The Assassins' Guild: Michaelmas 2004 Game Awards

In recognition of some of the more memorable moments of the game, the Umpire would like to announce the awarding of the following, um, awards:

The Lemming Award for the first to die:

Richard Gibson, who showed that sitting outside your target's door doing maths at 5:30am is not an effective disguise.

The Holzhauer Award for psychopathy:

Martin Lester, for killing everybody

The David and Goliath Award for best giant-killing activity by a new player:

Suzy Hamilton, for taking down Chris Field (and the Umpire).

The Ginger Cake Award for the smoothest kill:

Chris Field, for convincing David Jordan to shoot an innocent, then asking to see his gun.

Similarly smooth:

Martin Lester, for "the bin incident"

The 'I Shot the Sheriff' Award for butchering cops:

Alex Pavlaki for killing four police officers in one SWAT raid.

The Mario Sainz-Martinez Award for cowwuption:

Kirsty Reger, for feeding police IRC logs to the very wanted JJ Wilks.

Under investigation:

Steve McCann, for just generally being Steve McCann.

The Most Ironic Death Award:

Salman Shaheen, for being identified by the large peace badge he was wearing.

The Dr Kimble Award for surviving the longest time on the wanted list:

Vincent Tang, who survived even with a target on his head.

The Kenny Award for dying far too many times:

Tom Booth, who just plain wouldn't stay dead.

The Robocop Award for killing wanted criminals:

Richard Gibson and Callum Dawes got three each.

The David Duffit award for secrecy and deception:

Adam Biltcliffe and Carrie Oliver, for managing to hide the fact that they were allied with everyone for most of the duel.

The 'Do you have my fish?' Award for excuse least likely to get someone to open the door:

Vincent Tang, for "Hi Adam, it's Vinnie and I've got the vaseline!".

The Three Hours Early Award for paranoia:

Aidan Robison, for running away from everything and for sleeping in someone else's room on Hallowe'en because he was scared.

The Koom Valley Award for best ambush:

Martin Lester, for hiding in a bin.

The Order of the Black Coat for application of the art of disguise:

Chris Knowles, for getting killed just before implementing his cunning "shave and haircut" plan.

The Laurel And Hardy Award for most amusing double-act:

Adam Biltcliffe and Steve Pettitt for expressing their love in the best possible way.

Also well-matched:

Martin Lester and Matthew Johnson for following each other to Oxford and back.

The Darwin Award for death by stupidity:

Ed Heaney, for shooting at the Chief of Police for no good reason, and being upset when he went wanted and was killed.

The Reversed Burden of Evidence Award for unintentionally killing innocents:

Alex Labram for knocking on his target's door, having a chat, going to get a bomb, returning, and placing said bomb on the wrong door.

Also special:

All those other people who went wanted by bombing the wrong door. It's not that hard to get it right.

The Leek and Safe Award for most interesting weaponry:

Lauren Grest's poison lipstick was unusual, if slightly underhand.

Cruel and unusual:

David Manning seemed to think that plastic dinosaurs coated in vaseline and inserted into keyholes were a valid form of expression

Charlotte Heron enjoyed using rotting fruit as explosive

The Catherine Zentile Award for least innocent innocent:

Steve McCann, who ran most of the first half of the game.

The Brutus Award for best betrayal:

JJ Wilks for killing Lauren Grest and Adam Baird Fraser, because he felt like it.

The Police Hero Medal:

Tom Booth, who died and died and died and died.

Big posh funerals also go to:

The SWAT team that finally took down Alex Pavlaki. May they rest in many, many pieces.

The Obfuscated Tutorial System Award for silliest pseudonym:

Withheld: I didn't get a single nomination for this one, and I wasn't very impressed. Shame on you all.

The Harland Quinn Golden Quill for the most amusing reports:

Similarly withheld. You people are all boring.