The Assassins' Guild - Week 3 News
The Assassins' Guild - Week 3 NewsI went all the way to Homerton with Steve McCann. On the way in, we spotted two dudes. Steve suggested that one was Seb Jefferies. I found this to be unlikely, since Seb goes to ARU, not Homerton. I then shot the other guy, because he had large eyebrows.
Having completed this kill, the nefarious G.I. Bob has been adjudged to have brought death to "a number of dudes". He is therefore redeemed.
Having generously placed his lectures on Facebook Mr Duder was surprised to find that his 9am Plates and Shells Lecture was followed by a 10pm Seminar entitled, "Rubber Bands: The Silent Killer".
Dear Mr Umpire,
Thank you for informing me about your koala problem. I had a free appointment slot at 7.45pm, and so went to assess the size of your
problem. Upon doing so, a Deadly koala of doom emerged from his lair, where I was able to exterminate him with several shots to the chest.
This should have solved your problem, and no further course of action will need to be taken. I will be sending you your bill shortly.
Yours Faithfully,
Papertree
Ow.
For the notice of Michael Patrick "Raccoon" Wallace, lol-M.A. rofl-PhD,
Commander Emeritus, Legions of the North.
In order to preclude our going to APU *again*, we would like you to do your
policy duty and shoot the last inco. In return for this trifle, we promise to
offer you no less than TWELVE hot cross buns, courtesy of J. Sainsbury's.
If you do not, we may say you are a bit lame. And we might not give you any
more crocodiles!
Yours,
SheilaMaf
Too many worthy and promising assassins are falling to the sordid blades, guns and killer hippos of a nefarious organisation known only as
SheilaMaf. This mob must be sought out and terminated before it exercises too great a stranglehold on the game. I therefore offer a very
generous bounty of copious amounts of chocolate to any assassin who causes one of their members to breathe their last. If their notoriously
villainous leader should be slain, the enacter of this shall be further rewarded. May the gods speed you on your way and guide your
weapons!
The Duke
At around 9.30PM Tuesday 13th The Silent Shadow fell foul to an underhand betrayal from within. Rushing to join up with his erstwhile comrade (who had already fallen to the deceitful act of treachory) he was ruthlessly mown down outside the gates of Emma, his soul slipping silently into the night sky, vowing vengence on the betrayer and companions.
DUKE
What are you two?
VINDICI
Villains all three! The very ragged bone
Has been sufficiently reveng'd!
DUKE
Oh, Hippolito? Call treason!
HIPPOLITO stamping on him
Yes, my good lord: treason, treason, treason!
DUKE
Then I'm betray'd!
VINDICI
Alas, poor lecher in the hands of knaves:
A slavish duke is baser than his slaves.
At around 9.05 I killed the duke with a knife outside Emma.
Save me!
The Duke, please save me!
I've got a heart of gold!
Mwahahahaha!
He that overloometh, the same shall be clothed in White raiment; and I hast blotted out his name out of the book of life
Betrayed.
Betrayed!
Not by the hands of man, beast or god. Oh, no.
Betrayed by myself. Betrayed by my own sloth and gluttony!
I suppose if nothing else, I now know why they're known as the deadly sins.
It all happened so quickly. I sat at my desk, engaged in some trivial task the exact nature of which escapes me, when all of a sudden I
heard the sound of a turning handle; the creak of hinges. Instinctively, I turned towards the sound and sat, paralysed by first
bewilderment - how is my door opening? I always lock it! - and then rage at my negligence, as the portal swung open to reveal none other
than [people]. By the time I realised what was going on, it was too late. Two shots tore into my exposed flank,
forcibly ejecting me from my mortal coil.
As I lay dying, I was angry. Not at my killers - no, they may have been my friends in life, but this is assasins; there are no friends in
assassins - but at my failures: two failures, one big, one oh so painfully small, that led to my demise. The first was not killing [person],
a target of mine, first. Indeed, I had plotted to kill him this very same day by lurking near his abode in the early hours of the morning,
but thought I awoke early, my bed was warm, the day was cold and I could not bear to drag myself outside at such an hour. The second was a
simple as failing to engage the lock on my chamber door after returning from the kitchen with the ingredients for a tuna sandwich. So
exhilarated was I at the thought of preparing and consuming that magical mixture of fish, dairy and wheat that I neglected all caution and
left my door unlocked.
In short, I have no one to blame for my demise but myself.
Well played to those who out-lived me.
So, I hear John Barrett leaves his door open.
How unscientific.
Squeeeeeeeee cheese.
May your soul find harmony in its final voyage. May rest come swiftly and enlightenment follow. May you be at one with the Earth and all that live upon it.
Plan (a):
1.) Shoot John O'Brien
2.) Meet SheilaMaf to go and shoot John O'Brien
3.) Shoot SheilaMaf as they arrive
Plan (b):
1.) Meet SheilaMaf to go and shoot John O'Brien
2.) Shoot John O'Brien
3.) Shoot SheilaMaf in one go (five kills in under a minute)
Plan (b) was enacted.
I note that every other member of SheilaMaf had a similar plan:
Simeon planned to wait until I noted that the alliance seemed to still
be intact before shooting me and Ben, and going on to duel with the
rest.
Ben planned to cosh everyone, and then kill us with his hippo.
Emma just generally planned to backstab us at the best opportunity.
I think Jen was considering it too, but hadn't come up with a plan.
All in all, it was a rather profitable minute or so.
< Avon> Have you betrayed us!?! Have you betrayed me!?!
< Blake> Yes. Yes, I have.
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