The Assassins' Guild: Mayweek 2006 Game Awards
The following Awards have been presented by the Umpire:
- The Lemming Award for the first to die:
- Chris Doman, killed by his neighbour Jake Corteen, with whom he still didn't seem to see the point in a no-kill.
- Michael Wallace was shot right at the start of the game, but since it was only by the Umpire it doesn't really count.
- The Holzhauer Award for psychopathy:
- Jacob Corteen, for a phenomenal number of kills.
- Other blood-soaked maniacs:
- Philip Bielby, who also got a lot.
- Michael Donaghy, who was somehow alive just about long enough to get eighteen.
- The Gary Lineker Award for Sportsmanship:
- Jacob Corteen, for an exemplary performance in every respect.
- The Kenny Award for dying far too many times:
- Michael Donaghy spent two full days' worth of time dead.
- The Leek and Safe Award for most interesting weaponry:
- Tom Wootten, for the infamous five-metre "scary snake".
- The Three Hours Early Award for paranoia:
- Konrad Dabrowski, who always seemed rather worried the AutoUmpire was cheating him of kills.
- The Reversed Burden of Johannes Award for unintentionally killing innocents:
- Mike Preece managed to shoot three in one go while attacking Jake Corteen.
- The Laurel And Hardy Award for most amusing double-act:
- Konrad Dabrowski and Michael Donaghy who seemed to shoot each other every five minutes.
- Joined at the hip:
- Michael Wallace and Christian Fletcher Warran even had matching pseudonyms.
- The Giraffe With No Legs Award for lameness:
- Ben Weaver, a promising player who nonetheless managed to be the only person not to do anything all game.
- The Igor Prize for the meanest accomplice:
- Simeon Bird followed Phil Bielby around for most of the game, and somehow finished fifth himself.
- The Order of the Black Coat for application of the art of disguise:
- Simeon Bird managed to disguise himself successfully as Ed Heaney.
- Not playing the game didn't seem to dissuade J Doe from wandering around with a large fake beard.
- The William Tell Award for marksmanship:
- Richard Gibson, who once again managed to miss an immobilised opponent from short range.
- Yellow Streak Award for running away:
- Christian Fletcher Warran suffered an entirely unnecessary death for running away to Burrell's Field after his legs were shot off.
- Also a cowardy custard:
- Michael Wallace, just because.
- The Ginger Cake Award for Smoothest kill:
- Richard Gibson gets an honourable mention for giving Michael Donaghy a poisoned cake, even though it didn't kill him.
- The Stephen Byers Award for the biggest cock-up:
- No surprises here: The AutoUmpire sweeps the board, particularly as it was broken for the last several hours of the game.
- The Catherine Zentile Award for least innocent innocent:
- Ana Dugdale managed to fool Phil Bielby into thinking she was playing, then shot him.
- Not entirely blameless:
- Nick Plummer and J Doe placed bounties on several live players
- Charles Curry who, as well as harbouring assassins for much of the game, talked Chris Doman into shooting Jake Corteen, handed him the gun, and helped him pull the trigger.
- Steve McCann, as ever, for being Steve McCann.