The Assassins' Guild

[17:00 PM] It begins! The Umpire narrowly avoids making the first headline an in-joke!

[17:30 PM] Next time I'll shoot first and ask for a truce later! Stevo Spaghetto fell foul of Inigo Montoya's cunning.

[17:35 PM] Cambridge Left Unguarded, St Catherine's College In Flames, Odysseus Dead! Anne in profit!

[17:47 PM] Timmy eats The Jackal. Ulch - that meat was tainted!

[17:58 PM] If all animals were pets, would Timmy let He who Hates Freedom marry George?

[17:59 PM] Adrift Just Outside Claire Latitude 38ÃÂ° 54' N, Longitude 77ÃÂ° 00' 13 George discovered the landyman.

[19:24 PM] The Hedge Charlotte [illegible]'s Destination, George was there already.

[20:30 PM] Anne went all by herself to visit the evil Lady Bumcivillian Amylase Tetrahydroxide

[20:59 PM] Tom Booth has something to say

[22:30 PM] He Who Hates Freedom meets A Titanium Elemental

[23:10 PM] Julian took out Giger

Friday, 15 June

[01:08 AM] lol Ferrets

[09:54 AM] Long John Killed In His Sleep

[10:37 AM] J Doe retired from the game.

[10:45 AM] Another double-kill. I guess Timmy really hates He who Hates Freedom.

[10:45 AM] And yea, the Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel descended from on High, and he did Strike at his Foes a Warning Bolt

[11:00 AM] Anne and George visited that nice Odysseus with some guns, and Anne shot her

[13:40 PM] Stevo decides to eat Inigo's rubber bands in hall

[15:28 PM] Guy in hat spotted, Reinforcements were dead

[15:36 PM] Anne and George went to see that nice chap the landyman, and promptly shot him

[16:06 PM] The force was not with Peter Prescott but Julian was.

[16:20 PM] Lady Bumcivillian Amylase Tetrahydroxide considered as a helix of semi-precious stones

[16:33 PM] The Nude Dude was disappointingly well-clothed.

[16:55 PM] He who Hates Freedom made an incursion upon Philip's metaphorical base

[17:16 PM] Charlotte [illegible] misses He who Hates Freedom

[17:55 PM] Corners were proven to have teeth (and water guns). He who Hates Freedom didn;t have a very high opinion of Timmy either.

[18:43 PM] Moshe Satnav and Lauren get into trouble. Anne got some easy kills.

[19:00 PM] Freedom was hated outside Newnham, after much running by A Titanium Elemental.

[22:10 PM] Uncleftish Assassining by I <3 Raccoons and Gordon Lol

[22:12 PM] Anne was attacked by I <3 Raccoons, and managed to shoot him due to some lol

[22:45 PM] I AM THE DEBIAN PROJECT LEADER, Timmy. You should have known.

Saturday, 16 June

[01:22 AM] something completely random was too much for Giger.

[01:29 AM] Cornered with nowhere to go, Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel smites Julian.

[10:10 AM] Timmy killed The Jackal - his owner was nowhere to be seen

[10:21 AM] Beethoven the II was killed by Timmy - (some joke about Beethoven II being a dog film)

[11:00 AM] Timmy just keeps on going! The Nude Dude falls this time

[11:45 AM] Tom Booth massacred an innocent with help from Clare College

[11:50 AM] Whilst Going on a Nice Bicycle Ride Charlotte [illegible] was Killed by A Titanium Elemental

[12:10 PM] Jo killed by Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel at 12:10 outside the UL

[12:10 PM] Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel struck Timmy, apparently, whilst all dogs may go to heaven, they're not entirely welcome, or something

[12:45 PM] The tide of fate turns against Lauren. As did the tide of He who Hates Freedom, or something.

[13:00 PM] Julian put up a good fight but ultimately fell tp He who Hates Freedom

[13:37 PM] Anne shot Moshe Satnav while George hung around

[14:49 PM] Anne shot toilet-flush while George ran up behind him (or something)

[15:04 PM] Giger stabbed in back by Judas

[15:20 PM] Anne saw I <3 Raccoons and I <3 Raccoons saw Anne, so some chasing occured (with George too), and Anne shot I <3 Raccoons

[15:37 PM] Anne dispatched a suspiciously unarmed An Abstract Concept That Feeds Off Potential Energy and I think you underestimate the sneaky sneaky - hilarity ensued

[17:20 PM] Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel sought vengeance against the landyman - nobody is sure why

[17:35 PM] Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel strikes again! The Jackal this time

[18:15 PM] One more? Why not. Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel strikes Marcus King

[19:05 PM] Julian double killed with Giger

[20:00 PM] A very odd situation turns against Jo.

[20:30 PM] CURRENT STANDINGS: 1st - Philip Bielby | 2nd - Jacob Samuel Corteen | 3rd - Joshua Guy Blanchard Lewis | 4th - Michael Donaghy | 5th - Konrad Kazimierz Dabrowski

[20:45 PM] Anne shot I AM THE DEBIAN PROJECT LEADER while Timmy ran away, and George was off shooting some other dudes

[20:50 PM] Stop them at the bridge

[23:15 PM] Giger stabbed in back by Judas

Sunday, 17 June

[00:33 AM] The Umpire spotted a suspicious character in a Trinity computer room, and after employing their l33t assassin skillz discovered it was the fearsome Leif of clan Denby - we hope he didn't hear scoring spoilers ^_^;;

[10:05 AM] Moshe Satnav fell afoul of He who Hates Freedom

[14:28 PM] Inigo Montoya saw I think you underestimate the sneaky sneaky

[14:30 PM] Murder on King's Parade! Lord of the Pies killed Dick and Jo - it is unclear whether or not he made pies of them and ate them, however.

[15:17 PM] Laurence Watson and Matt Taylor lurking in Newnham, Emma Pewsey strikes back, only J Doe dead. >.> lol (well, and Matt Taylor too, apparently)

[15:33 PM] Lord of the Pies met He who Hates Freedom - they had a freedom hating contest. Lord of the Pies won (surprise!).

[15:55 PM] The Umpire saw a kill! I AM THE DEBIAN PROJECT LEADER got Lord of the Pies wet in Whewell's

[16:55 PM] Partying is clearly more important than assassinating, so Lauren died to George

[17:10 PM] A Time for Merriment? Or a Time for Death? (Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel killed The Jackal)

[18:10 PM] More Merriment and Death (Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel got Judas)

[20:16 PM] Vengeful striking from a Steed

[20:41 PM] Anne shot Charlotte [illegible]

[20:43 PM] Five Go To Gauda Prime

[22:30 PM] the landyman strikes back against I <3 Tigers, he should keep his door locked............

[22:35 PM] I AM THE DEBIAN PROJECT LEADER killed An Abstract Concept That Feeds Off Potential Energy and I think you underestimate the sneaky sneaky

[23:56 PM] Charlotte [illegible], Julian and Judas in much confusion

Monday, 18 June

[00:00 AM] Lord of the Pies stabbed I AM THE DEBIAN PROJECT LEADER - oh the shenanigans

[00:35 AM] Hajuoro ran, but not fast enough to evade the drunken speed of He who Hates Freedom

[04:10 AM] An Abstract Concept That Feeds Off Potential Energy and I think you underestimate the sneaky sneaky resigned from the game.

[10:05 AM] Lady Bumcivillian Amylase Tetrahydroxide opened his door to Timmy. Bad move

[10:48 AM] I <3 Tigers and Timmy compared small yellow weapons

[11:24 AM] Edward A "Casual Sex" Heaney, B.A. Hons. (Cantab), purveyor of Science to the Gentry Attempted Fluid Dynamics, but a *bang* was all that was necessary to kill Odysseus

[11:50 AM] Anne and George went to visit Sylvia Nilsson, and Anne shot her.

[12:45 PM] George and Anne caught Timmy (George put him down)

[13:23 PM] Simeon Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab) shot a Legal Non-Player outside Jesus

[13:44 PM] PetMaf not quite massacred at Garden Party. Lauren, Moshe Satnav and Lord of the Pies killed by Julian.

[13:58 PM] He who Hates Freedom helps Charlotte [illegible] with his laundry

[14:05 PM] Julian fell victim to He who Hates Freedom

[14:05 PM] Judas also died at the hands of He who Hates Freedom.

[16:00 PM] Anne and George bump into Laurence Watson, and Anne killed him

[16:05 PM] Anne and George chased the landyman around Clare for a bit, and eventually Anne shot him as he tried to sneak up on them

[17:30 PM] In which Nosferatu is rather put out.

[18:15 PM] Timmy killed The Nude Dude

[18:24 PM] Double killing on Sidney Street

[18:30 PM] Shenanigans in the May Ball queue. Philip "Crack Shot" Bielby shoots Stevo Spaghetto and Hakuoro

[18:35 PM] Jo killed by Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel after some duelling near the Round Church

[19:03 PM] Further Shenanigans Near Trinity. I AM THE DEBIAN PROJECT LEADER banged by Edward A "Casual Sex" Heaney, B.A. Hons. (Cantab), purveyor of Science to the Gentry

[19:18 PM] The Jackal tries to suprise Giger and is found wanting, terminally

[19:20 PM] He who Hates Freedom is Lord of the Pies, which makes Gordon Lol

[19:23 PM] Lord of the Pies surprised Sylvia Nilsson

[19:25 PM] Lord of the Pies destroyed The Leader

[19:26 PM] Lord of the Pies shot I <3 Tigers

[19:30 PM] Lord of the Pies nom nom Inigo Montoya

[19:45 PM] Charlotte [illegible] dances the tarantella for the benefit of A Titanium Elemental

[20:15 PM] Lord of the Pies kills He who Hates Freedom, loots Simeon Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab)'s corpse, is shot by Dr Qui when the loot jams.

[21:00 PM] The Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel pays a visit to Peterhouse

Tuesday, 19 June

[02:39 AM] Lord of the Pies surprised Sylvia Nilsson (but didn't kill her)

[05:55 AM] I AM THE DEBIAN PROJECT LEADER and Timmy tried to shoot Anne as he left Trinity May Ball

[09:52 AM] Inigo Montoya surprised Moshe Satnav & Lauren

[11:01 AM] Timmy bites the hand of A Titanium Elemental

[11:15 AM] Timmy caught I <3 The Umpire

[11:34 AM] Timmy failed to spot Lord of the Pies

[12:06 PM] I <3 The Umpire but Gordon Lol does not love furries.(but she was already dead, anyway)

[12:35 PM] Gordon Lol shot Marcus King

[13:03 PM] He who Hates Freedom's beard brutally molested George's

[13:56 PM] Moshe Satnav fell to He Who Hates Freedom, shortly after he resurrected

[14:00 PM] Judas didn't notice He who Hates Freedom until too late.

[14:10 PM] Julian was ambushed by He who Hates Freedom

[14:10 PM] Giger fell victim to the same ambush as Julian.

[15:00 PM] Anne and Lord of the Pies double-kill outside the senate house

[17:08 PM] Captain Simian's Beard Strikes Back, defeating the facial hair of He who Hates Freedom

[17:30 PM] Timmy followed The Leader

[18:07 PM] Technical error, fixed by a duel

[18:10 PM] Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel got Judas (eventually)

[18:12 PM] In vino veritas... et mors (Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel mange la petit chat dans ma anglais champignon de la Julian)

[18:23 PM] Captain Simian gave The Nude Dude some bananas

[18:28 PM] Charlotte [illegible] died suddenly under mysterious circumstances

[18:43 PM] Sleeping beauty (I hope Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel didn't wake Beethoven the II with a kiss...(the kiss of DEATH, maybe >_>))

[18:49 PM] Confounding the coven (Odysseus was confounded by Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel)

[19:05 PM] Birdwatching? I think not. Bang. (Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel twittered at Inigo Montoya, or something)

[21:00 PM] Captain Simian and Philip "Crack Shot" Bielby frolicked with Timmy

[22:00 PM] It's not Stevo's fault he killed half the umpire - he was wearing an assassins shirt!

[22:35 PM] Merriment once again brings downfall (Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel killed The Nude Dude)

[22:45 PM] Naked Pictures of Michael Wallace

[22:55 PM] Simeon Bird double-kills with Jacob Samuel Corteen

[23:55 PM] Philip Bielby shoots Colin Love after he took his time reading his post

Wednesday, 20 June

[09:48 AM] Timmy wished The Nude Dude a good morning

[12:00 PM] The scores on the doors! (where by 'doors', we mean 'Internet')

[13:08 PM] Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys nommed Lord of the Pies, thinking he was a banana

[13:30 PM] Dick got the landyman with great ease.

[13:32 PM] Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys put down that filthy furry Timmy

[14:05 PM] The Nude Dude was disrobed by the Doctor (Qui)

[14:23 PM] Simeon Bird places a bounty.

[15:00 PM] Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys K.O. Hakuoro

[16:10 PM] Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys ran into Sylvia Nilsson, wielding a rubber banananana

[16:25 PM] Anne spots Stevo Spaghetto outside of Trinity Great Gate, and proceeds to shoot him

[18:15 PM] Philip "Crack Shot" Bielby visited Lauren and Moshe Satnav

[19:25 PM] Hakuoro met his end at Sussex Street, courtesy of Charlotte [illegible]

[19:35 PM] Charlotte [illegible] is clearly trying to get herself killed. Judas obliges.

[20:05 PM] Quickfire (Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel got Timmy)

[20:05 PM] Cowering, cornered and cut off (I AM THE DEBIAN PROJECT LEADER got Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel)

[21:00 PM] Stevo mutilates Lauren's corpse. Serves it right for running and pretending it had a gun...

[21:00 PM] Julian sprinkled on Giger

Thursday, 21 June

[00:07 AM] Drunken Quintuple (Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel gets, like, everybody)

[02:53 AM] Vengeful Spirit of the Angel Gabriel placed a bounty

[09:39 AM] He who Hates Freedom and Lord of the Pies went to Amsterdam...and killed each other

[11:03 AM] Simeon Bird B.A. Hons. (Cantab) shot The Jackal

[12:20 PM] Fire on the back of Queen's! Timmy turns on his mistress, George

[12:40 PM] Anne dispatched Timmy

[13:23 PM] Anne shot Hakuoro

[13:45 PM] And again...but Lord of the Pies killed He who Hates Freedom without dying this time

[13:55 PM] Charlotte [illegible] went to the races

The Assassins' Guild - Headlines