The Assassins' Guild - Week 1 News

The unsuspecting Maria Kennedy was walking through the ground of her college, when suddenly a rubber band cam flying towards her, hitting her in the back of the head, with death instantaneous. One lemming falls off a cliff, the rest will follow.

At dinner, me and my victim met and chatted. He scarpered after he finished, but paused to check I was not following him. I was. After a short chase he paused to unlock a door, but he was too slow, and his body was riddled with bullets.

The Baby-faced Lemming proceeded to King's, whereupon he used his building skills to get to Emma Loffler's room. Her door was open, so he walked in and shot her, before using a blocker to cover up the evidence.

During a room storming practise session at the house of an unspecified assassin, The Man with Absolute Rest and The Viator stormed the room. As this session had not been declared out of bounds, Maid Marion shot The Man with Absolute Rest with an RBG, eventually hitting enough bits of him to make him dead. Then, after playing silly buggers for three quarters of an hour...

The Baby-faced Lemming was about to use his bomber to get into his intended victim's room. Before he did so, the target emerged from the room, and was shot in the chest. However, it then emerged that he had not yet resurrected, since he had just been killed by Alice Band.

Having killed someone or other, The Viator entered the house, stepping over the corpse of his companion, and proceeded to besiege Maid Marion in the dining room. She eventually managed to shoot both his arms off, at which point The Viator ran away to let them re-grow. While he was gone they ate ice-cream. The Viator then came back, forgot to look both ways and got shot in the back of the head. The maiden then departed on her pure white steed back to her castle turret.

I think the word I'm looking for here is "bugger".

Don Raphael was casually walking through his college, when the Baby-faced lemming unleashed a bomber lemming in front of his chest, blowing him to smithereens.

Having respawned just after meeting at dinner, I proceeded to hide and lurk near her accommodation. Having waited for half an hour, I went back to the hall, and lo and behold, at the top of the steps, there she was. I quickly drew my weapon and shot her before she could draw her own, much to the amusement of the head waiter.

All I wanted was for Jack Leigh to Hug Me! But no! Instead he brandished a knife and pointed it at me most threateningly. So I did the honest thing and I shot him.

One Man and his Beard set out to hunt, moving quickly to the estates of Jesus. On passing their target's window, they saw its light flicker and die, and another flared on the winding stair that she would have to descent. Quickly, the hunting duo concealed themselves without, and awaited her emergence. The fair maid, alert, emerged from safety with worry creased onto her radiant visage. Onward she walked, going via secret routes, but unawares of the threat that trailed her. At last the beard and its accomplice in foul deeds found chance to strike, and in a flurry of shots Maid Marion lay dead upon the floor. The guilty pair vanished into the night.

One Man and his Beard continued their hunt, and as their target passed below them they sprung out and unleashed death. And then the hunt went on.

One Man and his Beard somehow managed not to be seen as they crept up on their target, despite the beard's intimidating size. A spray of water finished their hunt.

I appeared outside the door of Jack Leigh, with the aid of a mutual friend to open it. I fired several shots into his body before realising he was already dead. Elaine Oliver was in his room, and I had to try very hard not to make any necrophilia jokes.

Having spied on Steven Shenton and Ludmila Demchenko since 6 o' clock I proceeded to the Queen's Building where they were about to watch "Alice in Wonderland". I sat next to them and their friend even gave me a Mars bar! As soon as we left I shot them both dead at the back of the head, as this time the Emmanuel goddess failed to prevent further bloodshed from happening on the grounds of her beloved college. Disposing of them was probably not a very nice thing to do after the Mars bar and all, but I guess I'm just not a very nice person.

Around 11 pm I arrived at Catz. Having lurked on the staircase for about ten minutes, I shot Don Raphael in the chest as soon as he left his room carrying a pile of dishes. However, apparently "he did not give a shit", so I saved myself the trouble of ritually mutilating his dead body, to great disappointment of his neighbours.

Philip Bielby: professional innocent.

During a stand off with The Viator I accidentally shot an innocent, concealed around a corner. Myself and An Assassin were unscathed, while The Man with Absolute Motive was shot in the back.

Not the cat this time!

Dear Mr Umpire, This morning, a mysterious man broke into my room (presumably left unlocked by my bedder earlier on) and looked around, apparently failing to notice me hiding under my bedclothes. He then nefariously replaced my light bulbs with 'energy-saving' bulbs, and left again. I have checked the rules to see if energy-saving bulbs can be used as weapons, and I think they can't. I am therefore going to (don gloves, and) replace them with normal bulbs again, an action which will require far more energy from me than if the so-called 'energy saving' bulbs had never appeared. If this was an assassination attempt, it has failed. If not, disregard above report.

One man and his beard were only doing their shopping, not hunting at all. But being provoked by assassins walking right in front of them... it is not surprising they felt the need to kill.

Planning to shoot a few Jesus assassins I entered the college through its main gate. I shortly discovered to my annoyance that Maria Kennedy, Matt Green and Alicia Danks were not in, so this time they escaped the punishing hand of justice!!! However, David Williams aka American Psycho was not that lucky. I took him out sitting on the stairs right in front of his door. He claimed "I was not close enough", it did not turn into a major argument though. I don't talk to corpses, I mutilate them.

The lemming's plan was enacted beautifully, as he was able to take Maid Marion completely by surprise by dousing her from above. The only problem with this plan was that she was already dead.

His eyes were deceiving him; the door was open!

Despite being utterly drunk the lemming managed to stab his target in the bar.

Maria was absent-mindedly enjoying herself in Jesus bar, when the lemming attacked her, leaving her for dead.

At a social event in an unspecified college, Jack attempted to stab Dr Faust, who was unarmed and consuming wine. Letting out a shriek of terror at the death that could have been, Dr Faust rushed off to her chamber (managing not to break any ankles in her 4-inch heels) and, returning with a knife, proceeded to stab Jack several times, thus rendering him extremely dead.

I hope it didn't put him off his lunch.

Stabbed as soon as he became un-out-of-bounds upon leaving the Faculty building at 4pm today =D

REVENGE! *cue manic laughter*

I wandered into the bar of a certain College, and noticed in the corner of the room, that once again Elaine Oliver was a bit too close ro that corpse that she carries around with her. Fortunately they did not see me, so I stabbed them both, bringing an end to this necrophiliholic.

Remarkably similar to the way I killed her last week.

I'm afraid I'd best resign; my left arm is currently not-very-usable after a bike accident. My best wishes to all the players.
Michael

Arriving in Camden Town at 3 pm, Dr Faust felt that it was time for some more killing. She hopes that the offer of a Doughnut still stands as she spotted Hug Me! in a Market, where he had spent a pleasant afternoon, and, using Sneaking SkillZ of the highest order, she crept up behind him and inflicted sudden Death.

LARP causes cancer.