Lent 2004 Game News - Post-game

Sunday, 07 March


[16:30pm] Michael Richards defeated the other four survivors in the final duel

Thy Dungeonman reports:

You are Thy Dungeonman!

For Sooth! Ye have survivered toe thee duel! But nowe, toe protecte thee peace and sanctitie of thy dungeon, ye muste wipe outest thee evile KINGES MAFIA (There are no mafias in thy dungeon!). Thee mafia consisteth of AIDAN ROBISON, STEPHEN MCCANN and MICHAEL BROOKS. Ye havest a CAT (yay!), LOTES OF CARRYTS and MANIE, MANIE GUNS. Obvious exits are DEATH, INSTANT DEATH and TOTAL ANHILATION.

What wouldst thou deau?

What wouldst thou deau indeed? Outnumbered (but not quite outgunned), myself and Cat quickly started the duel by meeting up and setting up a defensive position for the soon expected rush by three highly trained homicidal maniacs. And so we waited... And waited...

After 20 minutes it became clear that the Kings bunch were not going to rush us with their numerical superiority, but instead were going to camp out and wait for us to come to them. As I was getting bored, I thought that a bit of action was in order and slowly worked my way down the side of Burrells, carefully peeking round all corners, while Cat covered my rear. Eventually, reaching the end of the passage and saw Aidan himself! Being a gentleman I waved at him, followed shortly by trying to taunt him into charging at me. Unsuprisingly it didnít work. However, now knowing where we were, I expected some crack troops to spring into action and try to attack us in a pincer movement and spent a while checking up and down the passage for any sign of movement further out. After another 20 minutes or so, I took the immensely suicidal step of walking up a narrow corridor and out into an open space, fully expecting to be shot by cunningly positioned people hidden behing corners in defensible positions. As we closed in on the Kings bunch, a few shots were exchanged, but it was clear to me and Cat that they were in too good a defensive position.

So instead we rushed all the way around Burrells to attack them from behind. After a firefight lasting a whole minute or so (with nothing really happening), we started running back to our orginal start point. On the way, Aidan appeared out of nowhere and took a shot at me. Luckily, blinded by the yellowness of my rifle, his shot went wide.

We then worked our way back to our original attack point and started moving in on two separate paths. This wasnít working so I rushed round behind them once more to try and set up a pincer attack. A fair few shots were exchanged, but it finally became clear to myself and Cat that nothing we could do could get the evil mafia in their well forted up position and so we headed back to our original position in the hope that we could lure at least one person out of hiding. It wasnít to be.

At this point it was getting dark. After a while of waiting, dodgy twinitawians started running round shouting random things. A cunning plan formed in Catís head and she suggested we follow a group round college and then leap out with JDís at the ready. Unfortunately, when we tagged along behind a group, they didnít head in the right direction! What can you do?

We were told we only had a few minutes to sort things out or weíd go down to just RBGís, so we made one last valiant effort of sneaking towards the Kingans. And finally, they had left their lair! A few shots were fired down a long corridor and then I checked to see noone was creeping up behind us. Then Cat called out that she had pinned down Aidan! I took a few more rifle potshots at him, but nothing hit. Then, finally, as night threatened to settle, a ceasefire was called...

The five brave combatants found themselves transporterated into a small arena with only a single RBG each. And then the duel began once more. Four of us were being very cautious and very carefully inching forwards. Cat on the other hand, was jumping up and down and goading Aidan into a fight. Then she suddenly sprang into action, jumping forward and shooting Aidan. Michael Brooks then moved in to kill Cat whilst I took the same opportunity to kill him. From five down to two in about 10 seconds.

At this point, myself and Stephen McCann moved inside into Burrells JCR for the finale. RBGís were reloaded and we stood apart, waiting for action to begin. And then it did. We both started walking towards each other and then fired a couple of shots off. Stephenís shots seemed to be getting quite close, whilst mine didnít seem to be getting anywhere near him. At this point I heard a cry: "Your gunís jammed!" and I thought that that was going to be it. I quickly jumped back, fiddling round with the bands on front, trying to unjam the gun. Stephen noticed what had happened and raced forward, shooting wildly. Luckily I managed to unjam the gun just in time and released a volley of bands directly into his chest, with one final shot hitting him straight in the head. Damn that was close.

Congraturation! Ye have trulie proved that thy dungeon is thine and thine alone. Fore ye immense skill^H^H^H^H^H^fluke, ye hast been madeth a Master Assassassin! Once and for alle, ye finally knowe that ye will always remaine:

THY DUNGEONMAN!!!

Dalriada reports:

Having decided to defend our position for the first while to try to lure michael richards and catherine hall into attacking our position, this led to a boring start to the duel. I saw them directly infront of me after about 10 minutes in a position we could attack, unfortunately when i looked round and shouted for my comrades, they weren't about. Then after more waiting, and some posing for photographs, the head of michael richards appeared in a particularly wheelchair friendly part of burrell's field followed quickly by the sight of his rifle, he fired at me and i returned fire but neither shots where particularly close. After quite a lot of waiting, and running spectators, a couple of which i really wanted to shoot but had to conserve ammo (for 2 reasons, incase i ran out, and i have severe difficulty reloading the rifle i was carrying), a lot of time passed, i only realised that nearly an hour and a half had passed when i asked simeon bird for the time. Shortly after this, Michael Brooks told me he had gotta fed up of being told to wait especially since it was getting dark and the umpire was to outlaw rifles soon. So myself and Brooks went hunting the other two. We came to a point where we saw aidan infront of us firing at something, this confused me since i thought he was watching our backs. After a few more minutes of tedium the umpire decided to reduce us to one RBG each and let us face off in a small circle.

There was a little bit of shooting in the dark, Cathy shot Aidan, Brooks shot Cathy and then Richards shot Brooks, meanwhile myself and Richards had been trying to shot each but without any success, probably because we couldnt see where any of the bands went. The umpire declared myself and michael richards the last 2 remaining and we reconvened in the JCR in burrell's field.

We stood at opposite ends of the room, spectators everywhere, and nothing between us but each of our guns. We each took a step and fired, both missed, mine fell short, his i never saw. Another step, another shot, same result. On the third shot i realised why i hadnt seen any of his shots, his gun had jammed! (This was particularly perceptive of me since only about 5 ppl in the room said his gun had jammed at the same time :p) Thus I ran at him shooting, but just as a got within range he unjammed the gun and took aim at me, I tried to duck down to avoid his first shots in a hope that one of mine would hit first but to no avail. Michael Richards is a deserved winner. Congratulations!

Michael Richards is therefore the winner of the Cambridge University Assassins' Guild Lent 2004 game, and is hereby instated as a Master Assassin. The Umpire would like to extend his thanks to all players, police, accomplices, eyewitnesses, spectators and general hangers-on, and hopes that everyone has had an enjoyable game. See you all next term, although hopefully you won't see me until it's too late ...

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Produced at Fri Apr 9 00:31:25 2004