| Rank: | Title: | Name: | College: | Address: | Comments: |
| Chief of Police | Nephthys | Abigail Baker [e-mail] | New Hall | P9 | No Water weapons |
| Officer | Officer of the Yard | Ruaridh Buchanan [e-mail] | Emmanuel | Z4 | No water weapons |
| Constable | Cheery Littlebottom | Ross Fenning [e-mail] | Christ's College | Room 2/3 | No Water Weapons |
| Constable | Unquiet Shade | James Osborn [e-mail] | Jesus College | 9 Chapel Court room 5 | Water With Care |
| Constable | PC Holzhauer | Ed Nokes [e-mail] | Gonville & Caius | Room 8, House 2, Harvey Road | Full Water Zone |
| Constable | Sheridan | Jonathan Hogg [e-mail] | St. Catherine's College | Flat 21B, St. Chad's | No Water Weapons |
| Constable | A vicious bolt of lightning coincidentally the other end of which is attached to the finger of an all-powerful, and going by past experience, fairly drunk umpire obliterating the target in question, who really shouldn't have made themself a valid target for the police, but never mind, you take what you can. | Ric Brackenbury [e-mail] | Selwyn College | Room 8, 25 Grange Road | No longer Wanted, having killed a player. Full water in house. |
| Doughnut-buyer | A man called Martin | Lachlan McLean [e-mail] | Girton College | C43 | No water. Subject: law |
| Traffic policeman | Handwash Only | Edward Allcutt [e-mail] | Trinity Hall | L6 | No Water Weapons |
| Traffic policeman | Blessed Is He Who | Adam Mark Griggs Biltcliffe [e-mail] | Clare College | V16, Memorial Court | Water With Care- mind computer just inside door |
| Rank: | Title: | Name: | College: |
| Constable | 5 o'clock folly | Jonathan Paul Woollgar [e-mail] | Robinson College |
| Constable | Mighty Pej | Peter McIntyre [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Constable | Smeadle | ALI Leslie Gee [e-mail] | Christ's College |
| Chief of Police | Edith T. Hutt | James R. Bowe [e-mail] | Churchill |
| Constable | Handwash Only | Edward Allcutt [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Constable | Adler | Jennifer Curtis [e-mail] | Darwin College |
| Constable | His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada | Niall Spooner-Harvey [e-mail] | Girton College |
| Constable | MI$ER | Arish Bharucha [e-mail] | Trinity College |
| Constable | The traitor formally known as Adler | Jennifer Curtis [e-mail] | Darwin College |
| Constable | The Bastard Officer From Hell | Jeff Snyder [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Constable | The Doctor | Daniel Egcumbe [e-mail] | Christ's College |
| Constable | Guardian Angel | Stuart Fraser [e-mail] | St John's College |
| Constable | 5 o'clock folly | Jonathan Paul Woollgar [e-mail] | Robinson College |
| Chief Constable | Sally Clough [e-mail] | Queens' | |
| Constable | Mighty Pej | Peter McIntyre [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Doughnut-buyer | Handwash Only | Edward Allcutt [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Constable | Blessed Is He Who | Adam Mark Griggs Biltcliffe [e-mail] | Clare College |
| Superintendent | A Collection Of False Hats And Moustaches | Martin O'Leary [e-mail] | St John's |
| Constable | The Man with the Golden Gnu | Michael Dnes [e-mail] | Trinity College |
| Chief Agent against Terrorism and Corruption | Special Agent "Dangerous" | David Chow [e-mail] | Trinity College |
| Agent | Trinity | Hannah Burton [e-mail] | Trinity College |
Produced at Sat Mar 8 16:07:35 2003