Game News

Day 6

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Semirhage (Ed Nokes) at 04:14:59 on Tuesday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
Woke up this morning, because it was hot and I was thirsty. While having a drink, I looked out into the court and noticed an open window, Ed Nokes' window to be more precise.
Considering that he shot me yesterday, I decided to return this courtesy.
After some difficulty in reaching his balcony, I was finally up there and stepped into his room.
He was sleeping on his bed, I walked through the piles of loaded and unloaded weapons surrounding him.
At first I had wanted to shoot him with the rbg I had brought along, but then I noticed one of his cps lying just in front of me and I could nearly hear it saying:"Pick me up! Pick me up!"
So I did, sadly it wasn't pumped, yet, but Ed didn't even notice the pumping of his own gun 1m away from his bed.
Having prepared his 1000, I then executed him at point blank range with a single shot (lasting about 2 seconds) to the chest.
Semirhage reports:
Last night was just *far* too hot and stuffy, so much so that the aerodynamic benefits of leaving my window open overnight outweighed the inherent danger of assassination. Mat Laycock was asleep, and Bjoern should not have been able to climb onto the balcony.
Unfortunately, he did. And shot me with my own weapon. Which would have been pleasant had the water not been extremely tepid. And to top it all, I couldn't get to sleep again, all of which made me angry.

Restless dead (Daniel Seymour) killed Peaceful Purple Pineapple (Angela Rayner) at 05:57:00 on Tuesday
An Umpire's life isn't all ruthless dictatorship and maniacal laughter, let me tell you. Oh, the pain! The pain of having a wonderful evening with one's girlfriend and close friends at a May Ball brought to a tragic conclusion. The sudden horror as Dan "Lemming" Deathmaster appears after the survivors' photo, spots one's *own* lightsabre lying on the ground, and uses it to behead the beauty at my side!
Fortunately, my beloved's fierce spirit continued even into death...
- Umpire.
Restless dead reports:
Well, what was I meant to do? The timing (right after the survivors photo for irony value), the placing (right next to the unpire in the middle of a crowd) and the method (with aforesaid umpire's own weapon, carelessly cast aside) I hacked down the pinapple despite her best efforts at cowering behind some innocents.

Withnail (Serge Lewis) killed Restless dead (Daniel Seymour) at 05:57:30 on Tuesday
...The pain of not being able to jump to vengeance for my girlfriend's death myself... oh, these blasted constraints of forced impartiality! But fortunately, dear dead Angela wasn't taking it lying down anyway. Somewhat aggrieved at being killed with her man's own Jedi weapon, she spotted the foolishness of Mr Seymour in putting the weapon down again after the kill. She grabbed the weapon, placed it into the hands of another waiting Assassin nearby (one whom Dan had failed to recognise - his words later were "Well, you looked rather different at the end of a SuperSoaker"), and forcibly shoved him in her murderer's direction. Dan was too slow in running; Withnail caught him quickly and avenged my beloved's death within 60 seconds.
Justice must be done...
- Umpire.
Restless dead reports:
But easy though that kill was, I became careless, and dropped the light sabre. I really should have looked around and hacked down the other 3 assassins there. Instead Serge picks up the jedi weapon and gives chase. My feet were killing me after 9 hours of dancing in my least comfortable shoes, and although Serge was probably coping with similar troubles, he caught me with ease. Maybe I should be airbrushed out of the survivor's photo?

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Macvities (Kien Hoang) at 10:30:29 on Tuesday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
We very much appreciate the policy of the open door as carried out by Macvities and therefore we have come towards him with an extended hand, offering peace...eternal peace, that is he now rests in pieces.

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) tried to kill Restless dead (Daniel Seymour) at 11:00:24 on Tuesday
Restless dead reports:
Erm, I think the time is about right, but Bjorn came and tried my door handle this morning. Fortunately it was locked and he wandered off to hide in an arch opposite my staircase. He came out at about 12 ish, and I've not seen him since. I made a wonderfully excecuted tactical withdrawl to the kitchen to maake some lunch, and found buttering bread with a lightsabre in one hand to be hard.... I did smell something outside my room, but fortuneatly through a gas mask as a friend had asked what the smell was. Hayfever can be handy at times. I might correct this report to say I died, but only if that would be correct. I think he's gone away now...
The Dragon Reborn reports:
I had really hoped that Daniel would have left his door open, may-ball, drinking and all that, you know, but he didn't.
So I decided to take a strategical position in an archway opposite his staircase, from where I could see him preparing his weapons through his window.
He searched his staircase for me, but we didn't get to fight, because I was overly careful, as he had the home advantage.
Finally I just wandered off.

M13 (Julian Yon) killed Semirhage (Ed Nokes) at 11:00:53 on Tuesday
Semirhage reports:
...and being angry made me careless, and consequently Stu Gill was able to lure me out of the computer room. Where Julian Yon happened to be waiting. Well, at least he's finally arrived.

In four hours' time, I shall be very angry.
M13 reports:
Shortly after the assassination of Semirhage, a highly respected public figure and pillar of the community, an announcement was made by M13 claiming responsibility for this shameless act of atrocity. Accompanied by an outside agent, Harland Quinn, M13 has begun a terror campaign in the sleepy city of Cambridge. The M13 logo has been seen graffitied in Cripps Court and this campaign has since been stepped up to take it's first victim. Using Harland Quinn as a sacrificial lamb to entice Semirhage into the open through a series of increasingly insulting taunts. After a particularly distasteful comment about a member of Semirhage's close family his anger took control and he began chasing Mr Quinn. This was to be his final mistake as waiting behind the exit from his sanctuary was a gunman who immediately opened fire riddling the unfortunate Semirhage with a hail of bullets.

Police have issued this warning to the public: "We do not believe this is an isolated incident. M13 has committed a number of atrocities in cities throughout the UK and we believe there may be a real danger to the public"

M13 (Julian Yon) killed Harland Quinn (Stu Gill) at 11:15:27 on Tuesday
M13 reports:

The body of Harland Quinn has been discovered by police just outside Harvey Court. Apparently the victim of an execution style killng Mr Quinn received a single gunshot to the base of the skull. After taking witness statements and in the light of their recent allegiance the police suspect this to be the work of M13. The police believe that Harland Quinn was always surplus to M13's requirements and that his death was only a matter of time. It is suspected that M13 had hoped for Semirhage to kill Mr Quinn when laying their trap but the method in which Mr Quinn was killed shows a willingness to carry out dirty work unaided. The police are now even more assured of the danger presented by M13 and this open air execution clearly shows an audacity never before suspected.

Greetings, Assassins all. Firstly, I apologise for the earlier brief invalidation of all your passwords: it wasn't a problem with Matt Wakeling's programming, but entirely my fault, and won't happen again... *cough*

But anyway. On the requests of several people, a Hand-To-Hand-Only combat time has been declared: the time is 1800-midnight tonight, and the place is all of Harvey Court. For this region, all long-range weapons of any form will cease functioning. So no waterguns, projectile weapons, grenades; the only kills allowed are those made with hand-to-hand weapons. So lightsabres, knives, coshes, octopi, shields and garrottes are all fair game. If anyone can think of a way of using poisoned food or can manage a kill with the Bus, those are allowed too.

As usual, firing forbidden weapons out of the zone at targets outside is also disallowed. Ambushing people as they arrive is strongly discouraged; challenging people to duels (or just going round hunting who you can) is more preferable.

Kills in this time will still last for 4 hours. Note however, that at midnight the death time will drop to 2 hours, and will continue falling throughout the final day, through 1 hour, then 30, 15 and 7 minutes. Creative use of this reduction is encouraged. :-) - Umpire.

Matrim Cauthon (Ed Nokes) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 17:38:28 on Tuesday
Matrim Cauthon reports:
Having been killed twice before breakfast today, I was a tad miffed, so to speak. Thus as soon as I became reanimated, I determined to usher a rather larger than normal quantity of souls into the next world. I regret that my victims will have but four hours' time to appreciate the astral plane, but such is death.

Anyway, going for Stu Gill & Co. Ltd. during their production of "The Wind in the Willows" would have been a little too predictable, and hence myself and the AHMD decided to venture Robinsonwise, more specifically towards that house among houses, 6 Adams' Rd.

On our arrival, who should be there waiting? That's right, no-one. Happily, after a little poking around, a startled Purple Pineapple sprang out into my path. Unarmed, I might add. Vexingly, my RBG shots fell short, but the Botanical one threw her shoe at me before turning tail and running indoors.

Unsurprising, the immortal call of "Assassinssssss..." went up, whilst Al'Thor and I moved to cover the front and back of the house. A deadlock developed, with Serge and Morag shooting against us from high upon a fire escape, each of us armed with a CPS-1000. Angela briefly ventured out into the garden, but retook her cover indoors upon seeing how the house was surrounded. Apparently, I managed to clip her leg around this point.

After maybe a quarter of an hour, in which even threats upon Angela's shoes could encourage no action, we Duopotanians moved back onto the front street. Alex then met with us, for the discussion of matters of protocol and our craft, and we requested that he inform our nemeses inside the house of our intention to leave should they desire no fight.

This precipitated the ejection of a heavily-armed non-player from the house, the purpose of which may well have been to encourage the waste of our ammunition. His big (and, I later learned, defective) Storm Typhoon was no match for my precision-engineered CPS weapon, and soon the intruder fell.
Christopher Robin (Matthew Wakeling) reports:

Matrim Cauthon (Ed Nokes) killed Kelpie (Morag Gray) at 17:43:53 on Tuesday
Matrim Cauthon reports:
Following hotly on the footsteps of the newly-deceased scout, a small company of three CPS-toting assailants came to welcome us to Adam's Road in their own unique way. Their defensive umberella-shield proved more than capable of deflecting our fire, and hence I determined that cunning tactics would be required to win through...

I pretended to run away down the street, and taking advantage of a momentarily departure from the defenders' field of vision, popped into a nearby property. Silently, stealthily, steadily, and lots-of-other-words-beginning-with-S-ly, I betook myself around into the nether regions of that deadly mansion, and paused to take stock of the situation.

Excellent! All of the defenders were clustered around the driveway, with Bjoern just able to hold them off. I closed, my firepower ripping into them from behind, and poor Morag died once more in a hail of water.

Matrim Cauthon (Ed Nokes) killed Withnail (Serge Lewis) at 17:43:56 on Tuesday
Matrim Cauthon reports:
Even as Morag's scream of death cut through the still air, even as Serge turned to apprehend the unexpected threat, he too attained maximum statistical entropy courtesy of my second volley of shots.

Even as Angela whirled, slipping the shield betwixt herself and I, the Car'a'carn's covering fire perforated her spinal column, and rearranged her vertebrae.

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Peaceful Purple Pineapple (Angela Rayner) at 17:44:11 on Tuesday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
When Ed and I arrived in Adams Road, we ran into Angela, she threw her shoes at us and narrowly escaped into the house.
Alterted by her Serge and Morag with 1000s appeared on top of the fire escape from where they had a big range advantage over us.
So we couldn't do much, but take the shoes as hostages and wait.
When we were about to leave, Alex appeared and we ask him to tell them we would go, if nothing else happened.

Finally they came out, a non-player with a big storm as a bait so that we would waste our water and the players with 1000s and a big shield held by Angela.
The non-player was eliminated at once by Ed, but then a stand-off evolved, but their shield kept us from doing much.

Then I managed to draw Morag away from the others by pretending my gun didn't work, but I failed to shoot her.
In the meantime Ed had disappeared, but I knew that he would probably be trying to sneak up on them from behind.
As they always kept exactly opposite to me behind the hedge, I maneuvered myself to a point such that they would be standing directly in front of a path, along which I suspected Ed would appear and then would have a direct line of fire at them.

And I had guessed correctly, not soon afterwards Ed suddenly opened fire at them, killing Serge and Morag, while Angela spun around in time to block a shot with the shield.
But now it didn't protect her against me anymore and I exploited this at once.

Cat (Liz Elliott) tried to kill Aizen (Matthew Monaghan) at 18:24:00 on Tuesday
Cat reports:
Well, things got a little nasty this evening. Hence I am resigning from the Assassins before things get any worse.

Cat (Liz Elliott) tried to kill The Fireman (Joel Cartwright) at 18:30:00 on Tuesday
Cat reports:
I ended up almost breaking the guy's supersoaker. This is getting too serious for me. I hope the Umpire can remove me as soon as possible.

Restless dead (Daniel Seymour) killed Semirrhage (Claire Bordenave) at 18:45:55 on Tuesday
Restless dead reports:
Having agreeed to storm Harvey court with Claire and Ed, I fail to find the ****ing rendevous point so proceed directly to Harvey Court. Claire and Ed show up there and we discuss strategy. Ed Knokes arrived and went off to get some weapons cos we're nice like that. After a little warming up battle was joined in earnest. With her Lackley Claire would have slaughtered us all had I not allied with Semirhage (note spelling). I then double crossed him to press him into a corner (at the cost of J Doe's limbs and life) and as Claire was about to administer the coup de grace, I stabbed her in the back. Ooops. Oh well.

Semirhage (Ed Nokes) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 18:45:56 on Tuesday
Semirhage reports:
Semirrhage (and her J Doe lackey) and The Restless Dead were the first to arrive at the big-H/C for the hand-to-hand fighting. Seeing the size of the latter's pike (called 'Tim' IIRC), I was forced to hastily forge and assemble a polearm of mine own, to be known henceforth as 'Kathy'.

After a little harmless practice, the dueling began in truth. Discarding my homemade lightstaff, I made 'Kathy' my weapon of choice. The combatants were elsewise loaded with many swords, cutlasses, pikes and even "The Force", yet at once I perceived that with the J Doe fellow working as Semirrhage's bodyguard, a little truce with the Dead would be prudent.

Ed was no match for the True Power, and as one of only 28 ever granted access, I made good use, lopping off each of his major limbs in a manner reminiscent of a certain Monty Python sketch. When he lacked anymore suitable appendages, I ran him through with my 'Kathy' and then turned upon Semirrhage.

Up until then, she had fought with the Dead, and as I rounded upon her and caught her attention, he was able to stab her from behind. Fitting for one who could not spell my name correctly, Muahahahah!

Semirhage (Ed Nokes) killed Restless dead (Daniel Seymour) at 18:55:56 on Tuesday
Semirhage reports:
All that remained was to make the Restless Dead once more dead. This was a little harder, for he kept the pike called 'Tim' and added a lightsabre from the ex-Semirrhage. Back and forward we flowed, my concentration entirely on his body, my mind floating free, analysing, planning, probing for weakness...

There! One step closer to death as he loses a hand.

Again! His legs gone, I pivot into a thrust, smashing his ribcage, impaling him upon my lance.

His death follows swiftly; from the rictus of pain upon his face, I see that his slumber is yet again destined to be unquiet.
Restless dead reports:
After dispatching Claire, I hunger for more death, so I assault Ed (the one who's an assassin and still alive at time under description) but him Pike, named Kathy, is longer than my weapon, named Tim. This was proven critical with the leg on the floor as main witness for the procecution. hopping madly forward hoping to end his life I loose my left arm instead. More intricate moves, parries within parries and general armed combat excellence sees the demise of my first finger of the remaining hand. This makes wielding a long pike kind of cumbersome so I revert to my sabre, prizing it out of the already still fingers of my fallen arm. Blocking a flurry of blows with ease I close to end his miserable life, but he runs away a little and I can't keep up on one leg. This becomes a little repetative until I parry one high blow upwards. Had his weapon not been heavier than I thought it was he would have been open to my blade. As it was tip of Kathy passes behind me just below head height. This looked rather more profesional than it was, but served to neatly remove my head in a gratifyingly messy manner.

M13 (Julian Yon) tried to kill Unicorn (Kathy Brazier) at 19:10:56 on Tuesday
M13 reports:
M13 strikes again?

Police have confirmed reports of a machine gun attack in Benson Place.
Apparently nobody was harmed, but the shooting bears the tell-tale
signs of M13 - a bold attack in broad daylight, from very close range.
A police spokesman told us: "We are now very concerned for the safety
of the residents in the area. M13 is not known for giving up after a
setback.". He refused to confirm speculation that the occupants of the
house were themselves terrorists, and had had skirmishes with M13 in
the past.

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) tried to kill Christopher Robin (Matthew Wakeling) at 19:20:40 on Tuesday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
Knocked on his door and fired through the viewing port, when he appeared.
He was lucky and got away with a new hair-cut.

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Slakko (Duncan Richer) at 20:44:42 on Tuesday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
For no particular reason I was just coming out of FF staircase, Queens', after having been to V staircase, when I spotted Duncan and shot him in the chest twice.

Execute at &8000 (Ed Nokes) killed Macavity (Mike Jeggo) at 22:00:00 on Tuesday
Macavity reports:
I came, I saw, I got skewered.

Lightsabres are not much better against 8 foot spears than against CPSs, I discovered. Briefly.

Execute at &8000 reports:
Whilst typing up the reports of my previous kills, a little timer popped up to indicate the resurrection of some 6ARpersons. Shortly afterwards (as expected) the Harvey Court intelligence network reported the presence of lightsabre wielding intruders. Numbering four, what a surprise. A quick dash up to my room acquired 'Kathy' in addition to my lightstaff, though I dropped the latter pretty quickly upon seeing exactly what I was up against.

Each of my assailants had a minimum of three bladed weapons upon themselves, excepting The Purple Pineapple, who instead came armed with an extremely long and floppy dagger. When I write long, I do of course mean upwards of 10 feet (that's 305.271342 meters, for those festering in the dark web of the metric system).

Rather hastily, I took up my position upon the stairwell, and managed to hold back the assult for a small time. Suddenly, Macavity lunged at me, and I was able to skewer him upon my trusty pike, at the price of retreating back up the stairs. The remaining fellows pressed, and forced me all the way up to my room, whereupon the fighting changed tone, becoming wild and uncatalogued. Some of us might well have died in that mad rout, perhaps all, but we were saved by the wise words of the umpire.

"I didn't see what happened, so I shall anull any deaths after Macavity's," quoth he, "Let us repair outside, and recommence the fighting."
What I /actually/ said was, in response to pleads from at least two parties, that the last three kills (of Serge, Ed and Angela) were all dubious, due to either being hit by a floppy bit of "Tim" Pike, or being made whilst play was allegedly paused to rescue a precarious glass.
But the settlement by a duel outside was amenable to all parties, and I proceeded to arbitrate a 3-on-1 combat, from which Execute somehow managed to come out the sole survivor. Which was impressive, given that he was facing superior numbers, superior weapons (well obviously lightsabres are superior), and superior range (in the case of the giant cardboard sword). But much fun was had by all concerned.
- Umpire.

Execute at &8000 (Ed Nokes) killed Peaceful Purple Pineapple (Angela Rayner) at 22:14:00 on Tuesday
Execute at &8000 reports:
Angela made most favourable comments on the content of my bookcase, and on my choice of computing platform, and hence I shall report his kill in "Archimedes Assembly Language" style (2nd edition)...

REM constants...
me = firstplayer = %10000
angela = firstopponent = %01000
serge = %00100
morag = %00010
tim = %00001
all = %11111

REM code...
[B repairweapons
EQUB Long_Pike_Called_Kathy_with_Broken_Blade, 0
EQUB Even_Longer_Big_Bendy_Dagger, Red_Glowing_Lightsabre
EQUB Green_Glowing_Lightsabre, Nifty_Short_Sword
EQUD Red_Glowing_Lightsabre, Handy_Dagger
EQUB Yet_Another_Lightsabre, Throwing_Knife
EQUB 0, 0
ADR pile,weapons : MOV hand2,welding_kit
LDR hand1,[pile,#0] : ADD hand1,hand2,hand1 : STR hand1,[pile,#0]
LDR hand1,[pile,#2] : ADD hand1,hand2,hand1 : STR hand1,[pile,#2]
MOV player,#firstplayer
LDMIA pile,{hand1,hand2}! : ORRS temp,hand1,hand2
MOVNE player,player,LSR#1 : BNE pickupweapons
MOV victim,#firstvictim : MOV opponents,#firstopponents
MOV player,#me
EOR target,victim,opponents : SWI "XOS_Parry" : BVS medie
MOV target,victim : SWI "XOS_Attack" : BLVC victimdied
MOV player,#firstopponent : MOV target,#me
MOVS player,player,LSR#1 : BEQ mefight
TST opponents,player : BEQ theyfightloop
SWINE "XOS_Attack" : BVS theyfightloop
SWI "XOS_WriteS" : EQUS "I'll get you in four hours!" :EQUB 0 : ALIGN
SWI "OS_ExitAndDie
BIC opponents,opponents,victim : MOV victim,#firstopponent
TST opponents,victim : MOVNE pc,lr
MOVS victim,victim,LSR#1 : BNE selectvictim
SWI "XOS_WriteS" : EQUS "Hello, World!" : EQUB 0 : ALIGN
SWI "OS_GainManyPoints"

So, it's all clear really. On the inital run, with firstvictim=angela
and initopponents=(all AND NOT (me AND tim)) the code would have ended up calling "OS_GainManyPoints". Hence, I killed Angela. :-)

Execute at &8000 (Ed Nokes) killed Withnail (Serge Lewis) at 22:19:00 on Tuesday
Execute at &8000 reports:
And since assembly language is sooo much fun, let's run it again:

Initially, firstvictim=serge and opponents=(all AND NOT (me AND tim AND angela)), which again would have called "OS_GetManyPoints".

Which is to say, I killed Serge next.

Execute at &8000 (Ed Nokes) killed Kelpie (Morag Gray) at 22:20:00 on Tuesday
Execute at &8000 reports:
Okay, once more through...

Calling it with firstvictim=morag and opponents=(all AND NOT (me AND tim AND angela AND serge)) should give the rather familiar result, "Hello, World!". Meaning that I killed them all, Muahahahaha!
Execute at &8000 reports:
Kill them! Kill them all! Kill them now and end it all! Break the server! Break it and release me forever! Break it and let me die!

-ahem- Unfortunate MPD interlude there. No, he's real, I'm sure of it. Shut up! Aaarghhhh! Sorry about that.

News from day 5 (Monday) * News from day 7 (Wednesday) * Back to main page.