| Rank: | Title: | Name: | College: | Address: | Comments: |
| Chief of Police | The Policeman that goes "Ping!" | Michael Cripps [e-mail] | Trinity Hall | Room 1, Dean House, Wychfield | No Water Weapons |
| Inspector | Dim Of The Yard | Lachlan Maclean [e-mail] | Girton | C43 | No Water; Law |
| Special Agent | Dr Slightly Malevolent | Johannes Nordström [e-mail] | King's | 33, Market Hostel | Water with Care |
| Special Agent | Lonecat | Susan McKever | N/A | 20 Hemingford Rd | No Water; more details to come |
| Special Agent | Short, Blonde and Demure | Abigail Baker [e-mail] | New Hall | P9 | No Water Weapons |
| Special Agent | The Policeman who goes "Eki! Eki! P'tang! Ni-wom!" | Matthew Johnson [e-mail] | Trinity Hall | Room 9, Dean House, Wychfield | No Water Weapons |
| Agent | Catchable and Dispatchable | Steven Cooper [e-mail] | Trinity Hall | L7 | No Water Weapons |
| Agent | of Dhhhoooommm! | Jonathan Hogg [e-mail] | St Catharine's | 21B, St Chad's | No Water Weapons, no water anywhere in flat |
| Agent | Evil Capitalist | Michael Dnes [e-mail] | Trinity | O8, Blue Boar | Water with Care |
| Constable | Elderberry Bush Full Of Kippers | Ralph Owen [e-mail] | Caius | Room 6, 45A Newnham Rd (often found in K16 St Mary's Court, Caius) | No Water; works for college so don't attack when wearing a suit in the main courts of Caius between 8 and 5.30 |
| Constable | Illuminati | Stephen Ingram [e-mail] | Selwyn | H15 | No Water Weapons |
| Constable | Hermes Trismegistus | Catherine Zentile [e-mail] | Girton | E111 Wolfson Court | No water weapons |
| Doughnut-buyer | Love Thy Neighbour | Adam Biltcliffe [e-mail] | Clare | V16, Memorial Court | No Water Weapons |
| Police tea-lady | Number 5 | Edward Allcutt [e-mail] | Trinity Hall | L6 | No Water Weapons |
| Rank: | Title: | Name: | College: | Address: | Comments: |
| Constable | Minister | Ric Brackenbury [e-mail] | Selwyn | Room 8, 25 Grange Road | Full water in room and vicinity, no water in rest of house |
| Rank: | Title: | Name: | College: |
| Constable | Justice For All | Duncan Brewer [e-mail] | Jesus |
| Superintendent | Sharp Thing Of Shininess ™ | Tom Garnett [e-mail] | Jesus |
| Constable | Arrogant | Fred Smith [e-mail] | Jesus |
| Constable | Number 5 | Edward Allcutt [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Constable | Dim Of The Yard | Lachlan Maclean [e-mail] | Girton |
| Constable | Evil Capitalist | Michael Dnes [e-mail] | Trinity |
| Constable | Burns | David Chow [e-mail] | Trinity |
| Constable | Love Thy Neighbour | Adam Biltcliffe [e-mail] | Clare |
| Constable | Sister of Darkness | Hannah Burton [e-mail] | Trinity |
| Constable | Justice For All | Duncan Brewer [e-mail] | Jesus |
| Constable | Unipidity | Michael Inkson [e-mail] | Christ's |
| Constable | Comrade KOGOV | Simon Jacobs [e-mail] | Christs |
| Constable | Scarlet | Heeran Buhecha [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Constable | sdnah no emit hcum oot saH | Stuart Moore [e-mail] | St John's |
| Constable | Marcus Mortimer | Yoni Garson [e-mail] | Girton |
| Constable | Spy vs Spy | Aaron Callow [e-mail] | Jesus |
| Constable | An Gentleman Of The Towne QC, FBI | James Wright [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Sergeant | Number 5 | Edward Allcutt [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Chief of Police | R.K.Dz | Jolyon Winstone | None |
| Constable | Nightwing | Christopher Field [e-mail] | Caius |
| Constable | Love Thy Neighbour | Adam Biltcliffe [e-mail] | Clare |
| Constable | Anna Kournikova | John Haigh [e-mail] | Girton |
| Constable | Ivor Big Truncheon | Peers Davis [e-mail] | Selwyn |
| Constable | The Pigs | Edward Levene [e-mail] | Fitzwilliam |
| Constable | Huntress | Prudence Richardson [e-mail] | Caius |
| Constable | The Brainwashed Pigeon of Doom | Tim Coughlan [e-mail] | Churchill |
| Constable | Vengeance | Neill Smith [e-mail] | Trinity Hall |
| Constable | Rezo | Leo Howell [e-mail] | St John's |
| Constable | Insert Name Here | John-Joseph Wilks [e-mail] | Trinity |
| Inspector | Happy Badger Constable | Nicholas Krempel [e-mail] | Trinity |
| Constable | Burns | David Chow [e-mail] | Trinity |
| Constable | Shadow | Ross Fenning [e-mail] | Christ's |
| Constable | Bad Samaritan | Niall Spooner-Harvey [e-mail] | Girton |
| Constable | Proteus | Peter Tilman [e-mail] | Trinity |
| Constable | Minister of Distraction | Philip Maltas [e-mail] | Selwyn |
Produced at Mon Dec 2 13:03:03 2002