News - Page 7 of 8

created 20/2/98

As the twilight of the game approaches, the killers are becomming more and more tightly packed, drawn like moths to a flame - but like the moths, almost all will be consumed...
After spending days of tracking down my target, I finally decided it was time for me, 'The Uncoordinated Swordsman' to make my move. I was able to talk my way into his room, but as I lunged with my long and pointy sword, the acrobatic swine lept into the air and summersaulted out of the way! Meanwhile, I had planted my weapon rather uncomfortably in the vicinity of a 'Mr Happy' poster, although I fear he is not so happy now.
In a state of panic and confusion, and seeing my target preparing to fling a rather harmful knife in my general direction, I unashamedly fled the room.
I shall return...

'Stripey' narrowly escaped being changed to 'Red and in lots of little bits' on Wednesday - the would be assassin obviously really making an effort here...
After just recovering from a near death experience I feel just about ready to recount my traumatic tale.
There was a knock - being careful I opened the door to see a man standing in a towel. Claiming his name was Guy he said he had locked himself out of his roomand wanted to come in. Not believing a shallow story I slammed the door just before 'guy' drew his 'weapon'!! So I'm still living and looking for revenge!
Shame he was an assasin - he looked quite nice in only a towel
Stripey

The umpire's brain is currently somewhat confused (the aliens who came and removed it say this is perfectly normal and not to worry though). My confusion wasn't helped by the message relaid to me as I lay in my jar; apparently found in my email account by my captors...
happy nonsens today!!! this is a poem by my 23rd son
take it away suleyman (ps i love you my little monster):

once we say 'who are you?'
now we know you is few
once we say 'where are you?'
now you can not bolt the loo

this night we see you (run away!)
thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

very good. . .
NOW SHUT UP SON
LISTEN TO ME
WE IS JANDARMA
WE IS NOT HUMOUR
WE IS NOT HOSPITABLE
WE PUT SCUM IN HOSPITAL
AND CURSE THEM WITH OUR SPITTLE
A death threat forwared to me by an anonymous assassin obviously didn't find a very good audience, the threat, which read :
We know where you live, and you will die. We missed you when you went into the New Museums Site on Monday, but next time you will have no locked gates to hide behind.
merely elicited the responce that they should grow up and stop acting like RAG assassins...
Having escaped from the aliens, I can now bring you news of an attempted raid on Emma military base...
Two members of the Central Cambridge Mafia stormed Emmanuel College, with the purpose of ridding the world of the evil Mr Bond and his accomplices. An unknown player made an attempt on the two agents but was disappointed by the range of his big gun. The two agents made careful observations of the surrounding area and the defensive precautions made by the Emma mafia, before leaving.

The existence of a new and hitherto unheard of organisation was indicated yesterday when the wanted Lewpen was horribly killed...
A shadowy group of figures attacked the Wanted Criminal Lewpen today, led by Paddy O'Guiness-MacSemtex, and Maverick. Lewpen's bullet-ridden body was discovered minus its pants, and the following Message was found on the Corpse:
"I, Julian Bente claim the first set ofunderpants from a stalked victim""
A particularly agonising expression was observed on the remainder of Lewpen's face.
The Lucy Cavendish,Ridley Hall and St Edmunds Mafia (LCRHSEM)
in addition, a message from 'Maverick' to the Shotgun....
"Don't use the word " pants " or my Colleague will remove yours."
Matt Phillips was disconnected from this mortal coil on the same day by an agent belived to be a member of the CCM. This report was delivered by carried squirrel shortly afterwards...
In Fitzwilliam, one of our agents, Dieter Von Halschnapp, opened fire on somebody believed to be Mr Phillips. Not being able to see from my position what happened, an angry ghost scared us away. The Mr Phillips suspect was reputedly also murdered.
The unfortunate death of an innocent results in the assassin being put on the wanted list :
Adam Wood, N2 Trinity Hall, ajpw2, no water weapons