The laughter in the slaughter reports:
It was a bright new dawn in wonderland and all the bunnies were asleep.
Inigo Montoya reports:
... Inigo Montoya's killing spree was ended by The laughter in the slaughter ...
I dunno about those bunnies, but i was most certainly asleep as i strolled up the stairs towards my room.
/me == muppet.
An Unfortunate Idiot Who Kills Their Associates By 'Accident' reports:
... Enter report text here ... After watching TV I had a knock on my door. I didn't let the person in but didn't shoot either. After they had fallen back I noticed murmurings on my landing. I opened the door and had my gun hand shot. I retreated to my room and did not re-emerge.
Esmerelda's apprentice and the one who says "raaa!" reports:
Failure of the cunning "is this your bowl?" plot then. Damnit. But we will return.. with cutlery. More cutlery than you could possibly imagine. Muahahaaa!!
An Unfortunate Idiot Who Kills Their Associates By 'Accident' reports:
... Enter report text here ... I am far to careful about potential non-players after 1 accident and 1 near accident. Why, why, why didn't I shoot? No one is up to any good at 0127!!
New York Girl reports:
#...you'll have to get up early...#
It would appear that I have to shoot one completely naked guy every may week. It's less embarrassing for me.
The Iraqi Information Minister reports:
Greetings friends, I bring you news of another glorious triumph over the infidel pigs!
The Selwyn mafia had been lurking Harris since 6.30, and using the bug we planted on her at the garden party yesterday, we were able to track her movements easily. At 8.30 significant movement was noticed. As soon as she stepped out of her house she never had a chance. Ross's fire stopped her from retreating off to Lammasland, so she had to head up to the Newnham Walk end of the passage, where she was mown down by myself and Mike Nickson's superior firepower.
We weren't sure who got the kill, so we duelled, but I won comfortably, as expected. Let this be a warning to all who attempt to kill Selwynites, you shall never take us!!!!!
The Minister Reloaded reports:
Saw Jen on Silver street, cycled over and shot her. I met her again in Sainsbury's about 15 mins later, and could possibly have got her again.
Comical Abi reports:
Now even the Darwin College command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us. The infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Selwyn... Be assured, Selwyn is safe, protected. Our initial assessment is that they will all die. God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Selwyn Mafia.
Gentiana verna reports:
Damn, damn, damn!!!!
Caught unsuspected when ironing. . . . not even a weapon on me!!!
Have assassins no respect for crumpled clothes?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
Blood Queen of Spades reports:
The Plan:
Banichi had been complaining about my stated intention of hiding all day in my room and seeing if the caians could catch up with me pointwise. I felt there was nothing morally wrong with it and he was being bitter, but it was rather l4m3 plus I'd get really bored, so I did a room run very early with my l33t one-armed bodyguard Mike.
Then, at 9.30, The Plan was put into operation. I would act as bait, making some kills in Girton, including Gentiana verna as she had other commitments and so could not assist otherwise. My location would be given away, and anyone who had hopes of preventing my victory or assassinating me could come and have a go.
Meanwhile, the bloodknights were deployed to fortify Castle Girton. Every entrance was guarded, every path watched, many weapons at the ready!
But they were all too l4m3 to come and have a go, so Banichi sat at home and whined about me not making myself available for him to kill me instead (because I wasn't in my room, apparently). How disappointing.
It would appear that the senior Caians decided to save face by giving up, so I spent a completely peaceful afternoon asleep on the grass in Histon, with Mike watching over me.
Many, many thanks to the bloodknights.
Tenacious Girl reports:
No, it was me.
Blood Queen of Spades reports:
He wasn't out of bed and hadn't replied to any emails about the Plan or no-kill agreements, so I shot him through his window again.
Token Arts Student reports:
Finally! I thought no one was going to try. After a year of waiting, someone has at last tried to attack my room. As soon as I got it, I knew that anyone trying to openly attack it would have a hard time, and anyone trying to defend it from them would have quite a fun time, provided they had patience. Well, on the last day it could happen, somebody tried.
The first great thing about my room is that you can hear every footstep on the stairwell outside. While this is a nuisance on Friday nights, particularly when your neighbour has just decided he wants to pursue an operatic career, it's very useful when you're jumpy and worried about people coming to kill you. It also helps that you can tell which of the doors leading onto it have been opened, thanks to the moan of the pneumatics. As such, since I was listening out at the time, when the head popped around the door looking to see what I was doing, I was there to greet him. After a few shots pinged off my door, I went to my arsenal and pulled out my handy corridor-width shield. I advanced down the corridor to the stairs, keeping in cover. A few shots bounced off its door as my prospective killer retreated upstairs. This was a mistake.
I returned to my room, picked up my shiny new XP270, and went all Rainbow 6 as I went down the corridor. Up, round the back, and on to the landing above my killer. Bag, shoes and shield all neatly stacked there, with the killer clearly unaware of the way round behind him. He found out quite quickly when he was decapitated by a steady stream of fire. So, at least I finish today with a feeling that I too might well be semi-competent.
All hail Jenny, MA reports:
I attacked your room twice!
Token Arts Student reports:
True, but I was particularly stupid those two times.
A break from Paranoia is a most wonderful thing.. reports:
Damn and buggery. Whilst trying to arrange for my "associate" to stab Chris in Green St with the newly labelled banana he walked in through the side door of sainsburys. So I shot him several times at point blank range with my utterly jammed up RBG and he stabbed me in the chest with a biro. "Oh.." I said, falling over. If only I'd said "bang", if only I'd checked the ammo.. That'll teach me to try and kill caians in the supermarket.
TROGDOR the BURNiNATOR reports:
How was I to know? Plus I hate to see blank reports...
The Dusk Treader reports:
It was her birthday party, and I took her a present.
It was fluffy.
Well, actually, it was Fluffy.
Ah well.
The Iraqi Information Minister reports:
Greetings once again, comrades! I bring you news of another step taken on the glorious road to freedom! We shall not stop until the enemy is completely destroyed!
Myself and Claire Bordenave had been waiting for almost an hour, when we saw Logain walking along. I hid round behind him, and Claire waited for him to get closer. She shot at him, and he turned and ran in the direction we predicted, straight into my line of fire. Only a single bullet was needed.
I sense that the time of our freedom is near...
The blood knight reports:
You are very honourable. Have you ever considered becoming a blood knight?
The Minister Reloaded reports:
I'm not exactly sure what a "blood knight" is. Is it something like a minion?
Pentagon Spokeswoman, Ms A.L.E. Baker reports:
The Pentagon categorically denies Ric's ability to convince any ladies to partake of his mad killing sprees this term.
The Pentagon also categorically confirms wiping out 40 divisions of Ric's Elite Republican Minions even before the game started, and bombing his bikeshed, his favourite supermarket, church, games evening, any building willing to hold CICCU meetings and Ross Edmondson's car, and also bribing his closest allies with lucrative salaries to become Pentagon spokespersons. The deaths of the whole non-playing Selwynite population are entirely due to Ric's repressive minion-based regime.
The Pentagon denies that the afore-mentioned attacks were planned one year beforehand. The attacks were in response to his persistant stockpiling of the dangerous brown chemical powder XOCOHOLaTe.
Comical Abi reports:
We're giving them a real lesson today. Heavy doesn't accurately describe the level of casualties we have inflicted. One person has been killed, we have killed him entirely....most of him. Whenever we attack, they retreat, unless they are armed, in which case they kill us for propaganda purposes. We will kill them all, or at least all but countably many.
Spongiform Monolith Construction Vehicle reports:
I arrived at the CUCS/SRCF/etc garden party on the outskirts of nowhere, only to find Banichi and Shadowing Lemma sitting on the lawn. We looked at each other warily for a moment, quite possibly both sides wondering "why hasn't he shot me yet?"
I sat down. Shadowing Lemma made up his mind and shot me.
The Iraqi Information Minister reports:
Once more we show the infidels that they are no match for our superior force.
I was hovering in mid-air in my invisible paraglider, when far far below me I saw the figure of Token Arts Student. I floated above him, and after trying to pick a suitable weapon (not as easy as you might think, I haven't seen a weapon of mass destruction since primary school) I decided on the good old "20 ton bomb."
With my impeccable aim, it was dropped, and removed the target without any collateral damage this time.
Any more who attack will die on their swords at the gates of Selwyn, you mark my words...
Token Arts Student reports:
Every day this week I've walked across West Road to get to the faculty. It's just my luck that the last day of the game, when I've got half a hundredweight of books on my back and a set of course notes that must stay pristine and dry, that an assassin comes lumbering after me.
Inigo Montoya reports:
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Mr Montoya Snr reports:
You get the feeling hes been waiting all week to say that?
Amish Pole Man reports:
I killed John Haigh with a CPS after luring him out of his room on the pretext of Ric being in college.
Blood Animal reports:
Arse and buggering. he didn't even give me an honourable death. he is most Dishonourable. luring me out of my room to kill someone else and then saying "actually i lied" and shooting me with a cps!!! i'm supposed to have a complete no kill with tom as well!!
may the blood keep me strong.
The Minister of a Late Comeback reports:
I wish to dedicate this kill to Edward Allcutt.
For it was only when he declared on IRC that he was going to Girton to kill Tom Hounsham that I cycled up to Girton as fast as I could. I rang Abi, and asked how long Ed had been idle, and was told 15 minutes. So I waited in Girton Bike sheds. A girl walked in with an incredibly twisted bike wheel, but nothing much else happened. Abi then rang again, and said that Ed had returned to IRC. So I headed up to Bowl of Petunias's corridor, and noticed that his door was open a bit.
Overcoming my natural tendency to knock politely then wait, I walked in and shot him as he sat by his computer. After fiddling for a bit to change an eve nt involving his suicide, I cycled out of Girton, possibly for the last time this year. But only possibly.
Bowl of Petunias reports:
Strangely, all that went through my head was 'Oh no, not again'.
Edward Allcutt reports:
There I was sitting in the CL about to head back to college. I had no bike and on the way I would have to cross Grange Road and pass Memorial Court etc. So on the infinitesimal chance it would improve my chances of survival I decided to tell everyone I was headed for Girton. Ric being the one I was most worried about, it seems to have worked. :)
The crippled product of Jenny's sadistic tendencies reports:
18:10 -!- gonzo|stress is now known as Minigonzo 18:10 < Minigonzo> The comeback continues... 18:10 < GuttedScot> wow go Minigonzo ..... 18:25 < Minigonzo> And another one!!!!! 18:26 -!- Minigonzo is now known as gonzoMiniScot
Fifteen minutes that changed the state of my game from "Wooo! A death still leaves me over 100 points" to "Oh, I've got just over 100 points..."
4 more hours then...
The Minister of a 133t Comeback reports:
Well, well. Just yesterday lunchtime I was chasing him before he bested me in a duel. What a difference a day makes.
In my usual unparanoid way, I announced on IRC that I was in New Hall, and left at about 6.20 As I walked out of Abi's staircase, I heard a heavy clunking on the corridor above me. I went into the open, and considered unlocking my bike, but chose to look round carefully. Looking back onto the first floor of the corridor, I saw the grinning visage of the mighty The crippled product of Jenny's sadistic tendencies. Subtlety and transparent staircases really don't mix, unfortunately.
I sprinted across the grass with a huge head start, and got to the NW car park. Knowing the area well, I headed right, and up the steps onto a walkway over the car park. I headed back on the balcony, but couldn't see him. I then saw from the relection in the window of one of the cars that he was directly below me. I considered leaning over and shooting down, but decided it was a bit risky.
The crippled product of Jenny's sadistic tendencies walked along underneath where I was, and I followed him. He suddenly walked out, and although using a band gun wasn't the ideal solution, I shot down on him quickly.
He had a lucky escape yesterday, I had one today. Possibly the first kill of the game in New Hall as well.
The Man from the Door on the Right reports:
Not absolutaly sure I've reported the right target, the person I killed was an accomplice of the one who shot me one minute later.
I was leaving my room in a downstairs direction when a stranger enquired as to my whereabouts. This took me somewhat by surprise and my answers to her questions were, I fear, perhaps not as convincing as they might have been. Nevertheless, I realised that she must have been an assassin - after all, why else would anyone be looking for me? She eventually gave me the benefit of the doubt, and kindly turned her back to leave. And what self-respecting assassin would turn down such an easy target?
The Perils of Schoolfriends reports:
Old schoolfriend knocked on the door, so I opened it and shot her. Then her Evil Boyfriend shot me, because I've given up caring. Then Banichi, who was in my room, shot him. Carnage, fun :-)
Then she admitted she was dead already. I pointed out that using dead people as accomplices is EvilBadAndWrong, but seeing as it's the last day I don't care any more. Which is why I let her in in the first place. Whee, blood and gore!
The Perils of Schoolfriends reports:
See above
The Perils of Schoolfriends reports:
And again...
Much showing off of exciting weapons followed.
President Hutt reports:
President Edith T. Hutt was assassinated earlier today by his loyal and trusting secretary Stuart Fraser A spokesman for the president later handed over the CD and Membership lists of The Society as a reward for such a daring and noble act.
Blood Squirrel reports:
The Slobbering Wolf challenged me to a final duel before leaving Cambridge until tomorrow.
We dueled both he hitting me and me hitting him at the same time. We dueled again..... I planted a bullet in his groin area.... oooo painful!!
Synaptic Mitochondrial Conglomerate Viscera reports:
Inigo Montoya: Um, when do you respawn?
*** Synaptic Mitochondrial Conglomerate Viscera glances at his watch
*** Synaptic Mitochondrial Conglomerate Viscera tries to look nonchalant
Synaptic Mitochondrial Conglomerate Viscera: Um, about now, actually. Duel?
We fought, Inigo Montoya armed with his pellet gun, myself armed with a matching pellet gun kindly donated by the Shadowing Lemma's corpse. I narrowly dodged a shot to the leg, we each avoided the other's fire for a few moments, and Inigo Montoya's gun ran out of ammunition. I charged as he was reloading, shooting him in the leg. He bravely fought on, but in this state was unable to avoid a kill shot.
(Um, it appears the automatic umpire is still somewhat broken. I was indeed alive at the time, contrary to what the CGI script may believe.)
The Squirrel reports:
The blood Knight and I agreed to fight, so I shot him in the stomach. Now he really is a blood knight!
Spongiform Monolith Construction Vehicle reports:
(Again, it seems the CGI script is misbehaving: this was a kill, not a corpse mutilation.)
As the Shadowing Lemma's respawn time approached, I armed myself in preparation, with a semiautomatic pistol firing 1mm RB rounds, an XP-270 combat (water) shotgun, and the Bandanna of Silly Martial Arts(tm).
I proceeded into the garden still hosting the (somewhat extended) SRCF garden party and waited for my target. Alas, the kill did not go as planned; first sniping from the safety of the house, then retreating round the side and drawing me in pursuit, Shadowing Lemma used the superior range of his high-powered pistol to stay out of danger and place me in more danger. A shot to the head and my May Week ambitions were over.
Blood Squirrel reports:
Well I thought I couldn't stand watching out for backstabbing Girtonians for the rest of the evening, so I killed myself!
The Dusk Treader reports:
I agreed to meet Joy Sumner for a spot of hunting for the last stretch of the game. Not sensible, perhaps - but more fun...
We arranged to meet at King's plodge, and along I went, dressed to not look like me. Many of you have seen the bandana, the unlikely t-shirt, and so forth. That combined with an altered gait fooled quite a few people over the evening. Including Joy Sumner.
Let the muppetry begin.
I saw her, and wandered over to say hi. She, however, saw an assassin trying to sneak up on her - and didn't recognise me.
Thus she attempted to flee through King's gate, but was foiled by ditherers, and instead turned to shoot me.
She hit, but on my right arm, so I (rather hurt by this betrayal) stabbed her.
There followed a great deal of 'What?' and 'Why?' - and some laughing.
For good measure, the arm I stabbed her with was my right, so there were actually no fatalities.
Oops.
The Ickle Sacrificial Lamb reports:
I didn't want to be alive and paranoid while queueing for Harry Potter tonight, so I offered myself for sacrifice. Mike Cripps proved to be the gun-toting maniac who sent me through to a possibly better life with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
The One-Armed Bandit reports:
I arrived early and took up a position where I could see her doorway and also snipe on any approaching assassins. The Umpire came outside and got a bit of a shock when he spotted me, before ushering The Ickle Sacrificial Lamb outside into my line of fire. Click-a-click-a-click. Rubber bands filled the air and she fell.
The Dusk Treader reports:
Contemplating flirting with danger by entering Fortress Cauis, I saw The crippled product of Jenny's sadistic tendencies eyeing me suspiciously. The response? Fluffy leaping to the attack.
A leg hit, just too low - but still enough to slow him so I could draw a pellet gun and a shield. Outgunned (with just a pellet gun), he 'ran' - putting on a good turn of speed while hopping.
I pursued, and shot him in the back.
Morally, however, the kill goes to Fluffy.
The crippled product of Jenny's sadistic tendencies reports:
Gah, just when I thought I was going to end up with more than 100 points...
Blood Queen of Spades reports:
After going out for a long cycle ride with The crippled product of Jenny's sadistic tendencies, who got more damaged as a result, I collapsed in a heap in my room and slept until woken up by my rifle-swinging godson, who claimed to have dropped by for a chat.
I mumbled something sleepily at him and he went away.
Headlines | UpdatesProduced at Fri Jul 4 13:40:59 2003