Cloak & Dagger The Assassins' Guild - Week 2 News


Thursday, 31 January


[17:45 PM] Can nothing stop the Duke, can't stop the Duke... poor Emilie Yerby (String) :(

[18:50 PM] Killing David Anthony Read(#4502) is all in a day's work for General Operative (Death)
General Operative (Death) reports:

I headed to homerton this evening, heading to kill the thus far elusive David Anthony Read. I opened the door to his room, and fired my RBG at him, the second band hitting him in the head.


[20:50 PM] A attacks!! KEZ(Tinky Winky) ain't alive anymore
KEZ reports:

I got shot by A tonight just in front of my house. It was a truly thrilling experience. Wish it could happen more often.

Umpire's Note, 2013: KEZ has asked for their name to be erased from the archives.

A reports:

Another of J Doe's apprentice assassins annihilated. After aspying her aspect around the area of her abode, an arsenal was aimed, an attack attempted, and another assassination assured.

A


[21:03 PM] Timothy Bazalgette (Axolotl) 's life comes to an end, Tubular Bells!
Timothy Bazalgette reports:

At 9:03pm on Thursday the 31st of January, a knocking came upon my door. I looked through my spyhole, and seeing nobody assumed 'twas an assassin. Hoping to use this knowledge to my advantage, I took my weapon, opened the door and hid behind it, waiting while a flurry of rubber bands missed their target. At this point I fired out at my unseen assailant, but to no avail, and was myself hit. I looked at the face of my killer - 'twas none other than Michael Oldfield, and an armed accomplice lurking behind him.

Here ends the tale of Axolotl.

Michael Oldfield reports:

Knock on door.
Gun fight.
VOCAL CHORDS!
The Venetian effect.
Dying sound produced.
Tubular Bells!


[22:00 PM] The hits just keep coming for Michael Oldfield, Liam Mencel (Mencellator) clearly wasn't a fan.
Liam Mencel reports:

Was killed at 22.00 today in my room. He hung around outside my room for a while, then we battled it out, my squash racket and pillow against his gun.

Michael Oldfield reports:

Who's gonna get your Umpire?
What's going on?
Who's gonna get your Booth?
Where's your Mummy?
WHERE'S SHE GONE?
Who's gonna get your Mencel?
I don't know?
Are you dead mummy?


[22:25 PM] Beware Joshua Blanchard Lewis, DI Love is on the case!
DI Love reports:

So, I lurked for the most heinous of Duke's from 9:25-10:25 and then got bored and went home. Hopefully one of my constables who stayed in wait dealt with the criminal.

The Policeman with Absolute Motion reports:

How to organise a successful lurk of a wanted criminal
1) Get a player who has ans MA and the deputy CoP
2) Cunningly follow someone into the target's staircase
3) Leave the Deputy (a reliable hard working law enforcer) in staircase
4) Go to lurk around the general region
5) Notice the DCoP leaving the staircase because he has now done
something to get competence and shutting the door behind him
6) Wait til you can get back in
7) Lurk staircase with MA person below you (take weapons like throwables and Nerf in case target is NW)
8) After 2 1/2 hours of doing nothing productive, target arrives
9) Shoot target with said Nerf and an RBG
10) Let hilarity ensue

I hear I am a nice friendly police officer - love and promote me and give me doughnuts


[23:18 PM] Monty Karl, I would make you wanted but I don't even think that remotely constitutes an attempt :P
Monty Karl reports:

Well I guess it doesn't count for competence, and it generally highlights my *in*competence, but it's a vague attempt at a kill at least...

So, I see Jacob Samuel Corteen/Jake/whatever his name is heading to Gardies, as I leave a black tie dinner. Realising that being wanted might be superior to being incompetent, since at least I will have made a kill, I take advantage of the fact that he seems slightly drunk, and has no idea who I am, and walk up to him. I reach into my pocket for the trusty wooden chopstick labelled "knife" that I've carried with me 24/7 since the start of the game, and prepare to make my very first kill. I realise, as I do this, that my trusty chopstick-knife is now adorning the hair of a friend who thought it would look good. By this point, especially given my lack of subtlety thanks to the vast quantities of wine and port I've consumed, he has noticed the random guy walking up to him fumbling in his pocket with a look of confusion. So, I decide the best I can do is to throw him off guard - "So, Jake, are you dead?" "Uh...no...", at which point, he dashed into Gardies, and I dashed off in the other direction, realising that, being unarmed, I was a tad screwed.

So, to be honest, probably yet another reason for my pending incompetence...

(Congratulations if you made it that far, I'm drunk and rambling)

Friday, 1 February


[10:24 AM] Pheeleep Beelbee is after Alicia Danks, zomg!
Pheeleep Beelbee reports:

It's strange how it can be so cold when the sun is so bright.


[13:15 PM] The beard strikes again, Jacob Samuel Corteen murders Ruairidh King (bumchumnumberone)
Jacob Samuel Corteen reports:

So spake the sov'reign voice, and clouds begin
To darken all the hill, and smoke to roll
In dusky wreathes, reluftant flames, the sign
Of wrath awak'd; nor with less dread the loud
Ethereal trumpet from on high 'gan blow:
At which command the Powers militant,
That stood for Heav'n, in mighty quadrate join'd
Of union irresistible, mov'd on
In silence their bright legions, to the sound
Of instrumental harmony, that breath'd
Heroic ardour to advent'rous deeds
Under their God-like leaders, in the cause
Of God and his Messiah. On they move
Indissolubly firm : nor obvious hill,
Nor strait'ning vale, nor wood, nor stream divides
Their perfeft ranks ; for high above the ground
Their march was, and the passive air upbore
Their nimble tread

Ruairidh King reports:

at 130 today the same beardy man as last time burst into my room and shot me repeatedly, i am dead. he knows where i live now, serious downer!
ruairidh


[19:40 PM] Well, Monty Karl could fix your computer, but would rather kill you instead, sorry Robert Patterson (the man with a sunlight allergy)
Monty Karl reports:

I thought it suspicious that a friend invites me over to fix her friend's computer, when I know from others that her friend is also an assassin. Despite the fact that there's only one way to get in - getting an inhabitant to buzz you through, and no other exits, I went anyway. The front door was left unlocked, and my target appeared to answer the door unarmed, so I shot him in the nipple (ish). I figured it was better to be wanted than incomptetent, but fortunately, I was his target.

Robert Patterson reports:

In a cunning attempt to lure Monty Karl out of their impenetrable lair, i signaled for computational distress. Monty Karl, unfazed by this plea for help, left the dudes hideout and proceeded to my comfortable abode. Unfortunately for me, that individual was just as unfazed when the aforementioned person pulled out a gun and shot me before i could knife my killer, immediately upon opening my door.

Saturday, 2 February


[12:00 PM] A awaits Ninja_Elf, but he doesn't appear
A reports:

Announcing the attendance of an academic auditorium this afternoon, to await the arrival of an acquaintance. Alas, the aforementioned and anticipated acquaintance was apparently absent, and after an awkward hour of address, A absconded to another area.


[12:05 PM] Unfortunately for James Brister(Sylvester McCoy), Robert Coomber was Hide-and-Seek World Champion in his youth
Robert Coomber reports:

So I found quite a good hiding spot between my target's lecture and his college. I stood there in the cold for a good 10 minutes, during which a friend of mine walked past and didn't even notice, even when I shouted at him (apparantly the hiding spot was THAT good). But yes, James Brister is dead.


[15:15 PM] The nefarious criminal Joshua Blanchard Lewis(Tumultuous Weathercocks Instigate Lethargically Levitating Obelisks) is finally eliminated (in quite some style) by Backward Finesse
Backward Finesse reports:

It produced in me, this figure, in the clear twilight, I remember, two distinct gasps of emotion, which were, sharply, the shock of my first and that of my second surprise. My second was a violent perception of the mistake of my first: the man who met my eyes was not the person I had precipitately supposed. There came to me thus a bewilderment of vision of which, after these years, there is no living view that I can hope to give. An unknown man in a lonely place is a permitted object of fear to a young woman privately bred; and the figure that faced me was--a few more seconds assured me--as little anyone else I knew as it was the image that had been in my mind. I had not seen it in Harley Street--I had not seen it anywhere. The place, moreover, in the strangest way in the world, had, on the instant, and by the very fact of its appearance, become a solitude. To me at least, making my statement here with a deliberation with which I have never made it, the whole feeling of the moment returns. It was as if, while I took in--what I did take in--all the rest of the scene had been stricken with death. I can hear again, as I write, the intense hush in which the sounds of evening dropped. The rooks stopped cawing in the golden sky, and the friendly hour lost, for the minute, all its voice. But there was no other change in nature, unless indeed it were a change that I saw with a stranger sharpness. The gold was still in the sky, the clearness in the air, and the man who looked at me over the battlements was as definite as a picture in a frame.

The reason of my faculties led me to deduce that this haunting man, who could have come straight from the pages of some tupenny thriller, could be no other than that most nefarious of psychopaths, known in the Gutter Press by the pseudonym 'The Duke'. I knew it was my duty, as it is any other god-fearing person, to cease his crimes.

His pride in his defences was his downfall...I scaled the front face of his building with facility and began to carefully remove the window lock. Every Turn of the Screw was agonising to me. My job done, I commenced firing rounds at the scoundrel with my pistol (a necessity for any young governess in these turbulent times). An extended firefight ensued in which two arms and five legs were blown clean off.

Both our ammo exhausted, we stood face to face in the darkened room. The bell tolled 3 as I looked into the dark, troubled, eyes of the killer and through them straight into his blackened soul. By then, I could see it was almost as if he wanted me to end his misery: revealing some spark of good still left in him perhaps. So I set my killer attack hedgehog on him...

Joshua Blanchard Lewis reports:

DUKE
This boy that should be myself after me
Would be myself before me, and in heat
Of that ambition bloodily rush'd in
Intending to depose me in my bed.

They do, we're sorry for't; it is our fate:
To live in fear and die to live in hate.


[15:31 PM] Yuan Cao Zhang (Cancer Man) couldn't beat the iron lady.
the iron lady reports:

i killed the 'banana killer' Yuan Cao Zhang at churchill earlier this afternoon with a rubber-band gun. he then played me a rather nice achoustic rendition of the 'rather be at oxford than st johns' song on his guitar. good times, good times..

Yuan Cao Zhang reports:

Hey, just got killed by the iron lady. After letting her into my room, she tried to shoot me with a rubber band gun, which failed repeatedly, leaving us standing for about 3 minutes. When I offered to help fix it, she went forward and did a rather dashing pistol whip, castrating my spleen. Alas, I did not have time to reach for my Killer Shurikan Hat of Doom, and died in a puddle of jaffa cakes.


[15:45 PM] Little Miss Apprehensive shoots James Brister's corpse...
Little Miss Apprehensive reports:

Some bastard shot my target :(


[16:30 PM] Yer Ma lacks any Backward Finesse
Yer Ma reports:

Armed with my trusty RBG, which I have named James, I ventured forth to Jesus this afternoon to make an attempt on the life of Backward Finesse. I lurked for a good half hour but no sightings were forthcoming, so I headed over to the Run and watched Ireland pwn Italy.


[19:00 PM] Karma kills Simon Abernethy(The Independent Nation of Neil) - or rather Quinn Mallory does
Simon Abernethy reports:

It seems my cunning policy of isolationism has ended in tears. However in fairness, before I was gunned down in my stairwell by Quinn Mallory I had just cycled 50 miles from London to Cambridge. Consequently I was unable to run away or indeed walk quickly. I also blame bad karma from the lack of the use of Horatio T Loins as my pseudonym. I will however return....not today, not tomorrow but some day.


[19:18 PM] Our Lady Bonbons made an attempt on Monty Karl, but does Monty Karl suspect anything

Sunday, 3 February


[14:00 PM] The incobash strikes! End result: Sol Richardson(trilobite sundae), Liam Brierley(Snickers) and Tom Wootten(Not The Highway Code) dead!
The Umpire reports:

And so, at 2pm today a brave band of 3 intrepid warriors (and the Umpire and his Assistant) departed to hunt down incompetent dudes. First, after some some confusion as to where St Catz is, we paid a visit to Sol Richardson, who, after almost grenading our brave CoP Tom Wootten, agreed to duel William Brooks. Although Sol Richardson lost the duel, and hence his life, if there was an award for being a good sport and entering into the spirit of things, he would surely have won.

The Incobash then headed on to Magdelene, in search of Liam Brierley, who appeared not to be in. After briefly considering a number of options, including climbing into a communal window and shooting some dudes who were playing handball nearby, we departed. At this point, The Umpire and his Assistant departed, leaving Jennifer Berry, Tom Wootten and William Brooks to continue their quest alone....

The Policeman with Absolute Motion reports:

Incobash!!!
Today, lol Tom Wootten lol, Jennifer Berry and I went to go hunt the lazy people who haven't been trying to kill people.

We first went to see Sol Richardson who was in his room. We decided to have a one on one duel with Max D 3000's and went down to the patio to fight. He was quickly dispatched by me and then we had a nice chat. :-)
We then found Liam Brierley was out and this made us sad :'(
A long walk up to Churchill rendered no luck either as Lu Wei was out :'(
But on the way back we found Liam was in! We had a bit of a firefight which ended with all of us shooting him and lol Tom Wootten lol having spray on his back from Jenn's friendly fire. There was a question of whether it was enough for him to be dead, so being the nice caring person she is, she shot him for bearing to avoid any arguments. We also saw J Doe. He was not wearing a hat but he was wearing a wig and was noticeable from a long way away. We then parted company.

Jennifer Berry reports:

Dear umpire.

After we were berefit of your presence we then had a long and fruitless trip to churchil, which did not appear to contain Lu Wei. While deciding whether to visit Homerton we went back to Magdalene for a second go at Liam Brierley. This time we had more action.

He seemed to have thought better of his cowardly ways, and decided to put up a fight. First a bandgun out one window, and then another, but they fell short. Secondly a water gun was brought to the fight before he appeard at the door and we watched eachother through the glass, waiting for an opprtunity.

With the help of an accuplice there were many openings of the door and shooting of water and firing of grenades, until finally Tom Wootten scored a hit on him. Not sure if he was hit I fired another shot at him just in case, however I was standing directly behind Tom Wootten, and may have got some water on him.

It was hard to tell, there were a few tiny spots, but perhapse not 10p worth. In any case Twillo and Tom had a bitter argument over it that scared me. I wanted them to stop arguing, but what could I possibly do? I did the only thing I could think to do and made it umambiguous that there was at least 10p sized splash on Tom (making sure he was bearing first. Of course.) There was no more arguing. Surely everyone was happy now?

Jennifer Berry reporting

Snickers reports:

I appear to be dead, killed by several police (though I didn't get their names..) after an exciting battle in which the girl upstairs managed to get involved too.


[17:00 PM] The Policeman with Absolute Motion was the only cop with the power to get to Homerton.. unfortunately Ninja_Elf also lacked the power
The Policeman with Absolute Motion reports:

I went to Ninja_Elf's room, which he had carelessly left unlocked. I went and hid in his toilet for an hour and a half and he didn't show up. I solved his Rubix cube for him because I am nice.
I found that there was still the remains of TheDuke's contact poison everywhere - it made me laugh. He had covered load of things in it and there were still the remains of it around. I then went to visit the Library but failed to find him there either. I hear Homerton is too far away and that there are silly key locks to get out of anywhere as well as in.


[18:12 PM] ^.^;;<||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||> has been out and about...
^.^;;<||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||> reports:

Dear Mr. Umpire, Why are you so slow at updating the website? Is it true that you didn't update one evening because you were out celebrating your birthday? I don't really think this is acceptable, and that you're a big smelly.

The Umpire would like to apologise for any distress caused, and promises to put the game before everything else in his life in the future. ;)


[21:07 PM] Little Miss Apprehensive joins the Assassins Poetry Club
Little Miss Apprehensive reports:

The Naming of Parts

Today we have naming of parts. Yesterday,
we had daily cleaning. And tomorrow morning,
we shall have what to do after firing. But today,
today we have naming of parts. Japonica
glistens like coral lips in all of the neighbouring gardens.
And today we have naming of parts.

These are the twin pressure chambers. And this
is the nozzle, whose use you will see,
when you are given your targets. And this is the pressure gauge,
which in your case you have not got. The branches
in the gardens hold their curved, sensuous gestures.
Which in our case we have not got.

This is the trigger, which is always released
with an easy flick of the finger. And please do not let me
see anyone squeezing his trigger. You can do it quite easy
if you have any strength in your wrist. The blossoms
are soft and pink. Never let anyone see
any of them squeezing their trigger.

And this you can see is the pump. The purpose of this
is to fill the pressure chambers, as you can see. We can slide it
rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this
pressurizing the gun. And rapidly backwards and forwards
the early bees are assaulting and fumbling the flowers.
They call it pressurizing the gun.

For today we have the naming of parts.

Monday, 4 February


[14:15 PM] Guaranteed Overnight Dispatchment journeys to the real world to get Pheeleep Beelbee, alas the real world is not ready for Pheeleep Beelbee
Guaranteed Overnight Dispatchment reports:

Dearest umpire(s)

Today, i had decided, was going to be the day to get Pheeleep Beelbee. A small piece of research told me there were two UNSPECIFIED_EVENTS he might be attending today, at UNSPECIFIED_TIME(A) and at UNSPECIFIED_TIME(B). So at UNSPECIFIED_TIME(A-k) I arrived at the UNSPECIFIED_LOCATION looking for him, lurking near the lecture room until UNSPECIFIED_TIME(A+k). However there was no sign of him, so my morning's work resulted in missing my UNSPECIFIED_DEGREE_SUBJECT student lie-in for no net gain :( Anooyed by the lack of his presence, I decided to try again this afternoon, and arrived with more time to spare, at UNSPECIFIED_TIME(C). Unfortunately he was once again absent (or at least appeared to be) so I headed home again at UNSPECIFIED_TIME(dC/dt(C+k)).

I am 97% sure that he must attend one of those UNSPECIFIED_EVENTS.
I am 97% sure he could not have snuck past me.
therefore I am 97% sure he is skipping UNSPECIFIED_EVENTS :(

The Umpire would like to note that all algebra on this website should be taken with a pinch of salt, or a red pen and some coffee if you feel like a pleasant evening in.


[18:00 PM] A quote from the book of Benjamin Weaver. "If you're in a fight, you're doing it wrong!" Alicia Danks (Little Miss Apprehensive), Amelia Booth (Battle of mice) and David Williams (Backward Finesse AKA Solid Snake) just haven't learnt from the master.
Little Miss Apprehensive reports:

We went looking for trouble. Trouble's middle name was Benjamin. We found Trouble, then trouble found us.

Little Miss Apprehensive would like to apologise to Mr Benjamin Weaver for delaying his dinner, but points out that he could always have had buttered Nerf if he was hungry.

Benjamin Weaver reports:

In Which Benjamin Gets Some Visitors
An Agony in Four Fits

Fit the First
THE LURKING

It was tea-time and as I went out of my door,
A rustling heard down the hall.
"Could this be assassins?" I wondered aloud,
"Hiding yonder behind that damned wall."

With a gun in my chest and my heart in my hand,
I stepped out to dance with my doom
I had only just noted my prior mistake
When a shot cut me off from my room.

I lurched to the left, then I lurched to the right,
As another shot passed by my ear,
So I flung myself bodily back to my door,
Taking thimbles to silence the fear.

With my heart in my chest and a gun in my hand,
I returned with some care to my door,
There was one to my left, at least two to my right,
And goodness knows how many more.

There was also a Beaver, that paced up and down,
With advice for those who'd allow.
And had often (the Duke had said) saved them from death,
Though none of those present knew how.

An inventory taken, I retired inside,
To further consider my fate,
Outnumbered, outgunned, and with nowhere to run,
I feared tea would not be on my plate.

"But wait just a second", I said to myself,
(Sotto voce e il pollice*)
I knew that this grappling hook would be of use,
When fights odds one against three.

It was fortunate that there were footholds below,
As the rope was uncomfortably small,
But by placing a toe on a windowy ledge,
I averted an two storey fall.

Down and safe, thank the gods, and primed for the fight,
I quickly ascended the stairs,
And entered the battle with customary might
Past the innocents' innocent glares.

Fit the Second
THE FIGHTING

I fought them with thimbles—and fought them with care;
And I fought them with hippos and hope;
And I threatened their life with a pen labelled knife;
And I poisoned my bow-bolts with soap.

("That’s exactly the method," the Beaver bold
In a hasty parenthesis cried,
"That’s exactly the way I have always told,
That the capture of flags should be tried!")

I went upstairs and downstairs and even aroundstairs,
Through bathrooms and ballrooms and all,
And we sent ribbons of water across the night air,
And we made quite a mess of the hall.

Til at last I espied in a night-mirrored pane,
The back of an unwary Boots,
And I crept up the stair and unloaded a shot,
Then emitted some victory hoots.**

The turn came around for the Butcher to die,
Though his hatchet was ready and swift,
Yet he too could be caught from behind by surprise,
The odds with my spirits did lift.

But alas, on the gauge on my tank I caught sight,
Of the state of my ammo supply.
Though my spirits were high, my water was low,
And drought is a poor way to die.

By many a tactic of misdirection I
Strove on to win back to my sink,
With a bottomless flow of this dear H2O,
I afforded myself a long drink.

Fit the Third
THE ENDGAME

So refreshed and reloaded, I girded my loins
With everything at my disposal.
But as neighbours had come from their rooms to complain,
The Bellman made a proposal:

"We are happy to leave, or postpone, if you will,
Our violence, should it disturb,
But I fear than an egress would only remove,
The quarrelling out to the curb."

"Not at all," said our friends, as they passed on their way,
"Do continue," was their refrain
So around in additional circles we found,
And I poisoned my bow-bolts again.

The only disruption to this little game came
Again in a neighbourly guise,
Coming fast through a doorway, I saw just a shape,
So shot squarely between his eyes.

A stand-off ensuing in various parts made
Me heartily long for my tea;
But to leave unannounced would invite to be pounced,
And a gentleman should not flee.

So I steeled myself to the fight and I saw
An opportunity arise,
When the Bellman, the bathroom, engaged to refill,
I leapt forth like honey to flies.

As she left, with her back so exceedingly turned,
I pounced through the opposite door,
And shot with the need of a ravenous wretch,
Then watched her corpse sink to the floor.

With a glance at my watch I saw glorious truth,
That I had been longing to see,
Though under fire, I'd escaped from this mire at
Six Forty-One - just time for tea.

Fit the Fourth
APPENDIX - WARNING FROM A TRINITY MATHMO

"For the Sheila’s a peculiar creature, that won’t
Be caught in a commonplace way.
Do all that you know, and try all that you don’t:
Not a chance must be wasted to-day!"

"You must seek it with thimbles—and seek it with care;
You may hunt it with forks and hope;
You may threaten its life with a pen labelled knife;
You must charm it with smiles and soap"

"But oh, beamish scholar, beware of the day,
If your Sheila be a Boojum***! For then
You will softly and suddenly vanish away,
And never be met with again!"

=====

* thumb
** apologies
** thought to be a corruption of the old Hebrew "Benjamin"


[18:05 PM] Jacob Samuel Corteen continues on the warpath, who is next on his list? Robert Coomber (The Smug Ostrich AKA I was drunk or tired when I chose my last Psuedo) apparently :(
The Smug Ostrich reports:

Killed just as my master plan was coming into fruition. Unfortunately step one of the plan was "don't die for a bit" so screw that.

Jacob Samuel Corteen reports:

So, on this windy sea of land, the Fiend
Walked up and down alone, bent on his prey;
Alone, for other creature in this place,
Living or lifeless, to be found was none;
None yet, but store hereafter from the earth
Up hither like aereal vapours flew
Of all things transitory and vain, when sin
With vanity had filled the works of men:
Both all things vain, and all who in vain things
Built their fond hopes of glory or lasting fame,
Or happiness in this or the other life;
All who have their reward on earth, the fruits
Of painful superstition and blind zeal,
Nought seeking but the praise of men, here find
Fit retribution, empty as their deeds;
All the unaccomplished works of Nature's hand,
Abortive, monstrous, or unkindly mixed,
Dissolved on earth, fleet hither, and in vain,
Till final dissolution, wander here;


[21:30 PM] Eystein Thanisch (Lord_of_Lamancha) stepped into the Quantum Leap Accelerator, and vanished

[22:00 PM] William Brooks was today promoted to Captain of the Police Force due to his relentless pursuit of justice!

[22:25 PM] Benjamin Weaver got lost on the way to finding Our Lady Bonbons, who would rather not die right now.
Benjamin Weaver reports:

Well, some wanted rampage that turned out to be. :(


[22:30 PM] Surely a gentleman like Maximilian Arturo would be suited to the iron lady, umm I guess not?
Maximilian Arturo reports:

It is hardly commendable for one in my position to be trying to persuade young girls to open their doors. That this one rejected my most honeyed words only adds insult to injury.


[23:02 PM] Lu Wei (Wooly5) also stepped into the Quantum Leap Accelerator, and vanished
Philip Bielby reports:

Dear Steve,

I killed some dudes.

Yours,

Philip

Tuesday, 5 February


[11:52 AM] Dinesh-Ramesh Mirpuri Vatvani (Ninja_Elf) should have been looking after his Private Parts, or something.
Private Parts reports:

Myth: I snuck up behind Dinesh-Ramesh Mirpuri Vatvani and stabbed him in the back while he was trying to discretely escape from a lecture.

Truth: Me - "I am The Law! Put down your weapons and prepare to be judged!"
Dinesh-Ramesh Mirpuri Vatvani - "Judge this" pulling 2 fully loaded and pumped cps 2000s from his back pockets.
Me - "I knew you'd say that" I pull out my single knife. Dodging his fire with a series of back-flips and somersaults, I threw the knife, bouncing it off a convenient pilar, landing it square between his eyes.
Me - "assassins legal code 342: failing to make attempts on other assassins lives within competence time limits, sentence: Death. Court adjourned."

And that's what really really happened,

Private Parts


[12:00 PM] Benjamin Weaver rampaged on, kind of, alas Rich Miller got to Ninja_Elf first.
Benjamin Weaver reports:

It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I relish your death after all that you've done

I had to let it happen, I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life on the lam
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun

So I chose freedom
Running around, trying thermodynamics
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to

Don't cry for me Dinesh-Ramesh Mirpuri Vatvani
The truth is I failed to kill you
All through your lectures
My bored existence
I kept my promise
You kept your distance

And as for Twillo, and as for Josh
I never invited them in
Though it seemed that you couldn't be arsed to lock your door

They are illusions
They are not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
Rich killed you, but didn't see me!


[23:00 PM] The Umpire hears that Philip Bielby is corrupt to Benjamin Weaver.... shocker!

[23:01 PM] Benjamin Weaver kills Michael William Donaghy (what? I'm not a furry.), I blame Philip Bielby :P
Benjamin Weaver reports:

Pancakes or death? Little Red Cookbook! "Eh, pancakes please."

Wednesday, 6 February


[02:00 AM] Cimcirymci and the police are late night shopping for Benjamin Weaver
Cimcirymci reports:

Dear Umpire,

today around 2 am, along with [unspecified member of the police force] I went to look for Benjamin Weaver, as hearing he was wanted made my day and filled me with a murderous urge. We spent a considerable amount of time lurking outside [unspecified venue] in the centre, where he is known to spend his money on drinking and wenching. Unfortunately, he was not there, which was not a nice thing to do considering the fact we stayed up till that late to execute him.

yours,
Cimcirymci


[02:09 AM] Murder on the Dancefloor! Jacob Samuel Corteen (Fourth Merry Man from the left AKA The Harbringer of 2012 AKA Trinity's Nemesis) finally falls to the iron lady
Jacob Samuel Corteen reports:

As ways to end one's days go, arm round your girlfriend and another pretty girl, mid-hug, half-drunk and having a fun evening out - far be it from me to complain. I take the risk that this might happen in paying no attention in a place I'm regularly known to attend - a good night out is far more important than the game :)

I do, however, feel disappointed that my killer didn't stop to make the courtesy of saying hello, or any kind of friendly comment. Ah well. You'd have thought that if they'd paid the entrance fee they'd have done more than merely left... I don't bite, or at least not hard unless you ask nicely.


[20:22 PM] Michael Oldfield speaks to the people!
Michael Oldfield reports:

Ten players left!
Just hold your heading true!
Got to get your finest out!
You're number one or they'll be killing you!


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