Sergio) his latest victim

[17 Oct, 14:48 PM] Henry R.B. Duke is out of town this weekend... anyone ever wanted to visit Bath? I hear it's particularly nice this time of year.

[16 Oct, 21:20 PM] Someone has been a bad boy...Kai Zeng (Rufus) is slain, along with 2 innocents, making Tom Wootten the first wanted criminal of the game.

[17 Oct, 13:00 PM] Carnage! Paul Cookson (Heinz) kills Carol Sparke (Monstra Mihi Pecuniam) but amazingly, he kills him too!

[17 Oct, 12:00 PM] Plato's greeting to Theodore Sanderson (Aardvark) was not very Platonic (yes, this really was the best headline I could come up with)

The Assassins' Guild - Updates

New on Monday, 24 November