Lent 2004 Wanted List

Dead Criminals

Although for the most part everyone was very good, there were a few players who, for one reason or another, ended up on the wrong side of the law. Here are the accounts of their various criminal careers:

Maxwell's Silver Hammer Ric Brackenbury Selwyn
For the murders of Peyman Owladi, Stephen Pettitt, David Birch, Tom Carver, police officer Ian Abel and several innocents, and for really rather excessive use of contact poison. Met his end in Sainsbury's at the hands of PC Just Add Water.
Doktor Von Fappenschlick Rosemary Warner Caius
Wanted for rather naughty misuse of contact poison resulting in the death of Douglas Winship. Also perished in Sainsbury's after encountering a sizeable proportion of the Baby Seals mafia and associates.
414 Alex Labram Christ's
Wanted for the murders of James Osborn, Matthew Johnson and Paul Fox. Subsequently also murdered police officers Richard Thomas and Jenny Gardner, and killed Hannah Burton and constable Thomas Hooper in self-defence. Was indirectly responsible for blowing up the Chief of Police. Believed to be Godfather of the Christ's Mafia. Brought to justice by Stephen Chester in a complicated sting operation involving most of Jesus.
Drunken Chunky Monkey Nick Wood Churchill
For the unprovoked murders of police officers Stefano Debolini and Matthew Davison, and several innocents. Blown up by Gordon Ball.
Caligula David O'Doherty Jesus
For the murder of one innocent and a cat, and for attempting to kill G.I Bob and police officer Paul Fox. Killed when G.I.Bob decided to go on his own killing spree.
Joan N. Nathan Bowler Trinity
For the brutal revenge killing of Tom Woolford. Believed to be working for the non-existent Trinity Mafia. Brought to justice by Adam Baird Fraser and Agent Corkscrew.
G.I.Bob Bilen Ahmet Jesus
For the murder of eighteen innocents plus police officer Paul Fox, and the mutilation of several corpses. Also for misuse of contact poison. Eventually blown up by Aidan Robison.
Jail house rock Thomas de Rivaz Caius
For misidentifying a (female) innocent as Jacob Shepherd, and for the subsequent cold-blooded killing of Chris Knowles, Stephen Chester, police officers Patrick Snow and Richard Mycroft, a random man in the street and the entirety of DipSoc. Died a week later due to not realising the significance of the only attendant live police officer leaving the meeting early.
The Sunshine Suicide Squad Bryony Baines Caius
For killing an innocent. Also for subsequently contact poisoning lots of doors as well as shooting police officers Leo Howell, Robert Chipperfield and David Birch and three more innocents, and blowing up the Chief of Police. Left lots of really very pretty bombs. Shot by SWAT Commander Jar-Jar "for standing next to Ed Nokes".
Moose Hunter Lee Lewin Girton
For killing an innocent by mistake, and for subsequent irresponsible use of contact poison. Also shot the non-playing Ed Nokes. Killed on his own corridor by Police Chief Just Add Water.
Sideshow Barbara Lauren Grest Newnham
For subjecting an innocent friend to death-by-chocolate. Killed by the remarkably enthusiastic PC Sir Maxwell.

Thus die all wrongdoers. None of the inhabitants of the Wanted List managed to either survive until the end of the game or get themselves redeemed. Remember, children: crime doesn't pay. At least not as well as legally-approved assassination.

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Produced at Sun Apr 4 02:05:23 2004