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Member L95MAIL Lent Term 1995 Killer Mail Edited highlights of the mail. Explanations or comments from the Umpire are in square brackets. Date: Fri, 03 Feb 95 From: Andrew James Bolt Which reminds me, I've been feeling very worried that someone's out to take my life, and I suspect that they may make an attempt to kill me sometime in the near future. As a result, I've constructed an electronic detonater which I can wire to my computer so that I can place a bomb by the door and trigger it remotely - thus if anyone attempts to burst into my room and shoot me, I may stand a chance of stopping them in their tracks... Oh, btw, an unfortunate side effect of the parts I've salvaged for the detonator circuit is that it plays a meddly of Christmas songs on triggering. Hopefully this circuit would be destroyed in the blast, and thus save me from the resultant insanity-inducing ditty. Date: Fri, 03 Feb 95 From: Andrew James Bolt Oh good, so you don't think I'm going paranoid then. At least someone believes me. It's not you who's been following me recently is it? It's all of you isn't it! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! From: Nigel Harris Subject: Electricution ELECTRICUTION I am developing a moderate voltage device to selectively give my targets a tingle that they'll know about should they be foolish enough to want to enter or leave their rooms on a weekend when the cleaning lady etc. is not working and so not going to be an innocent victim. Would this mild electric shock be counted as a valid assassination by electricution? I could leave them a calling card so they they would know it was not just static from something like their feet rubbing on the carpet. Obviously I'd like to know if one of my targets has a pacemaker or a weak heart just seeking any excuse to defibrilate. Isn't it just such a sweet notion? I await your authorisation / condemnation. [I didn't allow it] To: Dafydd Richards [After receiving two entries] > Ok, you can count me in for the next game of killer, this term that is. You can only enter once, Dafydd, unless you've been cloning yourself. 8-) To: cdt20@hermes Elizabeth Pringle has a large collection of unusual videotapes, which could become an embarrassment to the Organisation. Dispose of her. To: thc20@hermes Paul Menage has been engaging in unauthorised vigilante activities. The organisation has requested his termination. Use any methods. To: mrh23@hermes Sally "Maddog" Martin is becoming disobedient to the Organisation. Correct this breach of discipline. Permanently. To: thm20@hermes Matthew Hartley is due for "early retirement". Break the news to him. And clean up afterwards. To: cwep2@hermes Aldabra Stoddart has been associating with a notorious psychopath, and has become a threat. Terminate her. To: bjh21@hermes Austin Donnelly has survived being thrown in the Cam, and so is clearly not human. All such mutants must be eradicated. To: PAS14@cus.cam.ac.uk Jonathan Kelt wishes to leave the Organisation. As you know, there is only one way to leave the Organisation. Send him on his way. From: Aldabra Stoddart Date: Mon, 6 Feb 95 Mr Kelt should find himself poisoned by a bizarre Creationist leaflet any day now. To: blp1000@cam Chris Brown, notorious hitman for the Trinity Hall mafia, is back in town. Ensure that he stays here. The cemetery would seem a suitable location. To: empp1@phx Angela Merrick has offended people in high places. Escort her to a low place. Six feet under should be sufficient. To: email@example.com Jung Lee has become a security risk, and accordingly will have his privileges removed. Breathing, for a start. To: cgb20@hermes Ian Jackson has been investigating the security of the Organisation's database. This intrusion cannot be tolerated. Dispose of him. To: rih1000@phx Dave Holland, an expert in chemical warfare, is planning to defect to a secret weapons program abroad, known only by the codename "Domestos". Kill him at once. To: djsd100@hermes Chris Tomkinson has said unkind things about Cthulhu's mother. Devour with extreme prejudice. To: ctt20@hermes Ben Partridge is mixing with the wrong sort of people. Ensure that from now on he mixes with nobody. Nobody living, anyway. To: tad21@cam Tim Waugh has been listening to the wrong conversations between the wrong people. Ensure he doesn't do anything else wrong. I think he may be able to cope with lying in a coffin correctly. To: bgc20@hermes Emil Bernal has leaked vital documents to the Press. Ensure that from now on he leaks only blood. To: firstname.lastname@example.org Clare Izard is becoming dangerously fluffy. Take whatever action you feel necessary, as long as it involves killing her. To: jim
Eric Ling has betrayed the Organisation. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to ensure this does not happen again. This message will self destruct. Good luck, Jim. From: JC10007@phx.cam.ac.uk Date: Mon, 06 Feb 95 Bugger Robinson. No dice @7am, must try again later. To: asm21@hermes Mark Davey has served his purpose, and must be disposed of. Use a fresh bin liner and remember to clean the blood off the walls. To: cr10009@hermes The Organisation is displeased with Geoff Tolley. You are asked to express our displeasure in person. Clean up afterwards. To: email@example.com David Damerell is clogging up the Internet with DOOM packets. Remove this threat to world communications immediately. All methods have been approved. Be careful, he's pretty handy with a chainsaw. To: cdh21@hermes Colin Ross has been prying into the finances of the Organisation, and must be liquidated immediately. To: firstname.lastname@example.org Dafydd Richards is a notorious psychopath, but he's Welsh, so kill him anyway. From: Jay Foad At 10:00 am on Monday 6th February, Mr Jay Foad of Trinity College (in a heroic attempt to get killed absurdly quickly) was murdered by a one-time friend and accomplice turned professional bastard, Mr Nigel Harris, also of Trinity. The two were engaged in conversation outside the Chemistry Lab, Lensfield Road, when Mr Harris fired several shots at point blank range into his victim's head. Scores of witnesses, being Natscis, failed to bat an eyelid. Date: Mon, 6 Feb 1995 From: "N.J. Harris" Friends and relatives have gathered to mourn the violent death of a Mr Jay Foad...His dying words were the name and college address of a particularly close friend whose company he desired in the afterlife. A wake for this renowned philanthropist (sucker!) will be held in the college bar this evening. One down... and the domino's start falling. David, it's over to you! I await confirmation of my next target. I wouldn't want to have been sent to Mike Tyson as a joke, would I? Date: Mon, 6 Feb 1995 From: Geoff Dear David Allsopp, At approximately 2:30 today, in full view of passers-by, Emily Read was shot dead at point-blank range and her assassin immediately afterwards, overcome by remorse, shot himself dead as well (at point-blank range). Eye-witnesses saw the two arguing, and one of them (a friend of Miss Read's) said that there was an intention on her part to jump off of Clare Bridge at the request of the man she recognised as being known to the late Miss Read. Realising that he had been rumbled, the man suggested that they "go shopping" instead, whereupon he lost his cool, blowing away the unfortunate Miss Read with a half-dozen shots and then spilling his own brains over the bloodstained bridge. Oh dear. Hope you solve this most mysterious case soon, Date: Mon, 6 Feb 1995 To: Geoff Tolley Aaargh! You can't keep it simple for me, can you? Date: Mon, 6 Feb 1995 From: Emily Read I arrived home to my room at about 2pm this afternoon to find a rather tense young man sitting in my chair, recognising him as a friend and fellow Computer scientist, I didn't have a problem with this, until he proceded to pull out a gun and act rather strangely, one minute threatening to kill me the next to kill himself. he then compromised and said he would let me jump off Clare bridge instead of shooting me (I thought I might be able to swim to safety ) so he led me at gunpoint to the bridge, then wrestled with his conscience for a bit, giving me time to call to a passing friend for help, giving my assasin the excuse he needed to pull the trigger(while covering it up witha call to go shopping with him). I fell off into the murky waters of the Cam, and he subsequently turned the gun on himself in remorse at what he'd done. so there you have it! Date: Mon, 6 Feb 1995 To: Emily Read Good grief, you have to make it complicated! [I could have done without this kind of complication on the first day...] Date: Tue, 7 Feb 1995 To: Maddog Sally > joe Pearce is going to have a nasty shock, or strictly speaking, several > nasty shocks when he comes out of his room. There's vaseline on his door > handle, a poisoned letter in his pig like the last, and a highly perfumed > (and vaselined for good measure) bit of paper stuck to one of his > letters, also in his pig. Now, if one of THOSE doesn't get him, then > I'll just have to try again... Your target appears to be competent in survival, for your attempts were detected and disarmed. The Organisation is not pleased. We expected better of you. I trust Mr Pearce will be dealt with soon. Date: Tue, 7 Feb 1995 From: "E.W. Bernal" Last night I was caught off guard, and following a very one-sided battle, now find myself in the after-world (nice place, but a bit too heavy on the harps for my liking). Anyway, the attackers (two of them) were dressed as though they were about to audition for 'The Untouchables' and fled into the night before an identification could be made. Date: Tue, 7 Feb 1995 From: jim Nothing much really. We noticed Tim Down was logged on in John's library, so we headed over there to see if we could get him. We went in, looked in the (well a) computer room and saw no Tim, so we went back into the courtyard. We were standing around discussing how best to kill him when lo and behold, he came out, accompanied by Brian Cowe. I chased after him with my gun, but he legged it through the archway, and by the time I got near it Brian was close behind me, so I thought it prudent to challenge him rather than be caught between two potential assassins. Then followed a brief conversation along the lines of "Who are you?" "Who are you?" "Who wants to know?" "The man pointing a gun at your head", until he foolishly commented that I was a legitimate target and he was not. This made me nervous. Making me nervous when I am pointing a gun at your head is not recommended, as Brian found out when I shot him, before saying that I didn't really care. Date: Tue, 7 Feb 1995 From: A J MERRICK I recieved a poisoned letter this evening and sadly died of its effects. This was shortly before I was due to meet my blind date, but fortunately I had recently eaten a certain combination of root and fish so became a zombie. He was surprised to have a date with an Undead, but then, some evenings just don't go as expected do they? Date: Wed, 8 Feb 1995 From: rajah Da! Da! Da! Another one bites the dust! I was sitting in my room, discussing who I should kill next with a friend. I had decided on Mark Davey, a small fish in the assassins guild. He had however displeased my masters the Mafia.... but wait - is that a knock at the door? "Who is it?"; "Its me! Mark!"; so I opened the door a crack, placed my revolver against his chest, and with a resounding bang! splattered his heart all over the wall behind him ah - the perils of being unwary and trusting while playing killer eh? I didnt even find any weapons on the body! Date: Wed, 8 Feb 1995 From: Tom Coates Dear Umpire and Lord of the Universe [Now that's more like it] Would monomol filament (represented by cotton thread across a door) be a permissible weapon? Or indeed monomol filament coated with contact poison? [For the unacquainted, monomol=monomolecular; A filament made of a single molecule, so fine and therefore sharp that it cuts right through anybody who walks into it. Unfortunately it doesn't actually exist. I didn't allow it.] Date: Wed, 8 Feb 1995 From: Jim Cameron Yaay! I got my first cop! Shot Emily Read in the head as she was waiting to cross Queens Road. Well, we always knew it was a dangerous road, that... Date: Wed, 8 Feb 1995 From: The Godfather [forwarded to ucam.rec.games.assassin] The Mafia are not pleased to see that some of our members are being inconvenienced. Their deaths will not go unavenged. Those who are responsible WILL die. Be warned. For those who would like to aid us in KILLING THEM ALL *DEAD* you must join our cause. The message is simple: JOIN US OR *DIE* YOURSELF!!! A..HAHAHAHAAAA!!! EMail requesting that we DON'T kill you (ie. by joining us) should be sent to: GodDad@CyberSpace.Org The God-Father. (Under New Management) Date: Wed, 8 Feb 1995 From: Stephen Early I've just been killed by Jim Cameroni. This seems to have happened before... usually when I've been playing. Date: Wed, 8 Feb 95 From: Ian Jackson This evening I and a number of my associates were conferring at the abode of Mr Owen Dunn. Mr David Damerell, who was present, had a disagreement with Mr Dunn over some trivial matter. Mr Damerell drew a large-calibre weapon and took aim, waving the firearm in the direction of several of the other persons present in the process. I could not let my colleague, Mr Dunn, die without my intervention, and the risk to others present was considerable, so I withdrew the knife I had concealed on my person and stabbed Mr Damerell several times in the torso. Mr Damerell fell down dead. His last words to me were: "I didn't think you were an assassin ..." I replaced my knife, and am now reporting the demise of Mr Damerell. Date: Thu, 9 Feb 1995 From: David Damerell Earlier today I placed a poisoned envelope in my target's p'hole, poisoned his doorknob and placed a piece of paper under his door with poison on the underside. I then went to the Enterprise meeting, where my assassin attempted to chainsaw me: alas for him, it was an official society meeting - otherwise I would be dead, but the Enterprise committee had cunningly removed his supplies of petrol beforehand. I then found myself in the room of Owen Dunn, with several other people. Mr. Dunn made a comment of such incredible crassness that I took a pistol and was taking careful aim with the intention of blowing his brains out, when I was viciously backstabbed by Mr. Ian Jackson, which I do not consider to be the action of a gentleman. I was pleased to witness from my etherial position the demise of Mr. Jackson later the same day. Date: Wed, 8 Feb 1995 From: Ben Harris Right. Just now... Ian Jackson (iwj10) stabbed Tim Down (tad21), killing him. After he'd put his knife away, I shot iwj10 in the head. Since Tim Down is a policeman, and hence entitled to bear arms (which he was doing), I believe I was morally right to shoot iwj10, even though he is not (yet) on the wanted list. From: Ian Jackson Date: Wed, 8 Feb 95 There was just an incident in the Mond. Tim Down (who I didn't recognise) was holding a gun and having a conversation with me. Not realising he was a policeman I stabbed him to death. He tried to return fire with his dart gun, but was dead. However, Ben Harris witnessed the exchange and shot me with a rubber band - only doing so after I had once again concealed my knife. Date: Thu, 9 Feb 1995 To: Dafydd Richards > How many people are playing this term??? > Not telling. 8-) From: Dafydd Richards Why not, I'm dead, are there more than 60??? [There were, but I wasn't going to say.] Date: Thu, 9 Feb 1995 From: jim Haha! I kill again. And Elizabeth is a very naughty girl... Elizabeth and I had ascertained that Tim Waugh and PC Brian Cowe were logged on in Cockcroft 4 (cos I saw them). So we went to the ground floor door to the Austin building to lie in wait for them. We were only just in time, as they were already in the foyer. Seeing us, Waugh ran at me with a rather small and insignificant handgun, upon which I pulled out my trusty Uzi and blasted him when he attempted to run behind the bicycle racks. I then went round and further ventilated his corpse just to make sure, but remained alert so that PC Cowe was unable to make his getaway. A brief standoff ensued, and seeing that we were getting nowhere, Elizabeth remained to guard the door, while I went up the Cockcroft stairs and through the User Area to assault PC Cowe from the other side. He spotted me before I could burst in and murder him, and held the door shut against me, unfortunately failing to guard adequately against Elizabeth, who entered via the outer door and shot him dead with her machine pistol. Evil triumphs once more against the forces of law and order! [and brevity] Date: Thu, 9 Feb 1995 From: Tim Waugh After an encounter with Jim in the Mond room, New Museums Site, about 2:30pm, me and DC Cowe abruptly left as Brian didn't have a water weapon with him. He bought a couple more weapons and we went in search of the wanted one - JIM! Hindered only by the fact that we had to go to Cockcroft 4 (for me to collect my ML tick for week 5), we boldly set out into the dangerous streets of Cambridge ... We used a cunning route to Cockcroft 4, only to find that Jim was in fact *in* Cockcroft 4 and waiting for us. I boldly collected my ML tick (for week 5) and followed DC Cowe up to the exit, while he was talking to a friend (who was leaving). We were intending to talk to a friend of ours, who was still in Cockcroft 4. So we bid Brian's friend a safe exit and walked back to where our friend was, by which time we found that Jim had left his terminal and was walking to the exit (thinking we were leaving). He called us 'cowards', a description which we feel is not quite appropriate. Anyway, he left and we spoke with our friend. Minutes later we left the room and took the stairs down to ground level, where we found Jim and a suspicious-looking character who we now know to be one Elizabeth Pringle (hmm, sounds familiar ...). They hurried towards us, and I went out through the doors while arming myself. Jim armed himself. At this point I thought to myself, "Shit." I had under-estimated Jim's weaponry capabilities slightly, as I had a mini-power-blaster and Jim had what looked like the 8 quid SuperSoaker. At 3:32pm, it *felt* like the 8 quid SuperSoaker, after which I found myself dead. I'd been hit in the head, crushing my skull, which sent me falling to the wall, at which point Jim shot me again just for good measure. I'm told it was not a pretty sight. Date: Thu, 9 Feb 1995 From: Brian Cowe New Museums site. We met in the Mond room an hour before the killings. Neither of us attempted a murder - I had recently mislaid my only long distance weapon, he appeared not to want to cause a scene with so many people present. Tim Waugh and myself left, as discreetly as we could, knowing that at any moment Jim may shoot us from behind. Taking a backdoor route to exit the area, I re-armed myself. Due to the situation, it was required that Tim and myself should be present in Cockroft 4 at 3 O'Clock. We entered. Jim was waiting for us. After conducting our buisiness, we stayed to check various computer related items. Jim left during this time. When the time for our departure came, we left as carefully as we knew how, taking the stairs for safety's sake. As we were exiting the building (by the bike racks) we spotted him / he (and Liz Pringle) spotted us. Tim left the building and there was small arms fire outside, only Jim's arms were substantially bigger than Tim's. I watched him die, slumped against the wall. Jim shot again, after Tim was dead. Some cleaning up may have been neccesary. I stayed inside, using the door as protection. I could not save the life of Tim. After some futile firing, he left, leaving Liz, now armed, shooting towards me. After a few minutes, I wondered where Jim had gone. A lecture? The call of nature? To cut me off? TO CUT ME OFF! I wheleed around; noone there. However, I felt more trapped than ever. A few minutes later (I felt unsafe moving until Liz was dead) he did appear behind me - fortunately i could wedge the door closed with my foot. However, I was now trapped between two doors. The only alternative was the lift. getting to the lift would have involved letting one or other of them in. Unfortunately, while making my desperate plans, Liz opened the far door. She put her hand around, and fired at me... She should be put on the wanted list. There were witnesses walking passed. I dont know if they saw me get shot, but they definitely witnessed the attack. Date: Thu, 9 Feb 1995 From: "T.H. Moore" Dave I am dead I am dead Dave Dead I am Dave ET-bloody-C At 18.00 on 9/2/95 I was plugged by a bloke who burst into my room whilst I was sorting out my laundry. How ignominious, being found shot dead, face down in my Y-Fronts. Sigh. Anyway, sorry about the sad joke, you'll probably be very sick of it. Due to the trauma of my death I am now a pacifist and will not really want to join the Filth/Bill/Police. Date: Fri, 10 Feb 1995 From: "A.J. Bolt" Mr Menage has made two classical errors, resulting in a fatal and terminal lost of life, namely: being traceable while logged in, and using a lift (to be specific, emerging from the CL tower lift on the same floor as his assassin). Chris Brown had just walked into the tower from the podium entrance, and Paul saw him heading towards the stairs and turned to fire - not noticing me just outside the door with a loaded sub-machine gun. The burst he fired just as he died dropped short of its intended target, which would no doubt have upset him. Date: Fri, 10 Feb 95 From: Paul Bolchover You may be interested in hearing that el201@hermes is going round offering to tell people who their assassin is, in return for you telling him your victim. This is (as it should be) within the rules, but it is the first time that I have heard of anyone trying it. Date: Fri, 10 Feb 1995 From: "T.H. Coates" Dear David, I'm dead. Mortis portalis tackularum. Stabbed brutally in the chest by Paul Menage (my target) as I peacefully queued in Burger King. If I may be permitted a small diversion: Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn Any chance I could join the police? Yours bleeding messily from several vital organs Date: Fri, 10 Feb 1995 From: Nigel James Harris On leaving my room, I look out for the accomplice in the shower. He stays in the shower. I hear sounds in the kitchen. Is this my assassin? I consider how sad I'll look pointing a water pistol at one of my neighbours. I round the corner pistol raised. It's my assassin. Instantly I compare weapon sizes. Mine a regular water pistol, his a fuckin' massive shotgun. I haven't had my Weetabix. I send in a brief backwards shot as I perform a sprint start that Ben Johnson could only match by dining on steroids. In one picosecond I'm out of weapons range. In one nanosecond I'm out of the building, making good my ESCAPE. For so it was. Damage report turned up no water hits on either my coat or my head. You may relate to my assassin, my subsequent purchase of the water equivalent of an Oozie automatic, with which I intend to slice him in two, starting with his well-remenbered face. I await your verdict and the identity of my next target. Date: Fri, 10 Feb 1995 From: The One and Only Darien Today at around 4pm, I espied the wanted criminal Andrew Q Somers crossing from Trinity Great Gate over to Whewell's Court and entering Whewells' mail room. I followed him in unnoticed. I wish to apologise to any members of Trinity College resident in Blue Boar Court, Whewell's Court or Wolfson Building for any stains or fragments of Somers' brain that I might have inadvertently left in their pigeonholes after I blew his brains out... From: Dave Holland Date: Sat, 11 Feb 1995 Hot news... 8pm today, Jim Cameron banged on my door. I let him in and as he came through the door I stabbed him in the stomach with a cardboard knife. As a law-abiding citizen it was the only thing I could do... His last words, as his entrails spilled on the floor, were "That's not fair!" Date: Sun, 12 Feb 1995 From: Nigel James Harris My incompetent assassin knocked heavily on my door and turned my door handle, after twelve o'clock last night. On the previous night he covered my door handle in a seminal-like substance, that one of my friends touched on his entry to my room. Has he killed with contact poison an innocent victim here? Surely the persona one should adopt in this game is that of a cold-blooded contract killer, not some sex-pervert psychopath? In any case can't he try to kill me at a more sociable hour? They were never like this in my day - it was honour among murderers back then. In addition, and I hesitate to mention this because his incompetence makes it hardly seem to warrant the word "attempt", he tried to shoot me this morning - an attack quickly repulsed by the use of a grenade, which unfortunately just missed. His face is now very nicely photographed, and you may inform him of his imminent demise (be afraid - be very afraid, or something like that). Date: Sun, 12 Feb 1995 From: Colin Ross > Apparently the handle still had _your_ poison on it, which killed an innocent > victim last night. You will shortly go on the wanted list if this is correct. Oh. Time to run for cover then... Date: Tue, 14 Feb 95 From: Elizabeth Pringle I have just spent two hours giving single red tulips (poisoned of course) to the following: Ian Bache, Chris Brown (I hope, if I have remembered his initials correctly), Jeremy Longley (I hope I have guessed correctly that he is playing) and also PCs Wood, Waugh and Timms. Bache's is stuck through his letter box, the others are in their pidges. Oh and I ran into Geoff Tolley ralking to a random man called James, and shot him on the offchance. He was another innocent. Damn. I'm getting jumpier and jumpier. It's surtviving so long on the wanted list that does it. Date: Tue, 14 Feb 1995 From: "M.S. Anderson" <email@example.com> The story so far: The heroic Mike Anderson (self-styled Next of the Musician-Assassins) has made his way back to his room after checking his pigeon-hole. There had been a suspiciously large number of letters purporting to be valentines in his pigeon-hole. He had been unable to trace the origin of the strange doubt that had made him think that one of these letters was a fake. The story continues: Mike sat checking the letters. Several had hand-writing that he recognised or post-marks that gave their sender away. None were coated with contact poison. There was one however ... he examined it, and as he did so, listened closely - yes, it did rattle, a curious property for a love letter. He turned it over: "s.w.a.k.". Did he have to contribute actively to his own destruction? Tying his gas-mask over his mouth he wondered whether there was actually any point in opening the letter, after all, the sender was unlikely to have given themselves away inside. "I hope you weren't wearing a gas-mask", read the note. Mike wondered exactly how hard he would have had to sniff at the letter to smell the pepper in any case. He smiled: good news, he probably didn't have to expect any particularly cunning attacks from this assailant. Date: Tue, 14 Feb 1995 From: "A.J. Bolt" I've just received a lovely valentines card from a dear friend, Mr A. Sassin. Being slightly suspicious at first, I opened it carefully with a piece of wire, but once I realised who it was from, I removed the little electronic circuit and had a chance to relax to the strains of 'I just called to say I love you'. Date: Wed, 15 Feb 95 From: Elizabeth Pringle I see Mr Waugh doesn't know the difference between roses and tulips. I wonder if any of the other flowers killed any good innocents? Best wishes, Elizabeth. Resident psychopath. From: Dave Holland Date: Thu, 16 Feb 1995 I got a musical valentines card from "A.Sasin" which blew my head off :( Date: Thu, 16 Feb 1995 From: Maddog Sally On St. Valentine's Day, a red rose, individually wrapped Last Rolo (TM),and personalised love poem were left an assassin posed as a Christ's Lurve Meister with the Porters of Robinson College for a Mr Joe Pearce,as he had escaped the assassins wrath by not being in his room when the assassin arrived. The rose was perfectly safe, as was the poem, but the Rolo had been very cunningly poisoned. A hole had been cut through the base, the toffee scooped out, and Mustard put inside in its place. The base was replaced, and chocolate scrapings were used to fill the gaps. These were then heat treated to seal the base, and to smooth it out, so that it appeared completely untouched. The ruse was compoletely fool proof, and if Mr Pearce claims that he survived, then he must be lying through his teeth, but I leave that up to the Umpire to decide. However, I asked independant witnesses to examine th Rolo before wrapping, and they said it looked like a normal rolo, and you could not smell the mustard either, so if he escaped then he is very lucky/a cynic/a Jehova's Witness. Not that I'm annoyed with him for not dying, or anything... Date: Sun, 19 Feb 1995 From: Destroyer of Worlds/ Fluffy Bunny/ Eater of Souls Yes, I did receive something. The flower was definitely not poisoned, but the "last rolo" may have been-----I didn't eat it because it looked a bit gross. Date: Sun, 19 Feb 95 From: Aldabra Stoddart I have comprehensively dealt with the inmate of Keyneside calling himself Jonathan Kelt; unfortunately, I had to do this in the presence of a witness (female), when it became apparent that my alibi (doing a survey of student knowledge of local government for the Lib Dems) wasn't going to entice him away. I think she may have been splashed slightly, but not seriously injured. I apologised to her and departed in a random direction, and she has no way of naming me; she had never seen me before, I believe. My weapon was a small pistol, and I maust have shot him half a dozen times. I think a lampshade may have been damaged as he fell. Date: Mon, 20 Feb 95 From: Aldabra Stoddart Have left some contract poison (didn't seem worth correcting the typo) for this chappie. Date: Tue, 21 Feb 95 From: Aldabra Stoddart Silly beggar doesn't lock his door, does he? So I turn up at 07:30 with a beautiful elegant _effortful_ bomb, and his door springs open while I'm wiring it up. Lots of flailing naked just-woken-up male flesh, that's what I like. (Er, SWITCH NOQUOTE.) Date: Tue, 21 Feb 1995 From: David Damerell Today Rob Wilcox, Tim Waugh and myself attempted to apprehend the dangerous criminal Liz Pringle. We were fortunate enough, while scouting the NMS, to spot her engaged in her nefarious activities in her office. We immediately proceeded up to Cockroft 3 and down the stairs by the lift, so as to arrive from an unexpected direction. We next sighted her above us near her office: we attempted to give pursuit but owing to the large amount of cover present she escaped, presumably into Corn Exchange Street. We then attempted to make an arrest at her residence, but could not gain entry. We shall endeavour to bring this dangerous criminal to justice by blasti^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H as soon as possible. Date: Thu, 23 Feb 95 From: Elizabeth Pringle Passing Queens' on my way to work, I decided that I felt like satisfying my blood lust, so I went to see PC Branscombe. PC Branscombe had left his door open while he went for a shower. When he returned he saw me sitting on his bed. It was the last thing he evr saw. He died from multiple gunshot wounds at 11.30 am or thereabouts. Date: Thu, 23 Feb 1995 From: "Digby, emperor penguin" On leaving my room today, my fingers got covered in what at first appeared to be Marmite, but as I fell over dead a few minutes later, I can only assume it was some lethal poison. Date: Fri, 24 Feb 1995 From: "A.J. Bolt" PC Tim Waugh was pursuing his duties with respect to Elizabeth, with the help of PC Wilcox, trying to coax her out of the Mond room. I had been observing the enquiries from one of the terminals, and decided to wander around outside for a while, just in case, you know. After successfully disarming her, the policepersons decided they were going to be unable to apprehend her, and allowed her to leave the mond room. She dashed out, thinking herself free, and ran straight into a line of fire from my trusty rifle. That was fun... Date: Fri, 24 Feb 1995 From: Phoenix As you are no doubt aware, Liz Pringle has now been shot dead by PC Andrew Bolt (or at least I think that's his name). This is the brief report fo the incident my PC Tim Waugh and myself. Liz came into the Mond Room at about 12.15pm to speak with me, as she had done on two previous occasions - this time however PC Tim Waugh was also present, so we were able to worry Liz into not leaving (she was worried we might actually keep her there until 5.30pm, she only had a super soaker). We detained and taunted said criminal for a while (about half an hour) unitl I was able to procure the ammo canister from her rifle. We then proceeded to let Liz go, with the intention of chasing her after a suitable head start - and then we heard that PC Andrew Bolt, who had left the Mond Room whilst we waited with her, shoot her - he had gone outside to wait for the next person to come out, reputedly he was overheard to mutter 'I would have killed whichever of them had come out first' over the corpse. Date: Sun, 26 Feb 95 From: Aldabra Stoddart [Jon Knight] shot 5:20pm yesterday as he approached Sainsbury's/. I think I should come off the wanted list again for this act of public service to ucam.chat 8-) Date: Mon, 27 Feb 95 From: Elizabeth Pringle All the time I was alive my bicycle was in the market square. I thought to myself, 'If I try to get it, someone will shoot me while I am struggling with it and can't shoot back..' Today I went and got my bike. And as I was unlocking it Aldabra shot me dead. To: bjh21@hermes As you know, a number of deaths last night have changed the situation. Some restructuring of the Organisation is required. Please restructure Chris Tomkinson. To: firstname.lastname@example.org David Damerell has been careless, and the inevitable consequence of carelessness means that you have a new target, Russell Hughes. To: pbm1001@cam Clare Izard is Undead. Stock up on garlic water, and stake her out. To: Clive > ps. It's a real pain having a target who lives 2-3 miles outside the > centre of town, especially if oyu don't have a bike. It took me 40 > minutes to walk there, and he wasn't even in! You're lucky it wasn't Girton. I walked there once through the snow to kill someone. They reasoned that only a loony would walk all the way there in the snow to kill them. They were right. 8-))) To: Aldabra Stoddart > Have left some contract poison (didn't seem worth correcting the typo) > for this chappie. > It worked. Unfortunately it worked on his friend who reached the door ahead of him, so you are now on the wanted list. Good luck with the Police. Date: Wed, 1 Mar 1995 To: Eric Ling > Hello. I sent a poisoned letter to Paul Bolchover. > Unfortunately, it was picked up by a friend, and there was poison on the outside, so you're going on the Wanted List. Date: Wed, 1 Mar 1995 From: Ni At around 8.40 pm Chris Tomkinson died today. His brains splattered over queens' bar pool table. I (dressed all in BLACK) and my accomplice, who shall remain nameless, strolled into queens college with the intent to kill. 'Cos we're dangerous psychopaths, Oh yes we are. First we tried his room....he was out, so we smeared a dangerous contact poison over his door handle and on the door of his kitchen cupboard ---- we were not seen applying the substance at any point. Acting on information received we then proceeded to queens' bar. My accomplice scouted the bar and pinpointed a potential chris, on rejoining me outside the bar, my accomplice passed on the information at which point, I entered the bar, confirmed the target, drew my gun and blew his brains out. I confirmed with him and the several witnesses present, that he was dead. The End Of CRIS TOMKINSON...Ha Ha Ha...... Date: Wed, 01 Mar 95 From: Nigel James Harris Miss Moneypenny can close Matthew "Moose" Hartley's file. The door creaked open. Moose glanced furtively round outside, then shut the door, before proceeding down the steps. Someone in the basement caused the clunk of a can machine. One shake and sip of the canned dry Martini, then R staircase developed a standing wave as low calibre bullets sped from an Oozie automatic, tracing a helix on the wall of the staircase, and leaving a barely recognisable pulp where the said locus had intersected Moose's upward flight. A calling card was later found swimming among the unfortunate's constituents. It proposed that immediate acceptance of the duel offered would have been the more pleasant strategy. Date: Thu, 2 Mar 1995 To: email@example.com Following your successful, and possibly over-enthusiastic termination of Matthew Hartley, please remove Sally Martin, C28 Fitz. Remember, bullets cost money... 8-) Date: Sat, 4 Mar 1995 From: "J.D. Pearce" Subject: Oooops..many (3) innocent bystanders violently slaughtered by wittle old me. In case you haven't already guessed I just killed 3 innocent people (non-players) in a (somewhat fucked-up) attempt to kill Chris Brown. At about 4.30pm I entered the shared living room of the aforementioned Mr.Brown and proceeded to blow the brains out of everyone in there. Unfortunately Mr. B was _not_ in (...Bugger). There were no witnesses and no screams. Somewhat upset in finding that Chris was not among the many slain, I proceeded to coat the doorhandle of his bedroom with a highly toxic contact poison. Hope he dies horribly and soon. Date: Sat, 4 Mar 1995 From: Chris Brown Came back to my room, very nasty - corpses everywhere, contact poison on the door handle (duly wiped off with a damp cloth). This sort of thing could be a potential death trap. As such, I have now installed a nice little booby-trap that will, when a string is pulled in the main room, viciously murder everyone stood in the hallway by the cunning positioning of a maximum range bomb in my bedroom (which will be heard outside, and can blast far enough through the hall to get anyone near either door.) I have it on good authority that my old friend, Eric was along for the ride too.. Be a shame if they both come back and get blown up, won't it? :-) Date: Sun, 05 Mar 95 From: Nigel James Harris There is a major inaccuracy in the news that you distributed at 18:20. Under orders from my superiors I have neutralised every one of the 13 policemen except Rob Wilcox, whom I have invited to tea this afternoon (Sunday). You will be relieved to know that I was economical with bullets and such like this time, was minimally visible and disposed of all witnesses. Please update the police list appropriately. 007 of MI6 Date: Sun, 5 Mar 1995 From: Sid <firstname.lastname@example.org> At approximately 8.30 to 8.45 pm (I forget which night it was - Thursday or Friday). I was entertaining a lady friend in my room. Disturbed by a knock on the door, and still slightly paranoid, I called out 'Who is it?' and got the reply 'Nigel'. I opened the door to find a meek and mild-mannered individual standing there. He pretended to be after some information on Aldabra Stott, and as I was wondering why he had come to me, he pulled out a knife and violently stabbed me in the chest. My lady friend was shocked by this brutal, uncalled for murder, and started screaming her head off as I lay dying in a pool of blood on the floor. My attacker made his escape into the night. My lady friend was later taken to hospital suffering from shock and screaming about the blood. Being now a ghost, and privy to many secrets, I can tell you that my attacker and murderer was one Nigel Harris. Date: Tue, 07 Mar 95 From: Paul Bolchover Well, I wasn't expecting it, but someone has put poison on my door handle and killed me (again). It occurred yesterday (monday) evening. Date: Thu, 9 Mar 1995 16:26:00 +0000 (GMT) From: Anarchy > > Another contact-poison attempt by me today, on Paul Bolchover's door- > > unfortunately it seems that I wasn't the only one with this idea. > > > > At least four people have tried to poison him so far in the last day or > two, and one of them (probably Eric) was successful. Ah, popular person then. :-) MESSAGE FOR JC10007 EMPP1 7 Mar 1995 17.04 The muppet-likeness of the policeforce amazes me... EMPP1 7 Mar 1995 17.05 Meaning the dead ones, not you. Date: Wed, 8 Mar 1995 From: "Nigel \"James\" Harris" Andrew Somers had the good manners to evacuate his bowels for the dissection that followed. PC Somers lies headfirst in a toilet bowl. Current bodycount = 18. Sadly Aldabra doesn't seem to trust me - can't think why. Date: Thu, 9 Mar 1995 From: Eric Ling Hi. Someone just came round and tried my door and found it was locked. I talked to him and he squealed in horror, and shot a hole in my door. He retreated behind the door to our shared corridor with the tip of his gun pointing through the crack. I taunted him a full three minutres before he gave up and left. I did not get a very good look at him through my peephole, but it was evident to me that he was one of the most horrific looking specimens ever to carry a gun. I'm talking GROSS. He left a trail of slime which I followed outside, but the rain was already washing it away. Date: Fri, 10 Mar 1995 From: Eric Ling Hello. Yesterday night in Robinson JCR I shot the following members of the public: Steve Haslam (who then produced a super soaker 100 and shot me) Mark Leonard (who then chucked my bullet out of the window, and I spent 15 minutes looking for it) In the computer room I shot the thoroughly repugnant Arun Zachariah, who promptly picked up my bullet and sucked it. Needless to say, I did not retrieve it. I am disturbed by these events, and I think that necromancy should be disallowed from the killer rules, on pain of disqualification. Date: Fri, 17 Mar 1995 From: Nigel James Harris Joe "Shadow" Pearce finally fell into the shadows tonight. Having camouflaged myself among the Bond-age crowd at Robinson College, and partaken of a few dry Martinis, I left behind the Bond girls and Miss Moneypennys, and crept stealthily to the slightly open window. A swift parting of the curtains was the last event Pearce saw before high velocity lead deactivated his criminal mind. Cantabrigiensans can sleep soundly in their beds tonight, in the secure knowledge that Miss Stoddart and I have retired the criminal community. I propose a gun duel between Aldabra and me by the Great Court Fountain, Trinity College at high noon. If she agrees, will you umpire it?