The Assassins' Guild

[18:40 ] Tyrion Lannister dispatched Richard Peter Charles Manns (The Kitty of Destiny).

[22:05 ] DJ Death danced with Michael Wallace.

Monday, 30 January

[04:30 ] the beta monster paid an early morning visit on yeoth king.

[08:50 ] Rhododendron paid tribute to Martin Lester.

[09:10 ] I am Jack's smirking revenge tried to artificially enhance his performace for a date with The Most Incompetent Incompetent.

[10:00 ] Bishop Colenso lurked for Asa-san.

[10:30 ] A big issue salesman solicited Kong My Whopper.

[10:55 ] Will Parry dealt with Chris Smowton (Sir (Zombie) Humphrey).

[15:30 ] Nick Plummer got excited by the Cambridge Underground.

[18:00 ] A day in the life of Tom Booth.

[23:00 ] A dead assassin helped Adam Rowell (Gorbaz) to achieve the same enlightened state.

[23:30 ] Samuel Laurens Borin paid a housecall on Doctor Doom with unfortunate consequences.

Tuesday, 31 January

[09:20 ] Rhododendron got Philip Bielby all sticky.

[11:00 ] Stephen McCann shot Aidan Robison (Asa-san) in the back.

[13:30 ] The Caretaker complained about A Bunch Of Randy Werewolves.

[17:00 ] Ed Heaney saw a Special Boy. He did! He did!

[21:10 ] Foul Ole Ron revenged himself upon David Jordan (Steven Remis) with a killer hamster.

[22:10 ] Kong My Whopper decided to show off.

Wednesday, 1 February

[01:00 ] Alexey Pokrovskiy apologetically killed Andrew Clyde (Randy Mandy).

[08:45 ] Charles Curry tried to kill an Innocent. He failed.

[08:55 ] Madeline Baker (Isabel Archer) was killed in an attempt on Teppic.

[12:00 ] Kong My Whopper tried to pick a fight with a Drunken Master.

[16:00 ] Foul Ole Ron also found Steven Ortega (License_to_Kill).

[17:25 ] Charles Curry killed Chief Gordon Ball. Decapitation begins at home!

[20:00 ] Samuel Laurens Borin finally got rid of Mickhaiel Barrow (Doctor Doom), with just a little assistance.

[21:15 ] The Orangeman couldn't find A big issue salesman.

[22:00 ] Philip Bielby, Sarah Donnelly and Stephen McCann went to visit Charles Curry. The only casualty was Jacob Samuel Corteen (The Caretaker).

[22:40 ] El Felpudo went looking for The Devil's Butler.

Thursday, 2 February

[11:00 ] Yong Hoong Yuen Kenneith (yeoth king) fell victim to The Ever-Rotating Washing Machine of Fate. Watch as your lives spin into mindless oblivion, around and around, getting cleaner as they go... *Insert Â£1.20 here*.

[15:25 ] David Smith (The Orangeman) and Richard Kirkdale (I am Jack's smirking revenge) made an attempt on Charles Curry but fell foul of Unaussprechlichen.

[16:00 ] A big issue salesman just wouldn't leave Kong My Whopper alone.

[19:30 ] Drunken Master's beer goggles didn't seem to work on Unaussprechlichen.

[21:00 ] Charles Curry saw some people. Michael Wallace ran away.

[21:30 ] A Bunch Of Randy Werewolves showed their appreciation for Michael Wallace.

[22:00 ] Dance Dance Revelation serenaded The Most Incompetent Incompetent.

Friday, 3 February

[01:00 ] Stuart Cuthbertson (El Felpudo) also got powdered by The Ever-Rotating Washing Machine of Fate. Watch as your lives spin into mindless oblivion, around and around, getting cleaner as they go... *Insert Â£1.20 here*.

[09:00 ] Charlotte Heron tried to fend off some unwelcome attention.

[10:00 ] Edward Heaney measured Michael Wallace's red shift.

[10:30 ] Simeon Bird saw something disturbing.

[10:55 ] Tom Booth cleared up the misunderstanding with Martin Smith (DJ Death).

[11:00 ] Kong My Whopper caught up with his Jiaxiang Yue (Drunken Master).

[11:20 ] Nick Plummer killed an Innocent.

[11:50 ] Someone finally found Charles Curry (Dave from Manor Farm). Nick Plummer deserves the credit (and the blame).

[12:05 ] Tom Booth sprayed all over James O'Driscoll (Foul Ole Ron).

[13:00 ] Bozo, Chief Clown at the Circus of DEATH! made an imperfect pass at Heidi.

[18:15 ] Amos Micah How (Lady Cynthia Myrtebanks-Smythe) failed to take advantage of Tom Booth.

[18:33 ] Janet Scott (Teppic) didn't understand static void precalculate_rotation (fractal_context * c) { c->sin = sin ((c->angle) * M_PI / 180); c->cos = cos ((c->angle) * M_PI / 180); }.

[19:30 ] T-Rex danced with Lucy Stephenson (A Bunch Of Randy Werewolves).

[20:00 ] Kamchatcha couldn't find The Killer Orange.

[22:30 ] Hilda von Einem and her PoisonMelon were no match for that freaky kid from lost.

[23:30 ] The Devil's Butler failed to give Bozo, Chief Clown at the Circus of DEATH! the star treatment he deserved.

Saturday, 4 February

[09:45 ] Stephen Chester didn't fall for static void precalculate_rotation (fractal_context * c) { c->sin = sin ((c->angle) * M_PI / 180); c->cos = cos ((c->angle) * M_PI / 180); }.

[11:00 ] Will Parry consumed Lia Victoria Louise Chappell (The Killer Orange).

[12:18 ] Martin Lester Compsci Compsci Mohammed Jihad Tom Wootten (static void precalculate_rotation (fractal_context * c) { c->sin = sin ((c->angle) * M_PI / 180); c->cos = cos ((c->angle) * M_PI / 180); }).

[14:10 ] The Devil's Butler failed to satisfy Bozo, Chief Clown at the Circus of DEATH!.

[15:35 ] T-Rex brought about early extinction for Adam Hall (ÂÂ Â).

[16:40 ] Hello, Hilda von Einem. Where's my target?

[17:00 ] Doctor Which travelled through at least one of Space and Time to meet Bishop Colenso.

[20:00 ] Bishop Colenso complained about PoisonMelon and the cold.

[23:00 ] The Umpire saw Charlotte Heron.

Sunday, 5 February

[00:00 ] Hilda von Einem pondered whether Nihil tam absurdum dici potest ut non dicatur a philosopho.

[00:30 ] Kamchatcha wasn't scared by The Rotherham Ripper.

[13:00 ] Blaise Martay, Chris Korek, Christopher Doman, Gabriel Wu Shiguang, Jamie Brandon, Jessica Allen, Johannes Nordstrom, Ross Edmondson, Stephen Mounsey and Thomas Fitch all became Incompetent and now appear in various shades of Pink.

[14:00 ] Tipton solicited Jessica Allen.

[15:45 ] The Most Incompetent Incompetent waved at Hilda von Einem.

[16:50 ] Rhododendron followed Johannes Nordstrom.

[17:00 ] The Incobash: The Most Incompetent Incompetent ran away from Adam Baird Fraser who killed Jamie Brandon (Boris the blade), Tom Booth had to use all his Assassin prowess to kill Christopher Doman (Lambrini Girl), Charles Curry had difficulty staying on the right side of the law, before Tom Booth shot him too, Philip Bielby went Wanted and no-one killed Blaise Martay.

[17:20 ] Philip Bielby killed James Paul Fisher (The Rotherham Ripper), redeeming.

[18:25 ] Tyrion Lannister displayed an unhealthy interest in Michael Leal's hand.

[19:15 ] Guess what Johannes Nordstrom did?

[19:25 ] Plz_d0nt_Ki11_m3_I_Hav3_Fami1y Also killed a dude; more specifically - Thomas Fitch (Brak).

[22:45 ] Johannes Nordstrom tried to mistake Avatar of an AutoUmpire for a licit target.

Monday, 6 February

[04:30 ] I think the beta monster went looking for Chris Korek and Ross Edmondson.

[08:45 ] She Who Must Be Obeyed killed the eeevil Charlotte Heron (The Ever-Rotating Washing Machine of Fate. Watch as your lives spin into mindless oblivion, around and around, getting cleaner as they go... *Insert Â£1.20 here*). Poor Lottie.

[13:00 ] Sarah Donnelly served up Talan Le Geyt (The Devil's Butler).

[16:00 ] Ed Heaney went some way towards explaining why all the Assassins were being lazy and not shooting one another.

[17:00 ] Cool Kids Can't Die. Jessica Porter (Will Parry AKA Yoda) suddenly doesn't seem so cool.

[17:40 ] Avatar of an AutoUmpire mercilessly pursued Johannes Nordstrom and Ross Edmondson.

[17:45 ] Johannes Nordstrom bravely battled addiction.

[17:46 ] Newsflash regarding Wanted criminal, Johannes Nordstrom!

[18:55 ] Johannes Nordstrom killed a licit target! Thomas de Rivaz (A dead assassin) was less impressed.

[20:30 ] Samuel Laurens Borin made an attempt on PoisonMelon.

Tuesday, 7 February

[08:50 ] Bishop Colenso administered the Last Rites to Michael Conterio (Tyrion Lannister).

[17:31 ] Robin Message (Nihil tam absurdum dici potest ut non dicatur a philosopho.) discovered that Simultaneous jugulation and defenestration of licit targets causes persistant blood stains.

[18:40 ] Nick Plummer displayed his powers of observation.

Wednesday, 8 February

[11:40 ] Nick Plummer evidently mistook himself for Johannes and an Innocent for...well, who knows?

[12:05 ] Frances reordered Gabriel Wu Shiguang (Infinite Entropy).

[12:50 ] Konrad Kazimierz Dabrowski (Doctor Which) met Stephen Mounsey.

[14:10 ] Stephen Mounsey (that freaky kid from lost) had an accident with Chris Korek.

[16:50 ] Michael Wallace didn't do anything.

[17:20 ] An anonymous bounty was posted....

[18:05 ] A big issue salesman hawked their wares at Jessica Allen (Heidi).

[18:25 ] Avatar of an AutoUmpire shot Samuel Laurens Borin (Grant Jackson).

[18:45 ] The Most Wanted Johannes Nordstrom (The Most Incompetent Incompetent) fell foul of The Kremlin.

[19:05 ] Nick Plummer (Kong My Whopper AKA T-Rex) and Philip Bielby (Simultaneous jugulation and defenestration of licit targets causes persistant blood stains) ambushed the SWAT team: Nick Plummer was killed by Avatar of an AutoUmpire, who died to Philip Bielby along with Boz and Frances. The Kremlin double-killed with Philip Bielby. Cambridge Underground and Reginald Shoe led the retreat.

[20:00 ] Rhododendron starred in 'Waiting for Anderson' - an existential account of the pubmeet and being shot by a non-Player.

Thursday, 9 February

[13:00 ] Mack the Knife didn't see Ross Edmondson.

[15:00 ] Edward Heaney sent us a secret message.

[15:20 ] Hilda von Einem got asked, Where's my target?

[17:00 ] A Revered Ornithologist failed to identify Hilda von Einem.

[19:00 ] Michael Wallace submitted a report of another non-event.

[19:35 ] Rhododendron killed Alex Labram (Unaussprechlichen AKA Dance Dance Revelation).

[20:00 ] Rhododendron killed Jamie Horder (Bozo, Chief Clown at the Circus of DEATH!) with some help from Sarah Donnelly.

[20:30 ] Rhododendron ran away from Martin Lester.

Friday, 10 February

[12:00 ] The Boogeyman will get Plz_d0nt_Ki11_m3_I_Hav3_Fami1y Also when the lights go out...

[16:30 ] Michael Wallace, Stephen McCann and Tom Booth held a vigil for Ross Edmondson.

[17:42 ] Richard Gibson killed Imre Leader.

[21:30 ] PoisonMelon and Hilda von Einem couldn't find A big issue salesman.

[23:15 ] Martin Lester received star billing from Robert Winston, Menzies Campbell and Florence Nightingale in a Pedalo chanting TV out of their honeyed Behinds.

[23:20 ] Hilda von Einem went looking for Michael Wallace, superstar.

[23:50 ] Blaise Martay shot an Innocent in the head. Lots. James O'Driscoll joined in.

Saturday, 11 February

[10:45 ] Martin Lester went to show Blaise Martay that she is wanted.

[12:00 ] Mack the Knife and Philosophicles didn't get killed by Ross Edmondson.

[13:30 ] Jack Daniel and Kamchatcha enjoyed one another's company.

[19:45 ] Michael Wallace did something unspecified to Blaise Martay.

[21:20 ] Tom Booth killed Blaise Martay (Eejit) and James O'Driscoll (The Duck Man).

Sunday, 12 February

[16:50 ] G.I. Bob lurked for Ross Edmondson.

Monday, 13 February

[04:30 ] the beta monster stayed in bed and...you get the picture.

[15:30 ] Mack the Knife, Frances II, Masseter, Philosophicles and Tom Booth went to visit Ross Edmondson and Giles Caulderwood.

[21:00 ] Bishop Colenso couldn't see Hilda von Einem.

Tuesday, 14 February

[08:55 ] Martin Lester (Mister Lolipedo) and Stephen McCann (The Boogeyman) killed one another. Bishop Colenso and Robert Winston, Menzies Campbell and Florence Nightingale in a Pedalo chanting TV out of their honeyed Behinds were there too.

[15:30 ] Mack the Knife killed Thomas Branton with some help from Frances II.

[16:00 ] RTFQ sent Thomas Branton some Valentine's Day poetry.

[16:15 ] I guess Ross Edmondson is Mr. Popular today! RTFQ thought so too.

[18:00 ] An Agent of Posterity recorded Ross Edmondson for posterity.

[19:30 ] Louis Jagger knew how to make himself feel Wanted on Valentine's Day.

Wednesday, 15 February

[12:00 ] the beta monster tried to nom Hilda von Einem.

[12:15 ] The crack team of Tom Booth and Michael Wallace made Sarah Donnelly kill Stephen Chester (Where's my target?).

[17:45 ] A big issue salesman and Reginald Shoe couldn't interest Ross Edmondson.

[18:10 ] Serena Allery (Kamchatcha) met Stormtrooper in Stilettos.

[19:15 ] RTFQ wrote us a pictorial treatise on the interior decor of Teppic's staircase.

[20:45 ] Tom Booth went Wanted for killing Paul Fox.

[22:00 ] Tom Booth rampaged on, courageously killing the unarmed Jacob Samuel Corteen and Felicity Boyce.

[22:20 ] ]:D-/-< killed the celebrated Wanted, Louis Jagger (Rhododendron AKA Robert Winston, Menzies Campbell and Florence Nightingale in a Pedalo chanting TV out of their honeyed Behinds).

Thursday, 16 February

[11:05 ] The Security Services III dealt with Stuart Cuthbertson.

[14:00 ] Ross Edmondson went a-visiting Louis Jagger and Chris Korek.

[17:00 ] Mack the Knife looked for Teppic.

[18:02 ] Tom Wootten demands attention!

Friday, 17 February

[10:55 ] RTFQ was glad that Tom Booth got around to killing him.

[12:10 ] The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge didn't stop A big issue salesman.

[13:00 ] The Security Services III carried on his cleanup operation - this time it was Masseter.

[14:00 ] An Agent of Posterity camped out for Tom Booth.

[15:30 ] Tom Booth killed one of Reginald Shoe's friends.

[16:00 ] Dalriada and Tom Booth attacked The Storyteller and then inexplicably ran away.

[16:30 ] An Agent of Posterity got out of a sticky jam (sorry - it just had to be said).

[17:30 ] Tom Booth inspected Ross Edmondson's bathroom facilities.

[18:15 ] Tom Booth killed Chris Korek (Tipton). Michael Wallace was there too.

[18:25 ] Tom Booth killed George Davies (A big issue salesman). Read all about it!

[21:00 ] Tom Booth didn't kill any of Janet Scott's neighbours.

[22:00 ] Hilda von Einem failed to backstab Ellen Turnbull.

[23:00 ] ]:D-/-<, An Agent of Posterity and The Storyteller were disappointed by Tom Booth.

Saturday, 18 February

[00:30 ] Tom Booth in a bloodstained sweater helped Jamie Horder achieve Ultimate Destiny.

[11:10 ] The Security Services III lurked for David Smith and Jenny Scott-Thompson.

[12:15 ] Mack the Knife couldn't find Ellen Turnbull's electronic sausage.

[20:51 ] Nick Plummer had a fun evening.

[21:45 ] Tom Booth shot that freaky kid from lost.

Sunday, 19 February

[01:50 ] The Evil Wanted, Tom Booth, did evil, wanted-like things to Hilda von Einem.

[13:50 ] Is this a Jagger I see before me?'s interaction with Ellen Turnbull was a resounding success.

[18:30 ] The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge couldn't find (or spell) Alexey Pokrovskiy.

[21:00 ] ]:D-/-<, Major Dennis Bloodnok, late of the Third Disgusting Fusiliers, Half Pint Posted, The Security Services III and The Storyteller successfully failed successively to kill Alex Labram, Ellen Turnbull and Tom Booth.

Monday, 20 February

[12:10 ] Michael Wallace didn't get to make witty 4chan references at Alexey Pokrovskiy.

[12:30 ] the beta monster looked for Ellen Turnbull and Hilda von Einem.

[13:00 ] Tom Booth killed The Security Services III (again).

[13:40 ] An Agent of Posterity failed to deploy his potato against Tom Booth.

[17:00 ] Tom Booth removed Philippa Cox (Hilda von Einem).

[18:00 ] Tom Booth was still looking for Ellen Turnbull.

Tuesday, 21 February

[10:45 ] David Smith looked for Ellen Turnbull.

[13:00 ] Sarah Donnelly also wanted to meet Ellen Turnbull. Isn't she a lucky girl?

[13:20 ] Ellen Turnbull defused Tom Booth's 'special' letter.

[22:20 ] The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge wanted to teach Ross Edmondson a lesson. Kinky.

[22:35 ] Tom Booth finally devoured Ellen Turnbull (PoisonMelon).

Wednesday, 22 February

[13:20 ] Roboraptor made a lengthy lurk for Alexey Pokrovskiy.

[18:30 ] Tom Booth didn't think Ross Edmondson was a very approachable person.

Thursday, 23 February

[01:23 ] The Storyteller tired of The Rotherham Ripper II.

[10:00 ] Alexey Pokrovskiy (Plz_d0nt_Ki11_m3_I_Hav3_Fami1y Also AKA Jack Daniel) got taught The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge.

[12:35 ] Simeon Bird is.

[17:40 ] Vera Lynn please said hello to Michael Leal (Bishop Colenso).

[17:45 ] Tom Booth ended his perpetual quest for Reginald Shoe.

[21:05 ] the beta monster wanted to meet Ross Edmondson.

[22:00 ] Simeon Bird isn't any longer. ]:D-/-<

[22:05 ] ]:D-/-< wished Uncle Alex Labram all the best.

[22:15 ] ]:D-/-< was excited by Tom Booth's poisoned letter.

Friday, 24 February

[04:52 ] Is this a Jagger I see before me? placed a bounty on himself.

[19:00 ] Tom Booth was in a strop because of The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge.

[21:00 ] the beta monster spent a while looking for The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge.

[22:00 ] An Agent of Posterity was waiting for Tom Booth.

Saturday, 25 February

[13:30 ] Roboraptor waited for Tom Booth.

[16:00 ] An Agent of Posterity confirmed receipt of Tom Booth's letter.

[18:25 ] Tom Booth spent the best part of 2 hours staking out Ross Edmondson.

[18:45 ] Tom Booth shot Roboraptor's girlfriend.

[19:50 ] Roboraptor killed Tom Booth (Cool Kids Can't Die. AKA Stormtrooper in Stilettos AKA Revered Ornithologist AKA Cambridge's Most Wanted AKA ).

Sunday, 26 February

[13:04 ] David Smith complained about the lack of recent police activity.

[20:00 ] The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge looked for Ross Edmondson, then posted a bounty instead.

[20:30 ] The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge wanted Michael Wallace to come out and play.

Tuesday, 28 February

[12:15 ] the beta monster was disappointed in Ross Edmondson.

[19:40 ] ]:D-/-< is still after those naughty Corrupt people.

[19:50 ] Roboraptor wanted pleasure from Michael Wallace.

Wednesday, 1 March

[20:00 ] Roboraptor found that The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge was out.

Thursday, 2 March

[14:50 ] the beta monster wanted The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge again.

[17:15 ] Roboraptor, Roboraptor, Roboraptor, Roboraptor etc.

[19:50 ] Ross Edmondson (Roboraptor AKA Outnumbered but never outgunned) was removed from the Game.

[20:05 ] The Most Complicated Stopword In Cambridge held a party at Michael Wallace's room.

The Assassins' Guild - Headlines

Sunday, 29 January