Esau The Dust Puppy reports:
Hmmm. Captain Carrot appears to be on a patrol of righteousness, attempting to inhume all those assassins not yet fully licensed with the Assassins' Guild... or at least those who haven't yet proved their virtue by annulling an opponent. Both myself and the Lady Margolotta - er, I mean the Lady Melcocha fell into this category. I fell. She is yet to fall. The combination of Robinson College security and ingenious use of location both safeguarded her, and had it been anyone other than the Emeritus PhD (Paranoid Hardened Deathmaster) that is J Doe, would have allowed her to annihilate the intruder on their attempted departure...
Oh, and to all those assassins wanting to take the life of a poor innocent Dust Puppy like myself: honesty compels me to admit that, as you may have noticed, I'm never in my room in 3 Sylvester Road, seeing as I do all my work, play and email from room N12, Robinson College. Though it's a most un-Dust-Puppy like cliche, I think it's appropriate: "Come an' have a go if ye think ye're canine enough!"
Captain Carrot reports:
For my hundredth career kill I decided to select somebody nice, so I went to Robinson. I was not disappointed as I immediately saw the Dust Puppy entering N staircase. He didn't see me :) I did K1, back, Q1 then the slightly risky front N1, deposited my watergun and sachet of bombs, N2, N3 to find an open front door to N12/13 containing an open bathroom, and a closed toilet containing the Dust Puppy. I'd hope the Dust Puppy wouldn't see me and open la Mujer de la Melcocha's door. But he did see me so I shot him in the heart with my Luger (I AM Captain Carrot, but my methods are not restricted to flinging root vegetables)...
Captain Carrot reports:
Since Angela's door was locked, I used the common hallway door to take cover, and selected a position where I couldn't be cut down by a lightsabre, remembering one of my good teachers, Antichrist, J.J.
I then tried to shoot la Mujer de la Melcocha (que caray es una Melcocha?)in the feet through the wide bottom gap of the door, but she has had many good teachers too, and good instincts to boot, so she was standing on the bed, knowing full well that this term that would be the only move I could try...
Captain Carrot reports:
The reason I meant to shoot her in the feet was so that she couldn't cut off my escape with the CPS 1000 I presented to her before the Lent 2000 duel... Sure enough, she was on her balcony brandishing it when I emerged from N0. Indeed, most people would have emerged through N1 and been shot, or through N0 and been shot, but I bore a Shield and immediately put down my useless gun (given the 3-storey advantage, and reverted to my true nature...
I produced 2 #3 throwing-knives, represented by repugnant, once-orange root veggies, and danced back from her first shot.
I was quite proud to see her first shot was deliberately short, but I had already also selected my worst carrots and threw short too.
Angela shot long, and I guarded with the umbrella, rotating and producing a #5 throwing-knife with the adequate range.
But she went in and the Zombie Puppy took her place to watch my movements. Fearing an ambush with mobile phones, and knowing the rear entrance to be closed, I retreate flat to the bikesheds and then took up a sniping position near the Adams road exits which she would no doubt know well. As the time pressed, I feared cavalry attack, not being able to recall whether Angela can fire heavy calibre at high speed on her bike. So I adopted a careful position near mem court, when I noticed a black-clad figure with a golfing umbrella cutting off my retreat...
English Imagination reports:
Nice, gloomy Sunday morning. Yours truly is making her way through the rain towards Clare, looking forward to magnificent breakfast, good company and getting well pissed, feeling philosophical and thinking this and that, of life and love and repentance and nothing in particular. The street was pleasantly empty, save for one drenched guy in the distance... whom I spectacularly failed to identify as the notorious psychopath Captain Carrot until he was only a few metres away. Unarmed save for a shield and a knife and weighed down by three bottles of wine in my bag, I put up some token resistance before getting my ass kicked all the way to Z'Ha'Dum and back. J Doe then continued to flee from Angela and I gravitated towards my breakfast in Clare twice as wet as before.
the Man with the Uranium Cranium reports:
It was Miffy, who charged with huge shield and knife, but our loose nuclear warhead sidestepped as if a Flanker was trying to Upend him After a Catch.
This made our Cerium-containing Comrade dangerously hot, triggering the cooling system, which at the second attempt rounded the umbrella.
Our Plutonium-producing pistolier regrets having to make off so quickly after this, pleading that he was being chased by "a woman with a very large gun"...
Mr Ed The Stalking-Horse reports:
As I took my horsey path through Queens, I thought'd I'd pay spice a visit.
Trotted up to her room, drew my weapon, opened the door..... .....and found a bloke there, who definitely wasn't Sally, and apologized politely for not being so.
I didn't shoot him.
Insincere Dave reports:
Hey guys!! I just perforated an innocent bystander! He thought it was real funny!!!
Insincere Dave reports:
M.F. Uncle was yammering with some rogue outside his staircase. He drew his Beretta when he saw me, but fiery Shoe-horne-based death was already on its way. His record of 4-0 was definitely justified!!
Telemachus reports:
...Telemachus dived out of his door, blasting with his ray gun catching the SHARK full in the upper chest...a self-satisfied sea eagle was observed flying due south.
Nasty Knickers reports:
Dear readers, I give you Burrel's Field: Enjoy the scenery, get lost in a maze of twisty little passages (all alike), marvel at the Neo-Brezhnevian buildings, discover the secret place where Trinity stores its manure [1] and bribe/lie/crawl/leap your way through security gates! Savour the taste of adventure!
To be honest with you, it was starting to get a bit old upon my third visit. Fortunately Yellow Warlock was in this time and got splattered by a Mary Poppins model water pistol along with his lunch.
[1] No, I'm not talking about the inhabitants, Trinitarians as they may be...
The Society Curio reports:
Take that back, or I shall be forced to defend the honour of my College in arms (and I would point out that there are no less than seven assassins here in Trinity).
Nasty Knickers reports:
Ooh, a Trinity mafia at my door - now *that's* a scary thought. =)
Juan Ramiresh of Shpain reports:
Why would you want to defend Trinity? Its the suckiest college in suck-history.
Mrs Faithful's Uncle reports:
Trying to economise on my 'non-productive' time caused Ug Gug to die again, 2 minutes after I had respawned. Oh, and he was just getting some food.
SHARK reports:
My revenge came quicker than I thought as on my way to pizza hut I spied my executioner and hid behind my friend in front. as they passed I dived out and shot him and his accomplice
SHARK reports:
Wrong place wrong time
Captain Chaos reports:
Seeing as I didn't have time for anything else today, I thought I might just as well report the one attempt I made, namely visiting Alex and Angela. When I approached, Alex was standing on the balcony well in CPS range, but the mobile phone he was using suggested the use of non-water weapons, especially orange ones... Sadly (he might consider it otherwise those) he saw me in time and hence avoided my projectiles. Then he asked me to wait a moment so that he could finish his phone call before coming down to me. I happily complied and eventually Alex and Angela emerged from their staircase. However I got into a standoff with Alex and noticed that Angela had disappeared. Mmmmh, this seems suspicious. Hence I quickly abandonned my position and tried to emerge behind Alex but he had retreated back into the room. As I had other (more urgent) matters to attend to, I left. I'll try to have more time next time.
Insincere Dave reports:
Starting at around 10:00, A. Bumchester and I (with the late addition of the kindly Rembrandt Q. Einstein) attempted to apprehend approximately 12 cads over the course of 4 hours and 5 colleges. How many were in? None! It was super-fun!!!!!!!!
Mrs Faithful's Uncle reports:
Having been informed of Ug Gug's location by a trusty member of my Personal Spy Network tm, I proceeded to testfire my new gun at the wall behind him. Unfortunately (for him), he died in the process. His own fault, really, for not having a bullet proof chest.
Magic Robot Monstor Monstor reports:
I got a bit pissed and accidentally shot myself in the face.
The Society Curio reports:
I would remind you of rule 1.2.10: "Suicides are NOT allowed."
Insincere Dave reports:
I would remind you of Super Face 83: "David Chaplin isn't really playing."
Overkill, PhD (retired) reports:
i went to Sheila 2 hours early, disguised as a Goth, with long brown hair and fairly full make-up. i then took a suitable sniping position to ambush my potential ambushers. To stay out of sight, a periscope was built out of a wall-mirror and a highly-polished spoon. Sadly, Bjoern and Ed did not turn up, nor did any other known sassin walk past that part of Trinity street... then my professional Simon Ford impersonator established radio contact with me to confirm H staircase was free of miscreants, allowing me to attend unmolested 'xcept for my wig.
Juan Ramiresh of Shpain reports:
Perhaps an interesting question is why you wrote "Bjoern" instead of "Björn". Why not just call yourself Edvard Andersquiggle?
Produced at Thu Jun 21 19:33:39 2001 .