'He then went to visit and see --when night came--
the high house how it, the Ring-Danes
after the beer-feast, had occupied;
he found then therein the nobles' company
slumbering after the feast; they did not know sorrow,
misery of men; that damned creature,
grim and greedy, soon was ready,
savage and cruel and from their rest seized
thirty thanes; thence back he went
proud in plunder to his home,
with the banquet of bodies to seek his shelter.'
-Beowulf
Today was a grim day. Feasting in hall, I was warned of the presence of
Philip Bao. In fact, the room had already gone cold and it seemed that all
the lovliness had already faded from that place. I got up, gaped at him and
was overwhelmed by the evil of what I saw. Panicking, I left in a hurry,
fleeing before the manic grin of Phil. On the stairs, I saw a way in which
I might dispatch such a horror. I hid in a doorway and let Phil, bloodust
rampant, thunder past. I made my lunge, throwing caution to the wind and
making a prayer to five Gods of varying religions simultaneously. Phil was
too swift and deft spinning about and skewerig me upon his vorpal biro,
beofre returning to finish his pork. Eystein invites any who feel the
compunction to visit his barrow on the heath.
The Deceased
The Green Dragon is awoken from his slumber, only to be shot dead shortly afterwards
i have been killed a few days ago by a poisoned letter, filled with white powder. this letter lacked any disclaimer and told me that i would 'die of anthrax or an other lethal problem'. it was signed by Black Mamba
In that case, I, Disclaimer stabbed Lorna Ayton of (unspecified) College with poison ink off the top of my cleverly disguised penknife yesterday (being the 23rd). I offered her the chance of salvation if she would offer enough blood to the Bloody One, the patron god of assassins by killing 3 legal targets, not including I, within 5 days. She accepted the patronage of the Blood God and binds her soul on a rampant killing spree in His glorious name.
As she failed in her task, Lorna Ayton is now dead.
Mr X. just did some focused lurking for Roisin Kiberd around (unspecified) College, which did not come to a favourable conclusion, forcing him to resort to Plan B, placing a poisoned unspecified object in the appropriate pidgeonhole, which was negated by the vigilant eyes of watchful porters.
Saw William Brooks loitering suspiciously outside the (unspecified learning institution) (while doing similar) and being rather unsubtle with a concealed water gun today at about 12. If I wasn't such a nice person (and didn't know that he was Police) I'd've killed him.
sitting was i, contemplating, and a sharp tap upon my door
who is that, a tapping on my door?
peeping through the peep hole enlightened me but little.
the canny stranger was a standing to one side
'who is that' said i 'a tapping on my door?'
'I have your USB stick' the honeyed stranger sung
'I have no USB stick' and the stranger was stung
he seems to retreat, and all returns to peace
but honour cannot abide a man who on ones lands doth stray
so silently, oh silently, i venture fourth for vengence
poison dart in hand, to bring the starnger pennace
but from his hiding place the brigand springs, pistol blasting fourth
a bad duelist, he misses; outgunned i must retreat.
so i for the time survive, thought yet to kill one man
scarface the survivor. but assassin in disgrace
The Duke's tomb quivered and trembled slightly, then tilted suddenly, and was finally hurled aside in a wave of dirt and rocks as The Duke's corpse blasted its way out of its earthly confines. A strange, determined look in its glazed eyes, with otherwordly cries echoing around itself, it lumbered steadily towards its victims.
***
The first of these had heard the terrifying approach of this being, and had barricated himself in his hovel. As the door burst open and The Duke entered, David Newgas felt a force draining his life away. He weakly lifted his weapon and fired a shot at the one who had come to claim him, but the latter merely swatted his projectile aside as if it were a raindrop. David Newgas's eyes blurred as he fell into an eternal sleep.
***
David H H Mack staggered out of bed as the howls neared, and, trembling, tried to hide himself somewhere, anywhere he could. As he cowered beneath his bed, The Duke blasted his door open and uttered cruel words of death and despair. David H H Mack felt his heart fill with despair and his mind twist into inhuman realms of thought, and beat his own brains out with madness.
***
As Hugo H sat, swilling his glass of brandy and discussing the British Empire, The Duke levitated into the window of his estate and placed his hand upon Hugo H's chest, chanting arcane words and blazing fire from his eyes. The mess which ensued from the explosion which followed could barely be distinguished as human remains...
Some guy bang killed me what was probably a wooden
gun-shaped object. He was armed to the teeth with a water pistol, spare
gun, etc and hid in my bathroom for at least an hour probably, so I have to
give him credit for that.
I hope he didn't use my toilet, I haven't checked it yet.
You hear that Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson.
Today I saw Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay. She was cycling along, oblivious to my pointing at her with a pretend gun. I also saw Robert Crowston, who was buying food. I then saw Mr Tom Wootten, who didn't seem to recognise me, swiftly followed by a very bearded man, who was surprisingly not Jake.
There was also a shape in the shadows everywhere I went. It looked a little like Steve McCann. Or perhaps Matthew Garrett.
Jakey-beard-man is too cautious for his own good and refused to come out of his room so i could kill him even after the temptations of metal and beer.
Dear Mr. Umpire,
Yesterday (whilst I was regrettably not wearing a hat) I saw Steve 'Boom Boom'
McCann MA. He played some pool and then ordered a curry (chicken korma). I then
saw Chris Field MA, aka ^wingdings^. He was not wearing a hat. I also saw
several corpses, Jayaveni Chedumbarum Pillay, and Philip Bielby MA, who was looking shifty (but not wearing a hat).
Yours,
Simeon Bird, BA
Mr C King lurked for click after her lectures but couldn't find her.
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