Summary Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Week 6 The Duel Awards

Lent 2000 Assassins' Game Summary

In the Lent 2000 game was umpired by Marek Isalski.
All players were given the real names of their three targets and the pseudonyms of their three assassins.
It was therefore vital to keep your pseudonym secret, but the generally confusing events of this game caused several cases, where a player's pseudonym was accidentally revealed.
After the first week that saw a high amount of violence, the game had a very slow pace. This was partly due to an information blackout caused by computer problems and partly due to the fact that too many people had made alliances with too many others.
Therefore the game scarcely came to an end in Lent Term and a duel amongst 5 players was called. The duel finally took place in Easter Term and was won by Tim Pike.

Week 1

Zarathustra removed his target Julian Yon of the Manchester Assassins' Guild before he had been in Cambridge for more then 10 minutes thereby clearly demonstrating the superiority of the Cambridge Assassins' Guild.

Throughout the game E-staircase in Fitzwilliam, home of the feared E-staircase-mafia was one of the main centres of attention:
Helen Walker went wanted by betraying her associate and E-staircase inhabitant James Horus Green outside lectures and murdered him. He avenged his own death the same day after becoming a PC, when she tried to murder his neighbour the Sex Godness.
Her partner in crime Urizen died with her.

The same evening Michaelmas duellist Alex Delirium Churchill and The Tooth Fairy visited E-staircase in order to kill The Walrus, but PC Horus and the intended victim killed Delirium. Angela The Tooth Fairy Rayner made a lucky escape and then went on to attack Claire The Great Mutato Bordenave.
That attack was invalidated by the umpire, but unfortunately the real names and pseudonyms of both players were revealed on the news.

Throughout the day poisoned letters allegedly from UCAS (inside the letter revealed to be the "University of Cambridge Assassins' Squad") started to take a massive toll amongst Cambridge's students. They had been sent out by the Cornflakes an organisation mostly based in Harvey Court (Caius). Notably Hairy the Dysl3ic Cronfalke claimed two kills (Mark Pyschedel Richardson and Ross The Dreamer McKelvie)and Sir Harry the-not-so-brave-as-Harry-who-nearly-fought-the-vicious-chicken-of-Bristol-who-nearly-stood-against-the-Dragon-of-Angnor-and-who-had-wet-himself-personally-at-the-Battle-of-Badon-Hill Cornflake (this shall be abbreviated as Sir Harry [...] Cornflake from now on) killed E-staircase inhabitant John Edgecrusher Harvey.

The members of the Cereal (or maybe rather Serial?) organisation felt especially threatened by the existence of an even larger mafia in the neighbouring Queens College.
Therefore The Cornflake formely known as Harry together with Sir Harry [...] Cornflake killed Steve The Flying Elk Arch after lectures when he came back to his room in the Dockett building. He arrived in a group with three friends. When the assassins asked for Steve, three people pointed at a person, who said:"Ahhhmmm...he's not here."
That last person was executed at once.

But the Queens Mafia wasn't idle either and Baron Scarpia, Blackjack and Zarathustra first unsuccessfully attacked Yama's room, but were secretly watched by Sir Harry [...] Cornflake, who identified Baron Scarpia as Ashley Lane.
Then they went to the Magic Joke Shop and bought a bomb that was placed in the master assassin George The Dartist Savva's pigeonhole and caused his death.

The Queens squad then proceeded to the Caius bar, where they discovered Matt Hairy the Dysl3ic Cronfalke Laycock, who was Baron Scarpia's target. Matt was shot from behind when he left Caius plodge.

Sebastian Tim the Enchanter Bleasdale fell for Baron Scarpia's poisoned letter.

But other people where active as well, The Thribblemaster killed his target Savage in Emma and Philip Harry Palmer Stott of the Queens mafia, who had just killed Hugh Subcommandante Jones.

Then The Thribblemaster survived an retaliation attack by the Queens mafia.
The umpire unfortunately published the report of the The Thribblemaster as "The Thribblemaster survived an attempt on his life" and that of the attacker as "Dave Hammond escaped from an attempt on his life", thereby blowing Dave's cover.
Dave therefore decided to go on a rampage and attacked E-staircase, where he killed several non-players and PC Horus.

Mr Happy attacked his target Jonathan Reynaga and retreated after a long fight in Cromwell Court. He waited outside though and caught his target, when he left the building.

Yosemite Sam killed Daniel Mauve Pope, who had done very well in the previous term and then survived an attempt on his life by Raven.

The Tooth Fairy managed to kill Mark The Afro Chapman deep within the gangland of Queens, but was then followed by several members of the Queens mafia. PC Delirium secured her escape by sacrificing himself in a suicide attack on them.

The Walrus killed his target Primavera from Queens.

The Great Mutato killed her target Philip Stott a member of the Queens mafia by simply walking into his unlocked room and shooting him on his bed.

Due to the events on the first day of the game that had blown Claire The Great Mutato Bordenave's cover, Björn Sir Harry [...] Cornflake Holzhauer knew who his assassin was, when the name "The Great Mutato" appeared on the list of his assassins on the next day and installed a bomb on her door on the following morning. That device was detonated by an innocent though and Sir Harry [...] Cornflake ended up on the wanted list.

As a first reaction to being wanted he murdered Chief of Police Matt Neo Wakeling in a well planned ambush outside the Arts' Cinema, whereto the Chief of Police had been invited by his tutor.

Then Sir Harry [...] Cornflake murdered Michaelmas 98' winner Charlie Blue Baylis in his room and several innocents in central Cambridge.

Now Sir Harry [...] Cornflake went on to Jesus where he attempted to find The Deathmaster and Nick Lang. Both weren't in, but contact poison left behind killed Nick, whilst The Deathmaster survived.

But not for long, as MCJI2 helped his target Dan Deathmaster Seymour in mastering death outside the Jesus computer room soon afterwards.
Mmmh...outside Jesus computer room...who could that mysterious killer have been???

Finally the Cornflakes launched a major assault on E-Staircase: Sir Harry [...] Cornflake, The Cornflake formely known as Harry and Harry the candid Cornflake arrived at Fitz with heavy water weapons, but were spotted by an accomplice before they could enter E-staircase. Sir Harry promptly murdered him, but the E-staircase had won enought time to organise their defence and a violent shoot-out ensued, in which several armed and unarmed non-players died. The Sex Godness was injured by Sir Harry and The Walrus would have killed Harry the candid Cornflake if the umpire had not disallowed this entire attack due to the involvement of dead non-players.

After this Harry and Harry attacked Queens, where Sir Harry with his first attack managed to murder the head of the Queens mafia Stuart Somebody Becker by putting a bomb on his door, knocking and taking cover from the explosion.
Then he repeatedly tried to murder Queens mafia publicity officer Baron Scarpia, but miserably failed. The valiant Vitelio Scarpia even managed to claim a 12m blast radius bomb, when he surprised the attackers while they were putting it on his door so that they had to run away.

The next morning Sir Harry also tried to bomb Marvin, Zarathustra, The Great Mutato, The Tooth Fairy and Sex Godness. All of the bombs failed for various reasons.

As a result of these terroristic activities the Queens mafia decided to bring Björn to justice. First Zarathustra placed a (probably poisoned) piece of garlic bread in a pizza box outside his door and then ran away when seeing his supersoaker.

Then PC Somebody, Blackjack, Peredur Davies and Peter White went to Sir Harry's room and knocked on the door. They were greeted by a friendly voice shouting:
"Come in mate, it's open."
But they wisely refused the invitation, seeing as a bomb was attached to the inside of the door and Harry was waiting behind a barricade with a gun pointed at the door.
When they heard him alarming his fellow Cornflakes they started their retreat, but not fast enough: Sir Harry [...] Cornflake was standing outside the main entrance, Harry the lactophobic Cornflake covered the other exit and The Cornflake formely known as Harry was coming down a stairwell with a rather large gun.
Hence the law enforcers from Queens fled into the basement, but couldn't find any escape route, when suddenly Sir Harry [...] Cornflake emerged from a door and shot one of their number. The others fled and then split up, PC Somebody waited for the pursuer around a corner, Blackjack saved himself into the computer room and the third one ran upstairs right into the ambush the remaining cornflakes had prepared. With a cap gun against supersoakers he didn't survive long.
Nor did PC Somebody, whose cap gun was out of range, when he was soaked by Sir Harry.
So only Blackjack got away, because he and the Cornflakes couldn't kill each other in the computer room according to the rules.

Another Harry waited for his assassins Tim'n Kathy outside their house, but his ambush was spoiled by the real police, who searched him. He therefore made a truce with his assassins and had some coffee with them.

On that evening Sir Harry [...] Cornflake tried to murder Chief of Police Stu Harlequin Gill in vain, who then in turn waited for the criminal outside his lectures at the wrong time on the next morning. Meanwhile the criminal had succeeded in contact poisoning Morag Gray.

Nevertheless lectures were his doom, as Chis Sex Godness Wigmore shot him after lectures. For this noble act Chris paid with his life though, as The Cornflake formely known as Harry had been nearby and killed him for bearing weapons.

Despite all the efforts of the police The Thribblemaster was still at large.
Booby-trapped and contacted poisoned toilet seats paved his way and great a many innocent was beheaded by his sword like that neighbour of the Chief of Police, who surprised him when he was setting up a bomb on the Chief's door.
After several days he finally died when attacking Mr Happy, who went out of his window and shot him from behind.

Ashley Lane kept on escaping the attempts the Cornflakes made on him, this time he managed to defuse an electronic bomb from George the-turn-my-milk-brown Cocopop.

Mr Happy killed Emma Bennett in a shop. The very next day he had an encounter with PC Deathmaster in the very same shop and after a bloody melee, they decided on a knife duel.
In that "knife duel" Mr Happy pulled out a supersoaker and cowardly shot his opponent.

Week 2

The game had somehow started to slow down very much, partly because the umpire started updating the news more slowly so that the game wouldn't finish too quickly.

Slightly bored the PCs were mostly trying to kill each other, first a PC from Queens was induced to pick up a gun by PC Somebody and Yosemite Sam, who then killed him.
PC Somebody together with varying players and PC Sir Harry tried to kill each other on several occasions. After a final encounter both were PCs were declared dead and Marvin became wanted.
Newly recruited PC Thribblemaster killed him.

The Cornflake formely known as Harry killed his target a reverend from Hughes Hall.

The Homertonian assassin known as Highlander fell for a poisoned letter from Ashley Baron Scarpia Lane, but a friend of the target died as well and the umpire considered it appropriate to make Ashley wanted and several people tried to arrest him.

Mr Happy and PC Deathmaster attached a poisoned note to his door, but upon leaving they met Alan Blackjack Swann, who shot PC Deathmaster for bearing weapons and was in turn shot by Mr Happy for the same reason.

Finally PC Thribblemaster caught Baron Scarpia outside the Queens computer room and knifed him.

Tim'n Kathy avoided incompetence by trying to kill each other, but they didn't try so hard that they actually killed anyone.

Lone Wolf stayed competent by killing PC Horus for bearing weapons.

Week 3

It was time for the first list of incompetents.
Amongst them was Etienne Napoleon III Chatenay, whose room was attacked at once by The Cornflake formely known as Harry , George the-turn-my-milk-brown Cocopop, Harry the lactophobic Cornflake and PC Hairy with a bomb, but the intended victim was out together with his associate The Great Mutato in order to redeem himself, which he did by first killing Lone Wolf in E-staircase and then attacking MCJI2's house, where they killed Mario Sainz-Martinez and his friend Lila, at the same time avoiding the fridges thrown at them from above by MCJI2.

Outside the Grafton Centre MCJI2 ran into Mr Happy. They both drew and missed, then Mr Happy ran into a car, fell over and lost his weapon. MCJI2 couldn't finish him off though, because he couldn't stop laughing about the situation.

Chief Neo knifed the incompetent Serge Morpheus Lewis on his way home from lectures and Trev Techno Boyd on the next day.

Several police officers and players visited the room of incompetent Captain Vimes and found it unlocked and empty. They turned the telephone into a bomb and left some contact poison. Then they rang the phone every minute, but the target was clever and noticed the bomb that would have gone off, had she picked it up. She then went to tell her neighbour about the attempt on her life, grabbed her inside door handle and died due to the contact poison on it.

Mr Happy together with PCs Harlequin and UNCLE visited incompetent Saifullah al-Masum Shaikh in Burrell's field. The criminal was friendly enough to come down to open the door for them, when they rang. While one of them diverted him, another one burst forward with a fluffy pink pig, with which he hit the criminal several times on the head.

Harry the candid Cornflake tried to kill his assassin The Walrus outside lectures and got himself shot, when he hesitated too long.

Etienne Chatenay met his assassin Ed The Cornflake formely known as Harry Nokes outside Christs'. The latter was well armed, but couldn't get any of the several guns in his bag out, the former wasn't all that well armed but managed to produce a weapon and so another Cornflake snuffed it.

Again Tim'n Kathy tried to kill each other in order to avoid incompetence, but yet again they didn't succeed for some reason...

Week 4

The next incompetents went up and at once Mr Happy and PC Deathmaster killed George the-turn-my-milk-brown Cocopop, who opened her door, when asked for a bottle of ketchup.

Mr Happy also removed the incompetent Steven Oliver Peters Cooper

PC Urizen killed incompetent Martin Subacultcha White.

Etienne Chatenay and Claire The Great Mutato Bordenave attacked Roz March and killed her, but Claire's gas killed several innocents as well as Etienne. A bit more than a week later Claire was made wanted for this incident.

Harry the lactophobic Cornflake tried to find several players, perfectly willing to murder anyone he would find, but could only find his target Ian Zarathustra Caulfield, who was in his room.
When he heard Harry knocking, Ian opened his door and a poisoned sword cut into his left arm leaving him to a slow and painful death.

Mr Happy survived a bomb that Harry the lactophobic Cornflake had installed on his door.

This time Tim'n Kathy weren't allowed to avoid incompetence by making an unsuccessful attempt on each other, so they put a bomb on The Tooth Fairy's door. The target survived.

MCJI2 posted a pathetic poisoned letter to Mr Happy, which obviously failed.

Week 5

These events didn't go up on the news at once though, because now the Clare server crashed and was offline for several days. The umpire did not find another way of publishing the news or sending out targets.

During this information blackout the incompetent Yosemite Sam killed Harry the lactophobic Cornflake outside Harry's lectures, who had noticed the known assassin Andrew Thornton with a mobile outside, but knew that he was neither his assassin nor his target. Little did he know that Andy was directing his associate Sam towards him. Harry found out though, when he was knifed from behind.
Sam also killed a PC for bearing weapons, but the umpire couldn't remove him from the wanted list.
The same fate afflicted the incompetent Andrew Thornton, who had killed several PCs in self defence.

PC Hairy then killed Andrew Thornton and PC Thribblemaster killed Sam Yosemite Sam Fairley, because they were still on the wanted list.

Claire The Great Mutato Bordenave murdered PC Philip Stott in his room (again) and then contact poisoned PC Blue.

On a peaceful evening The Great Mutato was walking through Newnham, when she suddenly faced The Tooth Fairy and PC Delirium. When the police officer came towards her, she ran away while struggeling to get her gun out of her bag. In the moment when Delirium took out his shuriken and the criminal finally got her gun out, Claire suddenly slipped on the wet grass, but safely rolled over on the ground. Slightly confused the police officer came to an halt right next to her, when still on the ground she brought her gun up and shot him.

Mr Happy and PC Deathmaster visited the wanted criminal The Great Mutato. Mr Happy gassed the corridor right away and a fire fight ensued.
Mr Happy accidentally shot PC Deathmaster when he came into his line of fire, but finally managed to shoot his opponent through the door. His gas had affected innocents though and he became wanted.

Mr Happy also tried to kill Angela The Tooth Fairy Rayner, who had previously murdered PC Morag Gray in order to avoid incompetence, but the result remained unclear.

The incompetent Thrapth from Homerton was thunderbolted by the umpire.

Week 6

PC Thribblemaster and PC Mutato attacked the incompetent The Walrus, who managed to kill PC Mutato and injure PC Thribblemaster.
But PC Thribblemaster correctly predicted the criminals next move and shot him around a corner.

Incompetent Matt MCJI2 Garrett proved that he wasn't all that incompetent, when he was attacked by his friend Chief of Police Harlequin. He mercilessly removed the attacker.

With the Lent Term drawing to an end, the umpire thunderbolted Kathy (probably for becoming incompetent) and called a duel with the following players:


The duel took place in Burrell's Field (Trinity) on a sunday during Easter Term amongst the 5 remaining players Alex Mr Happy Cairns, Matt MCJI2 Garrett, Tim Pike, Angela The Tooth Fairy Rayner and Ben Yama Tanner, who were all well prepared.

Tim and Ben brought two CPS-1000s each, along with other assorted weapons.
Angela brought a 1000 and changed her outfit after the start of the duel (including the shoes so that her height changed by several inches).
Matt was armed with a CPS as well and started plotting with Ben in order to kill Alex, who had appeared in a pink carmouflage gear with lots of small weapons hanging on chains from his belt. These chains made noises whenever he moved, which was probably not all that favourable.

Then the duellist were sent off into the vast labyrinth of Burrell's Field.

Matt and Ben were first to claim the favourable position that the two of them had chosen and could defend easily together.
Seeing only Ben, Alex came towards them and was shot by Matt.

Now Ben picked a position in which he started hiding. The three others started stalking each other, but nobody managed to claim a kill.
Finally while Matt couldn't see them, Tim suggested to Angela it might be best to gang up on him. She agreed to a truce and then Tim promptly shot her in the back.

Matt hadn't noticed all this, when Tim came walking towards him and suggested a truce in order to gang up on Angela. Not knowing that she was already dead Matt agreed and was shot in the back as well.

Now it was down to Tim and Ben, who was still waiting in his ambush position. Tim spotted him just in time and a short but violent exchange of fire around a corner ensued.
With some very good timing Tim suddenly stepped forward, when Ben was just standing a bit back from the corner and couldn't hit him. He stuck his gun around the corner and swung it inwards towards the wall.
Ben, who had been standing right against the wall, couldn't dodge to anywhere and was hit.

Thus Tim Pike claimed victory in this game by killing his last three opponents in the duel.

During the duel the many spectators had been shooting each other with the items from the huge pile of weapons they had brought along. As demanded by tradition the umpire was soaked (just like anyone else). Some evil mafiosi were suspected of taking photos of players. After the duel, the duellist were soaked as well and Mr Happy, The Deathmaster and Mario realised they needed big supersoakers and hence went to Woolworths.
Neo's 1000 had just run out of water, when a porter behind his back came to ask whether any of the spectators were from Trinity (Zombie the only one who was promptly ran away). Neo started shouting:"Water is what we want! Water is what we want!" Then he wondered why nobody reacted and turned around to the porter, who suggested we might want to move to somewhere else.
Hence people met again at Harvey Court. Mr Happy, The Deathmaster, Mario and Lila arrived first with their newly aquired weaponary from Woolworths. They were filling their supersoakers in Sir Harry's room, when The Great Mutato, The Tooth Fairy, The Thribblemaster and Overkill started their assault on Harvey Court. They met the defenders on the court and were driven back down the stairs into the garden, when The Cornflake formely known as Harry joined the defenders. Now the attackers started using their most powerful weapons including the crossbow with toothpaste covered arrows, which spread fear amongst the opponents.
After several refills of all the supersoakers the day ended with everbody enjoying the sun on the grass of Harvey Court gardens.


As far as I remember this is the way, Marek wanted to award the awards: