Game News

Day 2

A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) (Bjoern Holzhauer) tried to kill Aizen (Matthew Monaghan) at 00:30:22 on Friday
A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) reports:
We finally found someone that was in and it took him suspiciously long to open the door....
When he finally did a hail of rubber-bands and water rained against his door, he returned fire with his gun, but to no avail.
Hence we started lingering around exchanged some fire through his window and in the corridor, but neither side could manage to kill anyone.

A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) (Bjoern Holzhauer) tried to kill Seth (James Green) at 00:50:13 on Friday
A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) reports:
When we decided to retreat from Aizen's room, I suddenly spotted someone that looked quite like James Green, but I wasn't sure whether it was him. So I drew and he gave chase.
In the meantime two players had come out of f-staircase with a 1500 with backpack and a 40 - being advised as always:) by Jon Sharp.
James ran round to them and got out his 70 and a long stand-off evolved.

Laycock Must Die! (Ed Nokes) killed Seth (James Green) at 01:40:42 on Friday
Seth reports:
Oh bummer.
Late night, came out of JCR and a bjoern like figure starts
to get a gun out of his bag, I start running, no one follows,
a good sign. Not sure what to do wander round and stumble in
on a CPS fight, so I leave and sneak back to my room get my gun
and go to kill someone, alas can't find them so I hang around
to see if they appear and they do (they being Bjoern and Ed)
try to sneak up behind them and I succeed, unfortunately my gun
is pants and I fail to kill either but I do get blasted. Oh well
lasted more than 24hrs, new experience.
Seth Lord of E?
Pope Innocent XV (Claire Bordenave) reports:
Hmmmm.... So it wasn't you desecrating the Newnham Nunnery - or at least the bathrooms wherein - well past the closing time and with a huge CPS weapon... Whoever you are, please be sensible as Newnham Nuns might well report you to the porters.
A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) (Bjoern Holzhauer) reports:
After a tactical retreat, we decided to defend an archway opposite F staircase, where they were.
Suddenly Seth seemed to have disappeared from there.
This made as somewhat suspicious that he might be trying to sneak up on us from behind, which is what he did, but Ed shot him, as soon as he entered.

A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Antoine (Antoine Boulart) at 11:28:16 on Friday
A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) reports:
This morning I found a room with nice music coming from inside, I couldn't resist entering and shot the inhabitant.

A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Sophy (Sophy Fuchs) at 11:34:37 on Friday
A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) reports:
I was impolite and opened Sophy's door without knocking.
She was asleep and for a moment I wondered whether I should wake her, but finally I decided to knife her with a carotte.
Sorry for disturbing your sleep, Sophy.

A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Zachary Smith (Steven Cooper) at 13:00:25 on Friday
A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) reports:
I visited the rehearsal for "My girl and me" (great music, you should really go and see it), hopefully the choir can do with one member less...
I had been waiting Zachery Smith for nearly 40 minutes, when finally the rehearsal finished.
I spotted him in the entrance area in a crowd of people and walked up to him.
His friends were surprised to see he dropping to the floor - dead.
Maybe it had something to do with the 2 shots from a silenced Walther PPK that they hadn't heard...
Zachary Smith reports:
Oh, the trials of life (and death)...
Just as I was coming out of a rehearsal for my college musical (ME AND MY GIRL, Monday 3:00pm West Road Concert Hall, 3.50) I was greeted by Mr Holzhauer. "Hello Steven" he said. I did wonder why he was there, but I was so taken by his charm that it didn't occur to me that he was actually about to kill me. But alas, kill me he did.
I suppose I really should have known better.
But no doubt vengeance will be forthcoming, in the guise of the Toxteth Mafia.....

Sir ComeAndGetMe the Fourth (David Hammond) tried to kill Harland Quinn (Stu Gill) at 14:01:14 on Friday
Harland Quinn reports:
Not sure what time this failed to happen,
Though it was much as described before.
Sir Robin came to my abode as Thurday,
To find me in, no more.

Despite finally finding where I live,
He still fails to find me in,
I suggest you make an appointment Brave sir,
If you intend to kill me and win.

Love, Huggles and Blatant plugs for Wind in the Willows; Tues 3pm, Weds 2pm, Thursday 4pm Cripps Court Selwyn.

Sir ComeAndGetMe the Fourth reports:
Ah yes - well, after gassing the unfortuate Fireman and Friend, I dropped
in on Stu again.

Taking the approach-du-jour (the unsubtle one), I charged up the stairs
and banged on the door, and again was greeted by silence. I heard voices
in Ed's room, however, so I leapt into there to find Ed and Stu.

Only this wasn't Stu, it was *Stu* - that is to say a person of the same
name but completely different looks (either that or Stu (that's Stu not
*Stu*) wearing a particularly effective disguise). Ed advised me to
make an appointment, which sounded like an interesting idea, but I
gracefully declined out of paranoia's sake. Not that it really matters
now, of course.

Sir ComeAndGetMe the Fourth (David Hammond) killed The Fireman (Joel Cartwright) at 14:30:00 on Friday
The Fireman reports:
A lowly kill by gasing my corridor.
Sir ComeAndGetMe the Fourth reports:
First, apologies if this was actually Aizen, but I couldn't remember
whether I killed the resident of F11 or F12 (I'm resonably sure it
was 11 - I'm sure the deceased can verify their identity!

Anyway, I wombled off down to Fitz today, with the rather dubious
intention of reducing its numbers. I ambled off into the lower F
toilet, and selected my blowpipe, gas, gas mask, stones, lugar and
dragoon for my weapons of annhilation, but then realised that I
only actually possessed two hands, so I pocketed everything except
the lugar and dragoon.

I then approached F12 (or was it 11?) and knocked, but got no response,
so I moved onto 11 (or, indeed, 12), and this time there was movement
within. I responded to the classic call of "who is it" with the even
more classic (and extremely subtle) "come out and fight!", before
retiring to a suitable defensive position.

Not much happened for a while.

Then Joel came out and stuck his head round the corner, nearly losing
it .2 of a second later to a shot from the lugar. He retreated. He
then came out toting a CPS, which grossly outclassed my lugar -
however I pointed out the rules about notice boards and water weapons,
so he put it away. He made more ominous noises from his room to
suggest preparation of something nasty, so I donned my gas mask and
made the area outside his door smell ... um ... "fragant".

He came out, and went back again.

I retreated to the far end of the corridor (ie out of gas range) and
removed my gasmask to make preparations to perform a long range kill.
I was about to charge up the railgun, when he came out again - I
promptly shot at him with the blowpipe which happened to be in my
hands (and indeed, mouth) at the time. However, he told me that he
had already succumbed to the gas.


Sir ComeAndGetMe the Fourth (David Hammond) mashed a non-player at 14:30:00 on Friday
The Fireman (Joel Cartwright) reports:
The poor defenceless boy choked to death on the gas intended for me.
Sir ComeAndGetMe the Fourth reports:
... there happened to be a non-player in his room, into which the gas
had weaved its insidious way. Ack. Well, I didn't know he was there,
and I did go for the corridor with the gas, not the room, so this was
hardly intentional, but there you have it.

1 down , 9 to go...

Maud Adams (Claire Bordenave) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 15:03:26 on Friday
Maud Adams reports:
Killed armed by-stander.

Withnail (Serge Lewis) mashed a non-player at 17:19:09 on Friday
Withnail reports:
After a 15-minute doomed stakeout of the 6 Adams Road fortress, the Lord Nhudri, a companion of the Emissary from the Vatican was killed under the alert eyes of the Umpire and several witnesses by Withnail's drunken volley while trying to alert his friend and master.
Ah, what fun it is living in the same house as active assassins... The joyous cries of "There's Assassins outside the front door!"... The amusement at chatting through a window to said Assassins, remaining staunchly impartial, informing neither side as to the movements of the other, just sitting back and giggling... The attempts not to laugh at friends killing "innocents" (although Lord Nhudri is almost as non-"innocent" as they come, he wasn't bearing weapons, so the term fits for game purposes at least)... Yes, you know, I could get used to this >:-) - Umpire.

Withnail (Serge Lewis) killed Emissary from the Vatican (Daniel Seymour) at 17:33:31 on Friday
Emissary from the Vatican reports:
Roit then! Awaking this morning, avec une petite hang over, I decide to go killing. Harvey court was deserted except for Laycock, but he wouldn't come out to play....

A brief tour of Cambridge led us to Adams road, but they wouldn't let us in. Unlike last term I did have a big gun, so we exchanged fire through windows. My acomplice died early under the volley of fire, but he was an innocent (not even bearing arms) so no credit gained. Keen to avenge him I circle the house. However lady luck was not with me and soon I followed my friend down the path to oblivion.

Next time, next time! Hmm... Where have I heard that before?
(Matt Laycock) reports:
I did tell you that I'd let you in in a minute! I'd been playing with
my guns so they were all unloaded and I didn't fancy my chances in a gun on knife battle. In the 2 minutes it took to reload my arsenal the Emissary and his compatriot had vanished. <sigh>

Die Laycock Die! (Ed Nokes) tried to kill Brave Sir Robin (David Hammond) at 18:03:16 on Friday
Brave Sir Robin reports:

I was clearly never meant for parties.

I *was* intending to "drop in unannounced" on the guests of Mr.
J Doe, when I espied a pair of suspiciously psychotic looking
people coming the other way along Trumpington street. My hand
clenched on the 20 in my pocket as I searched for a suitable ambush
point, but alas, they spotted me.

We grinned at each other manically.

Then Ed started fumbling in his bag and began to withdraw a CPS-1000.
Nasty man. I did consider the railgun in my bag as a suitable reply,
but it would have taken too long to get out, would have scared the
nearby drivers, and was uncharged anyway.

Hence, plan B came into force - the one involving bravely running away.
They tried to follow me, but were far too slow / unfit to catch me.
They should do more early morning runs.

I turned down a side street and escaped into the DPMMS, which they
were obviously too afraid to follow me into (the word "Sciences" is
obviously frightening to some).
A wand of *slay* Laycock (36 charges) (Bjoern Holzhauer) reports:
Returning from the botanical gardens, where we had not managed to find the crocsoc-meeting, we were happily walking towards the town again, when suddenly I spotted Dave.
When he saw as drawing our cps, he ran, but it took as too long to cross the road so that he was out of sight when we did.
We split up and searched the nearby area, but didn't find him.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) did a stunning legal kill of an innocent at 18:57:53 on Friday
The Dragon reports:
Well, yet another innocent died due to his lack of knowledge about the rules (he didn't know he shouldn't be bearing weapons).
Poor Alessandro had a look at my rubber band gun, which resulted in his death.
I don't know, but these stupid legal non-player kills are way too easy, I mean, even if he had shot me it wouldn't have mattered at all and I could just ask someone:"Want to see my gun ?" and then shoot them.
Should there really be points for this ?
Brave Sir Robin (David Hammond) reports:
There aren't points for this.

If you had checked my dangerousness rating when I did it, you'd note
it didn't even wibble an incy bit.

And if you're *still* trying to imply that it was a cheap point gaining
tactic, then may I remind you of the two people in my former corridor
with CPS-1500s, who play with them each day, the two on the floor
above with ink-guns, and those who I lend my stones to every now
and again for target pratice on the darts board. Who are not dead,
but very easily could be.
Actually, you do get small amounts of points for killing non-players bearing weapons. Likewise, you lose a small amount of points for killing non-players who aren't bearing weapons.

It may be a good idea to point out that points are not the same thing as dangerousness. Dangerousness decays over time to zero, with a time constant of two days, in order to try and get a reasonably constant figure for how good someone is. This value is then used to adjust the amount of points transferred when a kill is made.

Killing non-players, or being killed by the umpire will alter your points, but not your dangerousness. Killing or being killed by anyone else alters both your points and dangerousness.

Oh yes - one last point. Please don't enter HTML tags into your kill reports. This program will quote them, and you will not get the desired effect. If you *must*, use _these_ types of /symbols/.
- Umpire.

DoubleCrossingTreacherousSwine (Tim Pike) tried to kill Unicorn (Kathy Brazier) at 19:05:23 on Friday
DoubleCrossingTreacherousSwine reports:
She said she was more dangerous than me, and then barricaded herself into my room when she saw me approaching with a *small* weapon. I begged to differ, but she refused to see reason from the far side of the door.

Time for more drastic action. She was behind a shut door, which refused to be unshut. Well what if it wa shut elsewhere. Found a screwdriver and set to work. Having removed a lot of screws found that the door was still being impertinent and refusing to be closed elsewhere. Or even open there for that matter.

I'll get you next time...
Unicorn reports:
Been to Tutor's P.A.R.T.Y. Fed alcohol - cheap college champagne (well, cava really, but after four glasses, who cares??)
Came back. Looked at new pretty colours on website. Am more dangerous than Tigger. Said so. Had to barricade self in his room, whilst he went and got a tool kit and attempted to remove the partition betwixt our rooms and prove otherwise. Thank heaven for PVA glue, that's all I can say.

Oh, and a little missinge to all those of you who insist on taking this game seriously: Stop Changing Your Names! I only ever read the news when tipsy, and it's confusing!!!! Imagine if I were sober!

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed (Matt Laycock) at 19:07:55 on Friday
The Dragon reports:
This time I sat further back in the computer room, well covered by a column and when he came in with his guns in his hand, I mercilessly opened fire at once.
He says he just wanted to talk to me, but I'm just a bit paranoid (and why did he bring his guns then).
Needed to talk to Bjoern 'bout non killy stuff. Wandered down to computer room and opened door. Stood in doorway holding guns by barrels in one hand.
Saw Bjoern move. Put hands up in a mostly non threatening way.
Fell to ground with sucking chest wound. Oops.

So, you may all be asking, what's all this "Dangerousness" stuff about, then?

Basically, it's a plan to encourage people to (attempt to) kill the more competent = 'dangerous' players. I.e., the way the game's going at the moment, you all want to start assaulting Bjoern, with visits to Claire and Ed if he's out (killing someone). Because killing someone with a higher dangerousness gets you more points.
Note that while points are only added to or subtracted from when kills happen, dangerousness decays with time, towards zero. This provides an 'averaging out' effect.

Note also that you get a lot less points for killing somebody you've already killed. This is to encourage you to go out and meet all those other interesting people in the Guild, and hopefully kill them. (MuHaHa) Before dangerousness compensation, the points for killing the same person go 0.5, 0.25, 0.125, ...
Players are ordered in the Stats page by their score, but in most cases this will be roughly in order of dangerousness also. Keep the blood flowing...
- Umpire.

Zachary Smith (Steven Cooper) killed Antoine (Antoine Boulart) at 20:08:50 on Friday
Zachary Smith reports:
We, that is to say Antoine and I, had both been stewarding at the St Catharine's Midsummer Concert in St Catharine's Main Court.
After the concert was over and we had finished clearing up, I walked up to him in the middle of the Main Court lawn, and shot him dead.
There's really nothing more to say.

Fade to Black (David Hammond) attempted suicide at 21:53:54 on Friday
Fade to Black reports:
Well, people, I've decided to resign.

There are several reasons for this:

1) I'm really not enjoying the game anymore. This is the main reason.

2) I'd like to go to a lot of mayweek events *without* my guns / paranoia.
I'm missing a lot of them at present.

3) Having walked the equivalent of Girton and back five times today, and
a similar (if not greater) distance yesterday, my feet are killing me.

4) I have a cold (which cleared momentarily this morning, in case
anyone was wondering why I bothered to wear a gas mask), and it's not
getting any better.

For those of you who couldn't be bothered / were too scared / were too
intimdated by the infamous fearsome Sidney porters to actually come to
my room, you missed:

* The killer zombie traffic cone guarding the door.
* One of very few doors I know of which can be shot out of without
being opened.
* The Automatic-Come-In-Device, which can make the words "come in"
appear to emanate from any part of the room (ie I can hence be
somewhere completely different...
* Mr. Socks (remember him?), my erstwhile Dummy who sits at the
computer in front of the door and makes a good target / distraction
* The enlightening experience of three spotlights trained on the door.
* Being impaled on a seven foot long lance upon entering the room
* Going to the wrong room, and indeed the wrong building - for all
those old players who failed to spot the room change :)

Anyway, good luck the rest of you, especially some of you (you know who
you are), and may the best man/woman/psychopath/killer-zombie-traffic-cone

PS: Means of suicide: Playing russian roulette repeatedly with both
stones and both RBGs simultanously. Stone #1 got the kill in the end.
Note that this makes me dead until the umpire removes me or four hours
have elapsed.
Auto Umpire Expert speaking: I hope we can trust everyone to not kill David until I write enough code to remove him from the game at this point (and leave his actions before now intact). Well, put it this way - if you do anything to him, I'll cancel it. So there. - Umpire.
David Hammond has hereby been officially retired from the game.

Having just written the code which allows me to do this, perhaps I ought to explain a little what it does.

Being retired, David cannot die, and he cannot kill. He may still add comments to death reports, report failed attempts (either way), change pseudonym, and change password. All his actions up until now still exist, and his score is frozen in the statistics. His dangerousness will decay to zero slowly, not that that's going to make a difference to anything (or even be displayed).

If anyone else wishes to be retired, they should contact the Umpire. Interestingly, my code allows for David to be "unretired" later on if he wants to rejoin the game.
- Umpire.

Axolotl (Naomi Foster) killed Macvities (Kien Hoang) at 23:04:11 on Friday
Axolotl reports:
After bursting into Macvities room and finding no one there, but music playing and lights on, I decided to wait for his return. After a tense 15 minutes he returned, happily whistling and completely unsuspecting. I shot him and he made some very colourful utterances before his death. He was stabbed in the shoulder to ensure his demise.

The Dragon (Bjoern Holzhauer) killed Zachary Smith (Steven Cooper) at 23:15:00 on Friday
Zachary Smith reports:
I was walking up Castle Street towards Fitz, when the Dragon came up behind me and gunned me down.
Oh, William. Oh the pain!!!
The Dragon reports:
Happened upon Steven outside Braeside, I shot him.
Nasty me.
A non-player reports:
Not bad going, but...



Axolotl (Naomi Foster) mashed a non-player at 23:26:10 on Friday
Axolotl reports:
Stu Gill seemed to be a lot shorter than I expected, was wearing a dress and seemed unduly shocked when he has shot. In fact he was a she who randomly walked out of the building after I rung the doorbell. Oooops!

Harland Quinn (Stu Gill) killed Die Laycock Die! (Ed Nokes) at 23:33:11 on Friday
Die Laycock Die! reports:
Oh! Alas! So ironically are the threads of fate woven.

Returning from the inaugural CrocSoc meeting, I detoured via the main Gonville and Caius Porters lodge. Having handed in my terminal exeat, and exited into the adjacent arch, who should be so fortuitous as to chance upon me with my guard down? Why, Mr Quinn, of course.

A triple stream of ammunition burrowing its way into my side was the first indication of my 'terminal exeat' from my current incarnation. With nary time for a gasp, I saw the deadly stream move to my companion, who just happened to be .

Oh well, at least I got the chance to soak Mr Quinn with his own gun, muahahahahaha!

Hmm, why did I have to be nice and not kill or Pope Innocent MCMLVXXXXIX when I had the chance?
Harland Quinn reports:
Returning home from a busy day,
And armed for the first time this week.
With my big friendly gun, that I'd loaned to a mate,
And had filled just to check there's no leak.

I skipped past Catz, past Kings and then,
Who do you think I sees,
I sees Ed and Matt, looking quite lively and well,
So I shot them in the p'lodge entrance at Caius.

So that's my 2 kills so far dear friends,
I hope there'll be more with time,
But for now, to bed, I'll be up crack of dawn,
And I'm too tired to think of a... erm... word that sounds like that one what I already wrote.

Love and huggles and excessive amounts of bouncing,
Your pal, Harley.

Harland Quinn (Stu Gill) killed (Matt Laycock) at 23:33:13 on Friday
I was brutally gunned down outside Caius Plodge. Again.
My first indication that something was amiss was the gasp from Ed, which I ignored due to being engrossed in my newly purchased Bumps program. The wonderful Mr. Quinn then pumped a stream of bullets into my side, leaving me not feeling very well.

I'd just handed in my terminal exeat........

News from day 1 (Thursday) * News from day 3 (Saturday) * Back to main page.