The Assassins' Guild: Lent 2005 Game Awards

Due to popular demand, and the obvious need to recognise how silly some people were this game, The Umpire has decided to make the following awards

The Lemming Award for the first to die:

Jack Gillett , who managed to die twice to the same people before anyone else even saw or heard their assassins.

The Holzhauer Award for psychopathy:

Alex Labram Who lurked Aidan Robison for over six hours to ensure he made the kill.

Worryingly psychotic:

Sarah Tang, who didn't have any ammunition left to defend herself against Christopher Field, due to having emptied the entire gun into a police officer moments before.

The David and Goliath Award for best giant-killing activity by a new player:

Xina Li, who managed to make Nathan Bowler look very ordinary.

Other giant-slayers:

Ed. Mitchell, who managed to shoot Martin Lester in the back.

The Ginger Cake Award for the smoothest kill:

Matthew Johnson and Christopher Field, For taking a survey of an entire practical laboratory in order to find the identity of Xina Li

Less Ginger:

Charlotte Heron and Ben Maraney, Who managed to show that poisonned food can still make kills.

The 'I Shot the Sheriff' Award for butchering cops:

Lee Lewin, who killed three, including Adam Biltcliffe and Chris Korek.

Phil Bridge managed to take down three in his dastardly reign of terror.

Duncan Brewer who also killed three, and managed to ambush the police force to kill the CoP at the time.

The Mario Sainz-Martinez Award for cowwuption:

Richard Gibson was so obsessed with shooting Caians that he agreed to sell out his wanted "ally" Sarah Tang to Nick Plummer in return for being allowed to shoot Nick when Sarah died.

also under investigation:

Del Ahmed, who managed to go wanted three times in different ways, and this isn't even counting his emails offering to give "help" to the horribly wanted Gentleman Assassin.

The Most Ironic Death Award:

Ed Heaney, who died to the eventual winner while the Umpire was assuring him over IRC that keen players would start taking special pains to remove him unless he started making kills.

The Dr Kimble Award for surviving the longest time on the wanted list:

Kit Jenkins, who obliterated the old record, lasting 34 days, and 53 minutes.

The Kenny Award for dying far too many times:

Nick Plummer, who proved that simply going out and getting shot can be fun.

The "I am the law" award for killing wanted criminals:

Tom Booth, managed to kill eleven people in total while policing, a huge achievement.

The David Duffit award for secrecy and deception:

Richard Gibson, Who managed to start up a new guild in a different city, collect 100 players, and run an entire game in two weeks, behind everyone's backs.

Far too dodgy

Alex Labram, who sent two simultaneous reports claiming to have "scared a random person" in an attempt to get Robin Message to believe the reporters were different people.

The 'Do you have my fish?' Award for excuse least likely to get someone to open the door:

Tom Booth, for claiming to be "Jon Woolgar wearing a wig" and "Tom Baker" to try and get Niraj Modah

Even more hopeful?:

Gordon Ball Who had to phone Christopher Field up just to get let into Caius before he even made at attempt to get through his door.

The Jenny Chase Award for paranoia:

Aidan Robison, who not only went to lectures early as always, but also spent some time running away from his allies, and carrying a spare set of clothes so he could change colour.

Also twitchy:

Felicity Boyce, who convinced herself one of her assassins knew when her society meeting was, and counterlurked her own room in order to shoot him.

The Order of the Black Coat for application of the art of disguise:

Michael Richards, who made the obligatory kill while dressed as a pirate.

The Laurel And Hardy Award for most amusing double-act:

Nick Plummer and Kit Jenkins who managed to attack each other off and on so often that they got bored of it.

The Darwin Award for death by stupidity:

Felicity Boyce, who attacked a group of about ten assorted police and assassins who weren't even there to attack her.

Shallow end of the gene pool:

Gordon Ball for meeting Tom De Rivaz and Chris Field in Sainsbury's, saying hello, and then not managing to avoid them.

Rhianna Laurie, for attacking the SWAT team armed with a single rubber band

The Reversed Burden of Johannes Award for unintentionally killing innocents:

Lauren Grest Who burst into Haibo E's room, had a mind blank, concluded that she was trying to kill Sally Hubbard, and shot the wrong inhabitant.

Johannes' student:

Stephen McCann Who managed to shoot Tom Pugh's "identical twin brother"... hmm.

The Leek and Safe Award for most interesting weaponry:

Ben Swire for "The Saint" - a cunning solution to the removal of bombs from the game.

Other clever ideas:

David Hall, for managing to convert (on the fly) the bomb he intended for James Appleton into a dastardly shoe poisoning device that was never reported.

Adam Baird-Fraser for poisoning Robin Message's sock

Tom Hill, who actually made a kill with a monopoly piece. Hooray!

The Koom Valley Award for best ambush

Stephen McCann and Ed. Heaney, for getting Paul Fox. Ed Heaney's report is the ambush plan.

The Catherine Zentile Award for least innocent innocent:

Ben Maraney, who despite not playing, managed to almost singlehandedly kill three players and one police officer.

Somewhat dodgy:

The annonymous bounty poster, who may or may not have influenced how seriously people were trying to kill Ed. Heaney.

The concerned citizen award:

Matthew Johnson, For taking down "the manhunt" so swiftly

The Brutus Award for best betrayal:

Graham Thompson who managed to stab several people in the back directing them to Alex Hassan's room.

Untrustworthy:

Tom Hill who backstabbed both Steve Mounsey and Daniel Rudge.

The Police Hero Medal:

Nick Plummer, who nobly used up all of Sarah Tang's ammo.

The Yellow Streak award for running away:

Stephen McCann wins this for his amazing escape from the CUR radio station, and for climbing a tree to escape from Russ Williams

Also Cowardly

Tom Booth, for challenging James Mcleod to a one on one duel, "back to back, five paces, turn and shoot", and then breaking into a run down Grange Road on his third pace.

Adam Hall, Richard Gibson and Stephen McCann all made hillarious "tactical retreats"

The "My Hero" award for the biggest fanclub:

This goes to Christopher field who's fans not only decorated his door with ribbons, balloons, post-it notes, scalpels, sweets, hearts, "Mr. Nighty" in giant letters, a poster, and who knows what else, but also made him a cape to commemorate his victory.

Less adored

Simeon Bird's hat Which appeared in countless reports

The Umpire, (by demand in award nominations,) who recieved an awful lot more flattery than is usual in one of these games.

The Obfuscated Tutorial System Award for silliest pseudonym:

Pete Myerson, for "Alan Bitchmarsh and the Yorkshire Rap collective"

Other jokes:

Christopher Field, who made a lot of people laugh with Maidan Robison

Ben Jones, who entertained a few with "William Wordsworth Pushing up the daffodils"

The Harland Quinn Golden Quill for the most amusing reports:

After much deliberation, the award went to Adam Biltcliffe, who wrote three excellent reports

Quills of other colours go to:

Christopher Field, for the shady santa cabal, and his final report

Sarah Tang, for worrying everyone an awful lot as Wrath

Martin Lester, for being ridiculously silly no matter wether he was reporting something, or just explaining what happened.

Aidan Robison, who submitted an awful lot of random gibberish that wasn't published at the time.

Felicity Boyce, for a very good death report.

New awards

The "Bandwidth-what-bandwidth?" award for "annoying The Umpire with non-textual awards":

Ed Heaney, For a technically superb video report that astounded everyone

Also impressive:

Nick Plummer for his video footage of the kill of Adam Hall, and for his amazing Judge Spingu cartoon

The Martin Lester award for special (ab)use of bins

Tom Booth, for parking a wheeliebin in front of Niraj Modah's door, several times.

Looking for a career in maste disposal

Christopher FieldWho spent a considerable amount of time disguised as a Garden Hostel bin.

The Fake Simon award for psychological warfare:

Aidan Robison, and friends, for sending Phillip Bridge a full english breakfast in the post

Making a visit to the loony bin:

Christopher Field, for annoying The Umpire with the reports about Santa taking over Cambridge, rather than reports about the attempts he'd been making.