Game News

Day 5

Bjoern of Borg (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Christopher Robin (Matthew Wakeling) at 00:30:00 on Monday
Christopher Robin reports:

I carefully plan an attack on Harvey Court, based on the fact that the killers return to home base and report their kills in the computer room. I hide inside, around the corner from the door, when it all goes horribly wrong.

*beep* *sound of door opening*

I look round the corner to see whether I should be killing the intruder, and see a Nokes chap hiding on the other side of a half-open door, looking paranoidly through the window in the door.

A standoff.

I continue to cover the door with my (massively) superior weapon, while a non-player leaves the computer room (grrrr - I'll get you for that), and before I know it, Bjoern is firing through the window.
Bjoern of Borg reports:
Reading in my room, I suddenly heard loud banging on my door and one of my trustworthy agents told me the local automatic umpire expert was trapped in the HC computer room by Ed guarding the door.
Hence I grabbed my gun, a bit of ammunition and sprinted round the building to get to the windows looking into the computer room.
I heard the two of them talking to each other and spotted Mat standing in the middle of the room holding his long-range rifle pointing at the door.
He didn't notice me before I opened fire at him.

We are the borg.
Lower your shields and surrender your ship or you will be destroyed.
You will be assimilated.
Your biological and technical distinctivnesses will be added to our own.
Bjoern of Borg reports:
Let me quote Overkill:


Did anyone notice when my dangerous-indicator was broken, because I went off-scale ?
Octopussy (Claire Bordenave) reports:
Ok, by this time we'd abandoned the missile base we'd built inside Harvey Court Computer room. I could have then killed the winners of four games and the runners-up to three all for bearing weapons, but I didn't.

Instead, Cuthbert "the Octopus" Cousteau signed a self-portrait on Lynnette Dray's leg.

Rebecca Heath declined to be similarly-tatooed as she's returning to SANITY* today :)

* anywhere outside Cambridge

Zachary Smith (Steven Cooper) killed Sophy (Sophy Fuchs) at 00:40:36 on Monday
Zachary Smith reports:
I walked into one of the dance zones at the New Hall event, and there was Sophy, dancing right before my very eyes.
I went over to greet her; "Sophy," I said. And she turned round, and died soon afterwards.
- I always was a demon on the dance floor.

Zachary Smith (Steven Cooper) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 00:42:20 on Monday
Zachary Smith reports:
As I was, yet again, boogying on down at the New Hall event, I came across a pair of girls brandishing some kind of water guns.
So, not being one to take any chances, I shot one of them...

Zachary Smith (Steven Cooper) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 00:42:22 on Monday
Zachary Smith reports:
...and then the other one.

People, Bjoern's dangerousness has gone a little off the scale. Luckily, there's a new picture in there that represents dangerousnesses above 3.05, so we're okay now.

If you kill Bjoern now for the first time, you will gain 2.5 times as many points as if you kill someone who has not done anything yet in the game.
- Umpire.

Bjoern of Borg (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Harland Quinn (Stu Gill) at 01:45:00 on Monday
Bjoern of Borg reports:
After his last death, Harley challenged us to a duel in the HC gardens, so there we were.
Ed & Stu with their 3000s, me with 1000, backup guns, water-bombs and throwing knives.
We stood back to back and took some paces, then the fight began.
Ed and Stu engaged each other at once, while I sneaked around Stu.
I threw a water-bomb hitting him on his backpack, then I shot him with the 1000.
After this I only wanted to go to bed.
Christopher Robin (Matthew Wakeling) reports:
It took all of thirty seconds for Stu to die.

And then the two of us corpses waited around while Ed and Bjoern kept on dodging each other's fire. For two and a half hours.
Right, I've changed my pseudonym now (Ed Nokes) reports:
Happily, Mat Wakeling agreed to umpire for us, and so once we had each selected our weaponary, we made our way into the gardens. A count of thirty from the Wakeling started us, and in short order, poor Mr. Quinn was dead, taken from either side in a cunning pincer movement. Myself, Bjoern, the corpse and the undead umpire were all about to return to the computer room, when I realised something... Once started, a duel is not finished until a *single* winner is declared.

So we reluctantly squared off again, beginning a two-and-a-half-hour series of attacks, counter-attack, sneaking and hiding around the mostly-darkened gardens.

Although I spent most of the time surveying my opponent and positioning myself for possible ambushes, he steadfastly refused to move from his open position, yet during my last cunning flanking attack, Bjoern vanished. Evidently, this was when he tried to acquire Mat Laycock's help.

Happily, Mr. Laycock was deep in his cups, and Bjoern had little option but to return to the courtyard, whereupon I snuck up behind. Rather amusingly, Bjoern has just handed the Wakeling chap a spare weapon, yielding an impressive reaction as I charged upon him, seemingly in response to his new status as weapon-bearer.

Alas, there followed several volleys of fire, evenly matched, and even a last-ditch charge, none of which decided upon a winner. As I picked up more weapons, Bjoern fled indoors again, only to appear on the balcony above. Luckily, I was correct in my guess of the staircase down which he would eventually return, and so had a critical subsecond advantage in the shootout at the bottom of said stairwell.

The dual finally finished, I acquired some coffeee, whilst Stu, Bjoern and the Wakeling chap decided to visit the computer room.

Bjoern of Bjorg (Ed Nokes) killed Bjoern of Borg (Bjoern Holzhauer) at 04:05:00 on Monday
Bjoern of Borg reports:
After having killed Stu at about 1:30 and assuming I had a truce with Ed, I was about to go back to Harvey Court, when he attacked.
I escaped unharmed and we chased each other around a bit.
Then I tried ambush him in Finella, but he went around, so I fled across the street and tried to enter Harvey Court, but he blocked my way.

Then my eyes fell on Stu's 3000 lying round and I took it for myself, now I started driving Ed back and he started hiding and lying in ambush for me.

Finally he came out again and we fought for nearly half an hour, but then Ed disengaged again, when I decided to drop the half-empty 3000 and picked up my 1000 again.

Next I ran up to Mat's room to get some help, but he was quite drunk, so he was no use in that - maybe I should have shot him, but I didn't - I was back in the Court again, asking the present corpses, whether they could get some of my stuff from Ed's room for me, when Ed appeared again and so we fought again around the columns in the Court.

When I was about to run out of water a valiant charge of mine didn't bring a result, so we both retreated to refill.

Then I entered the balcony through Mat's room and had a short indoors shoot-out with Ed, who had guessed the room I would go through.
Then he disappeared. I carefully sneaked down the stairs, when I suddenly heard a trigger of a CPS being pressed.
Just in time I dropped to the floor and returned the fire, but he had cover and I didn't, so his next shot got me, just a moment before I managed to hit him.
Christopher Robin (Matthew Wakeling) reports:
Like I said, they kept on dodging each others' fire for two and a half hours. At some point I recall talking to Bjoern, not knowing where Ed was. Then suddenly Bjoern said "here, hold this", thrusting his smaller weapon into my hands. Now, being the producer of last May Week's game, I couldn't help feeling a certain familiarity about this, but I took the weapon anyway. After all, I was dead at the time. It so happened that luck smiled on me, as the outburst was due to the rapid approaching of Ed.

Back to dodging each others' fire.

Bjoern of Bjorg (Ed Nokes) killed Christopher Robin (Matthew Wakeling) at 04:33:00 on Monday
Christopher Robin reports:
Double Humph.

After hanging around for a nice long waterfight (where Stu and Bjoern both died), I decided that ten minutes to resurrection was a niiiice thing to think about.

Having a band-gun thrust into my hands by the corpse of Bjoern, and being told to hide in the computer room while Ed reports his kills, until I resurrect, in order to get Ed back for Bjoern (here's where my head begins to hurt), I did this, only to be betrayed. The Nokes chap came round the corner with poison gas and a gas mask. I got one shot off, but it probably just took a chunk out of the wall. He knew exactly where I was. Humph.

It was only a minute later while discussing this, that Nokes thoughtlessly took his gas mask off...
Bjoern of Borg (Bjoern Holzhauer) reports:
Well, I made chances fair, rubber-band gun for Mat and both of them knowing, where the other one was.
Maybe Mat should have watched, what was coming....might have saved him, but then when he looked out of his hiding place the last time, he was discovered too early and hence died...
Bjoern of Bjorg reports:
"Bother", said Bjoern of Bjorg, who on having mosied on down to the computer room a little later than the other players*ahem*corpses, found himself very confused by the rather obvious lack Christopher Robin.

Nethertheless, Bjoern of Borg sat down to write up some kill reports (whilst gently nursing a cup of coffeee), only to find that, for some mysterious reason, the assassins' server was no longer working... Could this have been anything to do with the 40-odd thousand character quotation submitted previously, perhaps?

Having been assured of the departure of Mr. Robin by Stu and Bjoern of Borg, Bjoern of Bjorg wondered what he could do. "Look at this" said Bjoern of Borg, whilst typing the words "Mat's hiding around the corner." Said Bjoern of Bjorg, "That's interesting", and indeed it was doubly so when Bjoern of Borg typed "Keep an eye on the time."
For it was about five minutes until the Chrissy's resurrection.

Bjoern of Bjorg made an excuse to leave, and once back in his room, armed himself with *lots* of weapons, including... Vanilla Body Spray! And a gasmask, of course. The gas was applied to the corridor outside the computer room, and once he could be sure of Little Christopher's being alive, the Bjorg carefully entered the room, darted around the corner, and gave poor Mr. Robin a thorough poison gassing. The one shot that the victim squeezed off went wildly wide of the mark, and then Christopher Robin's brief period of life was so sadly extinguished.

Ah, how sad.

Christopher Robin reports:
I was thinking - perhaps I could try to be killed by every different category of weapon in the rules.

I think I have had the most unpleasant so far. So, who's going to help me with the rest? Number 14 could be interesting - anyone out there got a bus?
Bjoern of Bjorg reports:
Aaaaaaagggghhhh! All these Bjoerns are so confusing...

Bjoern of Bjorg (Ed Nokes) committed suicide at 04:34:44 on Monday
Bjoern of Bjorg reports:
...So overcome was I with the morning's sucess, that I foolishly removed my gasmask only one minute after the Christopher Robin's second death of the day. Not that I noticed this until someone mentioned it, mostly due to my lying dead on the floor as a result of the hideous nerve agent.

Quibble Quibble Quibble.
Bjoern of Borg (Bjoern Holzhauer) reports:
Having just evily gassed half of the computer room, that was luckily empty except for himself, Harley, Christopher Robin and me, with vanilla bodyspray Bjoern of Bjorg sat down on a chair, dwelling in his victory, sighing and taking off his gas mask.
Then suddenly his eyes widened with surprise, face taking interesting colours and falling to the ground.
Christopher Robin (Matthew Wakeling) reports:
Well, it serves him right for being so careless.

*snicker, snicker*

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Macvities (Kien Hoang) at 08:32:00 on Monday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
"Oh no, not you again !" said Kien when he dropped to the floor in front of his sister, after having been deadly hit by two shots.

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Antoine (Antoine Boulart) at 08:59:00 on Monday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
The sign on Antoine's door said:"back in five minutes"
I decided to make it four hours and shot him, whilst he was sitting on his bed.

Aizen (Matthew Monaghan) killed The Fireman (Joel Cartwright) at 14:45:46 on Monday
Aizen reports:
I heard voices outside my door, looking through the peephole I saw Cat with a CPS, The Fireman and James Green outside.
I got my gun and carefully opened the door, and saw James leaving into the Kitchen.
I followed and ended up with me and Cat on different sides of the kitchen door with James blocking the way between.
I wasn't going to kill first (I got myself in enough trouble last time), and as The Fireman left past me I thought nothing of it.
Seconds later he appeared on my other side brandishing a 1500, I reacted immediately and shot him. He claims he wasn't going to kill me.
Oops, sorry.

Aizen (Matthew Monaghan) killed Cat (Liz Elliott) at 14:45:48 on Monday
Aizen reports:
Realising I'd again betrayed my friend I decided it best if I didn't leave anyone around to kill me, so I shot past James and killed Cat, again.
Then they both emptied their guns into me, and I'm now soaked.
I guess I deserved it though.
Cat reports:
It was a lovely Monday afternoon, and I thought I would wander down to middle F to see if anything was going on. I wasn't about to go unarmed, with two assassins on that corridor, so I brought my CPS 1000 with me. I saw Seth and said Hi, and he warned me not to shoot anyone because I'd be in trouble. I assured him that it was only for protection. The Fireman came out and offered me a drink, so I accepted and followed him into the kitchen. However, Aizen had seen me arrive, and took up a stance at the kitchen door. I wanted to kill him, but the meddling Seth stood in the way and wouldn't let me shoot! In the meantime, The Fireman quietly left the kitchen and went back to his room. He soon returned, slightly less unarmed. He appeared round the corner brandishing his 1500, causing Aizen to turn and shoot immediately. The Fireman went down gun blazing. Seth still refused to budge, so Aizen turned his weapon to me next as I turned mine to him. Unfortunately for me (and indeed, Seth), Aizen's fire hit me, but my return volley rammed into Seth full force. He wasn't too happy. He cursed revenge in the form of giant water bombs upon me as I sank into the pool of water on the kitchen floor.

My ghost seized the CPS and charged after Aizen, The Fireman's ghost joining in with the persuit. After a fierce water battle, all three of us emerged rather wet, but feeling much better.

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Slakko (Duncan Richer) at 16:00:05 on Monday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
After I had finished the book I was reading and all those people that had promised to come along hadn't appeared, I got bored.
Even though I was quite hot (and still is), I went over to Queens', had a look at their art exhibition and then visited Slakko.
Trigger-happy as I am, I gunned him down with several shots from behind, while he was drying some glasses.

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 16:59:31 on Monday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
Walking towards Kien's staircase I spotted two suspicious characters hanging around outside, one holding a 1000 and a 1500, the other one searching for something in a bag.
I went round their back and appeared behind them from the staircase, shooting the guy with the water-guns and sparing the other one as he explained in time that they weren't players and were only intending to soak their director of studies...

The Dragon Reborn (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Macvities (Kien Hoang) at 17:00:01 on Monday
The Dragon Reborn reports:
After shooting the armed non-player, I stormed upstairs, finding Kien's room open and him fixing some photos to a notice board.
There were also 3 XPs on the floor and his cap gun on the desk, but he didn't have the time to react, as I had opened fire the moment I entered the room.

Zachary Smith (Steven Cooper) killed Antoine (Antoine Boulart) at 18:18:12 on Monday
Zachary Smith reports:
Ooops... I did again,
I shot through your heart,
Got lost in the Game.

Ooh Antoine;
You didn't think that I would,
But now you're covered in bloo-oo-oo-ood:
I'm not that innocent!

Semirhage (Ed Nokes) killed Restless dead (Daniel Seymour) at 21:34:08 on Monday
Semirhage reports:
Who's that standing in the queue for the Jesus College May Ball? Why, 'tis Daniel Seymour! Oh look, he's seen me. I grin at him, he grins back whilst slipping behind some cover (other May Ballers). I toy with him for a while (he seems to have left home without a weapon) and then shoot him just before he is admitted. Muahahahahah! May Balls are *fun!*


-- Visit Mistress Semirhage's House of Pain --
-- Special Offer: She'll Turn You to the Dark --


PS: Ed and Claire, this is correct spelling, see?
Restless dead reports:
Okay, the may ball, nice and piecefull. But as I que I begin to see the foolishness of leaving home without a weapon. As I reach the end of the que, Ed wanders over and shoots me. There was nothing I could have done to kill him, what with not carrying a weapon and the balloon twister being to far away to make me a sword, and to run away would have meant another hour queing. So I died. Oh, and thanks for making it completely non-messy, my DJ thanks you.

News from day 4 (Sunday) * News from day 6 (Tuesday) * Back to main page.