The Assassins' Guild: Lent 2004 Game Awards

In recognition of some of the more memorable moments of the game, the Umpire would like to announce the awarding of the following, um, awards:

The Lemming Award for the first to die:
Douglas Winship, who left his door unlocked on the first morning.
The Holzhauer Award for psychopathy:
Bryony Baines (The Sunshine Suicide Squad), who claimed it didn't count because she used balloons.
Also dangerous to know:
Alex Labram (414), whose evil mafia terrorised Cambridge for nearly a week.
The David and Goliath Award for best giant-killing activity by a new player:
Michael Brooks, whose first ever kill was the illustrious Jenny Chase.
Other giant-slayers:
Stephen McCann, who fought off the unwelcome attentions of Simon Ford.
The Ginger Cake Award for the smoothest kill:
Seth Thevoz, who convinced his assassin that he was another assassin looking for the same target.
The 'I Shot the Sheriff' Award for butchering cops:
Bryony Baines killed five, in a total of eleven hours' rampaging.
The usual suspects:
Alex Labram killed three.
The Mario Sainz-Martinez Award for cowwuption:
Ed Saperia (PC Cyberdog) and Ed Heaney (PC Zoidberg), who didn't do anything other than act as pawns of the Christ's Mafia.
Under investigation:
Ross Edmondson (PC Kakariki), for selling out the SWAT Team to his incompetent associate.
Steve Pettitt (PC Teepee), who thought that killing cops would be more fun.
The Most Ironic Death Award:
Jonathan Hogg, who was sneaking into Christ's and stopped to hold the door open for someone who turned out to be his assassin.
The Dr Kimble Award for surviving the longest time on the wanted list:
Thomas de Rivaz, who lasted nine days before being killed leaving the site of his first killing spree.
Almost made it:
Lee Lewin, who managed eight days.
The Kenny Award for dying far too many times:
Martin Lester, who managed to be shot while reading a poisoned letter, after already having died.
The Robocop Award for killing wanted criminals:
David Stark (PC Just Add Water), who apprehended two.
I am also the law:
Ric Brackenbury (PC Sir Maxwell), who killed one criminal and two corrupt police.
The David Duffit award for secrecy and deception:
Jonathan Hogg, who kept a diary to prove just how secretive he was.
Equally deceptive:
Tom Garnett was the obligatory old hand trying to confuse people as to whether he was playing or not.
The 'Do you have my fish?' Award for excuse least likely to get someone to open the door:
Alex Labram, who called on Rosemary Warner claiming to be Matthew Garrett.
It might just work:
Emily Luckhurst, for "Hi, I'm a girl, can I shoot you?"
The Three Hours Early Award for paranoia:
Jenny Chase, for waving a stick through her doorframe when coming out in case there were any motion sensors attached to the wall above.
Also twitchy:
Aidan Robison, who sat through an extra hour of lectures every morning so as not to be ambushed on his way in.
Chris Field, for spending an hour disarming a harmless bottle of vodka.
The Koom Valley Award for best ambush:
Philip Maltas, who burst out of the cupboard above Ross Edmondson's door and gunned down PC Corkscrew.
The Order of the Black Coat for application of the art of disguise:
Michael Richards, who lurked for and killed Jon Jowett while dressed as a pirate.
Equally sore thumbs:
Aidan Robison, who wore his 'ASSASSIN' hoodie around town every day for most of the second half of the game.
The Laurel And Hardy Award for most amusing double-act:
Michael Cripps and Lauren Grest for their brief and fruitless poisoned-letter love affair.
Also well-matched:
Jenny Chase and Michael Cripps for "You take the kids out today and I'll take them out tomorrow."
The Darwin Award for death by stupidity:
Colin Leung, who walked up to his target, said "Hi, I'm your assassin," and got shot.
Shallow end of the gene pool:
Lachlan McLean and Thomas Hooper, who got themselves blown up in different, equally silly ways, in the same place, about three minutes apart.
The Reversed Burden of Evidence Award for unintentionally killing innocents:
Johannes Nordstrom receives this award yet again, this time for killing one innocent for being in Lauren Grest's kitchen and another for being outside his room.
The Leek and Safe Award for most interesting weaponry:
Michael Richards (Sinistar) for the poisoned CDs which would have been a lot funnier if any of the targets had listened to them.
Psychological warfare:
Michael Richards (Miss Teen Dungeon)'s attempt with the fake Simon Ford scarecrow must sadly be discounted since it couldn't actually have killed anyone.
The Concerned Citizen Award:
Gordon Ball, who disposed of Drunken Chunky Monkey, PC Zoidberg and two incompetents.
A bit concerned:
Stephen Chester, for disposing of 414.
Martin O'Leary, who apprehended Doktor von Fappenschlick.
The Catherine Zentile Award for least innocent innocent:
Ed Nokes, who was involved in numerous incidents, most notably acting as accomplice and driver for Bryony Baines' killing spree.
Also somewhat dodgy:
Alex Rossdeutsch, who helped Alex Labram hunt down Hannah Burton.
Stuart Gooch, who shopped Nathan Bowler to the police when they came calling.
The Brutus Award for best betrayal:
Ross Edmondson for betraying the entire police force.
Similarly untrustworthy:
The unnamed accomplice who betrayed Graham Thompson to Daniel Rudge.
The Police Hero Medal:
Jonathan Hogg, who nobly sacrificed his life to bring Bryony Baines to justice.
Big posh funerals also go to:
Tom Booth, who was "accidentally" killed by PC CyberDog in a valiant attempt on Alex Labram.
The Obfuscated Tutorial System Award for silliest pseudonym:
Bryony Baines, AKA Weaponth of math Dethtruction
Also obfuscated:
Stuart Moore, who never got to report that anyone was killed by meeting their antimatter self and shaking hands
Seth Thevoz, AKA The Eighteenth Century Enlightenment Duellist (Please play Handel's 'Sarabande' as he approaches)
Aidan Robison, for making so many people go "ewww" with Blood Is The Best Lubricant and "lolololrofl" with kthxdie >:[
The Harland Quinn Golden Quill for the most amusing reports:
Michael Richards, who shall forever remaine ... Thy Dungeonman!
Quills of other colours:
Martin O'Leary, for Choose Your Own Adventure: Beer Hunter
Rosemary Warner, for her parodies of Sunscreen and American Pie
Simon Ford, for an unbelievably perfect performance as Miss Teen Oklahoma
Aidan Robison, who submitted a great many incomprehensible but amusing reports as Blood Is The Best Lubricant

Home / Email
Valid HTML 4.01!