May Week 2004 Game News - Day 1

Friday, 11 June


[19:00pm] Adrian made an attempt on nikilla

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[19:05pm] Revered Ornithologist assassinated The Eye of Argon

The Eye of Argon reports:

The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of Cambridge. Age worn blood makrs smothered by the sifting sands of time shone dully against the gore splattered crust of pavement. The tireless sun cast its parching rays of incandescense from overhead, low in its daily revolution.

"Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian", gasped a nearby bird-watcher.

"Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch!" returned I.

Alas, it was not so, for a spike of flashing stell shot eviscerated me through the head, and my scintillating bdy fell lifeless to the gleaming floor.

Revered Ornithologist reports:

I had been informed that, if I was lucky, I might catch a glimpse of a fine and unique specimen of the unusual bird Fluffius Bouncius on its migratory path this evening.

However, while watching the flight path I spotted the more common but still notable creature Simeonous Avianus (The Eye of Argon) on the other side of the road with a pair of insignificant other birds. He soon spotted me and acknowledged my presence. I walked down the road, parallel to him, hoping to get a closer look, while he looked suspiciously back at me. I crossed over and followed him round the corner; still we exchanged glances. He crossed over the road, apparently heading towards his roost.

I broke into a run, as did he. As he turned the corner, I saw him draw a single RBG. Still I followed him, and saw him run into Pembroke. Cautiously, I looked around the entrance; there was no-one there. I approached the building on the right, and saw him run out and fire at me. I returned fire. He ran off into a building, stuck his head out of the door, and continued to take shots at me. I hid round the side of a nearby building and attempted to shoot him, but he ducked behind the door. This continued for a minute or so. Finally, I ran out to take a closer shot at him and hit his head, narrowly dodging his rubber bands.

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[19:10pm] A collection of singing potatoes made an attempt on Winifred

A collection of singing potatoes reports:

I figured that Corkscrew would be an obvious target for assassins shortly after the start of the game, and thought that even if I didn't get the man himself I might bump into some other assassins near his room. There were no other assassins, but Corkscrew and I did exchange some perfunctory fire through his doorway before it was slammed shut again with no hope of opening.

Winifred reports:

Nice try, buster

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[19:16pm] The Tigerbunny of Dhooom!!! assassinated Queen of Cool

The Tigerbunny of Dhooom!!! reports:

Living so close to a plant of poison Ivy I'm not sure who was more surprised to discover myself standing over a dead body in the canteen - myself or the hapless Queen of Cool.

Returning to the canteen in order to aquire a pudding I espied ANOTHER assassin. Sneaking up behind her I stabbed her in the ribs whereupon the following exchange was made: "You're dead" "Huh?" "Er... you are playing the game?" "What game?...Oh, you're an assassin - does this mean I'm dead?" "Afraid so"

Sigh, if only they'll all be this easy...

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[19:25pm] Adrian made an attempt on Soon-to-be-ex Mathmo Contemplating Violence

Adrian reports:

Full details below

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[19:26pm] Soon-to-be-ex Mathmo Contemplating Violence assassinated Adrian

Soon-to-be-ex Mathmo Contemplating Violence reports:

As I was peacefully perusing photos of ducklings, I heard a loud knock at the door. "Hmm", I thought. "Either it's an Emmassassin making an early attempt, or it's Adam just trying to make me paranoid."

I grabbed an oversized RBG from my desk drawer, cautiously unlocked the door as quietly as possible, and threw it open. Nothing.

Suddenly there was a whirring of motorized-foam-disc-launcher and Adrian darted out from the staircase. I scuttled backwards as discs began to fly past me, firing a single shot, and heard a death scream (well, OK, Adrian saying "damn", but near enough).

Adrian reports:

I was stealthy... I was cunning... I was ruthless... I was very, very dumb

My plan had been to assasinate a friend of mine in college, I had a cover story all planed out.

She wasn't in.

So I knocked on Soon-to-be-ex Mathmo Contemplating Violence's door, with no cover story prepared, and then stealthily stepped to the side.

The door opened. I moved back to the door and began firing, expecting to hit an unprepared unsuspecting target full in the face.

He was suspecting... He was prepared... He was lethal...

Though I presented that most elusive of targets, the moving-fairly-quickly-human-body-at-less-than-1m-distance, still he managed to deliver a fatal shot to the head.

I had valiently loosed two shots at him before my untimely demise, but it was in vain.

And then i was dying, brathing my last as i crumpled to the floor, unlamented, unmissed, and unavenged.

Then he invited me in for a chat, which was nice

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[19:27pm] A collection of singing potatoes assassinated Wolfman

Wolfman reports:

7:27 pm, Friday 11th...

I found myself strolling back towards Christ's, having not yet done anything particularly evil, when I encountered a strange sight indeed: A collection of singing potatoes. With a ferocity not normally associated with vegetables, whatever their musical talent, they bravely hid behind a car. Warily we circled each other, and proceeded upon our respective journeys. In Christ's car park another surprise met me. A snippet of leguminous melody wafted towards me, and I rotated rapidly to see the singing potatoes still on my trail. A short discussion ensued, in which a cursory testing of weapon range suggested it to be zero, i.e. my weapon had jammed. On discovering this, the potatoes pursued me, and cruelly ran me down at the bottom of the staircase. And they remembered their silver bullets. How irritating... I have been killed by singing damn potatoes.

A collection of singing potatoes reports:

On my way back from an attempt on Corkscrew, I spotted Ed Heaney approaching across the road, leading to a tense stand-off as we both pulled our guns. However, we edged past each other and headed off. As he made his way to Christ's back gate, I legged it through the front to meet him as he entered the gate, with guns in hand. Cue stand-off #2. Shots were fired, this time, mostly to test range, then he opened up with both guns briefly before they jammed. He panicked and tried to flee in cowardly fashion back to his room, but I shot him in the back before he could get far.

Mwahahahaha!

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[19:35pm] Victor Fries assassinated The Seven Deadly Sins

Victor Fries reports:

Good timing, but the wrong weapon for indoors use, the wrong weapon for a no water room and not much luck with dodging my rubber bands. Then we went to a most enjoyable engagement party.

Greed reports:

Yes, timing indeed was of the essence to my near-kill but ultimate demise. Due to the unusual setup of the player list I couldn't figure out how to see people's water status and so went round to the home of Mr and Mrs Freeze. I wanted their points, dammit! I couldn't live without collecting all the points I could get my hands on. One day, I would have all the points in the world, and all assassins will bow down to MEEEEE!!!

Ahem. I used a supersoaker and sprayed the first person to emerge just as I arrived, and the water quickly changed to ice as it hit the metal cold-ambient suit. Victor Fries was rather surprised at all this, as it was a NWW zone. We then fired bands. Mine missed. His hit. And Jenny pointed out that I wasn't allowed a big weapon indoors anyway.

Dammit. And so to an eternity of sitting in a cauldron of boiling oil it was.

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[19:42pm] Time Bandit assassinated Revered Ornithologist

Revered Ornithologist reports:

Travelling through the market and towards King's, hoping perhaps to see some of the more regal birds that can be seen in Cambridge. I spotted a moderately large group of tourists outside St Mary's Church. Unfortunately, I did not notice Flashius Bouncius Time Bandit running up behind me before it was too late. I drew my "binoculars", but only managed to get a good look at one of his arms. He, on the other hand/arm, fired a pair of rubber bands into my body.

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[20:55pm] A collection of singing potatoes made an attempt on Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire

Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:

Ah, cooking, one of the most feared pastimes of the properly paranoid. So many times I recall leaping to the door of the kitchen, gun in hand, at the faintly-heard sound of someone entering the staircase. So many times I've left the kitchen a nervous wreck, shaking with paranoia to such an extent that I've barely been able to hold the plates in my quivering hands, and yet never in my many terms of such practice had I ever actually had cause for such caution. Until today.

While tending to the bubbling pot of dahl, my sentry alerted me to the fact that A collection of singing potatoes had just entered my staircase. I rushed over to inspect the situation, saw them engaged in a tense standoff, and ducked back into the kitchen for more guns.

A collection of singing potatoes, probably reasonably, was apparently not used to people keeping automatic weapons in the kitchen, so after dodging the first burst, he fled into the courtyard. I followed at a cautious distance and we had a brief chat across the lawn, during which I congratulated him on being the first person in two years to attack me while I was cooking. I suggested he might want to pay a visit to Russ in the next staircase and we bid one another goodbye.

Mrs. Fluffy Ex-Umpire reports:

It was Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire's turn to cook dinner so I offered to stand guard. He assured me nothing was likely to happen but I wasn't so sure...

Lo and behold after several false flutters of panic A collection of singing potatoes walked into the staircase carrying two guns limply in his right hand. I welcomed him while alerting Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire. I let Mr. Fluffy Ex-Umpire do all the hard work and was relieved to see A collection of singing potatoes scared off though mildly disappointed at the lack of a kill, after all I had been watching a door for many hours! It was all very exciting.

A collection of singing potatoes reports:

Having tramped round colleges near the Sidgwick Site for what seemed like forever, but cannot have been more than two hours, I ventured towards the room of the Fluffy Ex-Umpire in low spirits. I wasn't really concentrating as I opened the door to the staircase, and to be honest I was probably quite lucky that Mrs. Ex-Umpire, whom the chivalrous Mr. Ex-Umpire had nobly deployed as a sentry, didn't shoot me on the spot. Pinned in the doorway, I had no choice but to watch and smile innocently as Mr. Fluffy poked his head round the door.

There was a brief chat, followed by the emergence of some uberweapon of death, with which the Fluffy Ex-Umpires drove me out into the court. Eventually we called it a stand-off and I went next door to see if I could get Russ.

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[21:00pm] A collection of singing potatoes made an attempt on Section 19 of the Firearms Act (1968)

A collection of singing potatoes reports:

This doesn't really merit a report, but since it was mentioned elsewhere I probably should. Having been chased off by the Fluffy Ex-Umpire tag team, the more masculine of the two suggested that I could try Russ. Now I hadn't intended to shoot Russ but was by now thoroughly sick of wandering round colleges and thought a kill might assuage my splitting headache.

The attempt itself was pretty poor. I trudged dejectedly to his room, causing some (presumably) drunk (presumably) visitors to make Robbie Williams "jokes" when they saw the name above his door. These Swiftean jesters departing, I tried Russ's handle and the door was, unsurprisingly, locked. After a brief (c. 0.8 seconds) consideration of the situation, I decided to bugger off home rather than lurk in the dingy staircase.

Section 19 of the Firearms Act (1968) reports:

Well, thanks for the recommendation. I thought I'd seen A collection of singing potatoes wandering across Mem Court but I wasn't totally sure.

Can't believe I missed a knock at the door, though, what with sitting by my open window with a loaded RBG pointed out of it...

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[21:15pm] The Dead Pirate Roberts disturbed the rest of Sloth

Sloth reports:

I was like kinda ambling along on my wheels y'know, not reeeeaaaallly bothered about where I was goin', when this, like, dude comes up to me wearing a sombrero and all that, and I like, shouted "yo man I'm dead" and jus' like didn't do anythin'. And he jus' said, like, "Ah I'm just making sure," and like prods me in the ribs with somethin'. Yeah. Or something like that anyway y'know?

The Dead Pirate Roberts reports:

Arrrr... me hearties. Thar I was, waiting to board Robinson May Ball, whan who should I espie from my poop deck, but a certain ginger landlubber. Scanning the queue.

So, I cunningly hid, waited for him to come back again, then Fluffied him.

But he was already dead, and just behavin in a most suspicious manner. Corpses. Can't be trustin em.

Sloth reports:

I was actually looking for Jonathan WoollgAAAAAAARRRRR to discuss game-related matters, but instead found two young ladies from my prayer group, who were going to what I believe to be their first May Ball ever. The Dead Pirate Roberts kindly informed me that Jonathan was working rather than queueing, so I ambled awa'.

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[21:20pm] Stop The Rock assassinated Brian Eats Brains

Stop The Rock reports:

Xanth: "Hey Phil."

Phil: "Bollocks."

Xanth: "Bang."

Xanth: "Bye Phil."

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[22:55pm] Winifred assassinated Time Bandit

Winifred reports:

>>>import bicycle >>>bike=bicycle.Bicycle >>>bike.gear=5 >>>print bike.speed() "Slow" >>>bike.rider.huntedby("Winifred") >>>print bike.rider.status() "Dead" >>>^D

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[23:05pm] The Eye of Argon assassinated Red October

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Produced at Thu Jun 24 18:53:57 2004