The following people are wanted and as such are valid targets for all assassins and police officers.
| Pseudonym | Name | Address | College | Water Weapons? | Wanted for |
| Dial Emma for Murder, Patrick Bateman, the Minister of Fear, J Doe's Consultant, Ennui, Trezzer | *Simon* Ford | Room B, 2 Warkworth Street | Emmanuel | None | Murder and providing false details to the umpire. |
| The Man of the Timber Industry, The Condition of Miss Fairfax | Päivi Pasi | Peile 302 | Newnham | With Care (mind computer) | Murder and trafficking in poisoned letters |
| Sicaria, Tion, A Dog, Bicycle, Radio or Picnic | Rosemary Warner | K18, St. Mary's | Caius | With Care | Use of lethal weaponry to silence drunken revellers, murder, incompetence |
| PC Philosopher | Ed Clayton | Q5 | Emmanuel | None | Mafioso |
The following were once wanted criminals, but have now been eliminated.
| Pseudonym | Name | Address | College | Water Weapons? | Wanted for |
| Raven | Richard Nicklin | E13 | St. Catherine's | None | Misuse of contact poison |
| Orinoco | Matt Adam | c63, Harvey Court | Caius | None | The death of an innocent |
| Jonathan Hills | I11 | Corpus Christi | None | ||
| David Lano | Room 7, 4A, Rose Crescent | Caius | None | ||
| Andrew Bisgrove | Room M1a | Pembroke | None | ||
| Dominic Hinton | Room 10, 4A, Rose Crescent | Caius | None | ||
| Eva Crasnow | X4 | King's | None | ||
| Isobel Hooper | D11, Wolfson Building | Trinity | None | ||
| Phillip Bennett | G2, New Court | St. John's | None | ||
| Craig Davies | F7 | Robinson | None | ||
| Chris Till | Room 204, Tennis Court Road Hostel | King's | None | ||
| Steven Cooper | K9 | St. Catherine's | None | ||
| Steven Smith | 43F | Churchill | None | ||
| Richard Wheater | L2, Memorial Court | Clare | None | ||
| Viperfish | Muhammed Esa | B2, New Court | St. John's | None | Murder, misuse of contact poison, use of illegal nerve agents, incompetence. |
| Sam Birch | D7, New Court | St. John's | With Care (TV) | ||
| Christopher Floyd | I21, Cripps Court | Selwyn | None | ||
| Carlos Ludlow-Palafox | 23, Lyndewode Road | Emmanuel | None | ||
| Sam Youdan | EE16, Cripps Court | Queens' | None | ||
| Aarti Shah | N24 Strachey | Newnham | With Care | ||
| Laurenne Chapman | B57, Harvey Court | Caius | Full | ||
| Antonio Gonzalez | Room 3, 23, Chesterton Road | St. John's | None | ||
| Philip Tuddenham | K18, Harvey Court | Caius | None | ||
| Alan Harper | Q10a | Queens' | With care (computer) | ||
| PC Fu Hsi's Ghost's Ghost | Sam Kabo Ashwell | Room 205, Tennis Court Road Hostel | King's | None | Murder |
| Jamie Fryer | Room 23, Bene't Street Hostel | Corpus Christi | None | ||
| Matt Whiteley | 20, Bene't Street Hostel | Corpus Christi | None | ||
| Richard Hanke | T11 | Emmanuel | None | ||
| Child of the Revolution | Christine Twite | Room 8, 7 St. Peter's Terrace | Peterhouse | None | Misuse of contact poison, multiple homicide |
| Fozia Ismail | 210, Kennedy | Newnham | None | ||
| Andy Eyre | Room 4, V Library Court | Jesus | None | ||
| Joanne Magee | 209, Fawcett | Newnham | None | ||
| Heather McNeilly | 43P | Churchill | None | ||
| James Wright | BBC B18, Thompson's Lane | Trinity Hall | With Care (mind computer) | ||
| Duncan Cartner | 9H | Churchill | None | ||
| Vicky Stokes | P105 Peile | Newnham | With Care,(mind notes) | ||
| Divya Mohan | 7C | Churchill | None | ||
| Lauri Jalkanen | 31, Howard Court | Downing | None | ||
| Alex Wilber | C2 Cripps Building | St. John's | With Care | ||
| The Laughing Maniac | Hannah Burton | C10, Wolfson Building | Trinity | With Care | Murder of two police officers |
| David Loeffler | B12, Angel Court | Trinity | None | ||
| David Holmes | B36a | Girton | None | ||
| lamechild, Mr Knox | Liam McClean | 20, Howard Court | Downing | None | Murder of two police officers |
| Jonathan Manning | 1/4 | Christ's | None | ||
| Nima Mehdian | 4, Howard Court | Downing | None | ||
| Harriet Groom | 11, Howard Court | Downing | None | ||
| James Osborn | T3 | Jesus | With Care | ||
| Sean Palmer | L2.3 | Emmanuel | None | ||
| Kunal Gupta | a01, Kenny | Downing | None | ||
| Andrew Murphy | K119 | King's | None | ||
| Whoospie | Chung Hey Wang | K17, St. Mary's | Caius | None | The death of an innocent |
| Alexander Butler | B30 | Girton | None | ||
| John Cash | B30a | Girton | None | ||
| Robert McNeilly | Room 3, 82, Canterbury Street | Fitzwilliam | None | ||
| David Rosel | J1 Burrell's Field | Trinity | None | ||
| James Kermode | 10, Selwyn Gardens | Pembroke | None | ||
| The Gentleman Caller | Matt Jones | Room 2a, 4 Chapel Court | Jesus | None | Crimes against authority |
| A cloud of lightning | Alex Churchill | Second Floor Room, 19 St Christopher's Avenue | Look here | None | Killing an innocent |
| Lucinda Perkoff | Room 8, Old Neale House, 138, Huntingdon Road | Fitzwilliam | None | ||
| Sarah Peter | Room 9, Old Neale House, 138, Huntingdon Road | Fitzwilliam | None | ||
| John Sharp | F15 | Fitzwilliam | None | ||
| Jonathan Evans | B35A | Girton | None | ||
| Richard Crosthwaite | B43 | Girton | None | ||
| Matthew Goodman | 202, Queens Wing | Homerton | With Care | ||
| Louise Davies | Room 6, 24, Malcolm Street | Jesus | None | ||
| Olivia Sanderson | B10, Benson Court | New Hall | None | ||
| Angela Rayner | Room 9, 6, Adams Road | Robinson | None | ||
| Lewis Westbury | R10a, Garden Court | Sidney Sussex | None | ||
| Paul Dickson | No. 24, Basing House | Magdalene | None | ||
| Sergeant Spectre | David Chow | V9, Burrell's Field | Trinity | None | Wanted for Corruption |
| PC Quetzalcoatl | Jenny Chase | F28 | Girton | Full | Physical NatSci, Wanted for Corruption |
| PC Casaubon | Jack Vickeridge | G8, Burrell's Field | Trinity | With Care | Wanted for Corruption |
| Josh Robinson | DD37 | Queens' | None | ||
| Big Daddy G, Jonny G | Jonathan Gee | Room 5, 30A Bridge Street | Magdalene | With Care | |
| John PC Sunset G. Babylon B. Enoitvicedo-Shaft in Africa | Neil Morrison | I3, Blue Boar Court | Trinity | With Care | Wanted for Corruption |
| Vash | Lampson Fan | 4, Kenny B | Downing | None | Incompetence |
| Penelope Pitstop | Kate Andrews | K121 | King's | Water with care (mind stereo). | Incompetence |
| PC Unity | Hannah Fenton | W12, North Court | Jesus | None | Wanted for Corruption |
| Agent Sarcastic Truck Dodger | Simon Jones | B32 | Girton | Full | Bio Natsci, Wanted for Corruption |
| PC Dread Pirate Christoff | Chris Watling | B23a | Girton | None | Physical NatSci, Wanted for Corruption |
| Willy Wood, Big John | John Niland | 21, Basing House (above Café Uno) | Magdalene | None | Incompetence |
| Agent Zero | Paul O'Grady | F21 | Robinson | None | Wanted for Corruption |
| d00d | Colin Magee | T1, Burrell's Field | Trinity | With Care | Incompetence |
| Oldfox, Night Rider | Matthew Buckley | Room 4, 7, St. Peter's Terrace | Peterhouse | None | Incompetence |
| Morcar | Adrian Proctor | P2, Burrell's Field | Trinity | With Care | Incompetence |
| Agent Godfather | Tim Blanchard | I24, Cripps building | Selwyn | None | Failure to protect the public |
| The very naughty PC Hammurabi, Giver of Law | David Owens | X10, North Court | Emmanuel | None | Dispensing justice instead of law. |
| The Red Fox | Hannah Brown | Room 5, 25 Grange Road | Selwyn | No water weapons | Murder |
| PC McGreedy 3 Puddings Ian Kisby h27 Selwyn None (Full on staircase) | Ian Kisby | h27 | Selwyn | None (Full on staircase) | Corruption, illegal attacks on fellow officers, concentrating too much attention on the woman in red. |
| The Ambidextrous Avenger, The Inquisitor, Pope John-John 13th, Corpus Hostium (Revenant), Clyde, Fluffy the Killer Rabbit etc. | Tom Garnett | Room 11, IV Library Court | Jesus | None | Murder, acute biscuit wastage, corrupting police, small-time necromancy, crimes against authority. Definitely not incompetence. |
| Sergeant Qwetzalcoatl | Jenny Chase | F28 | Girton, Physical NatSci | *None* | Aiding and abetting a known criminal, excessive use of 'w's, archetypal womanhood. |
| Inspector Wig | Robert Hiersemenzel | Bluntyre room 15, 24/28 Glisson Road | Emmanuel | None | Reputedly Godfather of the Emmanuel Mafia |