---

The funniest emails from this game

---

These three emails belong together:

From: anon anon 
To: The Umpires
Subject: Corruption in the Police Force!
Date: Mon, 19 Feb 2001 09:51:37 -0000

I have obtained, from my underground contacts, proof that PC Danger is
corrupt.  In particular, he accepted a bribe of chocolate biscuits from the
Sandman Mafia, in exchange for information on the Magdalene mafia, as the
following e-mail shows:

>Subject: Magdelene people
>From: Vicious and Depraved 
>To: PC Danger
>Subject: Magdelene people
>
>Dear Dangerous Dave,
>
>We would much appreciate the information you offered
>on the Magdelene mafia.  In fact, any information you
>have on players is welcome.  What's more, you shall be
>richly rewarded for this, in the form of chocolate
>biscuits.
>
>Regards,
>SM

Some time afterwards, the Umpires received a little present in their pigeonholes:

Date: Tue, 27 Feb 2001 16:46:04 +0000 (GMT)
From: The Umpires
To: PC Danger
Subject: Re: Corruption Allegations

On Tue, 27 Feb 2001, David Chow wrote:

> I've just heard from my underground contacts that you're investigating
> allegations of corruption against me.  I'm sure that the investigation
> will find no evidence of this at all.  In anticipation of this, you will
> find a small token of appreciation in one of yor pigeon holes.

Cheers.

Co-incidently, we have decided to promote you to sergeant.

Ed and Bjoern.

This was however before checking our pigeonholes. Afterwards Sgt Danger got this email:

Date: Tue, 27 Feb 2001 21:53:35 +0000 (GMT)
From: The Umpires
To: Sgt Danger
Subject: Re: Corruption Allegations

All right, was that meant to be a bribe? I've seen better bribes floating
down the Cam! Two biscuits! At least they were chocolate bourbons, but
even so... we shall have to think long and hard about demotion and
promotion and corruption and wantedness and their connection with the size
of a biscuit bribe...

...nudge, nudge, wink, wink.  :-)

Yours,
Ed.

Date: Thu, 25 Jan 2001 12:41:31 +0000
From: ****** ***** <******@cam.ac.uk>
To: The Umpires

hiya umpires,

 i know i know: it's 12.30 and i've missed the deadline. Is there any
chance of joining up for next term when the workload is a bit lighter to
concentrate on anhiliating the student population? or is it just this term
only? what happens if i just start killing people for fun anyway? is that
allowed?
advice welcome.
thanks
****** *****

Who might have sent this email?

Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2001 18:30:46 +0000 (GMT+00:00)
From: S-staircase_Massacre@comehellorhighwater.co.uk
To: The Umpires
Subject: New Weapon

Dear Umpires,

I am an inexperienced fresher assassin, and I have just been given a 
bouncy ball for Christmas. Could I possibly throw it at my rivals? It 
would be called a Noxious Infantile Latex Porcupine.

PS : as I am clearly inexperienced and don't know any senior guild 
members, I hope you will provide us with useful advice.

PPS : I meant me, not us. I clearly have no mafia associates or large 
posees of justabitwanted hitman mathmos guarding my staircase.

Yours inexperiencedly,

Wojciek

PS: Such weapons are currently not legal.

This is probably the email, with which the "Sniper affair" started...

From: Commander Sniper
To: The Umpires
Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001 00:54:29 -0000

If what you mean is that it's hard for police officers to infiltrate 
active player circles, I guess a solution is to "cover up" their death - posting 
an attempt report instead of the real kill. Of course their assassin would 
get the kill, and he could go around saying he DID kill the victim and all, 
but that'd only draw attention... which is all the more useful to the Police
F&I!

The first bits of evidence against Sniper...

Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2001 13:18:02 GMT
From: A police officer, who rightly suspected his superior of corruption
To: The Umpires
Subject: Re: corrupted orders

> Wait....orders???
>
> I never knew that there actually were such things in our police force...
> I always thought of it as voluntary cooperation...
>
> I mean otherwise you could have a corrupt Chief...

entirely hypthetically, of course

> ...telling you to go unarmed
> to a wanted criminal or rubbish like that and if you don't go you would
> be wanted...
>
> Or did I misunderstand what you meant?

No. And I don't think I misunderstood what Chief meant either. He seems to
think of the SWAT branch as his personal loyal army.

Sniper suspected the DIA was after him and tried to produce a false trail:

From: CUPD Chief Sniper 
To: The Umpires
Subject: 9:00am Emma raid
Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2001 10:18:27 -0000

I led a small SWAT raid this morning against Simon Ford. 
After what seemed like ages waiting for Claire to show up at the meeting 
point, the team decided to go ahead without her. At that point I was 
beginning to suspect there might be something shady going on between her 
and Mr Ford, and that it may be a trap after all (just like you 
suggested), seeing as how Claire has recently seemed quite keen on 
removing me from the scene. So we proceeded with the utmost caution. 
Although we knocked on Simon's door several times and waited for quite a 
while, it was obvious that he was either asleep or just not in.

Then, finally! Hard evidence:

Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2001 13:41:03 +0000 (GMT)
From: The Departement for Internal Affairs (DIA)
To: The Umpires
Subject: Evidence

      Hi Ed,

Here's the mail where Mario said he had thought of a fake SWAT assault. I
don't know if it's really incriminating as he says he's going to attack
them for real.

I think that the fact he didn't shoot Simon when he could have (as he
admits it in one of the mails below) is far more incriminating. As is
his tentative to corrupt me by assuring me Simon won't attack me or the
SWAT officers, the other PCs being "fair game". Not
to mention the fact he talked to Johannes about the "benefits
of corruption". But i suppose you've already asked Johannes about that.

I also wanted to ask you something : as anybody can sign up to be a police
officer after the game starts, is it possible for me to recruit a few
people i can trust (2/3 maybe 4) ?

----- Original Message -----
From: Sniper
Sent: Sunday, January 28, 2001 
Subject: We have a situation!

> Hmmm. Alex and Simon just came to my room. I was *close* to shooting them
> both, I caught them by surprise... but they were peaceful, so I disarmed
> them and gave them a chance to explain what happened. They say the attempt
> was botched on purpose, and Bjoern was insisting that they go kill all
> police officers (he seems keen on putting his new rule to good use). We've
> agreed that they won't get near you or kill my SWAT agents. Other police
> officers are fair game. They've killed the other wanted person, by the
> way...
>      Mario,

After the plot was revealed:

From: CUPD Chief Sniper 
To: The Umpires
Subject: Re: Corruption
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2001 09:27:56 -0000

Well, I knew this day would come - didn't expect it to be so soon, but 
then I wasn't expecting Simon to make such an elementary mistake (with the
p'holes), and I certainly wasn't expecting Claire to betray me this 
quickly once the shit hit the fan. I'm... rather disappointed at both of 
them.

I've contemplated ending my own life, but even if I'm a corrupt, evil,
demonic, fascist, baby-eating, shape-shifting, possessed, misguided
policeman, I know what makes people tick, and I like it. And if I can make
someone's day just by getting killed in a nasty way, well then so be it.

By the way, if you ever want the full story, just out of interest, I'll be
glad to tell you...

Mario

From: Commander Sniper
To: The Umpires
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2001 14:47:09 -0000

Thanks for the offer but nah, it's too late to clear my name now. And I 
wish to honor my pact with Ford, even if the plot has gone pear-shaped. I'm a 
man of my word, you see... maybe a little dumb, but honourable.

In retrospective, I think Garrett has been using me... I had no knowledge 
of his involvement in this, other than the fact bh234 has been talking to
people. Alex and Simon told me they had heard someone speaking to Claire 
at the time of the attempt, someone who knew the rules very well, but they
couldnt identify him. I did suspect either one of you two or, more likely,
Garrett, but I didn't give it much importance.

Regarding the blackmail plot, I wanted to put the idea into practice, so I
basically used the Emma mafia for that, and for a few other things. I gave
them the letter idea, I suggested assassination methods, weapons, etc.
Basically wanted to get the game going, and wanted there to be a big plot
behind all this, not just random killings. And no, nothing of this was
planned from last term. The idea only came up when you guys didnt agree to
my undercover police request. I had been receiving (and ignoring) corruption
offers from Simon, and I only accepted if they were to server as a secret
"Black Ops" team for the police. Basically, their job would be to infiltrate
and destroy mafias, and corrupt PCs. In exchange, I was to supply them with
information, and keep them safe from the police if they made a slip.

Simon's fuck-up changed the story completely though. By the time I could
reach him to tell him to keep a low profile, and try to redeem himself by
killing his own targets (and other wanted criminals the Emma team would have
to create via blackmail), he had already killed some cops. He says you kinda
pushed him into that, to see the new rule put to good use. So I told him
that he could kill any policemen except Claire and the SWAT team (Ribena,
Editor, and Bud White). But the email only reached him just after his
attempt on her (he doesnt have a mobile phone or a computer in his room). At
that point, Claire, who knew about this, must have lost all trust in me, and
removed all support. To make matters worse, Alex and Simon came to see me
that night... I managed to catch them by surprise and disarm them, but even
before that they were true to their pact and didn't even move a finger to
attack me. During the following 48 hours, I had to:

(a) get Claire out of the way
(b) dispose of Simon
(c) keep to my pacts and hope the situation would solve itself (eg Simon
getting killed by a player)

I didn't get any chances at option a (Claire didnt turn up to the SWAT
raid), and frankly I wasn't sure that was a good way to go. I consider(ed)
Claire a friend and would not have liked to betray her. About the SWAT
raid... I did not actually warn the Emma mafia we were going, believe it or
not. I wrote the email but never sent it... if I had had the chance, I might
as well have shot Simon at that point - he was ceasing to be useful. On the
other hand, I secretly hoped he wasn't in. Regarding Nordstrom, I didn't at
all mean to intimidate him with my words, I was just trying to evaluate how
loyal he would be (apparently not very!), in case I had to have Claire
killed or something.

The killing of Ribena was a misfortune, and I think it has more to do with
the fact he lives near Simon than with anything else (save perhaps the Kenny
award). All other non-SWAT policemen were fair game. Basically, I'm (was)
trying to promote gameplay as an ongoing big story, as opposed to a random
series of killings. The idea behind SWAT teams is they're loyal, and I can
use them to steer the political happenings, and such. So I've been to Q 
Staircase, Emma, on the afternoon before the game started, to talk to Simon & Co: DEfM, 
Pilchard, Alex, The Unusual Suspect. Basically they formed my Black Ops team, who would 
perform any illegal actions I needed. I wish I could have gotten Shepherd to be the SWAT 
Commander though. He told me he wasn't playing... but is he?
I'm not killing Ford unless it's in a duel. He hasn't betrayed me and I'm
not going to betray him. In fact, it's Claire and Nordstrom who, in my
opinion, deserve a bullet to the skull. I can't really blame them for
covering their own asses, but I'm still disgusted.

Oh by the way, this is a copy of an e-mail I sent to Ribena:


--------------------- Original Message ------------------------
> Ok then, so would you care to tell me the full story now?

Aye. Not much more harm can be done now. Before the start of the game, I
asked the umpires whether I could have a secret police force, which would
then infiltrate mafias etc. I was denied ths request. At around that time, I
received a series of emails from Simon in which he was prodding me to assess
my potential level of corruption. I hadn't been paying much attention to
these, but after the umpires denied me of my little toy spies, I did strike
a deal with Simon, whereby he and his friends would serve as a Black Ops
police division, to carry out the dirty work. I gave them ideas and help
with eliminating their own victims, and they in turn would strike any target
I asked. The deal worked well until Simon made a mistake and was made
wanted - that put me in an awkward position. But his attempt on Claire and
his murder of the first couple of policemen was just too much.

Soon after that happened, he and Bud White knocked on my room... I feared
they were going to kill me too, so I hid and jumped at them just as they
were retreating again. I disarmed them and we talked. Apparently they had
only come in peace, to inform me of the situation. Simon was willing to
continue with the deal, but unfortunately the umpires were urging him to
kill all cops. I told him he could kill players, and then kill them again as
they became policemen, but that he should stay away from both CoPs and the
SWAT Team. Why he did kill you I don't know... might have something to do
with the Kenny Award, methinks. I let them go without killing them - my
greatest mistake so far, except perhaps letting Claire know about it.
Originally, all communications regarding this deal had been verbal, so there
was no evidence she could present to the umpires. As time went by, and
events unfolded, I became careless and committed such sensitive information
to writing. And Claire was very quick to report me to the umpires when the
shit hit the fan... so quick that they suggested I kill her to hide the
evidence.

The umpires are annoyed at me for breaking just about every single rule
regarding the Police. But the job of "legal" CoP is, with the possible
exception of being a standard PC, the most boring thing you can imagine. But
having a say... having some control over the political situation... having
to decide whom to trust and whom not to (and I admittedly made a mess of
this one)... that feels good. It's the most fun I've ever had playing
assassins, and if I had the opportunity to go back and change a single
thing, it'd be having told Claire.

I'm sorry about all the charade last night. But I'm sure you can understand
that. About Simon killing you... that was a breach of the contract, it
shouldn't have happened. I specifically ordered that you and Editor were to
be left alone. Editor has betrayed me too, by the way (even though he didnt
actually know anything about this, I did make some other comments to him
that he wasn't meant to repeat, especially to the umpires), so he's fair
game now. In fact I've asked Simon to send both him and Claire my regards. I
wonder who'll be the first to die... Editor? Claire? Simon? or me? Oh
well... enough ranting for now.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Mario

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Retrospectively, I think my mistakes can be summed up as one: Trusting both
Claire and Simon at the same time.

Anyways, I hope this somewhat changes your view of what happened. I'm still
very guilty, but in a slightly different way...

Thank you and have a VERY nice day.

Mario

Date: Mon, 22 Jan 2001 23:48:12 +0000
To: The Umpires
Subject: Message
From: BH234

Champions of Grammar want you! We need eager assassins in order to improve
standards of English in Cambridge. Our three stage plan for increasing
literacy amongst students includes:

1) Identification of key grammatical errors committed by Cambride assassins
and those most responsible for them.
2) A thorough and comprehensive reeducation policy consisting of a short,
sharp shock. Say the sort created by a high-velocity round impacting a
skull.
3) Evil laughter. Lots of evil laughter.

Honour, fame and the knowledge that you're doing your bit to improve the
quality of spoken and written English can be yours. Reply to bh234 care of
the umpires. Anonymity guranteed.

Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 10:21:19 +0000
From: I won't tell you that this was from Davie
To: The Umpires 
Subject: Re: Assassins: Last chance signup for Lent 2001

I'm a bit worried, what happens if some mathmo comes round to my room early
one morning to shoot me and accidentally sees my glistening naked body? Or
worse.

no comment

Date: Sat, 17 Feb 2001 01:20:43 +0000 (GMT)
From: Chief Incorruptible

       Hello,

Just wondering... Last time the incompetent list went out it was the day
after the deadline at around 1pm. Would it be possible to get it a bit
earlier this time in the (unlikely?) event that Morag Gray is on it ? I do
not usally go to church on Sundays but...

Claire

PS : weesa know who you ARE !!! weesa know where you PRAY !!!

Take a guess: Who was in Cambridge on that weekend?

Did he know what he was in for?

From: Big Don
To: The Umpires
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2001 14:16:06 -0000

I have already been killed can I join the police force please, basically coz I want to take
out Simon Ford
Big Don

A bit later that day:

From: PC Big Don
To: The Umpires
Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2001 20:02:02 -0000

Well I am currently holed up in my room due to the fact that somebody, or somebodies have
been knocking on my door since about 6.30pm and it is now almost 8.  I would go out and
have a go but I don't know how many are  out there.  I am especially annoyed because I want
dinner and am very hungry and want to go cook something, I'm not sure how long I can
endure a seige so I might have to have ago, esp since I think it was the corrupt SWAT
Commander Sniper I saw through my peep hole.  This may be my last report.
PC Big Don

This seems to be more realistic:

Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2001 01:41:33 +0000 (GMT)
From: A dead MA
To: Da Umpire 
Subject: Re: Death report

I forgot to add: we'd both like to sign up as Police.  This may not be a
survival technique given the current state of affairs, but should be fun. :)

Date: Fri, 16 Feb 2001 01:43:04 +0000 (GMT)
From: Dream
To: The Umpires
Subject: Re: Assassins (fwd)

dream's masterclass for avoiding death by poisoned letter:
step 1:be very suspicious when a Valentine's Day card arrives in your
pigeonhole when your partner has already sent you one.
step 2: assume that a genuine Valentine's Day card that has been handed
delivered would not have your full name on it, but only your first name.
step 3: check for any bumps that would indicate musical devices.
step 4: shake the card to check for dried poison like flour.
step 5: open the envelope with a knife.
Step 6: be VERY suspicious when the card does not immediately fall open
slightly after the envelope has been opened, this suggests poison inside
the card.
Step 7: check for poison on the outside of the card -- if negative, remove
card from envelope.
Step 8: to my assassin -- IF YOU GLUE THE CARD TOGETHER, NO-ONE IS
GOING TO BE ABLE TO OPEN IT IN ORDER TO BECOME POISONED!!!
Step 9: if you still want to open the card in order to perhaps find a clue
about your assassin, do so using the un-poisoned lip of the card, gloves
or tweezers.
Step 10: you could, of course avoid all of the above, and put any
suspicious looking cards straight in the bin!

From: Editor
To: The Umpires
Sent: Monday, January 15, 2001 4:58 PM
Subject: Police! Freeze!

Hi!

It feels safe to know that two of the homocidal maniacs here in Cambridge
have been appointed umpires and therefore won't be trying to kill me.

Maniac, meeeeee?!?

Oops, a little security breach...

From: Muffy (umpire of the previous game, who was playing this term)
To: The Umpires
Subject: Fw: Bah
Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2001 17:28:26 -0000

----- Original Message -----
From: Matthew Garrett
To: assassins@srcf.ucam.org (this address still forwarded to Muffy at that time)
Sent: Monday, January 15, 2001 5:19 PM
Subject: Bah


> In order to make things a little more interesting, The Great SFX hereby
> declares war on the Sidney Sussex mafia.
>
> I'm only a messanger here, obviously.
>

Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2001 22:07:18 +0000 (GMT)
From: The Thribblemaster
To: The Umpires
Subject: Re: Fw: *** (fwd)

On Mon, 15 Jan 2001, the umpire wrote:

> I've just received that message.
> When I asked, who the Sidney Sussex mafia were, the messanger suggested I
> might ask someone from Sidney.

*cough*

Well, the bold Sidney Mafia consists of:

The Thribble Master
Wowbagger The Ynfynytly Prolonged
Mr. Socks
Brave Sir Robin
X the Valient
Horace The Cornflake Eating Pair Of False Teeth
And many others...

From: "Nathan Barley" 
To: The Umpires
Sent: Tuesday, January 16, 2001 3:51 AM
Subject: The forces of evil are conspiring....

 Messrs. Sinister and Cawazy,

We feel it only right to correct your error on the
"pre-game news" page: there IS at least one mafia
operating in Cambridge. Us.  We are the Sandman Mafia,
and we will send our enemies into Morpheus' kingdom,
from whence they shall not return.

Regards,
SM.

Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 13:44:38 +0000
To: The Umpires
Subject: Re: bh234 (fwd)
From: BH234

On Wed, Jan 24, 2001 at 11:25:32AM +0000, The Umpires wrote:
> Hi BH234
>
> Yet another reply.
> Do you want to reply to it (and should I forget to remove the headers?)?

Of course I do. Headers are at your discretion.

> "Cambridge" has a "g" in it.  

This is a spelling error rather than a grammatical error but it is still a 
bad standard of English.

Technically it's a typographical error as opposed to a spelling error -
the same word is spelt correctly elsewhere, demonstrating that knowledge
of the correct spelling is present. Lack of proof reading, perhaps, but
hardly evidence of a low standard of English.

>  2. A thorough and comprehensive reeducation policy consisting of 
> a short, sharp shock. Say the sort created by a high-velocity round 
> impacting a skull.
>
> There should be a comma after the word "Say" in the previous phrase.

Commas indicate the presence of a short pause or act as a list
delimiter. Your complaint here is about speaking style as opposed to
grammar, which are two completely different things.

>     3.    Evil laughter. Lots of evil laughter.
>
> Honour, fame and the knowledge that you're doing your bit to improve the
quality of spoken and written English can be yours. Reply to bh234 care of 
the
umpires. Anonymity guranteed.
>
> There is no verb in the last sentence.

There's an implied "is", AS ANY FULE KNO.

Your "corrections" imply that you are a pedant. Pedancy is not the same
thing as upholding grammatical standards, as it ignores the fluidity of
language. You'll be claiming that "thou" has a place in modern English
next, I expect.

> I shall certainly be doing my bit to improve the quality of spoken and
> written English.

Good. But pedant not, as otherwise your end shall be messy.

Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 16:26:22 +0000 (GMT)
From: soon-to-be Chief Incorruptible
To: The Umpires 
    
On Wed, 24 Jan 2001 the evil, sinister and backstabbing Ed Nokes wrote:

> The job's still available... but would you last long with Etienne playing?
> That, by the way, is a perfectly conditional question, and should not in
> any way be construed as a hint of Etienne's participation, or otherwise.
> He might, or might not, be playing, and I can say no more than that.
> There's still time to play as an assassin, should you have any wish to
> murder the quite-possibly-innocent chap before the quite-possibly-playing
> chap does the same to you.

Hehehe... I thank you for your informative comments on my application. But
after having thought about it a while i've decided i'd rather be in the
police from the very beginning. I'll be wary of Etienne ; anyway he
doesn't come to lectures often and can be very lazy. ;)

Oh, and i almost forgot to give you the nickname i've chosen ! It shall be
Chief Incorruptible.

See you,

Claire

Note the subject...

From: CUPD Chief Sniper 
To: The Umpires
Subject: Ralph the Wonder Llama
Date: Sat, 27 Jan 2001 15:00:01 -0000

Ummm... err... what exactly does Superintendent of Q Division mean, and 
what am I supposed to do about him? :)

Mario

I guess he hoped for the answer "Kill him!!!".

Note the priority... He's not that keen on resurrection then, is he?

From: Ribena
To: Assassins Umpire 
Subject: Further to my previous report...
Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2001 23:35:36 -0000
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal

Could I just ask the all to familar question of whether you would
ressurect me?

        Ribena

This email was supposed to be sent to Muffy in order to inform him where the evil & cowardly police officer Ralph Owen might be found, just in case the criminal Muffy might want to shoot him. However the email went to the wrong address...

Date: Fri, 2 Feb 2001 16:15:10 +0000 (GMT)
From: assassins@srcf.ucam.org
To: Iceman (the target of Matt aka Muffy the Umpire Flayer) 
Subject: Re: Oopsie! I think I just killed Iceman (fwd)

Matt, we'll meet with Ralph now to play cards in Tom's house.

Should there be any urgent things, you can find us there.

Corrupt, meeee??! No! I'm just making sure someone who annoyed me that day got what he deserve.

Despite being funny this report never made it to the news. This was partly due to the fact that it was incredibly long and partly due to the fact that it simply reported the following events: Mario goes to Lloyd's room, Mario notices that the floor creaks and Mario runs away.

*Commence recording*
20:00 RL "Red Leader here. Mike test, hello?"
20:00 R2 "Red Two. Testing, testing, one two three."
20:00 R1 "Red One... testing, testing?"
20:00 SC "This is SWAT Command. Copy you loud and clear, Red Team. Prepare
for deployment."
20:00 RL "This is Red Leader, we're good to go."
20:01 SC "Proceed."
20:01 RL "OK you heard'im. Move it, guys!"
20:01 R1 "Copy Red Leader, on our way. Approaching entry point one... now."
20:01 R2 "This is Red Two, visual contact with security guard, possibly
armed."
20:01 RL "Roger. Command, do you copy?"
20:02 SC "Copy Red Leader. Do not fire on guard, repeat do NOT open fire."
20:02 RL "Understood, Command. Red Team, enter and cover left and right on
my mark... now. POLICE! We have an Arrest Warrant for a Jamie Douglass, on
T9 Garden Court. Stay here and don't cause us any trouble."
20:02 C1 "Yes officer. Understood. Good luck, sir."
20:03 R1 "This is Red One. Area secured."
20:03 RL "Roger that. Proceed to entry point two."
20:03 R1 "Aye aye, moving out."
20:06 R1 "Red Leader, this is Red One. We're in position."
20:06 RL "Go go go! Suspect is on top floor. Remember to stay on the outer
side of the stairs, and watch that elevator. We don't want any surprises."
20:06 R2 "C'mon let's go!"
20:11 RL "Okay slow it down, guys. Move quietly."
20:12 SC "Red Team, this is Command. We have lift activity. Lift stopping at
floor directly below yours... now. Watch out for threats."
20:12 RL "Red Two, can you see anything?"
20:13 R2 "This is Two. Two civilians, both female. They're heading away."
20:13 RL "Ten-four. False alarm, let's move on."
20:13 R2 "Copy Red Leader."
20:15 R1 "I'm in position. Ready to enter corridor."
20:15 RL "Roger that, prepare to move towards left hallway. Red Two, fall in
and get ready to cover right. Go!"
20:15 R2 "Right is clear!"
20:15 R1 "Left is cle... SHIT!"
20:15 RL "Repeat that Red One?"
20:16 R1 "Sir, the floorboards on this corridor are creaking like hell. We
could be compromised."
20:16 RL "Damn. Command, possible compromise. Do you copy?"
20:16 SC "Copy Red Leader. There's a second corridor heading to the left
hallway, on the other side of the wall just opposite you - entry is via
right hallway. Try approaching from there."
20:16 RL "Thanks Command. Red One, cover from your position while Two and I
enter right hallway. Red Two, take the point."
20:16 R2 "Yessir. Right hallway clear. I can see the corridor from here.
Seems clear."
20:16 RL "Roger that, Two. Red One, fall in."
20:17 R1 "I'm with you."
20:17 RL "Right. Check the corridor."
20:17 R2 "Looks fine... aww, crap. This one's squeaky too. DAMN! CONTACT!
Compromise! Compromise!"
20:18 RL "What happened Red Two?!"
20:18 R2 "Brief contact with unidentified civilian in left hallway, just
across the corridor. No visible weapons."
20:18 RL "Where'd he go?"
20:18 R2 "I don't know, sir. Probably into a room."
20:18 RL "Shit. Target room?"
20:18 R2 "Possibly, sir. Cannot confirm."
20:18 RL "Damn damn damn damn. Okay guys, we're out of here."
20:19 R2 "Roger that, pulling back."
20:19 R1 "Staircase access still clear, sir."
20:19 RL "Roger, take the point, Red One. Command, team has been
compromised. Terrain conditions hostile. We're pulling out."
20:19 SC "Copy Red Leader. Proceed to extraction point."
20:20 RL "On our way. Red One?"
20:20 R1 "All clear sir."
20:21 R1 "Clear..."
20:22 R1 "...clear..."
20:23 R1 "...clear..."
20:24 R1 "...clear..."
20:26 R1 "...clear..."
20:27 R1 "...clear..."
20:29 R1 "...all clear."
20:29 R2 "Rearguard all clear."
20:29 RL "Roger. Get in the truck."
20:30 R1 "Alright, we can take this off nowzzzzzzzxxxxxzzzzzt."
20:30 RL "Command, we're in the truck. We are go for retrieval."
20:30 SC "Copy red leader. Prepare for debriefing."
*End recording*