HAHAHAHA, this will begin to get tight... There aren't that many players left. I won't say how many yet...Note that the Seven Day Suicide rule is still on... So report one attempt this week, please, or die...

There have been 4 player deaths so far this week

Tuesday 11

Oh good, someone's of the mark ten minutes into week 5...The Most Wanted Criminal, no less...

Filled with remorse and pity for the thoroughly pathetic police force in operation, Misfire led a daring police raid to eliminate Mustapha Hadi of Trinity Hall. With the superb backup of now not-so-bent PC Emarkienna, Misfire burst into the kitchen and blasted a gaping hole in the wanted criminal, before returning home for a nice cup of tea in the company of friends.

Misfire would like to point out that the wanted criminal was eliminated without any big guns, or large numbers of highly conspicuous people standing around in the rain.

The Warden aka Matthew Rose was removed today from play, prompting the following umpirical statement: There are only eight players left now. Feel free to call a duel when you all agree on it

I ambushed him outside his room and emptied 6 rounds of my 0.002mm calibre pistol onto him. He then tried to maintain that I hadn't killed him or something - until I pointed out the gaping wound in his chest. Really, Matthew, this is supposed to be a game of gentlemanly conduct you know.

The notorious criminal Kathleen Brazier has been murdered by the police, who used Selective Recruitment to do a very good small job on her today at 11:00 am:

At last, the Police are beginning to be effective against the serious wanted criminals: Police plan B (Ambush) failed outside Ms. Brazier's lectures today, for the simple reason that Police plan A (PC Gill undercover) rendered the criminal dead by a single pistol shot to the head, 2 hours earlier. PC Gill deserves the highest praise for his excellent work.

Mr Gill received a hero's welcome for freeing the city of the threat of ketchup-wielding psychopaths. The Umpire would like to tell the police that they were on the wrong bike track, and that Miss Brazier WAS the goth at the party despite rumours as to otherwise. Kathy's ghostbhas to say:

Judging from the number of messages expressing regret at my demise (I quote: I notice with great remorse that you have finally copped it to a lunatic with a gun. Remorse, of course, being down to the fact that I was not that lunatic. ), I feel it only fitting to clarify the details of the last few minutes I spent on this earth. During the lecture, I gradually became aware of a large number of highly bizarre characters. I swiftly realized that these were the students, and so concentrated on looking for Known Uncle Associates (KUA's). These being located, I fell asleep.

At the end of the lecture, I noticed the KUA heading rapidly for the right hand exit. "Aha", I thought. "He is planning on me seeing him, and running for the left hand exit. However, he knows that I know that he will expect me to go to the left hand exit, so I should take the right (clear so far?). But, does he know that I know that he knows that I know that he expects me to take the left (or right?), and so should I know to expect that he will be waiting for me at the right (or left?) hand exit? Sod it, this side's nearer!" Having thus demonstrated my ability to think in italics, I proceeded to walk out of the lecture theatre, straight into the KUA himself (who later revealed himself to be an armed police officer). My mind still confused as to whether I knew where I was, and if he knew where I was, I walked past him. Seeing my confusion, and probably attributing it to the Principle of Least Squares, he kindly shot me before I could decide which of my 14 cunningly concealed weapons to use. There were several witnesses to the end of my reign of ketchup terror, none of whom seemed perturbed in the slightest manner by my brains being blown all over the stairwell.

Kathy

The Purple Cola Bottle cunningly survived the letter signed JML. The Man in Black was less experienced in dealing with a letter from the Pink Pepsi Can, resulting in the death of his noncombatent friend Mr Zellick. He is therefore identified as Ben Reddi aka JML; the public is reassured that he is the cautious sort of psychopath, however that should make it even harder to eliminate him...

Wednesday

Nobody was killed today. But he wasn't playing *madlaughter*

Thursday

The Chief of Police Ed Pringle stabbed the corrupt cop Mark "Emarkienna" Harman to death outside the computer room, to the dismay of the Tit Hall mafia who had corrupted him. There are rumours Mr Savva may now add necromancy to his extensive criminal record

Today's duel vote went as follows: three murderers are for it, one against it, and three abstained, fearing that whatever decision they made they'd put themselves at risk by infuriating some dangerous psychopath. Note that the duel and truce will only be called when all the remaining live players agree to it. The Umpire appeals for unbiassed referees to volunteer for the duel

As things stand, from next Tuesday onwards, the three-day suicide rule will apply ie all remaining players must report a DECENT attempt every three days, unless we agree on the duel by then

The warfare is mainly psychological at the moment as each of the seven sits back and waits for another to crack under the pressure and make a mistake...Who will keep their cool? Who will go on the rampage first? Or will the police cleanse the city of Wanted Criminals? How many cops has each player corrupted? Only time will tell... *madlaughter*

Friday

I've just been to Christ's and disposed of James Yea. I walked up behind him as he turned to go into the buttery and called his name. As he turned round I shot him twice with my 0.0002mm calibre pistol. His friend who he was walking with witnessed the event.

Mr Jon Stafford has thus finally blown his cover. I note this is excellent stylistically as the remaining five all knew who he was (four have him as a target and the fifth has known associates who have him as a target), so his need for secrecy expired jointly with James "Fundi" Yea...

It has been confirmed that there is an evil dead mastermind trying to rig the outcome of this game. Several players have been approached by mafia members offering "protection" in return for specific revenge...

WPC Chloe Sherlock of Tit Hall is Wanted for Corruption as she has staged no attacks yet against Tit Hall's resident Most Wanted Criminal, George "Misfire" Savva

Saturday

No movement today. The Waiting Game, as six individuals hide in the shadows, and prepare for protracted siege. The Umpire suggests those concerned read the end bit of Lent 97 about the Granny and the Maverick and the Fly to have some idea of how hard it is to remove players at this stage. Unless they crack psychologically and make a bad mistake...

There are rumours that the cops are dealing with at least one Wanted Criminal, that their own inactivity is part of the psycho warfare with which they intend to remove other criminals...We can only pray for a more openly bloodthirsty day tomorrow

Sunday

Letters signed Stripey have been discovered, but no casualties reported.

Finally there was severe violence, and the Umpire saw it all, too. The Police tried to kill George "Misfire" Savva in Angel Court, Trinity. There was one in the kitchen, two wandering around suspiciously and a fourth on the floor below with medium calibre. The police Zombie Tom waved a long range cosh and was sent back to the grave by Misfire, courtesy of a poison dart to the throat. Savva's Zombies Emarkienna and Mr Pengo then alerted Misfire to the presence of the other policemen, as a result of which Misfire and Chief of Police Uncle clashed, Savva's dart outclassing the Chief Penguin's medium calibre. There was noise from up the stairs, as Emarkienna the Zombie coshed the Police associate Maz the Minion, who loudly claimed to be PC Gill, for which he too died horribly. The other policeman got away, and Savva left the building openly bearing medium calibre. Meanwhile the police maliciously re-re-raised Tom from the dead, as a result of which Emarkienna the Zombie was knocked unconscious, and then Misfire sent Tom back to the grave with yet another poison dart. Misfire then took refuge in Purplefluff's room, from which he eventually emerged brandishing (at least) two medium calibre guns and a sword, surrounded by Zombies. Misfire has to say:

This weeks meeting of the badminton/scuba diving/deranged killers society*CUT A live police officer fleeing from the scene confirmed this to be the Sheila and her Dog/deranged Killers society(Ump)*ENDCUT* was the scene of yet more bloodshed as a police raid to eliminate wanted criminal 'Misfire' went horribly wrong... The highly conspicuous police force waiting outside were brought to the attention of 'Misfire' by his close ally, Mr Pengo, brought specially back from the dead. As the villain made his way down the stairs, police officers were identified and quickly immobilised. At the bottom, no less than the cheif himself, The Uncle, was waiting. In the exchange of fire which followed, The Uncle was killed, and Misfire walked away slightly short of breath.

Meanwhile, ex PC now police zombie Archeonecros coshed the most bent ghost in Cambridge, who, when revived, relieved another police officer of his conciousness.

When asked to comment on the general level of police incompetance, Misfire replied "They're not that bad, at least, they didnt get wet this time." *CUT*as Mr Savva has taken to use non-water-based weapons, and it wasn't raining, either. The rest of Mr Savva's statement is not available for prying eyes.(Ump)*ENDCUT*

A member of Brasenose College, Oxford was found unconscious in B staircase Angel court. He had been coshed for wearing what was mistaken for a Clare College scarf. This individual was distraught, for during his last visit to Cambridge he had witnessed his friend Mr Pengo getting shot in Pizza Hut by a psychopath called Overkill, and had to traumatically re-live a major gangland fight between 8 people...

Monday

Wunhunglow was foiled by his opponent's tactical absence until past midnight, but his stakeout counts as a valid attempt, so he lives on... Someone who won't live on is PC Duncan "Slakko" Richer, the corrupt cop who in conjunction with Jonathan Amery's Zombie tried to kill the clean player Mr Stafford, as a result of which they died horribly and their Zombies have been suspended from the police force for the rest of this game...

*dong* Joel Ayoub-Fowler sat up in bed, unable to sleep.

*dong* There was a pale eerie glow by the window.

*dong* Being on the second floor, he dismissed it as paranoia

*dong* and turned his head away, grimacing at how he'd killed his neighbour, Terminator Das, and not done anything since...

*dong* But the window was opening, and a cold wind entered

*dong* It froze Joel with fear, and a blocky figure suddenly flew into the room

*dong* and acrobatically caught the ceiling lamp in one hand

*dong* the other hand was closing on the trigger of an orange submachinegun

*dong*Swinging from the lamp, Granny opened fire on the bed below

*dong*drowning Joel's high-pitched screams with two dozen rounds

*dong*The Granny grinned at the incompetent's blood-spattered corpse

*dong* And vanished back into the Easter 97 Game through the narrowing timewarp.