This is a reminder that the Party is on the 2nd of November (see the Social Page). There will be a ceasefire between 6:00 pm on the 2nd and 6:00 am on the 3rd to allow safe attendence
Tuesday 27
There are 16 incompetents on the wanted list. May the Penguins and the mafias feast on them. Mr Sharrock, although he's blown his cover, has been removed as he carried out numerous attempts that went unreported as he hoped to get a success... Mr Pink was also fooled in Sharrock's house:
Another interesting sequence of events took place at my residence yesterday. Shortly after lunch, the doorbell to my building rang and my roommate went to answer it. Two people, whom he did not know, entered and asked for me. One of them had a ill-concealed water pistol. My cunning roommate showed them to the wrong door and then vanished into our sitting-room, locking the door behind him. After a short while they realised they were knocking on the door to a fire escape and decided to leave. Once they had left the building, I left and attempted to cut them off at my pre-planned ambush location (which of course, I cannot reveal). Unfortunately, they took a devious route out of the area and managed to bypass the ambush. There attempt had been foiled, but so had my attempt at retaliation.
Sadly Mr Sharrock was shot dead by PC Archaeonecros twenty-five minutes before he was removed from the Wanted list... The Penguins are winning 1 -0 today...
Noticing the wanted Incompetent in hall at lunch, I waited for him to finish his meal, then (temporarily) abandoned mine to follow him. As he left New Court for Burrell's Field, I snuck up behind him. As I neared him, I called out his name; he spun round with a cap-gun, but it was well out of range and no match for my standard issue handgun. Why couldn't he have just accepted arrest like he deserved. It was such a shame to blow his brains everywhere.PC Archaeonecros
Amanda Turner Jumped from the frying pan into the fire, proving her competence by murdering the innocent Juanita Lopez by means of a vile blue substance on her targets' door. Hence Miss Turner is Wanted for Murder.
Oh good, more police violence...
The criminal Angus Bujalski, once Wanted for Incompetence, is now merely wanted for bleeding all over his carpet. Using my shady network of informers and spies, I discovered the entry code for Blundell Court, and entered his room under the pretext of having a message for his next door neighbour. He let me in, we chatted, and I shot him in the chest. Out of consideration for the bedders, I killed him leaving only one messy wound. Yours, PC 'Ominous Pseudonym'
The Trinity Police Station reports another butchering of a Criminal on their premises: PC Archaeonecros and his Dad PC Wol are on the rampage:
The wanted criminal Seena Rejal was brutally gunned down in front of his friends outside Hall today by PC's Wol and Lansdale. The victim sustained over 16 gunshot wounds to the head and chest from Wol's handy nine milimetre's and then a couple more to the head from PC Lansdsale. The victim took the killing in good humour, and then Lansdale and I effected our escape.
Miss Rhiannon Furr of Catz has been found with a single bullet shot in the head, possibly caused by Animal Rights activists who were unaware that Catz is a college and not a group of skinned felines
That puts the Penguins four up. Will anybody champion the criminals' cause?
Not today, with PC Archaeonecros helping himself to his hat-trick:
After watching Trinity give Christ's Church Oxford a pasting on University Challenge, I knew that I had to preserve our status as intellectual elite by eliminating Incompetents. Incompetents like Aarti Shah, who I spotted and subsequently executed on the stairwell out of the JCR in The Name of The Law. Beware all criminals... the penguins are closing you down...
PC Archaeonecros
Perhaps foolish words, as you don't know who you're messing with...
And the final score is 6 dead criminals without reply, as Adam "Nighthawk" Polnay discovered that some people don't use violin cases to carry violins, but rather violence...
Friendly Bob has struck again. This time with the first criminal's kill in the new phase. Reporting that Adam Polsey (E5 at Catz) is dead, quietly stabbed to death on his way home from a rehersal. Friendly Bob knows everything. Mwahahahahahaha. Ahahahaha. Ahahaha!!!!!!!
*BEWARE*
Sorry, please excuse the maniacal laughter.
Friendly Bob.
Wednesday 28
The Uncle has struck again in another well-timed, cunning and high-tech murder, this time in Harvey Court, Caius:9:45 am - woken up, and whilst still under the influence of last nights matriculation dinner, blown up by an old friend, with a true james bond exploding pen.
I see you in hell,
Hugh Nimmo-Smith
Fitz was invaded today by brutal mafia members, who shot dead the corrupt WPC Bennett:
Friendly Bob and an unidentified unarmed friend went into and out of Fitz in 4minutes 52 seconds today, killing wpc Emma louise Barrat and escaping before the Fitz defense mechanisms could operate. There was another witness, but the kill (water pistol) took only 4 seconds (Emma was standing in a doorway, and was removed quickly before she realised why we Were there.
Cue more Maniacal LAUGHTER: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
Friendly Bob :)
Events in Fitz then became more paranormal, as Kathleen Brazier has started to openly reveal her mastery of strange powers, raising Emma Bennett from the dead as a passive accomplice Zombie. So Kathy is also wanted for necromancy... Emma's Zombie has to say:
the nefarious Kathleen Brazier has agreed to necromance me after recieving a distraught message from beyond the grave via my blood-spattered psychic friend. I walk. And you can see right through me as there is a bloody great hole where my bosom used to be. No really.
It appears that friendly Bob owns at least medium calibre ...
Police deathsquad reporting:
Me (PC. Saifullah "Sam" Shaikh ) went with PC Tom Lansdale to kill the wanted Amanda Turner. What happened was that we waited round the corner in sight of her room. When she came in, tom shot her and then I tapped her on the head with my cosh. She's dead
Masum
Whilst a crack core officer goes in alone, murdering a Mr S. Wilson of Queens':
Another Wanted man bites the dust. I got into his room on the pretext of collecting signatures to abolish Third World Debt, then arrested him using reasonable force (I shot him in the chest.) Another triumph for law and order. PC Ominous Pseudonym.
P.S. He refused to sign, so he deserved everything he got.
The pace is not slowing down. Will anybody make it alive to Halloween? (Kill wearing a mask, preferably with a matching scythe or trident...) Or Guy Fawkes' ? (Kill by gross abuse of explosives)Not Matt Watts, anyway, due to further treachery within the CU Mafia :-)
The scene: the Clare Christian Union meeting. Matt 'Disaster' Watts sat nonchalantly on the edge of the sofa. The mild mannered Bible Study leader (aka PC Cannon Fodder) swiftly plunged a dagger into his back. He fell forward, his earthly life oozing away. That kinda of dents your conspiracy theory doesn't it?!
Cannon Fodder
The Uncle was also present with malicious intentions, but conformed to seeing what surely must be the end of the Clare Mafia...
Satan's child has been coating doors with interesting substances all over the city. Enquiries are being made as to who exactly has died as a consequence...
Thursday 29
There was an early-morning confrontation between the Christs' Mafia and a violent intruder called Misfire. However, no deaths have been reported. Maliciously I point out you know well what the other party looks like, and can jump on them when you perchance see them in the street...Yawn
Friday 30
Violence resumed today. Firstly we find out where Dr Eviscerator keeps his gun, and that he used it to kill the habitually dangerous Richard the Criminal:I tracked down Jon Hall. It wasn't hard, he was in his room. Unfortunately so were various other people. However they all appeared unarmed, so I was not worried. I tried to identify Jon (by the oh, so subtle method of asking which one he was.) They were not particularly co-operative. I obligingly suggested I just shot all of them regardless, when one of them (Jon) produced a gun from the back of his door, shooting me twice. All in all a particularly village effort on my behalf I feel.
The demise of this brutual veteran leaves the Game particularly open for the taking. However Ed "the Impaler" Brown is also out of the race:
In a brutal, yet devious plan, I reget to inform you of my untimely assassination...these are my dying words...goodbituor;!"$$$$$$$$@@@@#'
Could the murderer please own up so that they avoid being wanted for incompetence? We'd also like to be enlightened as to the weaponry used and the nature of the mortal wounds...
Under the 1998 Zombie act, we reveal the appearence of Emma Bennett's walking corpse:
She was fairly short, female (of course), and had light brown hair in a pony tail down her back, about shoulder length or a bit longer. I think she wore glasses and she has a small neat hole over her heart on the front and a big gooey mess at the back.
Saturday 31
The game is tightening up, as the police attempted a high-profile gauntlet attack on Kathy Brazier:(The Umpire has highly edited this report to protect both miss Brazier and the Penguin Nightwatch. Anyway, PC Archaeonecros says:
The Uncle disappeared, and we decided to return at 12.45, which we did. We waited around, and at 1.00 all the people started pouring out of the lecture theatre. We didn't actually know what Kathleen looked like, and after a bit of wandering, we met up with three shady characters who apparently had a lead. We all followed three girls with bikes towards the town centre, one of whom was identified as Emma Bennett, the corrupt zombie. We followed them up to Sidney Sussex, trying to come up with some way of making a positive ID. Emma Bennett disappeared about halfway, so we let her go. At Sidney Sussex, they stopped (possibly as a result of having heard a figure in black say "gun" in a less-than-subtle way) and tied up their bikes. One went into Sidney Sussex, the other back down into the market She was suspected of being Kathleen and so we followed her and found her at least not to admit to being Miss Brazier.So the suspect walked away and no cops were suspended
Most of the rest of the news today was highly significant but is to be kept secret as it involved no deaths - yet. However, the forces of evil were in Emmanuel today
Today Friendly Bob killed Peter "the Songster" Ellis.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!
P.S. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!
P.P.S. I think I might even win.
P.P.P.S. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
Friendly Bob :)
Or then again, perhaps you won't... This just in from the UNCLE
I am not in the habit of giving DEATH threats, but tell Friendly Bob that he has beaten me to 2 kills by about 5 minutes. He is not to continue like this, or he will not continue at all.
The UNCLE
Just in: Mr Pink and a further malicious yet unnamed character strapped a bomb to Kathy's door. The attempt failed. An innocent is dead in Robinson due to yet more poison from Satan's Child. Two individuals may be put up as wanted for Murder tomorrow. They probably know who they are...
Newsflash: the Umpire is angry at the inactivity of
most players this week, and will book more incompetents at 6:00 on Monday.
But for the next week, whoever is inactive will be removed by Thunderbolt.
This is to clean up the quality of play early, so that those who deserve
to win can fight it out ammoungst themselves, rather than merely
targetting incompetents The Addams Family Mafia, although dressed to kill, failed to find any
victims Sunday 1 2 criminals are wanted for murder: D'Artagnian killed PC Casby by
brutual strangulation, and George "Misfire" Savva shot dead 4 compscis for
"grinning like Dan Rowles and being short and fat" I suggest Dan "Satans'
Child " Rowles takes this very badly and eliminates the evil Mr Savva.
Johnians are the subjects of his most evil fantasies, so beware the Police
in Johns'... He's highly deranged, paranoid and well-armed...
More significantly, the following most evil and well-timed strike has just been reported:
I just killed Graeme Winter - "Count Zero". I was going to shoot him in the back, but I thought that would be mean, so I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and my 0.02mm calibre pistol claimed another life. There were no witnesses.
The Murder Party is tommorrow. Get your kill report for the week (or attempt at least) in before then, or I'll set the penguins on you
Monday
D'Artagnian has been removed from the wanted list because of his computer access being messed up over the past week preventing him from accessing the net...Zings gueren't zat compliquees een ze dixhuitieme siegle, et ce n'est pas fair on Monsieur D'Artagnian...
Sombody got the right idea about staying competent and secret:
Arvinder Kamboo, fitz, room 18, has been killed by me using a deadly poison. I reign supreme.
Watch out for this guy, he doesn't even give away his pseudonym, and his timing is lethal...
Archaeonecros is now a Licensed Police Zombie and has to say:
Once again, attending the weekly Suicidal Assassin and Policeman meeting turned out to be a big mistake. As most present were dead or apparently not particularly liable to start killing me (hah!) I was somewhat more relaxed than last week and only brought a handgun. However, I was informed at about 9.00pm that Charlie Baylis was a wanted incompetent, and at 10.00pm, George "Misfire" Savva would be Wanted for Murder automatically, without a need for the Wanted list to be updated. This was unfortunate, as we were in his apartment complex.
So, I sat through the meeting, and at 10.00 it was closed, and I took this opportunity to arm myself. I was in company though, and was keeping a close eye on the dangerous villains, so considered myself safe. However, this did not last long.
After a feeble attempt to lure me into his room, where he was supposedly *completely* unarmed (um yes, I bet he was), he turned up at the door with a standard medium-calibre rifle, at which point I whipped out my weapon and shot at the door. Understandably, he deigned not to come through it. I raced up to the door, pausing only to look at Mr. Baylis. Now here was my fatal folly. Despite being 99.99% sure of his identity, and despite having being subjected to large amounts of hints suggesting his identity, I thought,
"Hmm, no, maybe it isn't him. Then I shouldn't shoot him, or that would be bad."
So I hid round the corner to commence a long, drawn-out fire-fight with Mr. Savva, which was abruptly cut short by Mr. Baylis proving how stupid I actually was by blowing my head off at point blank. I also noticed one PC Elmarkienna failing to play an active part in the elimination of these wanted criminals. Perhaps the fact that he lives next door to Mr. Baylis and Mr. Savva might explain this fact, so it looks like we have another corrupt cop.
My final advice before I pass into the land of the dead is for God's sake be careful when you attack Mr. Savva. With Mr. Baylis, these are quite easily the two most dangerous players in the game. Forget Kathleen Brazier, Emma Bennett and co., these guys are the ones who require decent tactics to beat
(Edited by the Umpire)I think Mr Harman (PC Emarkienna) is blatently corrupt and is therefore put on the Wanted List. I remind everyone Mr Baylis is no longer on the Wanted List
There has been a colourful duel spanning most of the armament classes :-)
his morning I visited Ben at T2 Mem Court Clare, and planted a poisoned letter in his room. He got an assistant to open the letter, sadly killing the assistant (an innocent victim), but leaving him unscathed. I was then visited by him later that morning. I opened the door a crack to see him with a bow and arrow, closing it quickly I knew I had to act quickly, and with a hankerchief over my face sprayed him with poison gas. He claims to have been wearing a scarf over his face, and thus this had no effect. I closed the door again and thought. After a minute I popped my head round and noone was there. But he had left his bag on the floor. I seized the bag, and poisoned a letter which lay therein. Realising that it was time for lectures I decided to make a run for it, and though blocking a arrow with my bicycle helmet shield, the water pistol proved too much and I conceded defeat. Little does he know a poisoned letter still lies in his bag...
Goodbye then to the entertaining Persian Perv John Morton, and Ben Lumsden is Wanted for the death of his letter-opening sidekick...
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha this next one was brilliantly timed by a most ruthless murderer:
Mr Pink is proud to report the death of Mr. W Sowerbutts at precisely 5:59 pm. After gaining entry to his room and eating his biscuits, I stabbed him in the back with a sword. Pitty about all the lovely computers, but INCOMPETENCE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.