Good luck, don't be a muppet.
minion reports:
Um, well, ok - Sue didn't deliver the May Week concert ticket, so I got slighty vexed and killed her. In my defense: her ghost said that if she didn't get the Lemming Award she'd kill me. Now there's an incentive...
Amish Pole Man reports:
Relaxing in the casino at Robinson I happened to glance at my watch and realised that the game was underway. By chance Amish Pole Man wandered in, so I stabbed him.
Amish Pole Man reports:
Silly girl.
The Squirrel reports:
Placing pink chips on the roulette table eager to win lots of dosh, Amish Pole Man casually asked me for the time, to which I replied "Darn, it's past midnight, quarter past infact, I supose you're gonna kill me since I'm unarmed," before I could think further and leg it, I had a knife stuck in my back.
Down reports:
He attacked, I drew, I shot, he shot, I hit, he was out of range for a flicked rubber band.
Amish Pole Man reports:
One rubber band versus the combined might of 'Up' and 'Down', with umbrellas. I did a nice roll though.
Riff reports:
Whoops - forgot that at midnight it turns into saturday! Ho Hum.
The Minister Reloaded reports:
This was almost embarrasing, I do not wish to comment on the competence of Selwyn assassins however. I realised how many "friends" from Girton were in the MayBall, so I found Bryony and we made a no kill for the evening. We hid in the cellar for 30 mins, actually both liking the musci which was a bonus (either that or she's good at pretending) We then headed outside, and after a while, Riff wandered up. I backed off slightly, and he began chatting to a nearby friend. About 2 metres from me. So I shot him. "has the game started?" he asked "I thought it was tomorrow" He then thought for a second and said "Oh, it's the 14th, isn't it?" A kill's a kill, though
Down reports:
This would be the good bit of the incident.
Down reports:
More of the good bit.
Daneaxe reports:
Casually finishing a hot dog with some friends, and generally enjoying the atmosphere of Robinson ball -- and then (out of nowhere) appears one of the most feared killers in the West (of Cambridge), in an unprovoked walk-by shooting, resulting in the demise of myself, Crocodile Girl, and at least one innocent (or at least not especially guilty) bystander.
What IS the world coming to?
Honorary Caian reports:
I'm afraid my allegedly dual nature gave me slight crossed wires, and I shot my college niece for standing with Sarah and Benedick.
Ooops.
Look behind you... reports:
Late at night, just after the game began, I was visited by a minion who knocked on the door and didnt answer when asked to identify herself.
Said minion disappeared before I cautiously exited my room. Pity. I would've enjoyed a good firefight.
minion reports:
" 22:53 < JJ> if no1 attacks me ill be disappointed " :)
Hmm well seeing said Minister in the queue for Robinson May Ball rather made things interesting, especially as half of GMaf were also in attendance. I'm sure that various reports of the carnage (a word I use not lightly) will appear, but for now it suffices for me to say that I killed the Minister for a second time while he was engaged in animated conversation with a short person. I lunged with the Chopstick of Dhhhhooooommm (suitably in Girton colours) and slew the young lad in mid-stride, in the front of the chest. However...
The Minister Reloaded reports:
Abi wanted us to see a performance at 1 a.m. and there were two sets of steps up. Abi rang to say that Bjoern and Jenny had just descended one, so we decided to go up the other. Unfortunately A not particularly good or paranoid but at least athletic assassin armed with the Fateful Chopstick of Dhhhooooooommm and a Cap Gun was descending the second staircase at the same time. A nice followup by the mighty Cheese Error though.
... at the time he was talking to "++?????++ Out of Cheese Error" who was alive, and duly stabbed me in the ribs as the Minister Reloaded congratulated me on my kill. D'oh!
The Cheese Error then disappeared and wasn't seen by me until much later when she was dead. There was more strangeness but that will follow.
Still coming down off the adrenaline...
P.S. apologies to Cheese Error and two random innocents for scaring them all nearly senseless by lunging at the Cheese Error with a cap gun and yelling "BANG!!" as loudly as I could while she still had 10 minutes to go before she re-spawned. She was ambling suspiciously so I took no chances, but nearly gave her a heart attack in the process.
Honorable Girtonian reports:
She said she was dead at the time, but no-one has reported killing her. Lazy people.
forwards reports:
I drew really fast and he didn't move, because he was dead.
The Highlander reports:
Indeed. Good reactions though.
Lesson learned - in future, keep gun in pocket with hand on trigger.
Alumnus of Caius reports:
My dark evil Caian side took over and I shot the suspicious character next to Bryony.
Honorable Girtonian reports:
She wandered under the balcony where we were enjoying the view, so I'm afraid I shot her. No, I'm not afraid- dammit... dual nature proving confusing again.
Banichi reports:
On way home, saw group of #dc people in from of Great St. Mary's. Walked up, said "Anyone playing Mayweek?". Saw Uber-Fluffy-Silly-Cute-Bunny-of-Dooooom! (UFSCBoD0), shot Uber-Fluffy-Silly-Cute-Bunny-of-Dooooom! (UFSCBoD0). Went home. Sleep. . o O (Mmmmm, sleep) :)
Uber-Fluffy-Silly-Cute-Bunny-of-Dooooom! (UFSCBoD0) reports:
lala, there's me trusting the #dc people to not stay silent when someone walks up to us going "shuush" and waving a RBG. bah, humbug.
Adam reports:
While on an entirely innocent midnight stroll with Banichi we espied an untidy collection of individuals eating gardiesfood outside Great St. Mary's which appeared to be the nightly #dc food expedition. Banichi cunningly seized control of the situation by suggesting that he go and investigate while I remain at a safe distance to extract revenge should things go badly for him, thereby securing for himself the kill of Uber-Fluffy-Silly-Cute-Bunny-of-Dooooom! (UFSCBoD0) whose complete failure to notice him walking into the middle of the group and asking if there were any assassins present was nothing short of spectacular.
forwards reports:
He made a brave charge, but a bullet straight to his heart cut him down.
The Highlander reports:
At this point, Mr Anderson was one of only three live assassins in the whole Ball, and as such I took it upon myself to instruct him in the ways of the Guild.
My eager apprentice and I wandered for some time, and Mr Anderson wisely went to ground by having a massage. This allowed forwards and a certain other to become complacent (in their own words) and my friend nearly got the better of them when they suddenly emerged from a crowd of people, gazing into the distance.
Alas forwards recognised Mr Anderson and presumably thought him to be the greatest threat to his life. Mr Anderson charged valiantly with an RBG and took the odd couple somewhat by surprise. Nevertheless forwards fired a pellet at my apprentice and killed him. At least it was so late that he could enjoy the rest of the ball without having to worry too much about the various goings-on.
Left reports:
Hmm, this actually took place at 04.16ish, but the auto-umpire's being a bit silly and I doubt it matters anyway.
The Squirrel reports:
Beaten fair and square, pitty I hadn't seen her 30 secs before in order to get away, I had not respawned that long and was also pleased with assasinating the Disposable Blade of Death about 1 min prior to my own assasination (although auto umpire wouldn't let me register it) - my only weapon being a knife provided by Down herself earlier in the evening.
Right reports:
A classic drive by shooting, even if for once it was the victim who was in the dodgems.
Left reports:
Same dodgem car.... ahhhh :)
Daneaxe reports:
Mind you, the aforesaid dodgem had the misfortune to stop right in front of Jenny and Bjorn. I'd been cunningly steering and circling away from them, and does the power stop when I'm nice and far away (and hopefully positioned to nobble somebody?). Does it blarney.
I'd have got away if it wasn't for you pesky kids...
Amish Pole Man reports:
After an hour of adrenalin fuelled chasing and being chased by 'Up' and 'Down' through the corridors of Robinson I finally caught her unguarded. I nipped out from behind a tree and stabbed her. Was rather amused to see some people with boxes on their heads being thrown in the river behind me.
Down reports:
Bjoern had claimed a kill of Ric after shooting at his retreating back from about 2 metres with a band gun, but Ric was arguing the kill , and while trying to mediate I let my guard slip. Though the two disputers argued it was a discussion phase, I didn't think I really should count, not having been involved in the original incident, and it was such a nice sneak up and charge ;)
Nice to see one's godkids making their own way in the world.
Up reports:
Even though I instictively shot him as he charged that couldn't really count, because Ric and I were in a discussion truce.
forwards reports:
I've sampled all the languages, but I love the German language best. Challenging your opponent to a duel in German after a disputed kill of him is like slapping him with an iron gauntlet.
The Highlander reports:
Having respawned and run away from Bjoernandjenny who found the same lurking spot as me with 2 minutes to go before I revived, and having disturbed Cheese Error and run away again, I saw The Minister Reloaded who spotted me, so left Mr Anderson at once and ran off into Robinson JCR with The Minister Reloaded following outside the building. I then saw him looking flummoxed from through a doorway. I think I led him straight into the path of forwards, unless more randomness occurred.
The Minister Reloaded reports:
I arranged to meet the Cheese Error 5 mins before my respawn by the dodgems, but when I arrived there was a distinct lack of cheese errors, and a distinct lack of a distinct lack of German psychopaths. I wouldn't tell them when I resurrected, so I left them, and headed down to the bottom of the garden, so I would respawn when I got there. Tom Hounsham stabbed me 30 secs too early-unlucky. I then found Bjoern and Jenny sitting by the place I was aiming for. I ran, tiredly, Bjoern claims he shot me, but there really wasn't a lot of evidence in my opinion, so we called a duel. He was allowed his shield, and I didn' have one, so I was always likely to lose, but I got his leg first. oh well. Nicely done. Should have stayed in the movie really.
forwards reports:
After several escapes he eventually didn't spot me in time.
Amish Pole Man reports:
Was too busy reading free copy of the Telegraph.
Admiral Adamson's Amazingly-annotated Atlas reports:
Managed to find the front gate of Trinity after a few hours of careful navigation. Mr Wilks emerged rather quickly opening fire as he went. He was cut down.
Brigadier Brannigan's Blasted Bloodsoaked Blunderbuss reports:
After sailing the Seven Seas annoyinglea-paste the misquoted Boate of ye Olde Pyrate Bennette-notte-knowne-inne-E6 Greate Courte? Naughty-naughty plankwalking time soon will blast off your pegleg if you talked porkies on the signup mail... i shantied my way uppe the hille wyth straine frome my yrone-cladde underpants into ye vessel of fix it gyrle, who wasse fyxed uppe bloodye wyth ye blunderbusse to the features.
The Highlander reports:
Having made my reports from the dubious safety of Castle Wolfsonstein, I headed back through town and caught a bus back to Girton. A blues footballer advised me that the New Zealand v England rugby match was being shown in the JCR.
About a minute after I entered, the disposable blade of death walked in the through door next to me. After blinking at him I decided only one of us would leave alive, and found my cap gun handily in my right pocket. At least we got a good bemused stare from everyone else in the room when it fired.
Now for some well-earned sleep...
The I Didn't Do It Boy reports:
He pointed paper at me.
I didn't do it.
Charm reports:
Ah, the poor sleepy mrître fromager opened his door when I knocked. A vast jet of electroweak gauge bosons flew himwards from I, and with a bang, he became rather riper, like a good brie left in the sun. I, meanwhile, decayed by the power of the weak interaction... I am now STRANGE!
Colonel Custer's Custard-Covered Cutlet-Cutting Cutlass reports:
jumped a cps-toting sioux who ventured thro my trap in one of the nastier parts of central cam.
*cut*
*cut*
*custardygloop*
pity it was sprung by a bearing nonplayer !!!
The Minister of Sinister reports:
Doodlebug was kind enough to come to my play. I arrived, we chatted backstage as he knew many of the cast. The first play started, and I joined the back of the audience, as I was only in the fourth one. After a couple of minutes, Jonathan Richardson walked up and said hello. I walked up and said bang. The play was vry good though.
A strange Mexican revolutionary on his way from breakfast to siesta reports:
Even if I haven't slept enough I can still gun down someone cycling towards me who even slows down so that I can take my time for the shot.
minion reports:
How can you tell me you're going punting and not expect to get wet?! :P
A Clare Assassin Is A Rare And Precious Thing reports:
Ooh, a list of players. So many to choose from! Where should a discerning assassin begin?
What's this? Laura Massey is playing? Such joy in discovering a fellow Clarite in the game; after all, we are so few. Evidently I must find her, congratulate her on her good taste in joining this most kingly of pastimes.
I met her, in fact, at the very entrance of Clare itself, just as I was returning from town. Sadly in my unmitigated joy I forgot myself for a moment and accidentally shot her dead. The custodians on the gate, happily, were entirely sympathetic to how my finger had slipped on the trigger of the gun I had forgotten I was carrying, and assured me that the body now lying outside the plodge was not a problem at all.
Banichi reports:
Told everyone on #assassins I was going to lunch in hall. Was subsequently disappointed by lack of attackers. Went back to room by the other staircase. Saw someone suspicious outside my door. He saw me, said, "Oh shit". I shot him.
JabbaWookie's and other alien hybrids reports:
Tried several people. Knock on Banichi's door. No answer. Just about to leave when saw suspicious person. Thought quickly get out door get RBG out bag and hold fort. Thought slightly slower now how do I open a door from the pull side what muscles must I release to drop the bag. 'Oh ****' I've forgotten. Wow he missed me, and again..would'n't it be a good idea to move...?
Substandard Murderer of Comprehensive Verbiage reports:
I heard a knock on my door. Aiming my trusty RBG, I called out "come in." Davros entered, and I held my fire, but continued to cover him just in case (it's as well to be paranoid, Emma assassins are renowned for backstabbing). At that moment Look behind you... entered, RBG ready, and shot both of us, before declaring "whichever of you is an assassin is now dead". He was as surprised as we were to discover he'd achieved a double kill.
Look behind you... reports:
After getting back from a particularly drawn-out meeting on magdelene bridge (where I was completely vulnerable due to a beer in one hand and someone else's dog in the other), I decided to go to Sainsbury's. As I still hadn't had a decent street attempt made on me I decided it was time to wipe out the other Emmanuel Assassins. I got slightly confused when H staircase wasn't where I thought it was, so I moved on to North Court. As I arrived I saw someone entering Y staircase. hmmm... could this be my victim?
I sped up and drew my rbg's. There were in fact two people in front of me. As I reached Simon McVittie's door. I shot them both to be sure. Imagine my surprise when the other one turned out to be Adam Sparkes, the other Emmanuel assassin. Two birds with one stone... I'll just have to watch out they don't get me in a similar way.
Look behind you... reports:
After getting back from a particularly drawn-out meeting on magdelene bridge (where I was completely vulnerable due to a beer in one hand and someone else's dog in the other), I decided to go to Sainsbury's. As I still hadn't had a decent street attempt made on me I decided it was time to wipe out the other Emmanuel Assassins. I got slightly confused when H staircase wasn't where I thought it was, so I moved on to North Court. As I arrived I saw someone entering Y staircase. hmmm... could this be my victim?
I sped up and drew my rbg's. There were in fact two people in front of me. As I reached Simon McVittie's door. I shot them both to be sure. Imagine my surprise when the other one turned out to be Adam Sparkes, the other Emmanuel assassin. Two birds with one stone... I'll just have to watch out they don't get me in a similar way.
Inigo Montoya reports:
Rather boring - I saw Arrogant Nappy Telescope in the p'lodge and riddled him with bullets..
The I Didn't Do It Boy reports:
There were many people armed in punts.
I didn't do it.
The Dusk Treader reports:
Hannah was lurking not very well at the end of our performance (it was good - be sorry you missed it).
Ric chased her towards the location I was lurking at, and she turned down a narrow, overgrown passageway towards me. Seeing me, she spun and fired, after which I shot her thoroughly with my trusty mini super-soaker.
While her shot certainly could have hit, it was a difficult shot, made hastily, and I certainly did not feel it hit me. After some discussion, however, Hannah was not prepared to conceed (the issue was whether she had hit me - as she shot first - there was no conclusive evidence either way, and Hannah felt she would have hit), so due to time pressure, and inability to arrange a suitable duel, I agreed to an annulment, under duress.
The Minister of Sinister reports:
Halfway through my performance I was going from one entrance to another, when minion shot me in the trees. However I was out of bounds as I was clearly still in the play. So at the end I told The Dusk Treader and we went lurking. Abi(not looking for minion) shouted to myself and Tom(looking for minion) that she'd seen minion. The Dusk Treader had some confrontation whilst I ran round the side, I shot minion. However she was already very wet after being shot by The Dusk Treader. But minion claimed she had killed The Dusk Treader. We tried, but couldn't resolve it any way or the other. So it was annulled under duress. Unfortunately for me.....
Shadowing Lemma reports:
The Lemma started its hunt to no avail. Vainly it stalked the night, searching for delicious mathematicians to feast upon, but with little success. Late into the night it slinked its way through the town - but not a person to be seen. Robbed of food. The Lemma slept.
The next day would prove to be more fruitful - but only barely. The lemma haunted a place known to be frequented by CompScis and Mathematicians. Hopefully a today would be the day to feast on the delicticious flesh of a mathematician - but alas! The only mathematician to be seen was already expired! A ghost! The lemma had to make do with poor fair - but one of the three CompScis it shadowed fell to its evil teath and was consumed. The others stayed away, and would not be caught.
Unsated, and still hunting, the Lemma continued.....
Due to its obvious taste for Mathematicians and its probable crultey towards them, I feel I must make the Shadowing Lemma wanted for Conspiracy to eat Mathmos.
While this has no effect on the game, I urge the public at large to hunt down and exterminate this threat to Mathmos everywhere. good luck, and good hunting.
The Dusk Treader reports:
Leaving Newnham, who should I see by the side of the road, but Forgotten - not looking my way.
As I happened to be carrying a pair of swords in my right hand, I altered my course slightly, extended my arm, and performed a cycle-bye trisection.
The Umpire reports:
10 style bonus points here for the cycle by trisection.
The Dusk Treader reports:
Is it not nifty? Worship the style bonus.
(They were props... I had a basically legitimate reason to be cycling past with them...)
Look behind you... reports:
Thus continued the afternoon of death:
Walked to Christ's and straight to Bill S. Preston Esquire Monkey's room. Saw a girl saying to a friend, "Come look at this new dress I've got" then walking into Bill S. Preston Esquire Monkey's room. A simple deduction and a shot later, Bill S. Preston Esquire Monkey was dead and several shocked neighbours clustered around the body trying to revive it, unsuccessfully.
The Kinky Pizza Delivery Girl from Hell reports:
Wandering through Grantchester meadows in the glorious sunshine, I saw a large woman with a supersoaker studying passing punts intently. I shot her on the offchance she was J Doe, but she probably wasn't.
An Unfortunate Idiot Who Kills Their Associates By 'Accident' reports:
I had decided to go for a cautious walk to find out useful information and took my (partially loaded) RBG with me. I encountered an approaching female and while wondering how she might react to an armed idiot walking about realised that she was one too. A quick exchange of fire and I returned to my room. Having picked up my water rifle I advanced cautiously and noticed her hiding in cover. A water exchange resulted in a spray wounded to my chest and a direct hit to the left side of my face. I therefore concluded I was dead.
Look behind you... reports:
Went to Instantiator's room and discovered it unlocked. Lurked for an hour or so and then gave up. It's good to see that there are some compscis out there who don't live in their rooms ;)
The Umpire reports:
There were some kids doing water bombs to try and soak those of us in the CURS punt. As this was against the Genevea convention I declared in a Bush like manner that these were legal targets and terminated them with the CPS 1K I had close at hand.
Apparenlty irritated by the though of someone retaliating they ran along to the next bridge wiht a bottle of water. Alas for we were prepared, having repumped the CPS, and again they seemed unimpressed that we had thought to retliate having seen through their rather obvious plan.
Well, thats 3 less Skateboarders hopefully......
The Kinky Pizza Delivery Girl from Hell reports:
Grrr. I'm sure having Bjoern around slows my reactions.
A hitman of the German Cherry-Jaffa-Cake Mafia reports:
As President Hutt came out of a hidden side alley the German Jaffa-Cake Mafia struck. Not paying your...erm...fees is not a good idea. With squeaking wheels a vehicle stopped in the path of President Hutt's bike and a GJCM hitman opened fire with a submachine gun. Edith, you have until 21:15 to deliver those Jaffa Cakes...
President Hutt reports:
Mere Minutes after his in augeration as President, Edith T. Hutt, newly respawned departed to take up the arduous tasks that awaited him in his new role. The Presidential motorcade, noting that a certain Churchill assassins was in the area took a different route, directly into the line of fire of A hitman of the German Cherry-Jaffa-Cake Mafia. A spokesman for the President said "Buhahahaha! This guy is our president? He can't even stay alive for half an hour between being assassinated! We're Doomed, All Doomed!"
The Kinky Pizza Delivery Girl from Hell reports:
While talking to Edith, we saw a bloke cycle down the street with his CPS on his back. I leapt onto Patrona and pursued him down Trumpington Road, finally drawing level and cap-gunning him.
Turns out he'd had this experience once before today ;)
Look behind you... reports:
Decided to see if Dang Aprons's door was unlocked. It wasn't so I headed back down the staircase, only to see him entering. We exchanged some shots but it was an impasse, so we called a truce and duelled with RPGs.
It started slowly, with us circling each other, but quickly sped up when Dang Aprons ran out of ammo. A quick chase later and he was a leg down. Unfortunately at this point i also ran out of ammo. However, as I could move around much more easily, I quickly finished him off.
The Dusk Treader reports:
At the CULES garden party, I was being menaced by a 14" womble.
Fluffy took it into his head to defend me, and did so - to the detriment of said womble.
The womble wasn't playing, but it was looking very menacing...
Determinator reports:
Leaving my room with trusty weapon in hand I observed the Shadowing Lemma walking round the corner. Alas he noticed me too, and a short exhange of fire ensued in which my not-so-trusty-after-all RPG failed to fire, and I got hit smack in the head. Ow.
JabbaWookie's and other alien hybrids reports:
Shoot out on stairs of house. Me below and in a hurry. Dead again...
Honorable Girtonian reports:
We ran into Johannes in a crowd, and I cap-gunned him.
Ways reports:
It seems that an honest citizen cannot take three steps outside before getting brutally murdered. What's wrong with this place?!
Honorable Girtonian reports:
While talking to Johannes, I noticed Polly packing up the Trade Rights stall. Despite my admiration for her work on it, I shot her.
The Dusk Treader reports:
Continuing my theme of cycle-by attacks, I today subjected Oscar the Grouch to a cycle-by rabbiting. Yes, Fluffy rides again!
Alas, she was already dead. Her still-warm corpse provided nourishment.
Honorable Girtonian reports:
I was following a guy who looked like a guy we followed last week who we thought was looking like an assassin. He was particularly suspicious because he walked around with the Emmanuel college chess team, and therefore might be a Caian. However, on questioning him at gunpoint, I realised he wasn't the guy we were following last week, and after a slight battle between my Caian nature and my Girtonian self, managed not to shoot him.
The Flight of the Blue Charge Brigade reports:
Dear me. I could have told whoever threw water bombs at us from the sniping position I discovered on Tennis Court Road that it's a nice vantage point, but too high to hit. And people call me a bad shot when I do it. Being under the influence of much caffeine and taurine, I fled extremely fast.
Schroedinger's cat reports:
Well, actually those water bombs came down closer to me than to Jenny, but the dual nature of the two of us seemed to make it impossible to measure our speed and our location sufficiently accurately at the same time.
The Mouth of Sauron reports:
My master's (throwing)arm has indeed grown long...
Beware the Red Eye
*winks*
minion reports:
Look behind you... :)
Shadowing Lemma reports:
Aha! Finally the Lemma's quest has been fulfilled. A Mathematician has been spotted, and the Lemma crept. The Lemma Leapt!
Sated, the Lemma returned to his evening's entertainment. The hunt will resume another time
The Dusk Treader reports:
Erm... yeah. I was being careful, he was being careful.
He was being more careful, and started down a side passage - out of my line of sight.
That's all she wrote.
minion reports:
sowwy(!)
Strange reports:
Just like old times! I forsee an attack of poetry coming on soon!
The Umpire reports:
10 bonus points for eventually killing a Cambridge assassin.
Zeussoid reports:
I saw JJ. I shot him in the back. Am I skilled or what? (for those who may be wondering, the answer is definitely no).
...Knives in the dark.
Full details can be found here.
The essential idea is come, if you can find me before someone finds you, then you get 35 bonus points. Knives only, Sunday night 2300-0000
Hope to see you all there! [Z]
Selective Marauder Culling Victims reports:
<beep> The assassin you have dialed has not been recognised. Please replace your RBG and try again.
Selective Marauder Culling Victims reports:
Another attempted attack. Another absent assassin. (And alliteration :-)
On my way out of the target area, I was confronted in a corridor by someone who looked like an assassin, possibly The Corpse himself.
Him: Hello.
Me: Um, greetings.
Him: Do you want to try another route?
I did, following a convoluted and circuituous route out of Trinity in an attempt to evade pursuit (although with hindsight, had someone been pursuing me, it would only have served to let them catch up).
Token Arts Student reports:
That would not have been The Corpse, but myself. Completely unarmed. Maybe learning that game theory wasn't such a bad idea.
Selective Marauder Culling Victims reports:
I sought out Cripps' Court near Robinson, on the basis that, despite the fact that I'd forgotten which college it belonged to, there were two different Cripps' Courts containing assassins, so it had a decent chance of being one or the other. It turned out to be Selwyn's.
Avoiding the locked gate, I breached compound security by, um, entering through the car park. N staircase sighted, I proceeded to the target area, prepared my weapons and knocked. Riff answered, unarmed; I fired a double shot with my semiautomatic RBG and he went down.
Riff reports:
I must blame the previous nights ball for my second failure to remember assassins existed! And i just found another rubber band, its here if you want it!!
Crumbs, chief! reports:
Well, there was I stumbling home after a sucessful day's fashion shopping and the premiere of my latest summer collection, when myself and associates spotted a rare breeding pair of the Greater Spotted Bjoernandjenniduck on the opposite side of a pellican crossing. After a moment's stunned silence, and another few moments' wait for the traffic to move, two of us attacked. The mother goose legged it with her bike, and we never saw her again, but the male was more protective of his territory. He dropped his bike and ran, too, but not very far. We persued, fought a bit in the streets, and then the cunning drake blew up my shield with a grenade. Worse, he blew me up behind it! The fiend!
Ed's Exclusive Fashion Tip: Crimson is the new black this summer. Be the first in your college to be seen in it!
The Barber of Gonville reports:
Mwwwhhhahhahhaa! Nobody expects...MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Annoying that I had that bike pointed in the wrong direction, so I had to fight the three of them. Gandalf took the middle against me, The Moustache tried to outflank me and Claire was watching their backs. When the Doubleeds closed in, I shaved The Moustache with explosives and forced Gandalf to lift his shield and sent a shot under it, which quite possibly killed him first, then he shot me, but quite possibly it was a double kill, so I agreed to a duel about that.
The Flight of the Blue Charge Brigade reports:
I'm afraid "stand by your man" only applies when he has not dropped your JCR's bike in a region populated by CPS-wielding people with *really worrying* dress sense. To be fair, I did spend a while trying to convince a desperately drunk male individual to go back and scout around for me, but he had trouble with the standing up part of this so I gave up.
Goodbye and thanks for all the onions reports:
I also just realised what the question is:
"How many times could one theoretically kill Ed Nokes during one May Week."
Banichi reports:
I arrived late at a party and seeing felix and zebbie already there decided to be nice and make my presence known instead of just shooting them. oops....
Gandalf the Grey reports:
They had a cave troll with them, but a hush fell upon them amidst mutters of gsash - fire, in orcish. It's shadow then filled the cavern, massive wings beating. The last of th hobbits crossed the narrow defensive span back to the central colleges while Aragorn and Boromir drew swords and stood next to Gandalf. "Flee, you fools, this is a foe beyond you! A Bjalrog, a Demon of the Ancient World."
YOU SHALL NOT PASS! I am a servant of the secret fire. You shall not pass.
The flames went out and it was a creature of dark smoke. It drew a red sword, to match Glamdring's white. The swords crossed, and the red sword stattered, and Gandalf broke the defensive bridge with his staff.
YOU SHALL NOT PASS.
The Bjalrog fell into the abyss, but lashed out with its whip, catching Gandalf's torso, dragging him down with him. They fell for an eternity, fighting all the way. It had now become a vast creature of slime. They fought up to the mountain peak of Cahadras, where finally Gandalf smote off its legs and its head, and fell unconscious on the mountainside.
The Bjalrog reports:
To make the previous report comprhensible: after the probable previous double kill we duelled. I lost a leg to his throwing onions, eventually he however ran out of loaded pellet guns and throwing weapons. After about 30 minutes he managed to shoot my second leg and about a minute later managed to kill me as I lay on the ground.
Down reports:
Why didn't he bring me back some of those onions?
Gill the Grocer reports:
Three pounds for a pound!
class two cooking onions!
i have an entire throwing-belt full of them under my apron...
now to settle once and for all who runs the five points (er, Gresham Road) us natives, or the foreign hordes...
AAARGH!
*charges at the priest, who draws a sword*
Goodbye and thanks for all the onions reports:
To be precise they were actually sharlots (smaller and easier to throw).
The Kinky Pizza Delivery Girl from Hell reports:
*sigh*. Shallots, my love, not sharlots.
The poor abandoned Bonsai reports:
Well, possibly the just punishment for abandoning me...
Look behind you... reports:
After a particularly boring boatie formal (boring mainly cos I'm not boatie and therefore not quite so desperate for alcohol that I'll drink the cheap rubbish they provide), I headed out into town to do some killing (well, it's better than talking to drunken boaties).
Initially, my luck wasn't great. Sista wasn't in, Banichi was in (but was already dead). And then I saw Adam Biltcliffe walking through Trinity Hall Front Court (or whatever they call it). After pretending to ignore him, then dashing around, a brief fight ensued. Brief mainly because we were both wearing thick clothing and couldn't see where the RPG pellets were going. We agreed on a truce for the night.
We headed over to the infamous Castle Wolfsonstein in an attempt to strip Bjoern and Jenny of their points. A reconstruction after the event revealed that B&J arrived at their room about 30 seconds before we did. Jenny then had to return a spare key or something, but waited until just after the main doors were locked. Adam and I waited at opposite ends of the corridor (not knowing this, of course), and Jenny soon emerged, oblivious to any threat. I shot her in the back and then got super soakered for my trouble.
I would like to point out that at no time did I notice any lasers or other automatic defences hidden in the walls and/or ceiling. So, are the rumours true? Possibly not, but it is, of course, possible that Jenny just forgot to switch them on...
Unfortunately, Bjoern was already dead, so Adam couldn't acquire any more points, but we were offered hot chocolate and oranges, which were greatly appreciated.
Honorary Caian reports:
Having finally located Bonsai, who had been picked up by a kindly neighbour who had gone to the porters and begged for the spare key to let him into my room, and having thoroughly paranoidly checked the staircase and shower, I decided I should really offer the porters some explanation and thanks.
A life lesson is, even if the corridor was disappointingly empty a minute ago when you sent the neighbours in to check it and charged in with heavy weaponry, *don't* then wander out with a single RBG, look the wrong way, and then discover that the corridor is in fact full of hostile assassins who have materialised remarkably quickly.
Another life lesson is, Blue Charge is evil stuff which destroys your enjoyment of being dead, and also of your partner.
Adam reports:
Memo to self: stop forming temporary alliances with other assassins and then letting them get all the kills. The hot chocolate and amaretto was very nice, though.
Sista reports:
Cowwection: I was in - but fast asweep...
Headlines | UpdatesProduced at Fri Jul 4 13:40:59 2003