A collection of singing potatoes reports:
A bunch of curry-eaters invited themselves into my room on the way back from the takeaway, and immediately started playing with RBGs. I managed to stay out of the ensuing firefight until one of them shot me in the eye, to which I replied "Oi!" and righteously dispatched him with a single shot to the chest. Serves him right too.
The Dead Pirate Roberts reports:
Enterin a showing of Hook - a great cultural classic. I happened to espie me another target. Will Someone Tell Me Why I Am Doing This??!!, in fact. So I Fluffied him, too.
But at the time, he be still workin, so it didn't do much good. Two minutes later, and he'd have been off, but hey... fair's fair.
The Dead Pirate Roberts reports:
After an inconclusive encounter with Will Someone Tell Me Why I Am Doing This??!!, we seperated in an honourable-like manner, and agreed to resolve it all next time we met.
It seems we both went to fall asleep to the sounds of the Selwyn Swing Band - fine upstanding fellers and ladies, may I add - without bein aware of it, so to speak.
Anyway, I was a wandering off to answer the call of nature, when I noticed Jonathan Woollgar sitting near the entrance, and Fluffied him again. For good measure.
Worked this time.
Yarrrrr!
Adrian reports:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I slumbered, weak and weary, After many a quaint and curious beer the night before, While I nodded, clearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. " 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door"; Only this, and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remember, it was Mayweek, not December, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow, From my drinks surcease of sorrow, sorrow for low exams scores,. For the rare and radiant hope of a 2:1 or a first, Abandoned here forevermore.
The knocking, it seems was a certain assasin called nikilla asking if she could come in. She claimed she wanted a "truce" so we could talk. Naturally at 2:00 am I was a little suspicious, and sleepy.
Quoth Adrian; "Bugger off!"
And she disturbed me, never more.
Mr Biggleworth reports:
... Enter report text here ...
Today I got up before midday. Big mistake. I met my death from the deadly duo in the most undignified manner-coming back from the shower in a towel. What a way to meet the infamous Herr Holzhauer.
Victor Fries reports:
A most flattering towel, really.
Mrs. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:
I was feeling slightly unnerved by the presence of a mafia in my own college and was relieved to find out the godmother was killed this morning. However there were still the deadly flora and fauna lurking around the college. I logged into MSN to discover flora was online and therefore probably in her room. I headed straight to her room and upon entering the corridor heard noises from the kitchen. I knew it had to be her.
I crept up to the door with all the stealth of a fresher assassin, drew my weapon, opened the door and fired three shots straight into her chest. Temporary goodbye to two-thirds of the Newnham Mafia!
Mr Biggleworth reports:
Mr Bigglesworth wonders if Mrs Fluffy Ex-Umpire is suffering from amnesia. He also wonders if she has suffered damage to the part of her brain that ensures people have common sense. Mr Bigglesworth senses that Mrs Fluffy Ex-Umpire is short of another ex...
Alternatively my minions and myself shall take the moral highground...watch this space.
Revered Ornithologist reports:
I heard that I might see an unremarkable but still interesting specimen of Simeonus Minionus (Red October) in Pembroke. I knocked on his door, stood back and was greeted by the sight of said creature in morning plumage (a white dressing gown). I made sure I got a good look at him with my "binoculars".
Leader of the People's Democratic Kakistocracy reports:
Happened to see him on the way to a garden party.
Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:
Last time I looked at the player list it was telling me that the only dead players were two unfortunates from the infamous Newnham Mafia. I decided I might as well complete the hat trick, so having determined where fauna was about to be I hid in a hedge and shot her a few times as she walked past.
"I thought you might try that," she said with a rueful smile. I left her bleeding on the ground and set off in search of more tasty-looking Newnhamites.
The Prinny Squad reports:
We challenge you to a game of baseball dood!
The Prinny Squad reports:
It ain't gonna happen dood.
Revered Ornithologist reports:
I walked into Tree Court, looking out for the Caius college duck, which mysteriously vanished a while ago, when I saw the door to Q staricase closing. "That's interesting," I thought, "Perhaps another ornithologist has passed this way?"
I walked round the corner and saw a figure with dark hair wearing a CUJA T-shirt turn right into Trinity Street. I ran up behind him to ask him if he'd seen the rare bird "Bang!" anywhere recently.
Victor Fries reports:
Seeing us at the CULES play surprised him and made him run out of the OOB zone. I wouldn't have known who he was without that, but as it was I ran after him with the ice cannon. His friends desperately shouted for him to come back into the OOB zone, while I chased him around Newnham gardens for a bit. Eventually I hit him, but only just after he had reached safety.
Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:
I love it when someone tells me where he's going on IRC.
I love it when someone can't leave his staircase without walking past my window.
I love it when someone doesn't look behind him in the street.
I'm not sure I love it so much when I realise I'm now top of the score table, but I'm sure that'll change as soon as the enthusiastic players get back to report the day's kills.
The Clare Mafia Points KoW reports:
You don't think I'm actually playing seriously, do you?
A collection of singing potatoes reports:
The Eye of Argon and I found ourselves in the vicinity of Monsieur Woollgar's room and thought we might try our luck, and the doorhandle. The door was locked, but upon hearing rapid movement from behind the door I ducked into a nearby staircase, while the Eye took up a vantage point opposite. Sure enough, a RBG emerged and fired blindly, missing both of us. Sadly not enough of the wielder was visible to return fire effectively, and we left kill-less.
Ivy reports:
I'm sorry Lauren. I really wasn't stalking you especially. I was trying to kill Gordon mostly, and Tom a little bit, and mebbe Kirsty a smidge. And the next time I ran into you I had been trying to kill Woolgar quite a lot (and Tom). But you just wandered across the road with your father, so I hid behind the hedge and jumped out and shot you.
It could have happened to anyone.
The Tigerbunny of Dhooom!!! reports:
Having enjoyed a very amusing (if slightly disturbing) CULES performance, I foolishly relied on the truce made between all assassins at the performance until off Newnham grounds.
Foolishly, because I forgot that not all assassins were at the performance.
hoopla! reports:
It was an accident.
We just wanted someone to come punting with us.
I saw the flashy red sign, and the flashy sign said ASSASSIN, and the flashy sign walked towards me, and its name was Ric. The Ric walked beside a Kirsty, and they were fluffy, so I shot them and harvested their fluffyness into a fluffy bubble of joy. And my friends face turned ashen and he said "you;ve succumbed again, haven't you?", and I acknowledged it was true, and he sighed and said "We'll be in room XXX when you're normal again."
The entirely innocent Ric Brackenbury reports:
I'm NOT PLAYING, alright?
Why does this always happen to me?
*Sob*
*Sulk*
I'd have got away with it if it hadn't been for those pesky Caians!
Victor Fries reports:
Well, you were labelled as an assassin at the time, Ric.
Oblina reports:
as i innocently tagged along to a CUCPS giveaway i noticed that a certain Revered Ornithologist was swanning his way around the room, picking up interesting looking bits of computers. i sat and watched him warily for a while, and once it looked as though he'd had his fill and would leave soon, i waited outside the door with an rbg. the door opened cautiously - almost too cautiously - so i whipped it out and let loose a volley of rubber bands almost at the same time as he did. huzzah, mine hit first!
my first taste of blood. mmm. yummy.
Revered Ornithologist reports:
I heard that there was an exhibition of old birdwatching equipment in the Bill Gates Building this afternoon, so, being a curious fellow, I went along to have a look. There I met Beardius Banichius (The Umpire), sitting but a metre from Oblina. The former explained to me that the event was an "official society meeting".
After I'd had a good look at the equipment, I told Beardius Banichius that I would be leaving with some of it. At this point someone pointed out that the society needed a new committee for the coming year. Beardius Banichius asked which position I would like; I replied that I'd be happy to be Secretary, and bade him farewell once again.
I noticed that by this time Oblina had left the room. Surely she wouldn't be standing outside waiting for me to leave the protection of the meeting? I drew my gun, just in case and left the room cautiously. I saw her waiting with RBG in hand and we fired at each other, but she was faster.
(And she gave me a hug afterwards. Aww...)
Time Bandit reports:
A happy pair of players, blissfully unaware of the world around them were gunned down together for their error...
A collection of singing potatoes reports:
For over an hour the trusty assassins roamed Cambridge in search of people to slaughter, with the Eye of Argon keeping constant watch for anyone looking to kill us. Unfortunately, the ten minutes for which we let our guard down en route to King's coincided with the moment Time Bandit spotted us and cycled/ran up behind to shoot both of us in the back. By the time we heard the footsteps it was already far too late...
Ivy reports:
I ran into him on the road by Newnham, and decided to save him from Tom, who was further up the street.
Will Someone Tell Me Why I Am Doing This??!! reports:
I guess my luck from mafia 1 couldn't last if I left my room enough times. I should remember not to use short rbgs against water guns even if there is potential cover and I had 10 throwing things on me all easy to get to!
hoopla! reports:
AS I wondered forlornly towards Newnham I espied an emerging Tom in most curious attire. I did the only logical thing and shot him, as he cried out "No water, I'm in formal dress!" and a polite conversation ensued.. until the realisation that he still had two swords and I had a band gun and neither of us was dead. Shortly thereafter I roasted Fluffy slowly over an open fire and gave his intestines to the blood god. At least, I would have done if I'd remembered. Next time, Fluffy, I'll get you next time...
Mrs. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:
Oops!... I did it again
Shot you in the heart
(and I lost the game)
Oh Sarah, Sarah
Oops!... you looked so upset
And now I regret
I'm not that innocent...
Wolfman reports:
4:24 pm...
Someone knocked at my door. Not being (that) stupid, I demanded the appellation by which he went. he gave a name which heretofore I had associated with a bloke a floor or so below. I opened it cautiously. How unsurprised I was... the bloke outside was standing there brandishing a pistol. I couldn't have that, now could I? Therefore I shot him nine times in the groin at point-blank range with a rubber band rifle. It turns out he was returning my gun that had fallen out of my pocket outside. Damn good laugh though. The Legal Non-Player should have known that I was an assassin, really...
Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:
I can't help but feel that's a fucking stupid thing to do whether you thought he was an assassin or not.
Oblina reports:
i was walking down the street, receiving a stern talking-to from my handsome immortal boyfriend about being more alert when going out and paying attention to the people around me and blah blah blah when all of a sudden i received the cold shock of death by water pistol thingie. pooh.
Wolfman reports:
Alex Labram aka Winifred, with no current web connection, asks me to report the untimely death of the entirely innocent and not playing JJ Wilks, who was unfortunate enough to encounter said raving psychopath on the way to Emma.
Winifred reports:
What can I say? He looked at me funny.
Wolfman reports:
17:55... Wolfman was for no apparent reason wandering around Emma when I saw a most worrying sight... the evil Winifred hiding outside someone's door. Intrigued, I observed this further... nikilla stepped out to the assailants knock, and was promptly shot, although this was a close thing. Winifred was quoted afterwards as being "mildly damp", but claims this is due to a water-pistol fired - too late - by the deceased.
Winifred reports:
Hehehehe
Can't Stop The Rock reports:
I didn't mean to kill him again so soon, honest. We just seem to keep on running into each other.
Stop The Rock reports:
Damn it, ran into and shot him at dinner barely after his death.
Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:
I'm prepared to write off the occasional death to hoopla! on the grounds that I believe she has the ability to turn invisible.
Mrs. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:
Dammit short, sneaky, fast, invisible players should not be allowed. Especially not with water pistols!!!!
Can't Stop The Rock reports:
The thing about waiting around King's for hours for people you don't recognise is that you tend to run into those that you do from time to time. It's rather nice that they never seem to spot me.
I'd rather get around to actually killing people not from King's at some point, but everyone seems to be hiding from me. Oh well, it's nice enough that I haven't died on my birthday as of yet.
Winifred reports:
I don't believe this! He shot me in the back! And we were supposed to be working together at the time as well.
Turns out he thought my decision to split off from a raid on Newnham (which might have endangered my master, Lauren) was a prelude to treason. In actual fact, until this point, I had no thoughts of treason. However, there are now no holds barred. Be afraid...
The Eye of Argon reports:
The returned barbarians were trekking throught the trekless climes of Newnham. The alarming Winifred stated, "You may kill the rest of the Newnham wenches. I cannot, for my honour prevents me; one of them is my master. I will return this way." The cunning Eye Of Argon, feeling that a nefarius plot was affot, readied his trusty arms. "Die, traitor!", the enthused fighter shouted, as he plunged two shots into the back of his surprised adversary. As the gorey mass of crimson blood sank to the dusty floor, it gurgled some incoherency about being innocent, but such things do not concern the mighty Eye of Argon! Victorious, he strode on his majestic and blood-splattered route.
A collection of singing potatoes reports:
Gah. The list of players I had with me was apparently not fully up-to-date, and listed Sista as an active player. It's a shame really, since it would have worked perfectly otherwise. Using a trademarked cunning disguise, I got her to open the door, and shot her. But she wasn't playing. Bugger.
The Umpire reports:
As this seems to have been an honest mistake I've anulled the event thereby waiving the points penalty. Please do take care to keep up to date with other players' status as people do retire.
The Umpire
nikilla reports:
as my first attempt at this (serious) game i was not too put off by getting killed very efficiently in the middle of a quiet afternoon, so as soon as i got my chance i decided that enough was enough and i had to go out on the hunt
so i picked my target who was likely to be susecting, and waiting and prepared. whilst attatching an explosive to the door i heard movement so i hid until realising that the door was opening, so seizing my chance i shot and assasinated my quarry
hurrah!
Adrian reports:
.......
Adrian reports:
The absolute nerve of some people.
I was quietly sat in my room, tapping away at my laptop <water-with-care-avoid-laptop-I-Don't-want-it-hurt> when I look up and discover nikilla attaching something to my door.
My door may in fact be the only one in Emma with a frosted glass window. Naturally I was very grateful for this.
Laughing at my foe's absolute idiocy, I proceeded to carefully open the door from 2m away with the aid of a long contraption made of neckties.
The fool, her bomb didn't even go off. I began to smile self satisfiedly at having foiled yet another of her feeble attempts to asassinate me.
Then she popped her head around the corner and shot me. Damn.
The Umpire reports:
The Umpire notes that bombs are not legal weapons in this game.....
You have been warned.
Revered Ornithologist reports:
Fluffius Bouncius and I had begun to get tired of looking for interesting birds, so we decided to go and play games in a piratical manner instead. We suspected that there might be something happening in that den of gameage known as Burrell's Field, and as we were nearby, decided to have a look.
Fluffius Bouncius spotted Withnail flying past on a bike. We took out our binoculars to take a look at him.
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer reports:
Does a gun sabotage count as an attempt? ;)
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a notorious couple of KCats
As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats
They had an extensive reputation, made their home in Cripps, Grange Road
That was merely their center of operation for they were incurably given to rove
If the area window was found ajar and the basement looked like field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof which presently ceased to be waterproof
If a bomb was laid in the bedroom chests
And your gun was lost from your bulletproof vest
Or after the ball one Jenny Chase found her RPG jammed up in her face
Then Jenny would say "It's the horrible KCat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And cause she was dead she left it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together,
And some of the time you would say it was luck and some of the time you would say it was weather.
They'd go through the house like a hurricane and no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer? Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
When you heard a sudden shot or up from the pantry there came a loud crash,
Or you came to a target who would have been grand,
And someone had misloaded all of your bands,
Then the family would say: "Now Which was which KCat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer and there's nothing at all to be done about that!"
;)
Ivy reports:
Good thing I checked... well, would have been had I actually run into anyone on Huntingdon Road at 3am who was wearing formal dress. I did think it was rather against the spirit of the killing ban at the party to follow you two out. And I was a bit too drunk to do so in any case.
Scheming and Malevolent Conspiracy of Voles reports:
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Michael."
Hmm. Well, I do know a Michael whose voice sounds kind of like that. Aim RBG, unlock door, open door.
AbF's RBG goes clickyclickyclicky. I dodge back and fire back, but too late.
AbF reports:
After an evening's unsuccessful wandering through colleges and bars we eventually made our way to Emmanuel, and to Simon McVittie's room. Knocking on the door he asked me who I was, so I quickly shouted back "Michael". Luckily enough it seems that his neighbour is actually called Michael, but this didn't stop him from answering the door with an rbg.
A quick exchange of rubber resulted in Simon dropping under my barrage - a lucky guess paid off.
nikilla reports:
encouraged by my fist successful attempt at killing, i decided that i had to use my room (and door especially) to my advantage, so just before going to bed, i put 'poison' around the door handle of my door, and also prepared my gun (what self respecting assassin wouldn't?)
therefore not being suprised by a knock at the door i readied myself, unlocked it and told wolfman (although i didn't know who it was at the time) to open it, thus rendering him poisened and me witnessing it, also to add insult to injury i shot several times with my gun, thus ensuring certain death
however wolfman himself was prepared, he had with him a fellow accomplice, who shot me before i saw him,
well played wolfman and friend, clever tactics
Wolfman reports:
Well, that was rather silly of me. Wolfman would like to note that not being stupid he did not actually touch the doorhandle (I used a rubber band), and would also like to add that it is his belief that contact-poisoning your OWN doorhandle wasn't exactly allowed. I was shot with a water-pistol though, and it seems fair to claim I got shot. Although I'm not convinced as to the strayness of my bolts. AbF DID get her though, as I'm sure he shall report shortly...
Update: 00:32, Sunday -
Thought so. Quoting from the rules:
B.2 Other indirect weapons Contact poison, poisoned letters, bombs and all other indirect weapons are not allowed in the Mayweek game.
I did get shot though, although this raises the question of whether I got my shot in first or not. I'll let this stand though, preferring to be a psycho than a pedant.
AbF reports:
Continuing our visit to Emma, Wolfman and I next decided to knock on Nicola's door. This time Wolfman did the knocking, and I covered the door from the cover of the stairs. After the initial confusion of her inviting him to come in, Wolfman opened the door, to be met by a water pistol...
The Umpire reports:
Wolfman is entirely correct. Not only is use of contact poison on a door-handle a very naughty thing in general it is also not even a valid weapon during mayweek.
This is Nicola Abrams(nickie)'s last warning.
AbF reports:
After watching Wolfman being gunned down I jumped out from my cover and dispensed rubbery justice to his killer!
Headlines | UpdatesProduced at Thu Jun 24 18:53:57 2004