Edith, who died again. reports:
What's the result of having a bunch of roleplayers discharge every single weapon in your room and staying up for 39 hours when an assassins comes knocking?
You forget about the knife in your back pocket and wave at him while he shoots you from point blank range.
A very surreal death.
Nikolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky reports:
The first thing we noticed about Banichi's presence outside the room was the clicking of a band gun and a scream of Jenny's neighbour Catherine. Then we fired a bit at Banichi, but he just kept hiding behind a corner. There also seemed to be someone else involved.
The crippled product of Jenny's sadistic tendencies reports:
If there was someone else involved, they had fled the scene before I arrived. Perhaps they were appalled by Banichi's cold-blooded murder of one of Jenny's lovely, innocent neighbours?
Time for revenge, I think...
The Rogue Godchild reports:
In my defence, I apologised sincerely to Catherine afterwards. I had honestly thought it was Bjoern in the shower due to hearing Jenny and another rather feminine sounding voice from her room. Also I was sure I heard someone cocking a gun immediately before she emerged.
Apparently the feminine sounding voice belonged to Bjoern, oops :P
The Flight of the Blue Charge Brigade reports:
Muppet.
You really expect me to come out and fight when you are worth 6 points and I am worth 90?
The Minister of Halt's Hour reports:
Arrrgh!! I was doing so well :-(
I fell in the Cam trying to bridge jump on the punting trip. We lit some barbecues, which I used to keep myself warm, but after the fires died down I decided to go home and change. I jogged most of the way back over the meadows, and walked up Grange Road. I put the key in the doorhandle. I heard a noise behind me and saw Nokes. I leapt into the house and slammed the door, but he got me with a brilliant shot. And then they stayed for chocolate. Damn!
The Minister of Halt's Hour reports:
On reading this, I have to emphasize that I put the key in the lock not the doorhandle. Just in case any of you thought I was a muppet. At least I'm not as worth killing now. Bedtime I feel.
The One-Armed Bandit reports:
A distress call! And from Wolfson Court no less. Time to defend Jenny from the evil neighbour-murdering facial-haired un-trustworthy Banichi. So sally forth I did, and came across the scourge when he tried to attack me from behind. Nuh-uh, thought I, and quickly counter-attacked. We charged back and forth, up and down for nigh on 40 minutes. Banichi stopped from time to time to trade insults with both I, The One-Armed Bandit, and Jenny.
The chase went on until I finally drove him from the corridor and reclaimed possession of my bag of tricks. Cunning as a fox, I snuck down the stairs and was out of Wolfson Court before he could catch me. Fleet as a deer, I ran home, locking the door.
And so much evil-doing was averted, I got more exercise and the evil Banichi didn't get any kills.
However, I still haven't been killed by Bjoern this May Week, despite my best attempts. *singing* Tomorrow, tomorrow, you'll kill me, tomorrow...
The Rogue Godchild reports:
Insults? meeeeeeee?
I merely commented on Bjoern's aim with comments along the lines of, "I see you've learned a lot from Jenny then." and so on :D
I did accuse them both of avoiding me all week, I've been wandering cambridge and haven't seen them once.......
The Baron Munchausen and his four bodyservants reports:
My servant carried me at speed from the elegant corpse of the Curtisanne to the vile side-alleys off Jesus frequented by the drunken Snapdragons. He put up a very good fight though, till he chose to fight round too thick a tree. Then I got round him whilst the Moustache held his front. Until now I'd needed 3 or less CPS shots per incident. This fight took about 45. All the cover for about 200 metres worth of road was drenched.
pidgin reports:
Magdalene ball. Garotted. Went for coffee.
pidgin reports:
Magdelene Ball Garotted. More coffee He tried to return the favour at 0620odd but failed on account of being dead.
The Dusk Treader reports:
The assassins punt trip started off with reasonable attendance, but went slowly downhill. The three remaining players were worried when Nokes rang the Umpire, and asked for exact details of our no-kill zone ending.
Thus I was rather cautious on my way home - unlike Mr Osborn, who was mildly drunk.
So, when I saw a mafia standing by the Nokesmobile, chatting to the corpse of Mr Osborn, outside my house, I ran away. I had a pellet gun, Gandalf the Grey - who chased the most - had a huge shield, and a CPS.
He did not, alas, walk into my ambush - so instead I entered the rear of my house, and went to my room that way.
Out of sheer kindness, I yelled to let them know I was in fact not coming back - and they drove off. Sniping occurred to me later as a valid option - but was not carried out in anger.
The Baron Munchausen and his four bodyservants reports:
The one played by Eric Idle was off duty, but I did have my bearded bodyservant with me who launched an overly ambitious onion at a range of 45 paces. It sailed about 7 metres wide and rolled all the way into King street.
Banichi reports:
Grrr, grrr, and more grrr.
Finally get back into Tithall at 3am. Check the p'lodge, clear. Right. Go and ask porters when they'll be unlocking my staircase. 3:20. Right. Turn round. See strange short man with even stranger shorter red hair. Oh and he's got a gun to my head. "Bang". To quote him in a previous game..."Oh fuck!"
At least I didn't drop my bike. :P
Inigo Montoya reports:
After copious amounts of caffine, and with Determinator alive once again, i was quite hyper and very paranoid. I decided to pop into the 'plodge for a bit, and there, much to my supprise, i saw Banichi chatting to one of the porters. bang.
Inigo Montoya reports:
I was waiting outside my staircase for the porters to come and let us in.. a staircase which James Wright happens to reside in. The late banichi passed by, asking what time James Wright had died.. i got my kill-record out of my pocket (for "kill-record" read "event program") and read the time "23:35". I got my phone out of my pocket and read the time - "03:35". I looked up, and there he was, quite drunk by this time.. bang.
... it was almost Deja-vu
Inigo Montoya reports:
i almost forgot..
KILLING SPREE!!
;-)
The Rogue Godchild reports:
Now this I have to see the report for. If she's going to start milking him for points I'll just have to concentrate on her instead of my siblings....
Frankie reports:
Grounds of abandonment- cheaper than divorce. He also suggested that our firstborn child would be a son, and would go to some college where the bar closes at 10. He deserved to die, gentle reader.
Besides, we thought Banichi might have heard when he was leaving for Germany, and Bjoern had to carry a heavy suitcase and no weapons, so I decided he was better dead.
I'm quite happy to have this annulled if people don't want me to have the points, but since we were told it was okay to do it once, I wasn't letting the Caians take advantage of it and me not. Sometimes, to beat Caians, you have to act too much like a Caian yourself.
Nikolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky reports:
Well, how could I possibly agree to the statement that we might have a daughter that would go to Girton??? After all it's entirely obvious that our son would go to Caius! Who could have predicted her reaction?! Erm, admittedly I knew what was coming, but our son will still go to a college that is not equivalent to Homerton (obviously Girton and Homerton are equivalently equal to infinity if one considers Cambridge as a Riemann sphere).
Well, it seems like I achieved my three main objectives for this game
1. kill at least 9 people in order to achieve a total bodycount of 200 2. try to ensure that Jenny wins 3. kill Ed Nokes.
Hence a fairly successful game, even if I only had 5 days.
Banichi reports:
Met up with rest of Tithall CSG to go have curry. While waiting outside the p'lodge we randomly filled in some form or other and Jeff let us use his pen. I was last to use it and decided to click the nib back in by prodding the back of it into Jeff's chest. He looked at me oddly and asked if I was trying to kill him. Turned out it was labelled knife. While I'd love to be able to say I managed to kill Jeff without even trying I'd agreed a no-kill with him for that event so this humourous account will have to do.
The Dusk Treader reports:
Maths Part II results. Ran into Captain Portelico, looking just fractionally less interested in assassins at that moment than I was.
Bang-kill with a pellet gun, but he didputes the distance being under a metre, so the follow-up stab with Fluffy will have to stand.
The Dusk Treader reports:
Turning to move through the crowd, I saw Ways in front of me. He wasn't paying attention, either. Fluffy got more food.
Oh yes - I got a 2.1 - which was nice.
The Jania Project reports:
After an unsucessful search in market square for assasins, I travelled to another party of blood (This one being the GCCU) Arriving in peace I saw JabbaWookie's and other alien hybrids heading suspisously towards a black bag on the ground (This meaning running). So in good tradition I stopped our cease fire and stabbed him. Points to learn - never put your gun down even if your eating a hotdog
JabbaWookie's and other alien hybrids reports I wasn't going to strike till he ran. I wanted people to attend the CU BBQ anyway.
The Minister of 1337 5p34|< reports:
|-|4v1ng s8d my hung3r 4 burgers & ch1p5, 1 5aunt3r3d 0u7 0f 7r1n17y H411, s4f3 1n teh kn0w13dg3 7h47 1 w0u1dn'7 m33t any 4554551|\|5. Bu7 wh0 15 7h15 ruff14n 1 533 4ppr04ch1ng w17h sh131d & gun? The Minister of Donating Points to any Assassins I run into! Qu1c|< 45 4 fl45h 1 run 4w4y. W3 du31 1n3ff3c7u411y up 7r1n17y L4n3 un711 w3 d3c1d3 2 d0 17 pr0p3r1y. H15 rubb3rb4nd h17 my r1gh7 l3g & my p31137 h17 h15 h34d. lolololol! Phj33r m3 4 1 4m l337.
The Minister of Donating Points to any Assassins I run into reports:
Died again :-( Making an unfortunate habit of this :-(
I was heading into Trinity Hall P'lodge when The Minister of 1337 5p34|< walked out. I wasn't quick enough to fire, so e chased, I opened my shield, and as he slowed up Trinity Lane, I shot him at point blank range. But it was with a water weapon, disallowed for him. So after some inconclusive meddling, we duel.
I dodge his first pellet, my first band knocks out his leg, his second pellet gets past my shield and hits my face. Damn! Again!
The Jania Project reports:
Foolish It Could Be Bunnies! left his window open after watching 16 steamy hours of Buffy the Vampire Slayer... So he died
Jabba... Why did I have to arrive when his window was shut at 11:00 theres a conspiracy against me!!!
The I Didn't Do It Boy reports:
I tried to kill him but didn't have a gun. So I didn't do it.
Bjryöny Osbjörn reports:
Bjryöny Osbjörn.
In every winner lies a double winner.
In any double winner lies a triple winner
Blood Animal reports:
May the Blood be with you.
the dishonourable infedels have put a price on my head and i was searching for a new type of honour so i shot myself in the head with the Blood Barons cps. it was a most honourable death, i made myself kneel down and face away from myself before i pulled the trigger. i didn't even give myself a last request, how honourable can you get...
I would like the honour points now please
May the blood be with you
Blood Animal
the blood baron reports:
Blood Animal wished to instruct me in the ways of blood, honour, bravery and death. After walking out of the NWW zone, he knocked on the door and I saw him shoot himself as I looked through the spyhole.
So honourable and brave was his death, that I continued to fear him even beyond the grave.
the blood baron reports:
I saw the disposable blade of death and decided it would be brave of me to shoot him in the back while he was walking away. However, he was dishonourably out of range. He fired back and missed, so I ran off.
Blood! Death!
the blood baron reports:
The blood is indeed with me. I am a blood baron and I specialise in trafficking illegal blood. Especially that of Illegal Non-Players, collected for me by the bloodknight and the Blood Animal.
I was about to leave my honourable abode, when I found a rugby shirt just outside my door. I suspected a plot, and heard shuffling noises, so retreated inside my room. I peeped through a crack in my other door, and saw a green and red thing go past.
I then bravely opened the door a crack. the disposable blade of death was standing there, waiting to point a rifle at my main door. How dishonourable! I bravely and honourably shot him in the intenstines with a rubber band. He seemed surprised that a blood baron could be so bloody and honourable. Death!!
Apparently the rugby shirt was a coincidence, and amounted to an example of poor timing by Owain. I'm not complaining.
Because I have his BLOOD!!!
Stealthy Maker of Covert Video reports:
While relaxing at the Assassins' Garden Party, I was aware that the Dalek Invasion Force were not represented at this event. Accordingly, I asked the umpire for temporary invincibility, with which I could safely return to Emmanuel and find their representative.
This request granted, I returned to college, captured a Dalek (on my second attempt) and brought it to the relocated Garden Party in Harvey Court. Numerous bystanders were (confused|scared|amused) by the Dalek en route; although it was able to refrain from exterminating most of them, it was unable to resist the temptation to crush former ECSU president Alex Swallow with its sink plunger.
I did try to convince the Umpire that this should be a legal kill, since Alex seems to be happy to gather any and all publicity; however, the umpire ruled that the kill would only be (retrospectively) legalised if we managed to get it into Varsity.
I took numerous photos of the garden parties and the Dalek, although sadly I didn't think quickly enough to take a photo of the kill itself.
The Feared Pirate Assassin LeHutt reports:
I spotted Ian in Hall. I challenged him to a duel outside. My CPS beat him and my RBG. Muhahahaha!
All enquiries to join the Origami League should be e-mailed to me.
The I Didn't Do It Boy reports:
I really didn't do it.
The One-Armed Bandit reports:
I had just finished my Sainsbury's shopping when I saw Forgotten walking nonchalantly towards me. I put my bags down, drew my pellet pistol and bang-killed him.
The One-Armed Bandit reports:
He was standing on Jesus Lane as I walked up to him. "John!" I said "Your phone or your life!". He gave me his phone, looked rather confused, and I chopped his head off with it. It was labelled "Machete". *tee hee*
Blood Animal reports:
I saw The One-Armed Bandit walking towards me from halfords but decided that i was too honourable to run away. even though the only weapon that i had was me phone which i had legalised as a weapon with the umpire earlier in the day.
so honourably did i stand there pretending to talk into my phone about blood and honour and glory that The One-Armed Bandit thought that i must already be dead, so he challenged me, "your phone or your life". so honourable was his request that i could not refuse him, then he cut my head off with the gun so it turns out that he should have been more hoinourable and said "your phone AND your life!"
he is a most dishonourable person and does not have the blood with him.
may the blood be with you.
p.s. po na na 's on a thursday night is excellent. no cheese at all. just funk, indie, reggae, ska and jazzy beats. a most honourable night was had by all
pidgin reports:
on way to sainsburys the soft step behind me over in a flash darn it
An Unfortunate Idiot Who Kills Their Associates By 'Accident' reports:
... Enter report text here ... While watching TV (again) afreind knocked at my door. They put their hand over the peep whole so I opened the door and fire. They ahd already fled. I for once failed to live up to my pseudonym!
Headlines | UpdatesProduced at Fri Jul 4 13:40:59 2003