May Week 2004 Game News - Day 6

Wednesday, 16 June

[00:20am] The Eternal Man assassinated A collection of singing potatoes

A collection of singing potatoes reports:

There I was, moaning on IRC about what a boring day I'd had in assassins terms, and how I'd lurked for ages and ages and not seen anybody, when Carrie invited me to go and kill her. I mulled it over. On the one hand, it was something of an obvious trap. On the other hand, I was so far down the scoreboard that it didn't really matter if I died, and I was reasonably confident that I could take Carrie in a one-on-one fight if I kept my head. Plus Newnham isn't too far away- there aren't many people I'd walk all the way across town to kill at midnight (Foxy, beware...) So, like the Darwinian I am, off I moseyed.

It wasn't that I wasn't expecting an ambush, rather that I was expecting it in the wrong place. I spent the whole way up Sidgwick Avenue jumping at shadows, cowering behind trees, until I could see Carrie's silhouette outside Newnham p'lodge. She was armed with but a single RBG, so I brought mine into full view and stepped closer, careful to stay just outside her range.

Alas! It was a trap! A red herring, an Ilian equine, a Ulyssean bluff! For I had not taken into account the layout of the buildings and walls surrounding the college, and as I kept my eyes on Carrie, I stepped out of the cover of a wall to my left which had hitherto concealed a vast number of evil murderers. Out JJ leapt, his shots searing the air. I trust history will record that I reacted with commendable if totally insufficient speed, and I was dis-armed (ho ho) and dead before my shots were fired.

There then passed a most pleasant evening (or night as most people seem to refer to it) wandering around town with my killers and visiting Gardies, while the evil siren Carrie continued to try to lure brave assassins to the Newnham deathtrap.

Zombie Locky reports:

When you read about carnage in Newnham which results in a suicidal madman taking out just one of the five assassins who ambushed him, the correct response is not to walk into the trap laid for him after you know it has been laid for you as well, when there are four assassins waiting for you with all of their weapons plus his ;-)

The Prinny Squad reports:

...And Locky's weapons are nice...

[Add/edit reports]

[00:30am] The Eye of Argon assassinated Can't Stop The Rock

Can't Stop The Rock reports:

I'd rather have this one changed to a kill if the consensus is in this favour as Simeon would have had a rather high chance of having got me had events progressed otherwise.

Essentially, on walking home with Locky and Deuce (both dead) we ran into Simeon, who was waiting for Gordon. I had a fair amount of weaponary on me but nothing quite close enough to hand, and we tried to get into a discussion. I felt that I had convinced him that I was dead without actually breaking the rules, but discussing it afterwards with Deuce and Locky made my doubt myself more than a little about how direct my responses were.

I just wanted to get it all out in the open rather than trying to cover it up.

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[02:45am] Ivy assassinated The Dead Pirate Roberts

Ivy reports:

We were a bit restless at 1am, so decided to go and see what was on in Grantchester. Across the fields, we heard Thomas Michael Garnett(Tom)'s voice, and followed the punt down the river. I thought I heard Kirsty's voice, but dismissed this as she couldn't be a CURS person. Oh, and I thought I heard James Osborn. Anyway, we followed the punt all through the meadows at a distance of 5-10 metres, unable to fire because it was completely dark and we had no idea who was who. So we legged it across the fields to meet them closer to town and streetlights, and caught them at the bridge.

Unfortunately people's faces look really different when they're squinting up at you in half-light, and we failed to recognise Matthew Davison or Kirsty on the punt... but hey. It's traditional to kill Tom when he's punting and least expects it.

The Tigerbunny of Dhooom!!! reports:

The Tigerbunny of Dhooom!!! congratulates Jenny on her accurate shooting. She successfully managed to avoid hitting the 'innocents' sitting directly behind Tom. Unfortunately for her had she hit us, she would have had a triple kill.

I am ashamed to say that we didn't even attempt to avenge the horrific murder of our punter - just cycled home afterwards grateful to be alive (despite hearing the words 'isn't that Kirsty?' as Tom was shot).

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[12:10pm] The Prinny Squad assassinated Tigger

The Prinny Squad reports:

Dood, Ian shat at us the other day... and now he's walking down the street towards us! He's obviously obsessed with killing us!

Oh no dood! what do we do?

dood,.. he's not carrying anything really big, why don't we just shoot him?

Okay dood.

[Add/edit reports]

[13:20pm] The Prinny Squad assassinated Section 19 of the Firearms Act (1968)

Section 19 of the Firearms Act (1968) reports:

Senate House. Dead. Can't be bothered.

The Prinny Squad reports:

At least you should carry a weapon dood.

[Add/edit reports]

[14:00pm] Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire made an attempt on Mungojerrie

Mungojerrie reports:

Upon returning from town, unarmed and carrying a large box in both hands, I saw Adam (and it turned out Carrie) lurking outside my room. As I was in a hurry I went the other way to my car and went to Cat's birthday party, but you were lucky - the car contained two CPSs and two large RBGs ;)

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[14:15pm] Deuce made an attempt on An illegal non player

Deuce reports:

As I emerged from luncheon on Regent Street, I spotted a dodgy-looking man on the other side of the road with a water pistol. I made to move towards him but before I could get there the pistol vanished into a John Lewis bag containing at least two more water pistols. Unfortunately, since he was no longer bearing arms, I couldn't shoot him with impunity, and had to stalk him all through town. He went into Argos and looked up supersoakers, then into a bookshop. Several times he plunged his hand into his bag and I thought I had a kill on, only for him to remove a can of coke, or a mobile phone. Eventually he entered a house on Jesus Lane, where there aren't any assassins, so I guess he was actually an innocent after all.

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[15:00pm] waffles, forthwith! assassinated Withnail

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[15:35pm] Subordinate Minion Claims Victim assassinated waffles, forthwith!

Subordinate Minion Claims Victim reports:

Arriving at the SRCF garden party, I was intercepted by the entirely innocent Ric Brackenbury, who pointed me in the direction of waffles, forthwith!, saying "I think you're the only two live assassins". She was sitting on a bench talking to Banichi and entirely unaware of her surroundings.

Hmm... I could use a RBG, but she was so oblivious that it seemed a waste. I reached into my bag, pulled on my Bandanna of Unlikely Martial Arts and crept forward. Haduken!

The not especially innocent Ric Brackenbury. reports:

This was a fun garden party. Every now and then an assassin would unsubtlely walk up and kill the current live player, replacing them for a short while. Seeing Subordinate Minion Claims Victim "sneak" over the bridge over the river was quite amusing, seeing him charge for Ian Abel before realising he was dead was quite comical. He then realised, possibly through some inadvertant hand gestures, that waffles, forthwith! was the token live player.

waffles, forthwith! was sadly being distracted by Mr. Allcutt at the time (clearly a co-ordinated mafia attempt if you ask me) so was oblivious of her killer walking up behind her and doing the nasty deed.

A while later, Martin Lester came storming over the bridge, soaked Subordinate Minion Claims Victim but the esteemed Mr Allcutt decleared it a no-water zone, so the incident was annulled and they decided not to kill each other, and the chain was broken. How sad.

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[17:38pm] Death Becomes Her assassinated A Man with a Cattle Prod

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[18:05pm] Matthew Garrett assassinated Red October

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[18:10pm] Revered Ornithologist assassinated The Eye of Argon

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[21:00pm] Mungojerrie assassinated Leader of the People's Democratic Kakistocracy

Leader of the People's Democratic Kakistocracy reports:

Long day. Walking home, really not in the mood even though the thought occurred to me that people in restaurants may be playing. Bang. Dead. Really not in the mood today.

[Add/edit reports]

[21:05pm] Matthew Garrett assassinated JavaConk inc.

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[21:05pm] Sentenced to Madness by Cthulu's Visage assassinated The Revenge of the Second Coming of Neo-Shadow-Teppic

The Revenge of the Second Coming of Neo-Shadow-Teppic reports:

That'll teach me to walk home with no shoes or glasses because of the may ball.

Sentenced to Madness by Cthulu's Visage reports:

On the way to CULLS, I fully expected to be attacked, so I arrived early and heavily armed. I'm not sure whether I was relieved or disappointed to find nobody lurking.

While at CULLS I arranged a no-kill agreement with Russ and Maz, to better defend ourselves on leaving (we expected a pitched battle). 9pm arrived. I prepared my weapons (an XP270, a pair of fully loaded rubber band guns and a Bandanna of Unlikely Martial Arts), as did my allies (for some reason, the entirely innocent Adam Sparkes also had a RBG, presumably intending to add to the confusion).

We left, weapons in full view, looking very suspicious, and met absolutely no resistance.

However, we did meet The Revenge of the Second Coming of Neo-Shadow-Teppic in a May Ball queue. "Well, I suppose you'd better kill me". Nobody else seemed particularly compelled to do so, so I put her out of her misery with a single RBG shot.

[Add/edit reports]

[21:35pm] The Tigerbunny of Dhooom!!! disturbed the rest of St Radegund

The not especially innocent Ric Brackenbury. reports:

The minion strikes back! You heard it here first folks. Having spent a long time waiting for Kirsty to get shot by any assassins prowling the Sidney Ball queue armed with more than a pen, I was pleasantly surprised with the circumstances in which we met one.

I saw a stylish retro psychadelic shirt walking down Malcolm Street towards us, and remembered that the only assassin with enough moxie, pizazz, va-va-voom, je ne sais quoi (etc) to wear such a stylish piece of clothing was St Radegund. This is because he was wearing exactly the same shirt at the assassins garden party the previous day.

Subsequent long range investigations indeed confirmed that the shirt of infinite class was crudely attached to the aforementioned St Radegund. I told Kirsty to duck down in the ball queue and prepare the pen for action. I saw him approach, not having seen me, and released my mighty Tigerbunny.

She leapt out and stabbed him before he knew what was happening. We thought it was a nice kill but he neglected to tell us that he was already dead. Which was probably a good thing. As I'm not sure that irregular patches of red would enhance the effect of the mighty shirt.

Kirsty probably wore a red dress so that it wouldn't need washing if anyone killed her wearing it. That's foresight for you.

[Add/edit reports]

[22:30pm] Zombie Locky assassinated waffles, forthwith!

Zombie Locky reports:

Walking vaguely home, I espied outside King's a dodgy beard! And attached thereto was a dodgy umpire! And attached thereto were waffles, forthwith! Immediately thereafter thereto were attached flying rubber bands of doom, which had previously been attached to Band On The Gun, which was attached to the Zombie Locky running very fast and causing screams from Lucie Santiz and nearly giving Banichi a heart attack.

Might have been something to do with my dodgy hoodie.

[Add/edit reports]

[22:35pm] Zombie Locky mutilated the corpse of waffles, forthwith!

waffles, forthwith! reports:

i was wandering down kings parade, admiring the roar and rumble coming from st. catherines may ball when a fearsome creature leapt out at me from the gloom giving me quite a start and alas, death. again.

Zombie Locky reports:

Oops. I reported the kill without first checking whether it was already up.

[Add/edit reports]

[22:55pm] Zombie Locky mutilated the corpse of Leader of the People's Democratic Kakistocracy

Zombie Locky reports:

I had to make a choice. Harvey Road or St Paul's Road. I figure Bryony was more likely to spot me on sight whereas I had a chance against Chris.

As it was, I walked past as he left one house and went into another. Him times shot several I, sadly dead but was he.

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[23:00pm] The Eye of Argon assassinated Mr Biggleworth

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Produced at Thu Jun 24 18:53:57 2004